THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[3Tears]

Day 4

 

I haven't heard anything from her, she just ignored my last texts 4 days ago, theres nothing to talk about anymore.

 

I tried my very best...

[EJA32]

Because you'll be literally giving her power over you, she will feel feeling amazing because she knows you're still pinning for her, she'll feel great but it'll make you look super weak.

 

This is your test. What are you going to do?

 

I really don't know what to do love her so much and hurts me that I haven't spoken to her for so long. Would be sending the card hoping to restart things if I'm honest

[EJA32]

I can't help but keep looking on her whatsapp wondering who she is speaking to. Kills me. I just feel like she is slipping through my fingers

[3Tears]

I really don't know what to do love her so much and hurts me that I haven't spoken to her for so long. Would be sending the card hoping to restart things if I'm honest

 

You don't send anything man, think of it like this...

 

She dumped you right? What if shes doubting that decision right now? "I haven't heard from him in a while... did he forget about already? I think I shouldn't have left him, I miss him so much..."

 

Then you send that card and ALL of those doubts she had, all of those questions will just be eased and she can say to herself, ha, hes missing me too and I thought he had moved on, okay!

 

Then she just says "thanks" just to be nice and polite about it.

 

and then you never hear from her again... Obviously things don't always happen like this, but there is a good chance that is happening right now (subconsciously at least).

[3Tears]

I can't help but keep looking on her whatsapp wondering who she is speaking to. Kills me. I just feel like she is slipping through my fingers

 

I used to do this man, it won't help... its just painful, delete her number. It'll do you good in the long run.

[AlejCruz]

day 14, i looked at her whatsapp, i dont really care who she is talking to. i know that with her status she is trying to get a reaction out of me. i am starting to care less. i havent looked at her fb today. and thats a start.

[3Tears]

Day 5

 

I gotta break free from this. I know I can do this, I did it before and I can do it again.

[EJA32]

Am I the only one who cant help but look through the old messages? Got some truly lovely ones that remind me of the good times but then the good times make me upset now.

 

Regarding the card 3Tears, I understand what you are saying I just feel like if i don't do somehthing no matter how small I'll never get her back. Does that make any sense?

 

She told me not to wait around for her but I really don;t want to give up as feel like this is it for me

[EJA32]

I am worried she has absolutely no doubts and I;m the only one hurting. Find myseld clinging on to old memories and little things she's said.

 

This love thing is amazing when it is going smooth but a bump in the road and you're left completely devastated.

[3Tears]

Am I the only one who cant help but look through the old messages? Got some truly lovely ones that remind me of the good times but then the good times make me upset now.

 

Regarding the card 3Tears, I understand what you are saying I just feel like if i don't do somehthing no matter how small I'll never get her back. Does that make any sense?

 

She told me not to wait around for her but I really don;t want to give up as feel like this is it for me

 

You gotta resist those urges, this is similar to breaking a drug addiction. You just gotta be strong. I know you can do this.

[EJA32]

I get what you;re saying mate I just don;t want to lose the memories of when I have been my happiest. She completed me and now i feel alone and vulnerable worried that I am 'out of sight, out of mind'.

 

If you were me, you would totally leave it? Even if it means that i will never have contact again?

 

She has invited me to he rleaving drinks (she is moving intra dept at work) not usre if i should go or totally leave it.

[JA0371]

I agree with 3 tears. Yes it's hard...no one said it wasn't, but when you break up with someone, they have zero right to expect anything from you....and yes, that includes birthday, Xmas, etc.....that's no longer your obligation. Period.

Your only obligation is to yourself and healing. Most reasonable exes would completely understand that.

[3Tears]

I get what you;re saying mate I just don;t want to lose the memories of when I have been my happiest. She completed me and now i feel alone and vulnerable worried that I am 'out of sight, out of mind'.

 

If you were me, you would totally leave it? Even if it means that i will never have contact again?

 

She has invited me to he rleaving drinks (she is moving intra dept at work) not usre if i should go or totally leave it.

 

I would not send any cards, I wouldn't send anything since shes ignoring me at the moment. Maybe if she would stop being such a child and she starts communicating with me by the time her birthday is up I might consider texting her "Happy Birthday" and nothing more.

 

If she has invited you to go out for drinks and you feel you could handle your emotions then go, keep it casual, don't expect anything from this. If you can't handle it then I suggest you politely reject her request.

[3Tears]

Day 6

 

Just another roller coaster of emotions day, I felt this outburst of energy and happiness throughout the day, went in and got my training done, always give my very best as always. But now that its night all that energy and happiness is gone again, I find myself thinking of her, I just want it to stop already. Nothing planned for tonight

[AlejCruz]

Am I the only one who cant help but look through the old messages? Got some truly lovely ones that remind me of the good times but then the good times make me upset now.

 

Regarding the card 3Tears, I understand what you are saying I just feel like if i don't do somehthing no matter how small I'll never get her back. Does that make any sense?

 

She told me not to wait around for her but I really don;t want to give up as feel like this is it for me

 

I erased all them msgs and her contact,info about two weeks ago, day 15 of no contact!!

[ezra]

This is day 4, im feeling good tonight. Im thinking how our last encounter was totally pathetic. He said he would get away from me but not "too much". F###ck you, who the hell do you think you are to decide my happiness like that? Like I depended on you. Man I dont need you and everyday that passes is a better day because I no longer feel the pain of having to humiliate myself for you. You should be ashamed!

[EJA32]

Thanks again guys.

 

I have been seeing a counsellor and she said that I need to stay true to myself so I did send the card last night. I wrote a very basic message of 'Happy Birthday, hope you have a great day'. I thought it was the nice thing to do.

 

I have had an emotional setback this morning however. I saw her in her car singing and smiling whilst on my way to work, she was a fair distance from where she lives so all kinds of questions have gone through my head. I just feel so low seeing her so apparently happy knowing she almost certainly doe snot think of me.

[brody17]

Day 19 today of No Contact. I'm pretty proud that I've lasted so long!

 

Been busy so it does help, have had the urge to contact her but I've always decided that it's not a good idea. She messaged my best friend this weekend which was difficult for me. She went on about how she finds it difficult because she can't speak to me which makes it even harder, she's finding it difficult, I'm finding it difficult. Why can't we sit down and talk it through as opposed to going through all this emptiness. I'm a bit confused as to why she messaged him, he's my friend who I've known for 15+ years and she know's him through me. She probably also know's that everything she tells him; he'll tell me. It's not like I'm messaging her everyday, which she's ignoring and telling my friend I need to back off.

 

Any advice, apart from keep doing what I'm doing?

[EJA32]

I feel exactly the same brody regarding wnating to make contact but also feel utterly hopeless without any contact from the my ex as this seems to suggest she doesnt want to speak to me again. I am starting to think my ex no longer cares for me at all. Seeing her this morning all happy was like a massive punch to the stomach.

 

I;m not really sure what to suggest for you. Do you feel she is being genuine?

[brody17]

Waiting for her to message is the hardest; it's been 19 days and she hasn't. She probably feels the same in a sense that I've not messaged her either.

 

EJA32; the fact she's smiling doesn't mean anything. I've been smiling yet I'm still devastated inside. There are moments when you forget, maybe that was one for her. But then the realization comes back and you're feeling low again.

 

I feel she is being genuine; she finds it difficult. But why tell my friends that? She doesn't have many friends so is probably feeling lonely. I still care about her so if she needs to message my friends to feel less upset then she can I guess; even though it is a bit hypocritical considering she said she couldn't talk to me. Talking to my friends is the same thing. GR!

[EJA32]

It almost sounds like she is trying to iniate some kind of comms by going through your friend but it does sound a bit strange if you dont mind me saying so.

 

It just seems like everything is ok with her where as i am still devastated. She told me she didnt know if she was doing the right thing when she broke up with me and i do believe she isnt. It all stemmed from issues from previous relationships where trust has been wiped away. I know i shouldnt of sent a card as per the NC rules but she has been let down in the past and its my way of saying 'I'm still here, I meant every word'. I just wonder if all her feelings have completely died for me.

 

Not sure what to suggest, what is your heart telling you to do?

[brody17]

Yeah that's exactly what she's doing. She wants me to message her, but I can't play these games anymore. She broke up with me, the balls in her court.

 

I can assure you that is not the case; if you've gone without messaging her - she will feel a void in her life. If she doesn't then do you really want to end up with someone like that? That card is not a big issue. There is no such thing as NC rules, it's not binding. You made a decision using your heart as opposed to you brain. Lets see what she says about that, if she can't appreciate the gesture then you really deserve better.

 

I want to message her; but I fear the rejection. I've gone 19 days; I don't want to throw that away, but there's always that hope that when I message/call her she'll be the same old person again as opposed to the one that's broken my heart.

[EJA32]

It is strange that she would be playing with you like that man. I'm not sure what the intention would be as like you said it seems she is definitely sowing a seed for contact. but its the motives for that contact which concern me, is she just trying to see if you are still interested or is she doing it to reach out? I obviously have no idea about htegirl so no clue, how was she when you were starting up the relationship? many games?

 

I really have no idea what to think, she is one of those people who dont like to show any kind of weakness and her health issues are one of those things. That is why it was such a huge thing that she let me in on that issue. I dont know if i have been silly or not but i would like to think that my card will make her smile, all i have ever wanted to do was to make her smile. One embarassing thing i did was to put a squirt of my aftershave in the envelope as she used to say she loved it. Would you expect a response in my position? I am hoping it tarts a dialogue to be honest but who knows.

 

I get exactly what you are saying, Jacqui's reply to this card is very much the same for me. I am worried that she will either completely ignore it or it wont mean anything to her. I tried to keep the card as neutral as possible with just a little in-joke in there that'll hopefully remind her of good times.

 

You can message me anytime if you would rather speak privately.

 

Ed

[3Tears]

It's not like I'm messaging her everyday, which she's ignoring and telling my friend I need to back off.

 

Wait what? You guys are in No Contact, how is she ignoring you and telling your friend you need to back off? :suspicion:

[3Tears]

I know i shouldnt of sent a card as per the NC rules but she has been let down in the past and its my way of saying 'I'm still here, I meant every word'.

 

You don't do this with exes, I think this was a huge mistake.