Fredd

Day 9 for me, Day 16 for him I have missed him so much today... really. I was at work and I thought how much I would have liked to get a text from him about how it went... he did always asked, once. And I would have liked to come home and talk with him and tell him everything... but there's just a big hole where there was him. How sad all of this is? I'm a bit better now, anyway...

Day 8 for me, Day 15 for him. I'm fine today... Even if I had that discussion with a friend of mine, were I seemed to be the "bad" one I'm definitely not. I didn't contact him and I'm not going to. Tomorrow I will start the new job and this is good. He left a gap, he did, but also now I'm free. FREE. Sounds good

Day 7 for me, Day 14 for him (Saturday) We were in the same room for a football match and a b-day I said HI when I arrived and BYE when I left. I talked nicely with everybody else, but we didn't say a word to each other and stayed in different part of the pub. I was sitting at a table and didn't move. Sometime he came closer to that table, but ignored me... OK, then. I feel OK. I'm sorry for this situation, but I realize he has always been cold for me, in a way that doesn't make much sense. I have no regrets, I apologized with him and I'm being polite without saying a thing about anything to him. So now if he wants to stop behaving like that it's up to him...

Day 6 for me, Day 13 for him I didn't contact him, I'm starting to feeling better. I would like us to be on good terms, but I'm aware this could be not possible for now, maybe. I have great friends that want me around most of the time and a job to start on Monday. I feel less alone, I wish he wasn't out of my life but I realize that he's like a cat: you are not going to make him coming closer if you run after him. Tomorrow I will probably go out with common friends or so I think. I will try to be polite, just polite, and to ignore him for the rest. I had a couple of weeks of "emotional madness" but now I want to be back to be myself, even better that what he remembered... as I was too scared when I was with him. Now I'll be back to be the nice happy girl I've always been

Day 5 for me, Day 12 for him. Today I miss you. I repeat inside my head the many reasons why I should stay far from you, as far as possible, how you behaved and everything. But point is that today I miss you. But I know there can't be anything btw us before you resolve the many issues you have. I can't close my eyes and let you break my heart every single time, it's not fair. I also know if everything started again as it was before you would hurt again. I miss you so much, you are the one I loved more than everybody else before. But to trust you again I need a reason and right now I have none.

Day 5 for me, Day 11 for him Sometime I miss our friendship, but after all it wasn't a real one. I wish I had gone no contact from the very beginning, but I didn't... as I have found this forum when it was too late, on both parts. I genuinely think this "horrible situation" can save us or kill us as it will show him how life is without me. It could be worst or better, but he has never been completely without me in the past 2 years... and I think in the long run he will be force to think back. I think time will "heal" our friendship, but I'm sure I can't go back to what we were. I think to him a lot, but in order to analyze what happened more than out of nostalgia. To me it's quite clear that the problem, this time, is that I didn't just accepted his behavior and I wanted him to accept the consequences of what he said and did. And he just ran away, as he's a kid. I don't want to deal with a kid, I want to deal with a proper 30ys old. I don't regret not have been his friend as he asked. I wish I asked for no contact since the first days, but I didn't... but I guess it would have ended the same way, anyway, as the problem is that he is not emotionally mature and nothing I did or said could have changed it.

Day 4 for me, Day 10 for him. I could have messed up in the beginning, but now I'm sort of "happy" I did. As at least I have said to him what I had to say. I made it clear to him how much he hurt me, that this time he went to far and that I wouldn't have closed my eyes as always. I messed up when I tried to save the friendship and not to let any issue behind, as I shouldn't have contacted him as I did in the beginning... but once again maybe this is for the better, or he would have kept me in his net, somehow, as at some point I would have ended to talk to him normally, once again. So I'm glad for this break. Whatever it means, for how long it will last I don't care. I'm glad. As things weren't going anywhere and the whole situation was at his own advantage, not mine. Plus, having said everything I had to say, I don't have any regrets. And I start feeling really better, after one month and 13 days from the night the big mess happened. I'm ready for the war. I'm not going to hide. I'm not going to stop living. And if I see him with somebody else I will survive and think I'm better than anyone else he can find. As this is the truth. And I will feel pity both for him but especially for her. If he ever come back he will now that he's not dealing with the same woman anymore.

Day 3 for me Day 9 for him I feel OK. I don't want to contact him. I'm realizing the way he behaved with me. I think that, if something has to happen, it must come on his part and not mine. As for me I'll be relaxed if I meet him but nothing else. I perfectly know that I don't want to go back to the old situation...

Day 2. A part of me thinks he will come back, everybody seems to think so. Another part of me knows, anyway, there's no way back unless he changes completely, which is not alike. I haven't seen him yesterday. I miss his "good moments" and our friendship. I don't miss how he made me feel so often, in the last months... and I know I don't want to go back to that condition.

This is DAY 1 as yesterday I screwed up. Anyway I'm happy I did so, as it made me realize things... My only contact with him, and I already said it, will be a quick "HI" when we are both out with she same people. A "BYE" as well, if that happens. Full stop.

I broke the NC. No answer, of course. I'm very stupid... I will start again. Problem is I feel guilty and as it was me the one who screwed up everything, and I can't get over this feeling. And now I know I fed is ego again. Stupid me!

I gave you so much, even too much. I have never loved anybody as I loved you. You were the first I had sex with and so you will always have a room in my heart I know I should be "happy" all of this arrived to an end, as my life with you would have always been challenging... as you are a difficult person, you have issues, you are 30 but you behaves as if you were 20 or younger. But I didn't care. I would have took care of you, no matter what, I wasn't scared at all. Despite this, I love you. And I miss you, I miss you so much. And I feel you loved me too, in your own crazy way. I should have left you such a long time ago... but point is, I would be the happier person in the world if you came back. I think I can't really go back to the situation we had before, anyway. You hurt me so badly, it was like walking in the dark all the time... I was happy when we were together, but I was so scared when you were somewhere and I didn't know where. And the last month I felt like you weren't giving anything back to me, at the point that I would have liked to have the courage to end all of this. I wish we could have tried for real. I wish we could have had a last talk. I gave you so much you could have given me a last chance to talk with you, but you didn't. I miss you as a friend, as well. My family and friends hate you, but I can't hate you and I will never do. I can't go back as we were before. But I wish one day you'll realize what you have lost and you come back, to really build something meaningful with me. I feel like it will happen one day. I also know that day is far, anyway, and maybe it will be too late. I'm sorry I've hurt you and you have felt betrayed by something I said and did. I wish you could understand how much you hurt me, sooner or later.

DAY 3: I was tempted to tell him how much I miss the friend I've lost. But I didn't. I went for an interview and then ended catching up with a friend of mine, which was very good. Problem is I don't have a job, right now, and I spend a lot of time at home by myself. I hope I can have a job very soon...

There's the story: DAY 1: was yesterday, considering I texted him Monday (no answer) and it was relatively fine as I had things to do: go for an interview, went out with my flatmate for a beer. Good. DAY 2: I couldn't get him off my mind. I feel really like s***. I don't want to contact him, but I'd like for him to text back. As I don't have a job right now, an I'm alone at home, I really feel bad. I can't stop thinking how weird my behavior was in the past 15 days.