THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[flatplane]

Back to day 0 for me.

 

She sent me a text asking how I was and she wanted to tell me herself that she's started seeing another guy rather than me hearing it from someone else.

 

I said I already knew, and asked how she was. She then text back saying she's fine, she just wanted to check how I felt about it, and she wants to stay in touch. Haven't replied yet. Not sure if I'm going to. I would like to stay in touch, but I don't want to end up on the back burner.

[lolitalempicka]

Day 9.

 

It gets easier and easier everyday.

 

I'm starting to realize that relationship with him was true torture towards the end. Giving so much, getting so less from him.

[tily]

Day 1...I hope I can keep this up for the next two weeks...

[WalterWhite]

DAY 2 continued...

 

I have to say, even though it's only been two days, this site has helped me a lot! I thought today I might send an email, but I thought about all the stuff I've read on here, and I managed. The best thing for me is to just get away from whatever communication device I happen to be contemplating...usually the computer and email for me.

[TangySour]

DAY 1 Broke up 1 month ago

 

I had broke NC earlier today because I found out her brother was in the hospital. Not sure for what but it sounded kind of serious. Texted a "hope he is well" text and said I'd be here if she needed to talk or vent her stress. I know she is stressed this week especially because of her school conferences. She had been stressing about them for months.

 

I had been breaking NC fairly consistantly. I would say every 4-7 days thus far. Only because I actually am aware of the changes in the relationship and how I moved away from what she found attractive and I just kept wanting to prove to her things will be different... Sure I have only really texted her 2-3 times this month and seen her a few times (1 accidental run in at the mall, once for her to get her * * * * from my house and my stuff at hers, and once when I went over to rip her up cuz I had to much pent up anger.) but it is most likely too much. As for the pent up anger, I think she saw me in a different light after that. I was honest and I spoke my mind and I ripped her up...

 

I was doing good so far and felt good about my progress and realizations about us. But then I randomly completely broke down at my buddies house today. Was watching some comedy show and there was a big scene about cancer and the guy was so emotional and stuff. Reminded me of my ex and I. We had quite a big scare about cancer a while back and it was a very emotional time for us. I stuck by her side no matter what happened. She really leaned on me for this and I was there the whole way. She is due for a follow up soon and I just cannot bear the fact that I will not be there to hold her whether things improved or not. I broke down so bad I thought I was going to drown in my tears...

 

As far as NC goes, it was probably a good idea I sent the text (IMO), but I realize now why she did not reply. She had always replied to my texts after breakup. She is almost done school. It is a very important part of her life. Aside from me working on myself, I think this NC challenge will also serve as a way to really give my ex some space. She needs it to finish school. She is in no position to even really consider getting back with me even if she wanted. It now makes sense why when we went for coffee, she said "we'll see how things go in a couple of months"... So NC it is.... Day 1!

[imagentleman]

Hi everyone I'm new here so I'm currently on day 6 of NC I was dating a co worker who claimed she was my girlfriend about 7 months ago it only lasted a month we had a great 1 date at Disneyland a day I will never forget it was my first real date and about 6 months ago thats when she stopped talking to me and since then I've been needy and clingy.

 

I still don't know why she changed to this day and every time I ask her if she would ever wanna be my girlfriend she keeps saying "Time will tell".

 

I'm glad I found this forum hopefully I can continue NC and hope that she misses me like she used to.

[lonelyheart2]

Well I'm on DAY 3 but I kind of want to count from DAY 11 seeing as the last time wasn't actually me breaking nc....I just wish I could get to at least 40 days because then I might actually get it in to my head that we are over....I don't understand the breadcrumbs I can't honestly believe that an ex would just send out random messages just for an ego boost...I don't know that seems just too cruel. I think my ex would like to be friends but I'm not ready for that and maybe I've been giving out signals I am by replying to his 'breadcrumbs' So I'm hoping for my sake he can at least give me a couple of months without sending me anything because I think by then I'll be over it.

[xcrunner]

Back to day 0 for me.

 

She sent me a text asking how I was and she wanted to tell me herself that she's started seeing another guy rather than me hearing it from someone else.

 

I said I already knew, and asked how she was. She then text back saying she's fine, she just wanted to check how I felt about it, and she wants to stay in touch. Haven't replied yet. Not sure if I'm going to. I would like to stay in touch, but I don't want to end up on the back burner.

 

She has some real nerve there man. "Wanted to check how (you) felt about it"? Hmm, keep your dignity and don't stay in touch.

 

Day 1...I hope I can keep this up for the next two weeks...

 

Tily, you've made a good choice with productive NC. It gets easier after the first week. Focus on 7 days and then go from there.

 

DAY 2 continued...

 

I have to say, even though it's only been two days, this site has helped me a lot! I thought today I might send an email, but I thought about all the stuff I've read on here, and I managed. The best thing for me is to just get away from whatever communication device I happen to be contemplating...usually the computer and email for me.

 

Keep reading. I'll recommend a book too- "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. It will give you a lot of perspective on what you're feeling (physically and psychologically), as well as exercises to think about which aid your healing process.

 

As hard as it can be at times early on, resist all communication with your ex. That's true NC. Nothing they say or do right now will help you. It will only set you back or keep you in limbo. NO texting, e-mail, phone calls, checking social networking (facebook, twitter, myspace, etc.), and no asking friends about how they are or what they've been up to. You have to help yourself out a little bit by limiting the onslaught of "thinking" to PAST memories, instead of immediate stuff from someone who chose to no longer be a part of your life.

 

Once you limit your thoughts to shards of the past, they slowly fade away with time. You just say, it doesn't matter anymore, or you just get tired of thinking about them. All we have is the moment; try to keep your thoughts on that, even if for a few minutes at a time in the beginning.

 

MissyD it's a lot better if they don't contact you actually! I am now back on DAY 2 because of breadcrumbs....

 

No worries, Lonelyheart. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and keep moving forward.

[j1979]

Day 4

 

I'd be interested to see who else is doing this with a child involved. But Friday or Saturday is the day that my uncle will be dropping him off to her and than he will pick him up the next Friday where I will get him a whole week. This should be really easy.

 

Outside of an emergency, there is no reason why I should ever have to hear from her or have any idea what she is doing with her life.

[Fanamir]

Day 1 again...

 

I've gone several times of NC the longest has been 8 days. Breakup a lil over 2 months ago. Just having a hard day today so I felt like posting on here.

[brandnewday47]

Day 23 - ex gf

Day 4 - ex-friend (her new bf)

 

Though it's been a little over 2.5 months since the break up, this week was monumentally difficult. Having to deal with the news that a mutual friend - who I've been close buddies with for 8 years or so - dating her as of a month ago burns me hard. Telling me a month after the fact... just totally disrespectful.

[WalterWhite]

DAY 0

 

I appreciate your response, xcrunner. Unfortunately, today, I broke down and emailed her. I was doing so well. The last time I emailed her, I had said some things that I wanted to apologize for. So that's what I emailed about today. As I suspected, she did not respond. But, it was something I wanted to get off my chest, so I'm not beating myself up too badly about it.

 

That being said, I am going BACK to NC immediately. I was feeling good about things, feeling stronger about the whole situation, then the emotions came back when I sent that email. Next time I get the urge, I'll be coming here to post instead of opening up Gmail!!

[TangySour]

DAY 2

 

I am doing better than I did yesterday. I still can't believe I broke down so bad last night... Today I felt a lot more confident. I was OK even playing some of the games and doing some of the things we did together, on my own.

However, I am feeling a slight decline in my mood as I am typing this message. I know it is my mind playing tricks on me. I am currently writing out on Word exactly what happened in my relationship, why she jumped ship, and how it really is my doing. No I am not taking blame for EVERYTHING but I am owning up to the mistakes I made and owning up to the person I have become, which isn't who I am. Why am I writing this? It is the first step to a possible reconciliation. I am staying positive, staying strong. Worst that can happen is she says *^*(^& you. Which is fine. It will be complete closure and I will disappear from her life. As I finish writing my Word document, it will give me the mental capacity and the general idea of what I have to say to her next we meet. This NC is going to be cut really short because her mail still comes to my place, and she still has stuff to take that belongs to hers. I also want my Nintendo DS back from her place. At least all our meetings thus far are friendly... If anyone wants to read my Word document, I will gladly share it. Might get me some opinions on what my chances are lol

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 4...I've eaten too much and feel a bit ill and possibly a bit lonely right now...probably not because of him..I don't know eugh I hate him

[TangySour]

DAY 0 (Depends if I run into her I guess)

I have decided to break my 2 day streak (yea sad right?) Her brother is not doing good at the hospital. I have to go and see what is happening.

Her brother is the only family she has close to her that has not "ditched" her. Not going to get into details. Aside from that, she only has a couple of friends to rely on.

I feel it is the right thing to do and go and visit. As a friend. I know she would want a hug and someone to hold her through all this...

Nobody should have to deal with this level of stress alone. Her schooling is already killing her. Adding this in is just overboard now.

[NANNYSTUDENT]

Just starting to go cold NC. We lived together for 3+ years, dated for 4, and been invovled with eachother for 9. Started the break up with "I need space". Figured out he is "interested" in someone who is still in high school. He then tried to flip the situation on me because I had hung out with one of his friends simply to get answers because he had requested space and I was trying to give it to him. Then that escalated into turning my cell phone off and wanting to take my name off the lease. Things just to try to hurt me. All of this was proceeded by two months of "I still love you" "This isn't permanent" "Don't give up on me" and tears and what not.

I had done really well with NC until I found about him being interested in a senior in high school- whom is 7 years younger than we are. We have a long history together.... went to high school together, dated there first, broke up, got back together when I was in college, I moved back to live with him for three years, we did ring shopping, cruises together, housing plans, etc etc. Now I just feel like I don't know who he is anymore.... like he is going through some mid-life (early) crisis. He admitted to being scared about getting married and that he just wasn't ready for that..... so my only assumption is that he is not running but sprinting in the other direction. I know that only I can make the change right now and it is for that reason that I finally wrote him a 4 page letter explaining that this had ended somewhere that I never signed up for and that for me I cannot be friends and was acknowledging the fact that he was out of my life for this point in time. Future will be future. But for right now it is what it is. And that is something that took me two months, anxiety/meds,packs of cigarettes, and counseling to arrive at. I have decided that only I am accountable for my mental physical and emotional health. I am on official 3 days of NC. I even changed my cell phone number when he was hell bent on turning off my phone (which was 2 weeks ago and it is still on...). I plan on sticking to this NC and am even considering moving to LA for the summer (since we live in the same town and have pretty much all the same friends). I agree with others on here that sticking around makes it easier for them to rebound because they think they can have their cake and eat it too. He even lied about this girl until the evidence I had accumulated was too much to deny, and he quote told me he had gone out of his way to "hide her."

 

Point being: Day 3 of NC.

And also, I love reading everything on here.... it really is helpful!

 

Finally one last question: Does going full NC after 2 mos. of limited contact still "work" (not in the sense of getting yourself back on track- I understand that and am working on that dept) I mean does it impact at all after that window?

 

Best wishes to everyone!

[diariescs]

Nannystudent:

 

I think, even now, there is debate on the whole NC-8wks theory, so I wouldn't even give it any thought in terms of "working". Just go day-by-day, incident-by-incident, and make sure your actions are not impulsive reactions. I hear a lot of my relationship/breakup in your story, including the whole phone/lease scenario and how we're feeling now (we love them, but we're not waiting around, dammit! I think we both know his little rebound is going to come crashing down at some point. Keep it up, and if you ever need a sounding board or a support-buddy, drop me a PM. I can relate so much, it's almost eerie. Also, love your signature.

[lolitalempicka]

Day 11

 

Emotions are less intense, but I simply feel awkward without hearing from him.

 

And I wonder, will he ever contact me again? This is far away the longest period that two of us ever have not spoken.

[blueplanet22]

About three and a half weeks. Its a breeze. I hate his guts.

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 5 chances of me breaking nc is very slim, I would say chances of him breaking nc but...he keeps proving me wrong with seriously pointless breadcrumbs. I'm still hoping that one day he'll decide to tell me that he misses me etc but gradually as nc goes on I know that this is not going to happen.

[einsteins_girl]

39 days NC. Almost to 40. What's so weird is that, after my constant desperation with you during times of trouble, I have had no real desire to break NC this time. I bet neither of us ever thought that would happen.

[missyD]

Day 7 once again. It's my second time making it this far. I'm hoping I can double it without too much stress I miss him

[Melting]

Day 1 again

 

He contacted me yesterday, told me he loved me, but it would be unfair on us both if we got close. He has deceided to move overseas.

 

Just another bombshell on my heart. I now have to look at him every day, talk to him about work for a year and then he will have disappeared from my life forever.

[Cicero]

Day 0

 

My girlfriend of over 3 and 1/2 years broke up with me a week ago. Since then we have talked almost daily, seen each other a few times, and been in a completely unbalanced relationship-as-friends. She makes comments about how hard of a time she's having, and how there's hope still while at the same time emphasizing how 'real' the separation is. Well, today after having her tell me that this week has sucked and she "misses her best friend" I decided that I cannot, and am not willing to proceed on these terms. I'm moving on unless she comes to me with a desire to reconcile and is able to make me believe I can trust her.

 

Sorry, I'm not really sure how much detail I'm supposed to give.

[lonelyheart2]

O Melting! That's tough My ex also is going overseas That's a whole year though...maybe he will change his mind? Hope you are doing ok, was him saying the 'I love you's' out of the blue? Kind unfair of him to say that and then say you can't be together though