THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[saluk]

Day 4

I really wish I had finals or something to distract me through the day. But I don't have the motivation to sign up for anything that will pass the time. I'm a big gamer, and in the last 2.5 weeks since BU, I haven't even been able to force myself to play anything. I work from home, only meeting for a couple hours a week with coworkers, and motivating myself to work in my lonely box apartment room while I feel so crappy is nigh impossible.

 

Today I actually woke up not feeling like a ghost. I was dancing and singing to music, had fun shaving and showering, and actually payed attention to my surroundings as I walked to my meeting. I didn't feel good exactly, just didn't quite feel like I was being eaten alive. But then at the meeting, when my coworkers asked me how I was doing, I kind of lost it. Second half of the day up till now, I was almost as depressed as the day of the BU. My family told me I was better than that day, but when you are in enough pain, you can't really remember what it feels like to feel worse. Even worse than that, I am starting to forget what it was like to actually be happy.

 

I don't know if this is really working. I came close to breaking NC today, typing a dozen text messages to her before deleting them unsent. I guess there is some improvement in my behavior: while I was obsessively checking facebook, I have her blocked and didn't take the extra step to go to her profile page like I do most days. I didn't even feel inclined to go to her profile page. But even though she is blocked, while I scroll through other peoples posts, something in me is hoping that her name will come up anyway.

[lanaa]

Day 6-Time goes fast,cant believe in one day i will have one week of NC.Sometimes i feel better,sometimes worse,so i don't know how i am doing right now,,if i am moving on or not

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 20 - Had a low moment last night but I'm back on track again I think it's because I was feeling stressed out and he tends to occupy my thoughts a lot when I'm undergoing stress. Anyone have any ideas how to stop that?!

[transmit]

Day 11

talk about a palate cleanser. Having someone else on my mind really diffuses some bad impulses. I still intend to be unattached for a while -- my single life has been kind to me. I don't know what my ex is up to and I don't care.

[HopefulNessie]

Day 28

 

It has been two months since the breakup and I feel as though my love for him is growing rather than fading. I've changed so much over the last two months and I appreciate him and his traits even more now.

It is hard. Really hard.

I wonder how long it took others to be attracted to other people? Everytime I see a guy I compare him to my ex and they never live up to him. They never even come close. I wonder how long I can carry on like this before I start feeling like I'm going nuts.

I just want to start a new relationship with him and show him the new me more than anything.

[saluk]

I know what you mean HopefulNessie. I was actually a bit unsure about my own feelings prior to the breakup, but the more time away I get the more I miss the qualities my ex had. I can't even look at other women.

[HopefulNessie]

I know what you mean HopefulNessie. I was actually a bit unsure about my own feelings prior to the breakup, but the more time away I get the more I miss the qualities my ex had. I can't even look at other women.

 

the saying is true, "sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone"

[the dude91]

the saying is true, "sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone"

 

Now if only they understood that as well as we do...

[broken17]

Now if only they understood that as well as we do...

 

I'm sure they have no idea what they've no idea what they've lost..

By the way loving the Drake quote!

[broken17]

Day 3

I kind of felt better earlier? Then I remembered about him, and that damn girl that he's so nearly going out with!

I have no idea what to do with myself. None.

[BrokenOverYou]

Day 3,the memories dont make me cry anymore they make me smile, i remember what we used to be together and i do miss it, miss seeing your smile, miss hearing you laugh. If i could id go back and do it all over again but i cant and all i can do is look towards the future, i know im a changed person and you helped me so much with my confidence and helped me feel better about myself, i wish you didnt have to go, wish you didnt do what you did, wish we could have still been us, but everything happens for a reason and maybe you just werent the one im supposed to be with, i love you very much, but been away from you makes it easier to forget the bad and all i remember is the good, because i know deep down your a wonderful person, it was the reason i feel in love with you in the first place.

[danzman]

Day 31 - so have technically passed the challenge, yay... Not that it really makes any difference. Was feeling good this morning and quite calm and happy about the situation, was looking on the bright side of things, i.e. the prospect of meeting somebody better and having done more things and improved myself since the BU. Reflecting on memories later on today has brought my mood down, times when we were together, and even films that she liked to see, in fact memories have come back from when we first started going out, which I had forgotten about. I miss her and hope that she will get back in touch with me, however just have to get on with my life regardless and not wait in (false) hope.

[spirit seeking]

Day 17

Having a very hard time. I keep thinking that there could be a chance that she may still want to be with me. But that's just wishful thinking. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me as i feel about her. I should just let it go, but she keeps creeping into my thoughts. How we kissed until 4 in the morning, how she used to look at me. The incredible sex. Our conversations. How good it felt to hold her. I wish i could stop these memories. I wish i could just forget. I can forget telephone numbers. I can forget even important things that have happened to me. But her... I want to just leave it all behind. Stop this pain. Oh well it's day 17. I'm happy i made it to day 17. Does she think of me at all?

Does it matter?

[the dude91]

Day 3

I kind of felt better earlier? Then I remembered about him, and that damn girl that he's so nearly going out with!

I have no idea what to do with myself. None.

 

Just keep going on with your day, trust me the thoughts of them being with someone else gets less painful as time goes by.

 

And that Drake quote is pretty nice! Makes me feel better knowing that I was a bigger person than her for not leaving her whenever we went through a tough phase. Now she'll understand what she had and by then I intend on it being too late for her. But I will admit, it's hard getting to that point.

[the dude91]

Day 15

 

Just need to keep on going through my days... I feel the time getting closer and closer to my life changing for the better and it's too bad she wont be a part of it... But I guess that just means that when I can finally not think about her anymore that the next one will have a much better experience with me. I'm still praying she'll come back to her senses before then, but I'm no longer holding onto hope that she will. I do plan on day 45, depending how I'm feeling towards her, to initiate LC since I'll be leaving not too much longer. I'd like to see her one last time before I leave for good but I'm also not expecting to get that chance. Regardless like my father told me, "A closed mouth doesn't get fed." So I'll try my luck then and then move on completely with a new found ambition. I guess all I'll really be looking for is closure, hopefully I'll be ready for it sooner than later, but if I am ready for it before day 45 I still plan on waiting just to be sure. 30 more days to go.

[saluk]

As nice as it might be the dude to try and get closure from the ex, real closure can only come when YOU choose to close that door.

[Bootlickr]

Today marks one week.

I almost broke down and texted him, but I just turned my phone off and concentrated on my exams.

Whenever I got stressed about things, talking to him always made it better. However, now that I'm finished with final exams, I am stress free for the whole summer.

I think the next coming weeks will be easier.

[saluk]

Day 5

Another day of counseling, it helps so much. I also talked to a friend and went over the whole relationship with him. He hadn't realized we had broken up, which was kind of funny. But he hadn't realized when we had started dating either. Even though it's over, I'm really glad I had such a great relationship with a wonderful woman. I want her back, but I wouldn't trade those 5 short but bright months for anything. I am pretty sure I felt better today than any other day since BU. There were moments that I smiled unironically! I think I may have actually had a few brief moments of some kind of happiness.

 

I wonder if NC is broken though. She commented on a friends post on FB, and when I went to comment on the same post, I accidentally liked her comment. Whoops! I'm not counting it because it was an accident. If she reads stuff into it that's on her, just like pretty much everything else is on her right now. I'm not going to count it.

[lanaa]

Day 7 for me,i feel better now and i hope this is going to continue,although i know i sometimes feel good sometimes bad .Probably it is the exam and all,i just have no time to think about him,But at least from now on i know what to do to feel good,,,stay busy and take care about my self

[flatplane]

Day 16 NIC, Day 1 NC.

 

Why does she keep finding reasons to text me?

 

Her contact is always by text, I assume so her new BF doesn't see it.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 21 - 3 weeks today!!! Feeling really good, as lanaa says living a healthy lifestyle really helps! My exam is tomorrow but the reality hasn't quite set in yet....nervous but...hmm will probably happen tomorrow! Hoping I don't bump in to him on campus I'm doing so well! I feel perfectly ok with not having him in my life. It's sad but I guess it was meant to happen! Who will be coming in to my life next haha

[flatplane]

Which uni are you at again?

[lonelyheart2]

Royal Holloway

[HopefulNessie]

Day 29

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I hope today will be better.

I am not in the mood for work. At least it's Thursday. One more day and then the weekend.

I feel like I relived some of the first stages of the break up yesterday. In the mornig i looked at the clock and knew he was getting up around that time. I wondered what he was doing. Was he working that day? Going to the gym? How is the puppy? How big must she have gotten by now? Etc. it was terrible.

I've cried almost daily for the last two months. I think the longest I've gone without crying and with having good days was 3 consecutive days. It's like some type of cruel irony. I should be so happy right now. I joined an exercise class and got a new gym membership and have been using the treadmill at home. I lost 10 pounds (my goal weight), I made a huge dietary decision and after 7 years of being vegetarian I started eating seafood again and instead of feeling guilty I felt sooo liberated by it. I've leaned new recipes from my home country, I just put in my graduation application and after nearly 6 years I am about to finish university and I got some very good news from my school counselor on Tuesday about my academic requirement until graduation. I realized how many people care and are there for me during hard times. Things are better at home with my parents than they've been in a long time. Things are good at work (although I can't wait to quit as soon as I finish school and move on to something better). I've had fun since the break up, I've tried new foods, done fund things with friends and family. I learned A LOT about myself and who I wanna be. I've made time for my hobbies that I've neglected. I've been practicing my native language and made improvements in it. Etc. I should be SO happy. But I'm not. Everything is overshadowed by the loss I feel. Nothing is ever right. Every moment is bitter sweet. I am happy and have fun, BUT he is always in the back of my head. I always long to share everything with him. I feel like I lost the perfect future. We talked about having kids, what to name them, etc. he would have been such a great dad. No matter how good things are, it pales in comparison to the life we planned together. When will I ever get over this?! When will I ever stop comparing every single guy I meet to him?! When will I stop longing and hoping for the future that I lost with him?!

Honestly, I'd rather live through a war than ever experience this again.

I don't understand how we went from beig the dream team and planning our lives together to him saying his feelings aren't the same and leaving me.

I was so angry at myself yesterday. So pissed that I was too naive and in love to see the warning signs and too naive not to fix things before it was too late. I will regret this forever. I will always think of what could have been.

[patterned]

Day 12. Some times of the day are extremely challenging, other times I am great. I'm learning a lot about myself and the MANY mistakes I made. She's off doing her thing, and I still lover her. This cycle has been a regular pattern in our relationship. This may be the last time in that it doesn't pick up again, I don't know, but I'm learning about it now.

 

I don't want to have hope, because I want to move on. I know from experience that my hopes will make me wait. I've done that before, I would have been better off moving on and then coming back again if the situation changes.

 

I wish we would have worked through these issues together before the split, but as it was there was no way I could compete with the other things going on. It also took the split for me to have this clarity. Now it's out of my hands.

 

I'm not sure what to do about the contacts that need to happen now, but I'd hate to break NC for that business.