THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[shackazu]

This has been the first full day of No Contact.

 

After two months of clinging to a hope that I would visit her in January, and everything would change by being there in person, and getting a lot of mixed messages from her indicating that she was reconsidering our breakup, everything changed yesterday. She sent me a not saying that she didn't want me to wait for her, that she has moved on, and that she doesn't want to get back together, although I would always be welcome to visit her as a friend, and that she would be there when I was ready to be friends. I replied that I couldn't be friends with her, because it's not at all what I want. Right now I am still in love, and I think a part of me always will be. I don't understand, there are a lot of unanswered questions, but I am accepting that I won't really get the answers I am looking for.

 

I have done a lot of growing during our break up, and I am in a much better place than after my last relationship ended--though I love this girl even more--but that growing was still done with the hope of reconciling with her in January. That hope is gone, and so I need to grow for myself, and myself alone. I'm not sure if I will ever contact her again, which is a tough thought, given that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I removed her from my Facebook and deleted all pictures form the entire seven months that we were together, because they are just too painful to look at.

 

Onward to day 2.

[Aspie Mom]

43 days. Still have strong urges to shoot a quick text to see if he thinks about me ever. I don't want to be with him but the rejection still stings.

[zep]

Day 10

 

I made it!! This is my longest NC streak. Now I have to think, I've made it this far, why would I break it and have to do it all over again? Also, my rational calm mind knows I don't want this relationship, and I didn't want it even before we broke up. We fought all the time, there were so many ways he was not the partner I was looking for. Tomorrow I am going on vacation for a week, so I don't know how I'll do during that. I think the major problem is I am going by myself, so I could get lonely. Normally I would be super friendly with my fellow travelers but it is Egypt so I'm a little worried about how it would look. I don't think a 'Stella gets her groove back' situation would be appropriate!

 

But we'll see. I'm bringing lots of books and I plan on scuba diving or doing another activity every single day.

 

I am so proud of myself for getting through Day 9, I can't even tell you! I can't imagine it getting harder than that, so if I can get through yesterday, I can get through this whole thing. Right now I feel calm, a little battered, but even more sure that moving on from this relationship is the absolute best thing for me.

[JohnGalt]

I guess I'm technically at Day 1. Ex talked to me yesterday -- said she's moved on. Said she is not in a relationship nor will she be in one soon. Said there's a future for us, but the future is "not today and it is not tomorrow." She basically wants nothing to do with me. And I have finally moved on from being delusional about our relationship to hating her. I don't know if hate is healthy. But it consumes me and makes me feel better.

 

So day 1.

 

Oh and if NC is to heal, why is it in the getting back together subforum?

[zep]

I guess I'm technically at Day 1. Ex talked to me yesterday -- said she's moved on. Said she is not in a relationship nor will she be in one soon. Said there's a future for us, but the future is "not today and it is not tomorrow." She basically wants nothing to do with me. And I have finally moved on from being delusional about our relationship to hating her. I don't know if hate is healthy. But it consumes me and makes me feel better.

 

So day 1.

 

Oh and if NC is to heal, why is it in the getting back together subforum?

 

Congratulations John, you're one stage of grief close to the end of this ride! The hate definitely helps the ex become a stranger which makes it less sad. I think basically it will volley from sadness to anger back and forth and everytime it switches it gets a little less intense (with two steps forward one step back of course) until we reach the ultimate goal of TOTAL INDIFFERENCE! We will get there!!

 

I agree, I don't like that the NC thread is in the getting back together forum. I tried to start another one in the healing but it never really caught on. I guess some people are using NC to get back together, but ugh why would anyone want to get back together with someone they would have to do this with. Everyone I know whose happily married didn't have any bumps in the road. At least not horrible-devastating-have to will myself to stay away from them bumps. Anyway, I like posting on this thread because it is more active. Reading other peoples NC journeys is really inspiring to me. Plus, last night I was soo close to breaking NC, and then I thought about how I'd have to post days 1-9 AGAIN in this forum and I thought, forget it. I'd rather be over this 9 days sooner than contact him now.

 

Really we are so lucky that we're at the point of leaving our old broken tainted relatioships behind. We'll take a few months to heal and improve ourselves and our lives, and then we'll get to start whole new fresh and wonderful relationships. No past resentments or betrayals, nothing to get over or forgive. A fresh slate. I'm definitely not at the 'dating other people' phase, I'm still in the rebuilding phase. And recovering. I really think NC is the key to us moving on and healing. I think about my ex constantly now but I know the bottom line is I need to walk away. So I'm walking. The more days NC we tally up the farther we are from the ex's and the less they can hurt us.

 

Also, I don't think NC really works unless social media/pictures/cards/texts etc are eliminated as well. I've seen a lot of people on this forum who are not contacting their ex, but looking at their FB everynight, and you can see the stagnation. There's no moving forward. I feel like I'm going through hell and the last thign I want to do is slow down. And I think thats exactly what looking at fb, old messages is.

[JohnGalt]

Excellent point zep. Know that I'm with you in this journey and I'm proud of you! Keep it up. I'm with you too - no looking at Facebook (my ex is deleted) and no looking at pictures/cards(threw them all away) or texts (deleted her from my phone).

 

I want her to become a ghost.

[Bella Donna]

 

 

Also, I don't think NC really works unless social media/pictures/cards/texts etc are eliminated as well. I've seen a lot of people on this forum who are not contacting their ex, but looking at their FB everynight, and you can see the stagnation. There's no moving forward. I feel like I'm going through hell and the last thign I want to do is slow down. And I think thats exactly what looking at fb, old messages is.

 

Facebook is the work of the relationship Devil. Good for neither the soul or the wounded heart. Blocking my FB was the only wise decision I have made throughout this whole mess. Day 19 NC - One day at a time (without FB pictures!)

[superdupa]

Day 7 (or maybe 8?)

 

I'm not keeping track of this anymore.

I don't care.

I've been doing just fine.

I'm just gonna let whatever happens happen, it just doesn't matter anymore.

I've realized that I just don't need her in my life as a partner or friend or anything else.

Of course, I still love her but I was very happy before I met her and I can do it again.

[Aspie Mom]

Facebook is the work of the relationship Devil. Good for neither the soul or the wounded heart. Blocking my FB was the only wise decision I have made throughout this whole mess. Day 19 NC - One day at a time (without FB pictures!)

 

 

When I got divorced 10 years ago we weren't using FB, text messaging, IM'ing, emailing. We had to actually call each other and/or see each other in person for the kids. The 'itch' to contact wasn't there as much probably because it required so much more effort than it does now. These days you don't have to put any effort into sending a text, looking at FB or re-reading old emails. Technology is not the friend of the broken hearted AT ALL.

[lalalollipops]

Day 18

 

Up up up.

[rachellsa]

I feel it definitely does count. As this NC for me is about healing. Some people use it as a tactic. Have done before but not now. It doesn't work anyway!! I accidentally, (actually accidentally!) came accross his brand new dating profile today and it's set me back again. So not going back to day 0 as it wasn't initiated by me but its set me back definitely.

 

By the way, LOVE your picture zep, that made me smile

[ultimateguy8]

Day 26 since the break up and day 26 of no contact. I did check her facebook a few times in there (although not in two and a half weeks or so) and I'll admit, it did set me back a little. I won't do that again until I'm ready and fully healed. I had my friend change my password two and a half weeks back so I haven't even been on facebook at all during that time period. I'm trying to put myself back on the market. Been going out with my friends every week or so and just spent a week in London to get my mind off everything.

 

A girl I met on spring break down in Florida last year texted me last night that she was around the area and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up. So I met up with her today, had lunch, and everything seemed really good between us. She has a boyfriend so I'm not going to pursue at all but there's definitely a connection between us. I remember when I met her back in March she made me uncertain about my relationship with my girlfriend because she just seemed so much cooler and nicer to me than my own girlfriend. Nothing came about it though since I just saw her for those few days but she asked me for my number and we talked a good amount when we both went back to our separate schools after spring break and then she got a boyfriend and I fell back in love with my girlfriend. I need a girl like that to help me take my ex off a pedestal.

[zep]

Day 11

 

Day 10 was such an easy day because I went to work and then out with friends. Today I am going on vacation BY MYSELF. what was I thinking???!?? I don't know why i thought I would enjoy this when I booked it. It was in the early BU days madness. Granted, it will be hot and sunny and I can relax and get tan and scuba dive every day. But I am really afraid I will be lonely and have way too much time to think. But I won't have a way of contacting my ex anyway. So maybe this week will really give me a chance to process this breakup rather than distracting myself with friends and work. Well, I already paid for it and its too late to cancel, so I'll just have to be strong and make the best of it.

 

I guess one of my girlfriends went to Mexico by herself post-breakup and she had a great time. So if she can do it I can do it. I just hope my resort is really fun with active parties and bars so if I get bored at night I will have stuff to do!

[Siren Spell]

I'm currently on day four of NC. My feelings have been undulating so furiously. When he dropped me home Saturday evening, I felt so confident within myself that he will try to reestablish our relationship in due time. I don't know why, but the longer I am away from him, the more that confidence fades. I'm too stubborn to allow the relationship that we had to simply die on the vine but I'm beginning to think that if things are meant to be between us then he will in fact reach out, and if he doesn't then so be it. The main problem is that I don't know whether or not to allow him friendship with me, as I'm definitely not trying to get friend zoned, but he made sure to specify that he wanted to start as friends and then see what's up. NC is the only way I think I'll be able to do any good for myself but it's so hard not to wonder what he's up to, if he's thinking about me, what he wants. Ugh.

[Nvme]

Day 1 was easy. Day 2....I can't ever get passed day 2. ARghhh

[JohnGalt]

Another day of no contact. This is easier once there's simply nothing left to say to your ex. Nothing that could change their minds. I am exhausted. I want to sleep. I need a day off from work.

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 7.

 

A full week of NC! Things are going well... I've just started watching Game of Thrones and I've completely fallen in love with it so that's helping to take my mind off my ex. In fact, I'm thinking of ending this 30 Day NC Challenge now as I don't think I'll be able to heal properly until I stop obsessing over how many days I've done NC for. Onwards and upwards.

 

So I'm here again. It's Day 13 now.

 

As I said before, I think posting for this 30 Day NC Challenge every day stops me from fully healing. But I will post an update every few days so I can keep track of how I'm getting on.

 

I'm still thinking about my ex quite a lot, but it doesn't hurt me anymore. I just feel sad. Not super sad or anything... just disappointed I guess... disappointed with the way things turned out. Hopefully these feelings mean I'm on the road to acceptance.

[rachellsa]

This sounds amazing, I hope you have a great time

[Patterbatter]

I was so close to the 30 day mark last time then she contacted me after 27 days aghh!

 

So here I am now, day 17 NC and movin' on up =D

[lalalollipops]

Day 1

 

Meh.

[Dallasguy]

Day number 4 for me You know what guys, I just had some sort of epiphany. I'm sitting around here soaking missing her. Hell I can’t change her feelings. When we last talked, I told her how I felt how I wanted things to be. I told her if her feeling changed to call me. I also told her I wouldn't wait for her. I will get out there and date but isn't looking for anything serious.................What more can I do. Why miss someone who hasn't contacted you. She knows where I am. Some odd reason I feel a whole lot better. I know I'm going to still miss her, but you can't miss what's not there.................Strange but at this moment right now I don’t feel bad at all

[rocko123]

Day 30-something

 

The last couple of days of the challenge were crazy busy... and that was a good thing. Got me through it. Saw my ex a few times in meetings, communicated w/ her as a part of our shared function at work, and things were okay. A few ups and downs for me but it helped to see some of the things I don't like about her. Today has been really good and I think (hope) i've finally started to let go.

 

Tomorrow I'll close the loop on this sucker and post my summary of all of my posts here.

 

Keep ignoring those exes, you crazy NCers!

[Patterbatter]

Day 18, this morning I didn't wake up missing her

[NCForeverGirl]

Day 15.

 

It's his birthday today. Big test. If I don't break NC today, I can't see myself ever breaking it. Hopefully not hearing from me on his birthday will send a message to him loud and clear: That I'm moving on.

[lalalollipops]

Day 1

 

Lol starting again.

 

I couldn't help texting him again.