MMT Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Today was my day 3 and I found here today... I am happy that I can meet you guys here and I can share my feelings, thoughts with you...I tried to talk to my friends but, everyone is busy...I am in a new city, in a new country and should do lots of new things in coming days... I want to be on my feet, have an exam on saturday, which I am learning for... Dont want my life to get ruined!!! Today I thought, I was the best woman he could meet... I stayed by his side 1.5 years in every up and downs our relationship had... No one can do things better than I did for him.... Thank you guys for being here, thanks for sharing, caring etc. Link to comment
MMT Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I had smile when I was reading your msg... go on! Link to comment
Kitty Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Hello, I want to play too! He's stressed and moved out a month ago, we've been seeing each other every other day or so, texting and I've slept over a few times. It came to a head last night with more stress for him and he needs some solitude. From everyone including me. He says he still loves me. He texted last night with kisses and I replied once. I texted this morning and nothing. So here I am. Day 1 - looking forward to working tonight as I know I'll be tired when I get in and will want to watch rubbish on the tv and go to bed. My stomach is in queasy knots though. I hate this. I hate thinking if him ALL the time Link to comment
Kitty Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 He's just replied. I was very good and just read it and closed the messages. I think I can do this Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Day 10. I'm in double digits. Not sure I'll need to keep counting once I get to triple digits (I know this is a 30 day challenge but this is very empowering). Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I had smile when I was reading your msg... go on! Thank you! I feel so much better. Contacting him brought me pain. Realizing I was in an unhealthy relationship has been very freeing. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Today was my day 3 and I found here today... I am happy that I can meet you guys here and I can share my feelings, thoughts with you...I tried to talk to my friends but, everyone is busy...I am in a new city, in a new country and should do lots of new things in coming days... I want to be on my feet, have an exam on saturday, which I am learning for... Dont want my life to get ruined!!! Today I thought, I was the best woman he could meet... I stayed by his side 1.5 years in every up and downs our relationship had... No one can do things better than I did for him.... Thank you guys for being here, thanks for sharing, caring etc. You are the best woman he could meet. I believe that of my ex as well. No one else is going to put up with him being a slob, or talking about moving to Montana because his sons have "betrayed" him, or any other personal pity party he was on. He is emotionally broken, and I put up with A LOT. This site is really helping me. I hope it helps you as well. It really provides insight, and peace for me. I don't think I would feel this peace if not for this site. Welcome! Link to comment
MMT Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Day 4 random thoughts... Try to study.... try not to analyze... .... Link to comment
MMT Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 You are the best woman he could meet. I believe that of my ex as well. No one else is going to put up with him being a slob, or talking about moving to Montana because his sons have "betrayed" him, or any other personal pity party he was on. He is emotionally broken, and I put up with A LOT. This site is really helping me. I hope it helps you as well. It really provides insight, and peace for me. I don't think I would feel this peace if not for this site. Welcome! Yes, I have no one to talk to these days, This site really helps. : ) Link to comment
js0905 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 *Day 6* OMG!! Why do I miss him so much? He was not there for me or showed he cared anymore. How come I can't just erase him from my head??? All the good times and great things he used to say to me always comeback. Need to remember how crappy I felt towards the end. Have to remember how I'd be so damn sad and upset when he wouldn't contact me for days at a time... Tomorrow it will be a week since I broke it off with him because again he rejected me. He made up a lame excuse of why we couldn't spend Sunday night together. So many excuses the past few months... =( Link to comment
MMT Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 *Day 6* OMG!! Why do I miss him so much? He was not there for me or showed he cared anymore. How come I can't just erase him from my head??? All the good times and great things he used to say to me always comeback. Need to remember how crappy I felt towards the end. Have to remember how I'd be so damn sad and upset when he wouldn't contact me for days at a time... Tomorrow it will be a week since I broke it off with him because again he rejected me. He made up a lame excuse of why we couldn't spend Sunday night together. So many excuses the past few months... =( The same for me, I broke up with him cause I was tired of his behaviour... He did not know what he wanted... and ignored me when he was upset, disappointed or jealous... Everytime I had to to bring him to a "talk"... frustrating ... recently he was just COLD.... and soooo reserved as always....he just said ok when I was leaving...If he were not happy with me, why he had kept it sooo long?!!!.... I want him back...but he should change... and before that, I should make big changes in my life... Link to comment
Melting Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Day 8 Another day moving forward in my life without you. I still miss you every day and wish we were together, but I know that will never happen. You have moved back onto a dating site and well for me, I am just picking up all the pieces you broke and trying to put them back together again. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Day 11, 6 weeks post break up today, and the power shift has occurred. I can't isolate when it exactly happened, it started this week. But I have graduated from the weepy OMG I want him back! girl to the OMG, what the heck was I thinking? girl. For those of you that may think 6 weeks is awful quick for this to happen, let me explain something. Last year I completely and utterly HATED myself. Never realized how much until I pushed a good guy away. I sabatoged a healthy relationship because I didn't think I deserved the happiness the guy was brining me. At that point I started reading self-help books and doing a lot of soul searching. It took about 4 months, but I went from self-hatred to complete and utter self-love. Through finding self-love my ENTIRE outlook on the world has changed. Every. Single. Aspect. One of the side effects of self-love is a hugely positive outlook on life. I've distanced myself from negative friends who used to bring me down. Not sure if you have any, but I certainly did, and realized my life is better without them. The friends who are cynical. The friends who think they have had the hardest life of anyone they know and no one can possibly understand what they've been through. The friends who date and look for ANY LITTLE EXCUSE to run from the guy/girl. The ones who think they can't catch a break. So how did that help me get over my ex? Through self-love I now know I'm a great catch. I was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. to my ex. So loving and wonderful to him. After the intial break up I went over everything to figure out what I did wrong, what I could do to fix it, how I was going to fix it, how was I going to win him back? Now, because of self-love and my positive outlook, I say OMG what the heck was I thinking? This guy was still hung up on his wife. I knew it! It's the reason we broke up in June the first time. The day we broke up I asked if he still loved her, and he said he didn't know, he just wishes she would "accept" him. Right before we got back together in July, we had a huge fight because his wife posted a pic of her bf on FB and tagged their sons. My ex was FURIOUS!!! She was "forcing" her bf on their sons. (Their sons are 18 and 16) I was trying to understand why he was so upset, so I was asking questoins. He finally said to me "Thanks for reducing me to 'bleep'ing tears." I said back "Don't you dare blame me for this! I did NOTHING!" I told him I thought he was almost ready for us to get back together, but he was nowhere near ready. He got weepy and said he thought he was doing better and he was avoiding contact with her as much as possible. We got back together just a few days later. So, I found two good guys, one healthy, one emotinoally broken. I know there are other good guys out there. And now that I've healed, I look back and ask myself what the heck I was thinking with guy #2. He truly did me a favor. Breaking up with me was a gift. So hold your head up high, it does get better! Self-love and a positive outlook are your best allies. Happy Friday, and Happy Day 11 NC! Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Yes, I have no one to talk to these days, This site really helps. : ) You can PM me if you'd like. But you should surround yourself with friends. It really helps. I told my friends about the break up and they have been a great support system for me. Link to comment
rerun Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Need to initiate NC for a while. My partner and I of a year have not split, but I sense its needed at this time. We had a falling out just over a week ago, both of us were intoxicated and long story short..a fight I do not remember ended with him being violent towards me. We are gay males, I 25 and him 23. This is not the first time it has happened. We've had limited contact for the past week with the exception of one night when he poured himself out. He has a history of anger and has attended a program which really helped him. He suffers from depression and has a very dark past. At this time, I believe these are isolated incidents that only happen when we're drunk because he never shows these signs at any other times. For this reason, and this reason only, I'd be willing to reconcile under the condition that we never drink again. I tried breaking up with him last Saturday, and it wasn't until later that night I started having second thoughts. He is not an abusive person, and our situation does not fit the mould. The behaviour is not used to control me in any way, he takes accountability when it has happened - does not show the normal signers of an abuser. It's killing him right now. When he faces trauma like this he completely shuts down - which leaves me at a crossroads. I've said how I feel, that I do not resent him but that this will take time to heal and repair, and what my conditions are. No booze, and therapy. He was quiet yesterday, not really responsive. Just our different ways of dealing with conflict. I want to talk it out and start to heal whereas he needs time (days) to process before he's ready to talk. He hates himself right now for what he's done and needs to work through that on his own...but that leaves me out to dry. Going to initiate NC today, Day 1, as historically speaking after I've backed off a bit he'll come around and work through things. I don't want to, but at the same token I can't have this drag out. It makes me so sad and hurt - but I know its for the best. Link to comment
MMT Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 You can PM me if you'd like. But you should surround yourself with friends. It really helps. I told my friends about the break up and they have been a great support system for me. Thank you Link to comment
MMT Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Day 5 checked him on whatsapp today with another number...seems he has someone to talk to!!! Is that the reason he was cold and distant in recent days??!!! I dont know.... Almost bitted all of my nails and smoked a lot today... Just want to sleep now and go for the exam tomorrow... after exam I think more about changes in my life.... The Moon is amazing tonight!!!! Link to comment
Melting Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Day 9 Every day is getting better, just little slip ups now and then. Once I work past those sad moments where I want to burst into tears.... I am fine. Focusing on new things in my life and removing the old. Link to comment
js0905 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Day 5 checked him on whatsapp today with another number...seems he has someone to talk to!!! Is that the reason he was cold and distant in recent days??!!! I dont know.... Almost bitted all of my nails and smoked a lot today... Just want to sleep now and go for the exam tomorrow... after exam I think more about changes in my life.... The Moon is amazing tonight!!!! I'm sorry to hear about that... I suppose it's always a possibility but it doesn't matter you really can't be 100% about reasons. You are doing the right thing for yourself. Hang in there and be strong. Today is day 7 for me and well I still did cry once. Last week today I sent him the break up email =( Like they say "One day at a time"..... Link to comment
js0905 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Thank you for your Happy and positive attitude. I hope one day I can feel this way too. Need to start working on Self help for myself. I know I'm lacking Self esteem and that I'm basically a needy person. I'm working hard on this... Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I read a book last year that helped me tremendously! Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it. I got it for $0.99 on Amazon, but I think last time I checked it was $2.99. There are exercises in the book. It's a pretty quick read, only 60+ pages, but it's the book that had the biggest impact on my life. If you want, when I go back to work on Monday, I can tell you what the exercises are. One is to tell yourself over and over again in your head that you love yourself. I literally, when I am driving or walking around a store, keep saying I love myself. If you listen to your self talk, what you say in your head, most of it is probably negative if you struggle with self esteem. Last year, I would be so anxious waiting for the ex ex to text or contact. I had a hard time sleeping. When I would feel anxious, after reading the book, I started saying I love myself in my head, and it brought my anxiety down. It sounds dumb, but it WORKS. There are mornings I'll walk my dog on the dike and sing "I love Leigh (my name), I love Leigh, I love Leigh." In a happy song. I'm 37 and I do this! It also recommends meditating 7 minutes a day. Download classical music onto your mp3 player, set it to repeat, set a timer on your mp3 player for 7 minutes, and sit in silence with the music playing, meditating. Try to clear your brain. There are also mirror exercises. It all really helped me. When I say my whole life changed, it really did. I had animosity for my brother. I was so envious of him that it caused animosity. He is 7 years old and through my mom's worst drinking years, he was too old to understand. I shielded him from her drinking. It's helped him be this amazingly confident guy who makes a lot of money and has tons of friends. I was so jealous I resented him. I was able to tell him how i felt and apologize for how I've acted toward him our adult life. It allowed me to see my life so much more clearly. Before the book, if someone did something to hurt me, I forgave, but I NEVER forgot. It was always there in the back of my head. I no longer do that. That book might not be the one to help you, but try it, and try others. There's another I loved, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise someone. SHe has forgiveness exercises. I can't recommend reading enough. I read 12-15 books last year and changed my life. It was SOOO worth it. Thank you for your Happy and positive attitude. I hope one day I can feel this way too. Need to start working on Self help for myself. I know I'm lacking Self esteem and that I'm basically a needy person. I'm working hard on this... Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I usually wake up and look forward to coming here and posting my day. Today, I forgot about it until I started reading other posts and realized, Oh I get to post another day! I couldn't even remember what day I was on, I had to look at my previous post! Day 12. It's a chilly, beautiful sunny day. I'm going on a casual bowling date. I told him I'm just out of a relationship and not looking for anything serious, and he said he was ok with that. Then I have a Halloween party to go to with some of my very best friends. We will be doing karaoke! What a beautiful, great day. Day 12. I'll keep posting daily until Day 30, then I really don't think I'll need to keep counting after that, not with how I've felt this whole week. Link to comment
FindingClarity Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 30 days post BU and 20 days No contact. Feeling a bit more weepy these last few days at night time though fine while I'm at work, but today is the first time in a while I've actually wanted to reach out and say something, so I could hear something back. Its painful, but I definitely won't cos I know that'll just make it worse. Had a bit of a laugh yesterday, joking with work colleaugues about fancying someone at work. It made for a lot of laughs but made me realise how really I could just not be ready to be with someone else. To think of kissing someone else makes me feel so sad. Link to comment
MMT Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I'm sorry to hear about that... I suppose it's always a possibility but it doesn't matter you really can't be 100% about reasons. You are right...better stop checking him and analyzing...it's just a waste of time... Link to comment
MMT Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Day 6 Dedicated to t1lersm0m1, js0905, myself and everyone here: "and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on." "If you want him/her back, first learn your lessons in this break." and this may help these days: Link to comment
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