Cicero

Day 1 Again... After 6 days of NC I unblocked her on IM. I saw she wasn't online, and for some reason couldn't bring myself to block her again. Later that night I saw her online and I talked to her for no good reason. She was understandably confused. Apparently thought I never wanted to see her again, and has deleted my number from her phone to respect my wishes of her not contacting me. I feel like a jerk for selfishly making this more difficult for her, and also hurting my own progress. It brought a terrible and intimate dream in it's wake that left me near panic when I woke. I feel weak.

Day 0 My girlfriend of over 3 and 1/2 years broke up with me a week ago. Since then we have talked almost daily, seen each other a few times, and been in a completely unbalanced relationship-as-friends. She makes comments about how hard of a time she's having, and how there's hope still while at the same time emphasizing how 'real' the separation is. Well, today after having her tell me that this week has sucked and she "misses her best friend" I decided that I cannot, and am not willing to proceed on these terms. I'm moving on unless she comes to me with a desire to reconcile and is able to make me believe I can trust her. Sorry, I'm not really sure how much detail I'm supposed to give.