THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[marshmallito]

Day 4

Want him more than I ever have. My body is feeling withdrawals.

[Nivram]

Day 12.

Its hard... and I've just blocked tumblr, facebook, twitter and instagram from my mac, as well as deleting the apps from my iphone. This should stop me from checking up on her. I want to move on. Believe and you will, stay strong folks.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 10

 

Today was a disaster for me personally... and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that 2 months ago on this day was when he broke up with me and a month ago tomorrow was the last time that I saw him and the last time I allowed him to disappoint me.

 

I feel so much guilt over walking away from him when he dumped me... I want him back so bad.... I feel worthless and a lot of the time im left questioning whether he ever really loved me or whether he even still does.

 

I notice my loneliness so much more when im out in public or doing things with my family. I notice other guys and all I can think is "but I want him... not anyone else". I have never struggled through a breakup like this before. I have never felt this kind of debilitating heartache.

 

Today for mothers day we went out and I felt so alone... He would usually always be there with me and my family doing stuff with us and having a good time. It hurts because he really did become a part of my family. Anyway, so after two drinks I start talking to my mom about him and she kinda snaps... I guess she is sick of hearing about how I miss him and love him after he broke my heart. I break down and cry in a restaurant... I have never felt more stupid in my life. If given the chance I would have sat and cried for 2 hours.

 

I wish he knew what he was putting me through. I wish he could see it because maybe then he would realize that what I felt for him was and is so real to me. Its been two months and I still feel like it all just happened yesterday. I cry for him everyday and part of me hopes he is too.

 

I feel worthless, like trash... he just threw me away... and now after ten days it seems like he really doesnt even care if I live or die. Im in so much pain.. I just want it to go away.....

[rockette]

Day 1

 

The silence is killing me, we havent spoken since just after 9am yesterday morning, i deleted his number and all his messages on my phone, luckily he doesnt have facebook but his family do and seeing as i have known them over 20 years im not going to delete them but have put every one of them on 'hide from timeline' or whatever it is, not a massive facebooker anyway which is a relief really. Ive deleted his sisters number too, just to stop myself from hassling her about him. Hope im doing the right thing.

 

Im feeling very upset and have cried and cried, i miss him so much it hurts, im a wreck

 

Day 2

 

Feels like day 10000 but its only been 2 full days jeez....

 

Im not sleeping well at all, its been a couple of weeks of on-off-on-off before the final blow this past Friday so i had been in limbo land not knowing wt F was happening, i think its starting to take its toil on me now, i am so tired, i am dreaming about him, i am sleeping for about 40 mins or so and then i wake in some sort of crazy panic, then my mind kicks in repeating the same cr@p over and over, it really is hell!!

 

The tears keep coming out of nowhere and it feels like i have died but i am still breathing, my heart is still beating so alive i am, just doesnt feel like it at the mo.

 

The silence is killing me, the fact that only a few days ago we were holding hands, laughing, kissing and saying our i love yous and now nothing.

[diesel85]

Day 15

 

I have this strong urge to apologize to her. Will it ever be appropriate for me to do so? I don't know. I feel ashamed for texting her so many times in the 2-3 day aftermath and getting so emotional. I hate that I've left her with this bad impression of me that she'll likely never forget. On the other hand, I'm the one that is truly hurt in the end, not her. She's off geting to know another man, not concerned about my life, while I'm here heartbroken. I suppose the reality is that apologizing can only make me look even weaker. I need to remind myself to stick to no contact....it's still the only way forward, wherever that may lead

[marshmallito]

Day 15

 

I have this strong urge to apologize to her. Will it ever be appropriate for me to do so? I don't know.

 

IMO Its not appropriate. All your previous messages showed remorse. If ever she brought up the topic, and showed it was something that bothered her, it would be appropriate then.

[figmentations]

Day 43

 

Jeez. Sounds like a lot, sometimes feels like it, and sometimes it doesn't. All I know is that this week I was terribly sad and depressed and down about my life since I kept on blaming myself for things having failed. But I've realized I need someone who accepts me for who and what I am. And that I'm accepting that things have come to end and while it makes me terribly sad, there's nothing I can do. My ex hasn't spoken to me at all during these 43 days.

[diesel85]

IMO Its not appropriate. All your previous messages showed remorse. If ever she brought up the topic, and showed it was something that bothered her, it would be appropriate then.

 

Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of apologizing for sending her all those texts and all the arguing and stress that it caused. But you're sentiment seems right... i already showed remorse for other aspects of the past, and i supposed I ended on a civil note. The last text i sent 2 weeks ago was something like "K, just want to let you know I respect your decisions and understand it's for the best. in the end, a little time apart will be good for us. after all, we aren't enemies."

 

trying to address it all over again may just cause those bad memories to resurface for her, and confirm for her that i really NEED validation and attention from her. i don't want to feel or be weak anymore.

[El3216]

Day 16

 

You were a tough one day 16. I woke up from a dream with you that put me in the negative from the get go.

 

I just wish things were different. I wish you could forgive me for getting so lazy and taking things for granted.

 

I've learned such a valuable lesson. I just die at the reality of what was lost to learn this lesson.

 

I miss you k

[marshmallito]

Day 5

Should I try to end this limbo?

When I broke NC, he asked me if I was dating... I said no. But that changed and I went on a date. Should I tell him I am dating?

I have confided in a friend, he has told me I need to let my "ex" know what is happening. I should tell him I am moving on.

[Jimbly]

Day 1

 

Went super-smooth after the blip of ending 45 days NC on Friday. I met my new GFs entire family in one fell swoop. They are all awesome in every way. Amazing family dynamic, warped sense of humour, great communication between them all.

I still miss my ex, but there was no annoying show-off sister, no introverted awkward but sometimes amusing little brother, no passive mother, and no biploar dad, who was the best of the bunch, although he lives in another state. No sign of a crazy Aunt either, or the ex-husband of my ex GF who is still included as a member of the family (despite no kids). I had a blast today. Still having doubts about this new girl long term, but today was one of the most fun days I've had in months.

[killthecat]

Day 8 of NC, three weeks from the break up. Our last contact was when we met a week ago and she told me she's getting back with her high school ex. First NC stretch after our break up was 7 days long, with her breaking it to let me know that she wants to talk.

 

At first it was hard because I wanted to reason or plead with her... now I just miss the casual contact. The messages, the "have a nice day!" ones, the "goodnights". I'm trying really hard to work on myself and take care of what's important at work and at the university right now... but sometimes she just jumps in into my thoughts and I can't do anything about it.

[Jimbly]

....and back to Day 0. She texted me back a response to the text I sent when I last broke NC to see if she wanted to catch up. I didn't expect her to respond and say she'd like to meet up for lunch sometime!

 

I'm not ready to be in contact with her. Anyway, I am dating somebody new who is better for me.

 

I accidentally sent her a text intended for my buddy saying "I meant we could catch up on the phone or by IM. I didn't mention meeting up". I think that was a good mistake to make. I need to stick with NC.

[Mellow1]

Day 0

 

Ex texted me after 3 days of nc. Maybe its today or idk but his flirty texts made me realize i'm just there for his entertainment and my emotions are not valued. He always makes me feel bad because I tell him that he doesn't care but I am right. I don't care how angry he gets. I should mean something more to him. 3 years of being there, helping out when he was down, doing right by him, making him feel good for what so he can flirt/**** with other people. I'm over it. He has his head so far up his ass that he doesn't let people shine. Yesterday I was crying because I didn't wake up next to him and there a guy friend who actually listens to me. He made me realize I'm too good to be put aside. I'm living life for me. Its my turn to shine.

[rockette]

Day 3

 

His brother messaged me saying he has made a huge mistake and that his head is all over the place.. i replied and said so is mine Is that breaking nc? Im not going to ignore his brother who i have known for 20 odd years since we were kids so i dont think it is.

 

Also the ex messaged my friend this morning, asking her to ask me about a date we had booked for July so he could cancel it, she was very blunt in her reply and just gave him the date and nothing more.

 

Good job i deleted his number cos id of cracked by now and messaged him for f's sake -_-

 

Bread crumbs? Who knows.. feels like i am stepping back into limbo land again, i know there will be more cos we have belongings to sort out yet uhhhh just wish this was a bad dream and i could wake up

[diesel85]

Day 16

 

I'm full of frustration, and that frustration is turning to anger. Angry that it is so hard for me to feel comfortable among people right now. Angry that she is with another man, building new memories and experiencing romance, while I am alone, drained by my emotions and suffering. Angry that she sleeps soundly in her bed every night, while I barely sleep and am forced back awake from terrible nightmares about her every morning. Angry that I don't know how to stop it. I feel absolutely insane. I am tired of all this pain.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 12

 

I feel indifferent today and sometimes just a lot of anger and hate.

It's almost been two weeks NC and I can't believe its all gone so quickly and not a single peep out of him. Clearly he doesn't care anymore and I'm not sure why I should.

 

At this moment I don't want him back, I don't want to be his friend. I want nothing to do with him. Part of me wants to see him suffer, while I sit enjoy his agony. I'm not sure how I could ever feel anything good for him. Maybe its because im so angry right now. Whatever.

 

His sister issues are enough to send any girl running and I hope that one day he realizes there is something wrong there if he has any hope of hanging into any woman.

[marshmallito]

Day 6

I feel anxious, anticipating something. Nothing is going to happen, I wish I was over it

[todayisrough]

Don't know why today is any different but I miss you and I want to message you right now..

[Mellow1]

Day 1

Silence is the best revenge.

 

New goal : weight loss and drivers license.

 

Today I went out for a walk and it was very healing to my soul. Thought about how he is struggling (family and money troubles) and how he misunderstood my kindness yesterday. He was telling me he had no food at his house or for his dog and I told him if he would like food from my house. He snapped by saying you only trying to help me and I can help myself. I just didn't let him get to me nor do I want to argue anymore cause cleary I been helping his family out with my generosity for the three years I was with him. He is in a negative state of mind that he is cleary forgetting who I am or what I done. so I just ignored his stupidity and didn't talk to him after that phone call. Life is too precious to be mistreated, I can't wait for the day he is begging me to come back in the meantime, I went from 175 to 157. Lol Weight loss goal of 140.

[benjii]

5 months nc since break up till she text me then cut me off cold again this time I will not be replying and actually moving on now i have been emotional wrek the past 2 days. You can be the strongest of men till a girl breaks your heart no more tears left to dry, no more lies from you, no more games I'm done

 

Day 3 achieved so far and will never be speaking to her again

[rockette]

Day 4

 

Another day of silence, id had hope after his brothers message last night that he might of contacted me today but today has brought nothing, regretting deleting his number now, i could drive to his place if i wanted to but i just feel that will put me into crazy stalker territory, why is this so hard?? Isnt he missing me at all?? Im scared that the longer we dont talk the less likely it is that we ever will again

[marshmallito]

Day 4

 

Another day of silence, id had hope after his brothers message last night that he might of contacted me today but today has brought nothing, regretting deleting his number now, i could drive to his place if i wanted to but i just feel that will put me into crazy stalker territory, why is this so hard?? Isnt he missing me at all?? Im scared that the longer we dont talk the less likely it is that we ever will again

 

Four days isn't long. Try to calm down and grieve a little.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 13

 

Going through the motions I guess. I feel numb to a large extent. Im still a little angry but not like yesterday. I have really let myself go over this past month... Picked up weight and I think I look pretty bad. I need to lose weight but cant find the motivation to do anything right now.

 

I have been really quiet with everyone in my life. I think Im just trying to get comfortable in my own skin again... Im trying to figure out who I am once again after I became this unrecognizable person in a relationship.

 

I feel like in my mind, the guy I fell in love with is dead and isnt coming back. At the same time I know he is out there living his life, and he seems like a stranger to me now. I feel like there is the great wall of china between us.

 

Last we spoke he said he doesnt hate me and that he is glad we could have ended before it got to a point of resentment. But if he is feeling anything like me then I think that part of him hates me too.

 

I am starting to doubt that I will ever hear from him again, even though he said "im not writing you off; im not writing you out of my life". I feel like maybe he said it to let me down easy. Maybe he said it to let himself down easy too. I dont know. All I know is, that person is dead and as it stands im not sure I want him back or that I want friendship.

 

I just feel tired and drained today. I still miss him, but a smaller part of me does. As each day goes by, im starting to realise how this is probably the best thing that could have happened for either of us.

[Mellow1]

Day 2

 

No love for someone who brings me pain