THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[GrowingUp85]

Nearly 5 months since BU. A little less than that since we've actually talked. Day 28 of me not contacting her and being ignored. Feeling better, but not much. I still want to be a part of her life. I still want to talk to her and know what she's doing and what she's up to. I was with someone else last night, someone who cares for me, but I'm not in a position to give that back to her. I tried to explain what I was feeling with my ex, but I'm not sure it went through. I can't wait for this depression to be gone.

[NjoyStick]

Staying in NC is the best way to go, i'm at day 85 right now and it's getting better and easier by the day.

The NC is a win/win situation like i said before.

 

If your ex get's sick of you keeping it at NC they might go crazy and want you back, even though you should never take someone back in a short period so that's considered a win.

And if you keep NC and you get over your ex and you probaly don't even want him or her back then you can enjoy life again and that's a huge win!

 

If you are meant to be with that person then you will meet up later on in life when you are both ready for each other.

 

And like i said, maybe your ex disgusts you when you are fully healed cause they did and say alot of bad things in most cases that i read here.

 

Heal and getting over it is the only way to go =)

[Karianne]

Almost 2 months since the breakup. I've been NC for almost that entire time, starting three days after the breakup. He texted me last Saturday saying, "I'm sorry. I don't know if I should respond. Everyone is telling me not to...

[Streetbob]

even though you should never take someone back in a short period

 

My thinking exactly.

NC is about the long haul. If reconciliation is on the cards it should be when both parties can come back as different people.

6 months to 1 year minimum

[Streetbob]

Almost 2 months since the breakup. I've been NC for almost that entire time, starting three days after the breakup. He texted me last Saturday saying, "I'm sorry. I don't know if I should respond. Everyone is telling me not to...

 

Hey Karianne.

 

Do you want him back? What has changed from his point of view?

 

How do you feel about breaking NC and being pulled back into a world of emotional turmoil?

 

SB

[xmen777]

yeah I agree. Still doing NC. Not sure which day it is

Thought of her after I saw a tv show where a married couple broke up for no reason, she didn't give him a reason just broke up with him.

But still doing NC solidly.

[crazyoflove]

Day 22

 

Did not think about her much. If she contacted me I honestly dont know what I would say to her.

[yazc89]

Day 3

 

Feel alot better today... had a nice chat with his sister lastnight - shes very level headed and always been supportive of me and the relationship and said shes very upset too. She agrees with my decision to go NC. I dont know if talking to family members breaks the NC rules but it has made me feel 10 times better. Woke up feeling focused on my new job and ready to get on with my life. Feel like Im starting a new and exciting chapter in my life and if he doesnt want to be a part of it then its his loss.

[Iceman93]

Woke up today realizing i havent seen her in 2 months. Wondering if when i see her if its gonna be really awkward or we will just be cool. Ha maybe i shouldnt even think about seeing her

[einsteins_girl]

I haven't counted the days in so long, but I was feeling masochistic today. 229 days NC on your end. 138 days NC on my end.

[Chinafish]

Made it one week! Im feeling better and a little word of advice for everyone struggling is to know that us the dumpees have the power over our exes they are the ones that let us go so they are the ones who have to step and make the move to get us back that may make u feel helpless but just realize if they cant man or woman up and make that move then they dont really love u so they aint worth it. Keep the nc and you hold the power over them cause honestly we dont owe them anything they hurt us. Stay strong people i know i am

 

That's a brilliant post. So positive. We're all just here sadly pining for people who just don't love us. That's the cold, harsh reality.

 

Well done on your week, may there be many others and may they get easier and easier

 

Yours sincerely

C. Fish

Womaning up

[NjoyStick]

You said it Streetbob! Atleast 6 months is minimum!

 

Karianne, don't respond, let him feel his own mistakes, if you respond it will make him feel better and that gives him back the power!

He said sorry to you so the power is in your hands, don't giive him that satisfaction!

[Iceman93]

I find it funny how your ex will contact you right when your feeling good about your self its like they have some six sense that your healing and try to hold you back but when your sad and depressed they dont give you anything. Well im feelin great about my self so im not falling for it haha up

[crazyoflove]

Day 23

 

The more time passes the more I am aware that it is impossible for us to get together. She burned too many bridges.

[wowor]

15 days since BU

8 days since NC

 

The holiday weekend here in the states was extremely helpful for me in the healing process. I was able to reflect a lot on myself and our relationship.

[yazc89]

Day 4

 

Strange day today... feeling fine most of the day, happy to be getting on with my new job then out of the blue i kept getting the horrid feeling in my stomach telling me to contact him. Everyone keeps asking me "have you spoke to him yet?" or telling me "he obviously cheated on you" I wish people would keep there opinions to themselves sometimes. I actually dont want to talk about him anymore.

[Iceman93]

Made it12 days each day im feeling better and better. #nc works!

[2bcome1]

NC is like practising something.

The more you do it the easier it get's!

Keep up the good work.

[crazyoflove]

Day 24

 

I asked myself today what is the point of me counting these NC days as I know that I will not contact her even after 30-day mark. Maybe I am doing it because I hope she will reach to me. Still, its been 7 weeks of me not initiating contact and 4 weeks of total NC. I wonder whether it is really over...

[yazc89]

Day 5

 

Today I feel fine, there are more important things going on that him. Yesterday I found out that a mutual friend invited us both to her birthday and my ex has refused to go if i go glad to see hes using the time apart to grow and mature...

[leftme]

Day 18

 

I think about her often, what happened etc but it brings no emotional distress to me anymore.

[Nolia]

Here's a little background into my situation We have been broken up for 5 months. She left out of the blue saying it wasn't me it was her and the pressure from her parents. Her parents didn't like me much since we have a 7 year age difference. When we first started seeing each other she new her parents wouldn't approve of our age difference but she decided to date me anyways, figuring she could change their mind along the way.

 

After about a year into our relationship her parents found out we were dating and they told her they didn't want her talk to me anymore. She has always been respectful of her parents so it was a very tough decision for her. I knew how much we loved each other at that point and that the bond was too strong to be broken so we kept on dating behind their backs because it was our decision and not their's. Another 2 years go by and we had to keep our relationship private to keep it from her parents.

 

Why did I let this happen? I guess because I loved her so much and would do anything to have been with her. All of a sudden she drops the bomb on me and says she can't hide it anymore and that the pressure and guilt is becoming too much because each day she falls farther and farther in love with me. So she breaks up with me and says its best if we don't talk. I know she feels horrible and still thinks the world of me. It has been so hard to accept because I know this isn't what she wants, and I know how much she loves me and wishes we could be together.

 

The first month after the breakup I was a mess, couldn't even get out of bed for awhile. Kept emailing and texting her trying to save our relationship, but it wasn't gonna happen. Finally I decided to go no contact. Each month I felt better and stronger, got all the way up to over 100 days of no contact when I decided to check my old email that we used to use together and there was an email from her from 3 weeks earlier. I had written her off, figured she was over me and has moved on and wanted nothing to do with me. She writes me and says hey wanted to see how your doing, I've been thinking about you recently, hope everything is well for you. After I read this my heart just melts, i was like what does this mean? I had written her off. She told me she was moving on and wanted to not talk anymore because it would be too hard for her.

 

So I caved in and texted her the next day. She was really nice and asked me a lot of questions. I kept the answers short and simple and didn't want to show her any signs of how much I still love her because she broke my heart. After about 10 minutes of idle time, she texts me are you dating anyone? I pause and think of what to say... Do I lie and say yes, do I say I've gone on a few dates like I have, or do I just say no? I decided to say no so I didn't have to discuss it further. I could tell she wanted me too ask her because why else would she care? But I knew she wasn't, or else why would she tell me she's been thinking about me and want to know if I'm dating anyone? I don't know what this means, but I don't put a lot into it.

 

That was 3 weeks ago, haven't heard from her since. I feel like I took a few steps back in my recovery because it's still fresh and I still love her, it brought back a lot of feelings instantly. I still care about her and would do anything for her, so I'm struggling again. I have a friend telling me that she was reaching out the olive branch to see how I respond to her, another friend says she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Others have said these are just breadcrumbs. All I know is that I love her, but she broke my heart, I don't think I will ever forgive her for that. I still wish I was with her, but at the same time I don't because of how she treated me.

 

Anyone have any insight or can explain to me what this means and what I'm feeling and if I should wish her a happy bday?

 

By the way, my birthday happened during our no contact period and I didn't hear anything from her.

 

Thanks!

[Karianne]

Hey SB, thanks for replying! Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I didn't see this.

We've been NC since three days after the breakup, and that was in early July. I don't know if I want him back. We haven't been in contact so I don't know if he's changed. I've worked on my problems, but I feel that I still need time to grow and work on them. I think I'd be okay breaking NC, but I don't know if I want to give him any feeling of power over me

[Karianne]

Thanks, I didn't reply, he only texted that one time so I doubt he really cares. During our relationship I was always the one sitting around waiting to hear from him, but none of that!!

 

It's coming on 2 months of solid NC, and I have to say I have grown a lot. I never thought it would get better but it did, and only in two months. Thanks for the support everyone and stay strong!!

[Streetbob]

Hey SB, thanks for replying! Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I didn't see this.

We've been NC since three days after the breakup, and that was in early July. I don't know if I want him back. We haven't been in contact so I don't know if he's changed. I've worked on my problems, but I feel that I still need time to grow and work on them. I think I'd be okay breaking NC, but I don't know if I want to give him any feeling of power over me

 

 

Hi Karianne

 

It sounds like you know what to do. If you are in doubt I would stay in NC. If he really wants to reconcile, he will come back again.

If your indifference is feeling comfortable, why put that in jeopardy by opening that door?

 

I would never open the door to reconciliation without some sort of mutual effort through counseling to repair damage and move on.

Sometimes, probably most times the most constructive thing to do is simply move on.

 

Good luck

 

SB