THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[windingwings]

So I've just accepted it for what it is, I doubt hell ever talk to me and I doubt hell even think of us getting back together. I'm starting Day 1 again but at the same time the hope just kind of dwindled. He was a good guy and I don't deserve this. I'll post as usual on how my healing is going, but at least I'm going to keep myself distracted now. Last thing I asked was what he did with his engagement ring. I won't respond but I'll see what he says.

[Hi Its Me]

Day 2

 

I am far from religious but last night I prayed. At first I just asked God to keep an eye on her, keep her safe but the more I prayed, the more I realized how much I wish we would be together, so I asked that if it is the best thing for both of us, to please make it happen. She never lies and she had told me quite a few good things about me in her last text and that loss of sexual attraction is the only factor as she does love me. I woke up feeling strong, feeling that working on myself is the best thing to do and last night at the gym I managed to complete a very difficult challenge set up by the trainer, so I feel proud of myself too.

 

Not sure if I am right or wrong at this point, but I do believe that one day we will be back together. Until that happens, I hope that this new self-growth and path of discovery continues to help me in becoming a better person and a happy person. I know I lost myself in the relationship too. I forgot that I am my own person, not just simply one half of a couple. I think about her constantly but Day 2 and feeling better..

[AlienQueen]

Hey guys! new to the website, after losing my 3 year relationship a month ago, quick update, I have already done 21 days of NC, but unfortunately due to planning a while ago I had to be in a room with him for a convention, it was the hardest thing Ive ever done, I managed to keep a brave face on for 4 days, he did end up catching my crying, so we spoke, he admitted me sill cared and he was finding it hard, he was also telling me I was pretty over the weekend and that I could go over, when he dropped me off he told me he'd be in touch, decided to go back to NC.

 

So Day 4 I feel really good, feeling hopeful about things, I've already taken up yoga, going to start driving lessons! I had managed to get a new job but then lost it, but that could still happen. Kinda waiting for him to reply...so I can ignore it

[windingwings]

Day 2 and he texted me saying he still has the engagement ring. I don't know what to say, It pisses me off cause he says he's in love with this guy and yet he's keeping the ring I have him because we were supposed to be together. I feel like this is some big collosal joke.

[trying2bestrng]

Day 5

 

I'm relieved he has not contacted me. I am ready to bury this dead horse I have been beating, regain my courage and move forward. I had everything that I could ever need... and then some right in front of me... and blew it. He would bring me down and cause so much misery. I see that now and I am angry I didn't see it before. I had to experience it for myself. I am not one to learn from others mistakes. I live and learn that's for sure.

 

M wanted me to come over last night for my usual drum lesson and then hit the gym. I asked him why he is so forgiving of me after everything I have put him through. His answer " Cause you were made for me and I believe in us". I was speechless and just started bawling....

[DreamySkies]

Hi Its Me - You may get back together. In the mean time you're doing the best you can. Keep focusing on yourself. I think it's perfectly normal and in many ways health to lose yourself in a relationship. The unity of a "we" is huge, but it's learning to balance yourself and that we. Something you need to remember is that going forward, you won't make the same mistakes twice. That's the thing I've noticed about the post BU me, when I see myself reverting to old ways/thoughts, it's as if a warning flag flashes in front of me and I quickly remember that these actions or thoughts produced an outcome that has devastated me. It helps keep me on a better path.

 

Wing - You don't deserve this. Keep telling yourself that and it will help you heal. You don't deserve to be treated in a way that hurts you. However, remember we give people the power to hurt us. So lock up and remove yourself from a position that gives him any power. DO NOT RESPOND ABOUT THE RING!!!!!!!! Screw the ring. It's nothing. It's not a symbol of your love. It's a way to mark territory. Love is in the heart and always will be. No one, nor a ring can, express that. I promise you, if you want the ball in your court and want to start healing... DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Not now... and most definitely not over the bread crumbs he is throwing at you. He's toying with you.

 

Alien - Welcome. You can do this. Sounds like you two are at least civil, but I agree NC will help you heal so much quicker.

 

Trying M, sounds like an amazing guy. I hope that you can truly heal and move past the ex so that you can rekindle and take advantage of such a warm soul. I mean that. A breakup is so hard. We are always doing the best we can. So remind yourself that. You'll fall, but you'll continue to get back up. Did you end up going over for your lessons?

 

As for Me: Still in quite the guilt about Saturday, yet I'm finding myself excited as well. However, at the same time I have a potential date tonight with a new face, and brunch with another new face tomorrow... distractions are the motive right now. I have actually come up with a few precise questions for the ex, but now debating whether or not now is the time to ask them. Part of me feels that I need to allow more time to pass and watch his actions. One thing he has always reminded and told me is to trust his actions, not his words. Perhaps that is what I should do on Saturday.

[trying2bestrng]

Dreamy, I didn't go but he wants to cook me dinner tonight. I really dont want to blow him off again so I excepted.

 

I think you should go and have fun. Try not to get into a lot of deep conversations with him. If the questions are serious ones that you want to ask...

 

Treat this time like it is a new beginning for you guys (it pretty much is) Start fresh and keep it simple.

[trying2bestrng]

Winding, for all that is holy DO NOT reply!!! Stick with nc!!!

[danman794]

Day 21- Thinking about her more again. Less sad every time but thoughts of trying to get back together keep surfacing (only to be suppressed by me). Talking to new girls and have already lost a good amount of weight (started an intense diet and work out routine) and had a few ONS. I find I can still have as much fun as ever when I am doing some and can even be alone and feel good. I see her often (same classes) and I still get that pang when I see her (although its less and less every day). Saw her social media a few times (I haven't blocked her, SHOULD I?) and got over anything I saw (she posts VERY little) pretty quick and haven't thought much of it.

[littlebird]

15 days of NC today. I am back from hols looking fresh, heard from my friends that my ex has been partying/drinking hard, looks crap, and has been asking/talking about me. Of course it's still difficult for me, and he's on my mind a lot, but I am getting to the point where I am kicking him off the pedestal and putting myself first.

 

If you read my post from a few days ago, another ex from 8 years ago texted me recently after seeing a cool pic of me on FB. I replied, and we've been texting back and forth, he's being very flirty, bringing up memories from the past, saying he misses me and wants to see me. Funny that I am not interested in him, but it's good banter.

 

I wonder how long it will take for the most recent ex to get in touch. NC is definitely great though, helps to detach yourself. I managed to avoid him at work as well.

 

AlienQueen - keep NC. He has to give you more than a few compliments and a promise to be in touch I had it with my most recent ex, he would tell me how great I look, let's meet to chat, etc. and then go cold, then start sending me cute pictures of animals, then ignore me, then talk again. Blah. All of this was messing with my head. Does he care? Does he not care? He could be confused as well! He told you he was finding it hard, of course after a long relationship even the dumper hurts, but this hurt is often not enough to get them to come back. Sometimes it is what prevents them to come back. NC allows both parties time to heal and get their heads straight, and then you can think more clearly, feel stronger, and either go on without them or try and give it another shot with all the confidence you gain

 

Keep up being busy, yoga and driving lessons sound great! Trust me, living an interesting and fulfilling life will make you feel so much more confident which will 1)help you move on, 2)may make your ex regret his decision, 3)will attract new guys.

[Hi Its Me]

Almost broke contact just now as I broke down. Wrote a post on my own thread. I am so lost...

 

 

[DreamySkies]

Don't give her a penny - do not contact her. The audacity of her calling and asking for money.

[windingwings]

I'm still doing this NC thing, but for me and not for the hope that maybe one day things will be better. He's really trying hard with this new guy in his life constantly posting a bunch of stuff about love and all these cute little nothings. It's another weekend and I'm just going to spend it working on my own stuff, planning my trip in 16 days and if he ever wants to reconcile, not happening. I don't deserve this and I don't want to be a safety net. At the same time I miss who he used to be, I miss the thought of us loving one another and planning a future, but to get over me in a week and find someone already, that just shows what kind of person he is.

 

I will do the friend thing in the future but it won't be the same. Day 1 truly begins now, I will continue posting in the NC thread on the daily because I feel it would show my progress better.

[trying2bestrng]

Ugh, why do you torchur yourself by looking at his posts? I would not be able to do it.. they sound heart wrenching

 

I gotta hand it to ya...You are stronger than I ever was..

[windingwings]

Ugh, why do you torchur yourself by looking at his posts? I would not be able to do it..

 

I gotta hand it to ya...You are stronger than I ever was..

No this was from before lol. I'm still not checking..

[Kaytie]

I think it's great you are realizing that you deserve better.

 

But honestly, you need to stop looking at his social media entirely. For YOU. You may be no contact, but you are keeping the attachment alive by seeing what he's up to and who he's with. If you stop that you will heal much faster. Trust me.

 

My ex and I split a month ago and I blocked her from all social media instantly. For ME. I know that's the right thing to do and I'm so glad I don't have to see what she's up to. It's made it a lot easier.

[Kaytie]

No this was from before lol. I'm still not checking..

 

Oh, disregard my previous post then, lol.

 

That's great!!

[trying2bestrng]

Oh thank goodness!

[windingwings]

Just need to let go of the good memories of him, I feel that's what makes me depressed. Four years just gone, bye bye.

[trying2bestrng]

Yep, I think we can all understand that.

 

Its definitely the hardest thing to do..

[Kaytie]

Just need to let go of the good memories of him, I feel that's what makes me depressed. Four years just gone, bye bye.

 

I understand. That part is hard. What I do is try to keep things in perspective. So when I think of the good times, I try and balance that with the reality of what wasn't working in the relationship. If my mind puts her on a pedestal, I take her off and remember how she had crappy conflict resolution skills, and anger issues, etc. I force myself to see the reality.

[trying2bestrng]

My ex doesn't have any kind of social network but his friends do...I was always too afraid to look for fear I would see pics of him and his new lady.

 

However... I do sometimes check my other ex's page. We broke up in 07. So the feelings are gone. I just do it out of morbid curiosity.

 

He has 2 kids with the 19 year old he left me for. He is now 37.

 

I think of it as "dodging a bullet" since he is morbidly obese now and his kids are very unattractive

 

Okay now im crossing the line....wow rude hu

 

I cant lie...it makes me feel better about the horrible ending to that 2 year relationship...

 

 

And...now im done...

[windingwings]

trying2bestrng - I think that's going to be me in a few years lol, my ex has this bald thing in his family. I know this relationship he has won't last because this kid is young and won't want to be tied down. So once my ex starts losing his hair it's all downhill from there and he'll realize there was only one person who would've stayed for that stuff lol.

 

Oh and update, he texted me awhile ago and said to stop being negative, that he's not going to throw away the ring. I ignored his text but showed that I read it since it's imessage, usually me being weak id respond in a flash but. Nope. His bf must not be available tonight so who else does he have to bother.

I'm actually getting back into my old habits, I'm playing a video game right now and making supper for me and my grandma. I know it's too early to say but yeah, slowly pulling him off that pedestal.

[Kaytie]

You can turn that feature off in iMessage and it will just say it's delivered instead. Then he'll never know.

[csm]

New here, day 1

I must say I am glad I have decided to try NC and my goal is to be able to start fresh with her.

I have a question though, I said I'll talk to her when I'm ready to be friends and she said to take all the time I need, this makes me believe that no matter how long I continue NC she wont contact me, so I wont know when its time to start fresh.