THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[iDoctor]

Day 4

 

Well, over the past four days I have ignored two phone calls and two text messages. I feel rude in doing so, but I am not going to respond and make myself look desperate. If she wants to talk to me, she can chase after me for a bit like I did for years. Regardless, I'll see her in a month anyway so we can talk then. I have no intentions of reaching out to her and my resolve is very strong. I am curious to see whether or not she tries to reach me again tonight or if she waits a significant amount of time before trying again. I can't be certain when, but I know she will try to contact me again. Everyone wish me luck in finding ways to entertain myself as I'm getting quite bored with studies and family (which I know sounds awful).

[TheD87]

Just broke no contact...but I think it will end up being for the better.

 

I just found out today from a friend I hang out with that my phone hadn't been getting his calls last four days, the same amount of time she hasnt called me. Our last conversation was really normal, no reason for her to stop calling me. So the chance that she had been calling me this whole time and if I fixed my phone I would get another call was killing me. So I sent her a fb message and she confirmed in her response she was ready to move on. So I told her goodbye, good luck with life and that was that. I finally feel some closure.

 

So while I broke no contact after only 4 days, I think in the long run this will be good and make it easier for me.

[marshmallito]

46 Days

Ouch

I am back reading posts... reminding myself why I am NC. I just want to know how he is, hear his voice. The time has made it easy to see the flaws in our relationship. But I still miss him today. I keep thinking, if we aren't going to get back together whats the harm in contacting him, confirming that he isn't interested. But then I think, what if he is missing me and considering getting back together with me, this may ruin my chance.

 

Please help. Why shouldn't I be the one to reach out?

[Fredd]

Day 7 for me, Day 14 for him (Saturday)

 

We were in the same room for a football match and a b-day

I said HI when I arrived and BYE when I left.

I talked nicely with everybody else, but we didn't say a word to each other and stayed in different part of the pub.

 

I was sitting at a table and didn't move. Sometime he came closer to that table, but ignored me... OK, then.

 

I feel OK.

I'm sorry for this situation, but I realize he has always been cold for me, in a way that doesn't make much sense.

I have no regrets, I apologized with him and I'm being polite without saying a thing about anything to him.

 

So now if he wants to stop behaving like that it's up to him...

[TheD87]

24 hours of new no contact since I broke it yesterday

 

I feel so much better today. I still think about her a little bit, but now I feel like there is finality and closure. I don't have the anxious feeling wondering if she is going to call me again or what is really going on. I have no inclination to call her or try to contact her again. While before I kind of thought it could have been a temporary no contact, now I believe I won't have any contact with her again and it's easier to move on.

[Fredd]

Day 8 for me, Day 15 for him.

 

I'm fine today...

Even if I had that discussion with a friend of mine, were I seemed to be the "bad" one I'm definitely not.

I didn't contact him and I'm not going to.

 

Tomorrow I will start the new job and this is good.

He left a gap, he did, but also now I'm free.

FREE.

Sounds good

[TheD87]

I think I am done posting in this thread. I did it when I felt like contacting her and to put some accountability on myself. But even though I broke down the other day, I don't think I will try and contact her again, nor am i going to count the days since I contacted her. I realized today that I didn't know her that well, that I was missing being with someone and not necessarily her. I am moving and looking for someone else right now and I finally have a sense of finality with her so I don't think I need this thread anymore.

 

I wish everyone else luck in their quest to not contact their ex

[iDoctor]

Day 6

 

I'm doing well at not breaking no contact so that's always good. Thank God I've been able to immerse myself in studies and activities otherwise this would be a lot more difficult than it already is. Unfortunately, my mind keeps wondering: why exactly was she so unhappy all the time when we were together? Why is it that she enjoys being single so much? I was a great boyfriend. I spent as many hours as I could spare with this girl often losing precious sleep since I work full time and go to school full time. On top of that, I was never cheap with her and her family adored me. There were moments of weakness where I couldn't support her emotionally, but that's only because I never received any consolation from her and was always the one who had to be strong and offer that sense of security.

 

I don't understand how it is that she can love me and enjoy being single like she does now. The only benefit I see in being single is that you can meet new people and not have the pressure or commitment of a relationship. The fact is, she never had much of a commitment in our relationship anyway. I never pressured her to do things for me, I'm not a gifts guy, and all I ever asked for was time spent together where she wasn't on Facebook or constantly having to go out on me. I never once yelled, or expressed anger toward her and I am literally left wondering why it is she was so ready to be apart. On top of that, I don't understand why she was so afraid to tell me about her feelings or answer questions when I asked them.

 

A day before we went no contact, I called her and then she immediately had to hang up. When I called her back ten minutes later, she wouldn't tell me why she hung up and then turned it back around on me and said I don't trust her. That's completely ridiculous. I was with this girl for three years and of course we had our ups and downs. There were times where she thought her actions would completely annihilate any trust I had in her but that never happened. One incident cost me thousands of hours of my hard work and I loved her even more after we made it through that. Even then when I was the one who suffered, though, I had to stay strong for her because she could not handle the emotional turmoil. I want answers before I move on but that may never happen.

 

On a side note, perhaps my submissiveness and general willingness for the relationship to work out made her this way.

[Fredd]

Day 9 for me, Day 16 for him

 

I have missed him so much today... really.

I was at work and I thought how much I would have liked to get a text from him about how it went... he did always asked, once.

And I would have liked to come home and talk with him and tell him everything... but there's just a big hole where there was him.

 

How sad all of this is?

 

I'm a bit better now, anyway...

[rockette]

Got to day 11 of nc and he messaged me wishing me luck in the race for life (uk) threw me for a minute but i just replied saying thanks. Im not going to ignore a good luck message and i think thats all it was. So i am back on nc, day 2 today. What a nightmare this is...

[Red Tie]

Day 12

 

This weekend brought a lot of good memories from our relationship. Its funny how my mind forgets the bad memories and only brings back the goods one.

I feel like Im almost giving up on something good. Although, our relationship would never work after all that has happenned.

Man, its been really though without your company H. I wonder how you are doing waaaayyyyyy too much. I just cant stop caring for you even after all those things you did to me.

 

Doesnt matter! Gotta stay strong and be back tomorrow for day 13!!!

[davedadude]

Day 21(ish)

 

So I haven't posted here in a few weeks. I kind of felt the need to stop coming here after spending a little more time with friends. I also felt like in a way, being here held me back and kept my mind on her.

 

Anyway, these past few days have been hard so I thought it'd help to get it all out of me like before. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. I sent her a message after my weekend at a friends house with a little video of cats on my bed I knew she'd appreciate and some light chat about what was going on in my mates life. After a text or two she asked if I was okay doing this (texting her). I know I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but I just really needed to talk to her. I told her that, and that I really really missed her and how hard it was driving past the turning to her town when I drove home from London. I said I think I needed more time to figure things out and that I wouldn't talk again for a while, she never replied after that.

 

I've started waking up feeling like I've been kicked in the chest again. I've been letting myself stalk her online again. I check her Tumblr and see good and bad things, I see FB and see only bad. I see that she's added 2 new guys, it's probably nothing but it still shocks me inside. Even seeing her comment on a mutual friends status in a happy way hurts. It's like a part of me wants her to be as miserable as I am. I know she is suffering too though, I need to remind myself of that. This wasn't easy on her either, if anything she was the one more in love (she says). I went through the oldest FB photos and videos and found one from my first year at Uni when me and my mates were messing around. She appears briefly in the video and I just think of how I had no idea how important she was going to become to me. I practically ignored her in those days. I've also been playing a lot of two new games I know she'd have loved to watch me/join me in playing. I want to share these things with her, it's so frustrating.

 

Last night in a moment of weakness I listened to our song. Stupid idea. I cried for the first time in weeks and realised it's actually a month to the day since we split. The lyrics hurt so much, all I could think of were the times laying in bed listening to this song 2 years ago, all the happy memories came back. All the dreams of our future and this being the song at our wedding really hit me hard.

 

I know it's only been a month, but I need this girl in my life. I just can't do this. I think I'm getting better, then the pain attacks me again and there's nothing I can do about it. A friend of mine who was helping me through this time also just broke up with her BF yesterday, so now I'm the one trying to give support!

[beaton]

I feel like I should post something in conclusion. I finished 30 days NC almost a month ago. I ended up breaking NC 12 days after that to reply to his email, just wishing him well also. Honestly I do wish him well. We had a good relationship, but in the end we were just at different places in life. I was very needy and insecure, and had issues with anxiety /catastrophic thinking. His stye of showing love didn't work with how I interpreted it. the NC really did help me to move on. 4 months of stopping and starting, then finally meeting him for coffee made me realize I HAD to just move on, no more contact.

 

I 'm working on my career and myself now. Getting back into working out and eating well, working on thinking positively. I miss him the way you miss a long-dead relative. I remember him and sometimes wonder what things would be like, with a pang, if he were still around. But I remember that he wouldn't have been happy, because this relationship wasn't what he wanted.

 

I'm working on myself, fitness and healthwise. I'm at a new job that pays less than my old serving job but has cut my stress levels in half. I'm working on starting my life here and getting a job in the field I graduated in. I'm hopeful.

Good luck everyone. You'll get there. It took me almost 6 months total to feel this way, with plenty of setbacks and tears and embarrassing phone calls, but I made it. So can you.

[hopelessincan]

That's a nice post Beaton. I just came here to write, since I don't know what else to do.

 

Today was day 30 for me. 30 days since he walked out and apparently didn't look back. It honestly feels like it was just yesterday to me. I feel like this is a dream and I'm outside looking in.

I know he is in his own little world and it is right about now that he is going to start missing me.

 

I still feel his presence in my house. I've put all of his stuff away, but that doesn't matter. I sit on my couch and I just flash back to the night we broke up. I look at the chair in my room that he had to lay his work clothes on with his OCD. I cant sleep in my bed. Even the things he said he would do around the house for me like fix the broken light. He didn't do it. It made me mad, yet it still made me think of him. And the positive thoughts of him still shine through.

 

I still think he is going to walk through my front door. Every time I hear a car at night, I find myself looking out the window. I know its not him, but I cant help myself.

 

I still think he is going to call me. It feels like it is just another one of his moods or arguments when he got overwhelmed and flight kicked in. Yet I somehow know its different this time.

 

I keep giving myself a timeline of when I will call him. I thought I would fathers day. Yet I didn't. I thought I would last weekend. Yet I didn't. I thought for sure I would have on day 28 - 4 weeks in. Yet I didn't.

 

I watched a funny video today that he would have loved. My first instinct was to send it to him. I didn't so much even draft up an email. I remembered that he isn't mine anymore, so it doesn't matter.

[poppa kief]

Day 4

I lapsed after my first try. Started over my NC count.

Saw her on the same day I sent my NC email. Talked and hugged and cried for 2 hours. Exchanged some emails and texts. Realized it was BS, went radio silent.

Wrote a list of things that were wrong or abusive about our relationship. Read it and amend it a bit everyday. Feeling much better now. Bouts of soothing calmness then turmoil then anger...

Gotta stay the path.

We are pack her and I.

But for now we must be apart.

[hopelessincan]

day 32. This sucks. But what I think sucks the most is that he has made no attempts.

[MajinGuu]

Day 1 just ended for me.

 

It's hard, it's really difficult and I almost gave up.

I miss her really bad I just wish I could go back in time and prevent this from happening.

Night time is the hardest and I feel like tomorrow is going to be even harder.

 

I miss her so bad it makes me want to cry it's unbearable, why do I have to go through this pain?

I want to contact her so bad, I want to know what she's doing, but I can't... I really can't and I will not do this.

[IAmFCA]

Once again, using this thread as a placeholder. May start tomorrow.

[yourfaceinmanila]

Day 31.

 

Some highlights from the journey:

 

- Met someone new. Went out on a couple of dates. After the first date, guess who texted? I didn't reply. Ignored her and texted the date saying I had a great time. Felt so powerful.

 

- Kept my own journal of thoughts and feelings, updated at the end of each day. I can see how the ups and downs come in waves and see how my thoughts evolve. I also draw two icons indicating whether I still love her and still think she's the one for me. Both of those have had question marks next to them for so long that I forgot for the first week there was no doubting I loved her and she was the one.

 

- Literally an hour ago the new girl texted to say she's been seeing someone else alongside me, he seems more keen so maybe we should be friends. I bowed out graciously and wished her luck. I'm sad - but I'm happy because I'm not TOO sad, I stuck to my guns and didn't settle, and I'm sad over a girl that isn't my ex. Progress!

 

- My best friend got dumped by his girlfriend today. I have 6 weeks of experience fresh in my mind to use to help and support him.

 

Keep at it guys. One day in the next couple of months I'm going to fill in my daily journal and it's going to hit me that I don't love her anymore.

[therealal]

Just started day 2...Finding it so hard to not call her!

 

This is my story:

Hey, all...I've been reading over the forum as a guest and have seen some great advice so thought I'd post my story and see what people have to say...

So, I was dating my ex for around 16 months...We're both 21 and I was her first bf. She always told me I was her first love and we had a great connection although we did argue now and then (don't we all!)

We've broken up twice before but have gotten back together in the space of a few days. However, last Friday, we had an argument and by Sunday I had said we need to sort stuff or not be together. I didn't expect her to say let's end it, but she did. For a few days we spoke here and there with me asking her for another chance. She said there was no spark for her any more and she didn't feel the same desire to work on us that she had felt in the past. She then said she wanted some space...Over the next few days, we tried being 'friends' but it always ended up us talking about our best memories and how much we enjoyed each other. We even had a few dirty calls which prompted her to say she didn't want me to get the wrong idea and she still didn't want a relationship. So on Monday (1/7/13) I decided to call her and agree with her suggestion that we needed space. She has said that we shouldn't talk until at least September. I agreed and said that if her feelings for me change and she wants to get back together, or if there's something serious that only I can help with, then she can call me before then. The call was quite emotional, and for the first time since we broke up, she cried on the phone and said we had amazing times and that she loved me (albeit in a different way to before). It's now day two of No Contact, and I'm wondering whether it was the right decision. The last call was so great, a part of me is thinking that if we had continued speaking, it would help me get back with her. She said stuff like, it's gonna be really hard for her too, and the hoody she was wearing (that I gave her) reminds her of me etc...She hadn't seemed upset at all until this call...What do you guys all suggest?

 

Sorry for the essay, just thought it's best I tell you everything!

 

I would appreciate any advice!

[TheD87]

Haven't talked to my ex in over a week. Part of reason we broke up is because she told me she needed to be single now and didn't have time for a boyfriend and needed to focus on herself.

 

I ran accross her fb page today (on accident, honestly) and she is already dating another guy and has a bunch of photos of the two of them together all over her fb page. I was fine with the break up but seeing that hurt me. I am not going to contact her, but I am feeling down right now and had to post something. I was doing so well too, wish I didn't see that.

[therealal]

TheD87, you can prevent that again by just making sure she doesn't show on your feed. No need to delete her or anything, but you can block her from appearing on your feed. That's what I've done!

[TheD87]

TheD87, you can prevent that again by just making sure she doesn't show on your feed. No need to delete her or anything, but you can block her from appearing on your feed. That's what I've done!

 

I am not friends with her on fb anymore. I actually saw it because I was looking at an old status on my fb wall to find a link my friend posted me and she had commented on that link from when we were friends on fb. I noticed her profile pic was her and another guy and clicked on her profile and saw the rest of it. I should have just ignored it.

[IAmFCA]

this is a post to myself. I am getting ready for NC. when will I pull the trigger? tomorrow? possibly. I just don't feel it. well start with a fade away...

[IAmFCA]

That's it, I just ended a relationship over fb.

 

Tomorrow, day 1.

 

I don't expect I will count here. I do not expect any further contact, ever.