THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Muzatsu]

broke NC after 6 1/2 days, all I got was a 'sup' back.

 

Back to NC.

[northpickle]

Day 15

I went out last night with friends and I didn't last long before I came back home, I got really really upset. I'm trying my hardest, I truly am, but I just feel empty and so sad when I go out because you're not there with me and I don't know where you are, which is still an alien concept to me. I really don't want to feel this way any more. I woke up this morning and cried for nearly an hour solid because the world as I knew it has been ripped apart and life without you in it is just not the same. When will I start feeling better? The strange thing is, I wouldn't take you back right now, even if you asked me, not that you would. But why am I still so full of pain?

 

You catapulted into my life and ripped it apart, and now you're so so cold. Like you've turned me off like a tap in your life when I KNOW you still have feelings for me, you admitted that. I'm a distraught mess this morning, I'll pick myself up and be OK, but if curling up and hiding from the world was an option, I would probably go for that right now.

 

When I was upset last night I unfriended on FB the girl who stayed at your house for two weeks just before we split up, she's suddenly become very evasive and short with me, not replying to messages, completely out of character and I haven't done anything to upset her. She posted some stupid happy status when her last message to me was full of woe. Might be petty but my intuition is screaming at me that something isn't quite right between you and her, I was an emotional wreck and unfriended her. Not sure what the fall-out of that will be but what's done is done. I feel silly now but I wasn't in a good place last night. Not my best idea when I was trying to play it cool and like I wasn't hurting to her. Dammit

[jeepman41]

Day 10

Feels like I'm back at Day 1. I'm angry and hurt all over again. Mostly I just feel ashamed and embarrassed that I allowed myself to believe he loved me as well. It makes it very hard to trust someone, even myself. I just don't know what I did to become so unworthy. It really sucks.

 

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's alright to feel shame or embarrassment but unworthy? I think not. Your self worth should not be tied into whether someone loves and accepts you. Remember that you were a genuine and whole person before you met. So what's changed? Nothing but your perception. You were fine before you met them and you will be fine now that they are gone.

[jeepman41]

I know it sounds cliche but the only thing that going to help is time and separation. It's OK to feel what you are feeling. The breakup is not that long ago and you are still going through the stages of grief. It is normal but it will get better. Just stay focused on yourself. You are the only person who can control what happens to you.

[northpickle]

I know it sounds cliche but the only thing that going to help is time and separation. It's OK to feel what you are feeling. The breakup is not that long ago and you are still going through the stages of grief. It is normal but it will get better. Just stay focused on yourself. You are the only person who can control what happens to you.

 

Thanks jeepman. I know, I just feel really down today, I think it's because it's the weekend. I know healing isn't linear but I'm tired of going round and round in circles on a weekly basis. If I could erase the weekend, I would! That was kind of my thinking behind defriending this girl, "it's about me, who cares what she thinks!" - but I just feel a bit petty. I think, from what she has said, that she's had a fight with my ex but didn't actually name him. I assume, knowing her, that she's tried to come on to him and he's rejected her. I'm not sure of course, but she's gone from being really chatty and friendly with me to basically avoiding me. I'm trying not to care and think about it too much, but it was hurting me.

[jeepman41]

Thanks jeepman. I know, I just feel really down today, I think it's because it's the weekend. I know healing isn't linear but I'm tired of going round and round in circles on a weekly basis. If I could erase the weekend, I would! That was kind of my thinking behind defriending this girl, "it's about me, who cares what she thinks!" - but I just feel a bit petty. I think, from what she has said, that she's had a fight with my ex but didn't actually name him. I assume, knowing her, that she's tried to come on to him and he's rejected her. I'm not sure of course, but she's gone from being really chatty and friendly with me to basically avoiding me. I'm trying not to care and think about it too much, but it was hurting me.

 

 

It's just going to take time. I know sometimes when we are alone our minds lead us back to things that happened in a relationship because they have become a part of who we are. It is about you and your healing. Do whatever it takes. I know they advise you to go out and be with friends but sometimes that doesn't work either.

[lonelyheart2]

day 21 - slow realisation that he doesn't care anymore...

[BlueRose66]

Its been pretty hard because I feel so lonely. There was a lot that was good, but there the things that werent broke it. I havent been able to get into my new life quite yet, but I am trying.

 

Last date of contact was October 8th when I returned her things.

[loulou37]

day 21 - slow realisation that he doesn't care anymore...

 

I'm there with ya hun.

 

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

loulou x

[meowmix88]

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's alright to feel shame or embarrassment but unworthy? I think not. Your self worth should not be tied into whether someone loves and accepts you. Remember that you were a genuine and whole person before you met. So what's changed? Nothing but your perception. You were fine before you met them and you will be fine now that they are gone.

 

Yes, I understand what you're saying. What I meant though was that I don't know what I did to become unworthy of love from him. *shrug* I guess it does not matter the why but what matters is that it's over and I just have to accept it. Knowing why does not change anything.

[jeepman41]

Day 8 is over

 

I feel much better but I did a bad thing tonight... twice! I got out with friends and I was passing by his neightbourhood by car. So I drove outside his house to see if his car was there, it was. So were the lights in his house and his bedroom (he lives with his family). And I did the same thing 2-3 hours later on my way home. I did the same yesterday, so embarassing...

So, it was Friday and Saturday night and he stayed in, he never wanted that. Maybe he was serious about being alone, staying at home and do his stuff.

I don't know if it makes me feel better that he chose the 'nothing' over me...

 

I'm never doing this again, it was risky, I might have seen him with another girl and I am not ready for that...

 

 

 

You realized that what you are doing is borderline stalking. NC means no contact and that includes driving by their house or place of work.

[sb422]

I'm technically on day 6 since the last time I texted her was last Monday, after we broke up 2.5 months ago and she's now with another guy (just as background for you guys). But since I looked at her facebook today I'm going to start it at day 1 today. Wish me luck!

[meowmix88]

Today was a bit easier. It's funny how some days I can go without thinking about him and other days (like today) I really want to contact him. But I didn't and that's progress.

 

No word from him either, if you're wondering...

[HoliPoli]

I know how most of you are feeling and it's best compared to being stuck in a nightmare. I too was "dumped" 2 weeks ago after a year and a half by the man I previously considered the love of my life (we're in our late 20's). We've been in contact a few times and all of that was due to me contacting him- it was all over the place. The main thing is that I DON'T WANT HIM BACK. Mostly I'm not sure what I want at this stage, but I THINK I don't want him back because he really wasn't that good of a boyfriend. I think I mostly mourn the loss of the best friend that he was to me. We were friends for a long time before we got together and I would be fine being that way again, but he insists on treating me like an ex. So be it. I cut all contact, removed him from everything, made a list to keep me busy - just spent 2 painful days painting the bedroom etc etc. I wish he could act like a grown up about this so I don't have play the NC game just to gain a friendship back that I feel to me is worth it or at least better explore the possibility of a friendship again....... So this is actually day 2 of NC because I started it again yesterday. I had been averaging 3 days, but no more. And after 2 weeks today was literally the worst day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Good luck to all of you. My only advice is to really think about what you want. If your guy or girl ever treated you badly -even if they apologized please don't ever take them back. Your worth so much more!

[northpickle]

Day 16

Today, I think I'm going to be OK. I have things to do and just trying to build up the motivation to do them. I completely lost my motivation when we split up and bit by bit I'm picking up the pieces. Some friends and family are worried about me, I think they think I should be over you by now! I sometimes think that myself! But as best as I've tried to shield my pain from most people (apart from the first few weeks) certain people close to me know I'm still not myself yet.

 

The not contacting you part is easy now, I suppose after the periods of LC (or whatever you want to call it) I know now that it was just prolonging the pain, seeing that you still wanted me in your life but not as your lover any more. It was like rubbing salt in a very painful wound. Sorry sweetheart, but I just couldn't do it.

[AnnaN]

Day 10

 

Today I will go back to Day 1 and start from the beginning as I will contact to wish happy birthday. I haven't decided yet if it will be a text or a call. I know it will be something simple.

Although what I want to tell him is "Today I have the day off as you asked me to in order to spend the whole day together celebrating your birthday. You had made plans, remember? You celebrated the last 4 birthdays with me, not this time... Last year, this day we took a weekend trip, just the two of us, at a small house on a mountain, you said it was the best birthday of your life. I wish you remember that,too, today when we are not together. I want you to be happy, and I wish that no one will break your heart or make you feel the way you made feel. I love you and I hate myself because of this."

 

I won't say any of these of course. It's a difficult day, I feel so bad, it had been a week since I last cried and now I am crying all the time...

[HoliPoli]

Best wishes to you Anna.

 

Mine also has a birthday coming up in less than a month and to me that day is the most powerful day of NC at all. They EXPECT us to fuss over them and when we don't it makes them think about us even more and wonder why we're not fussing like they just knew we would. Remember for those using NC as a way to "get back" with their exes. It sends them a message that we're moving on (even if we're not.) We're taking control and pushing them away. Guys want what they can't have most times.

 

Stay strong.

[HoliPoli]

So last night as I was attempting to fall asleep I started thinking about how much my recent ex disgusts me. The way he acted and what he said, the things he blamed me for and how much he didn't try and also about how he's probably carrying on at that moment like he didn't have a care in the world. I wanted so badly to get out of bed and grab my phone to text him just how much he disgusted me. I even got as far as sitting up on the edge of the bed but stopped myself. I realize he doesn't care that he disgusts me and by telling him so in a text would prompt further ignoring on his part and also give him a good laugh that I couldn't control my emotions just like accused me. I realize what I think of him isn't his business. Yes he disgusts me and if he ever made contact I think I would tell him so and move on, but for now I'll just use the anger as fuel to not contact. If I make it through today it will be the longest since the BU.

[Cityslick]

DAY 19

 

BU- Sept 16

New b/f - Sept 25

Last contact - Oct 26

 

All I can think about is you and how you left me for someone else that was more convienient

Everytime I see a couple now all I can think is "that's not gonna last"

Probably will be single for a loooooong time...for now that's a good thing

Sorry mom and dad, no grandkids for you

Never want to be in this situation ever again

Wonder whats the average amount of people that someone dates before they find "the one"

Full of revenge still...tryin to stay positive but really, I hope he cheats on you, maybe then you'll realize you're happiness shouldn't depend on men or on the attention that they give you

One day, your pretty looks will fade and then what?

I still love you but I still hate you

God help me.

 

 

P.S.

Just realized that I'm over halfway to 30 days!

Don't think it makes much of a difference though...

60 day challenge anyone???

[AnnaN]

Back to Day 1 again

 

WARNING

I was never sure about NC but I am now... I just did it because everyone recommends and decided to do nothing till I have a plan to get him back.

Don't contact them. For your own's sake. Learn from others' mistakes, it is not necessary to make it, too.

I am a mess and desperate like day 1 of BU.

I texted him a simple Happy birthday text, I didn't want to hear his voice or talk to him, so I texted expecting no more than a simple Thank you text.

But, he called me the very next second... and I had to talk to him, calmly like nothing has happened, like getting him back is not the only thing I want right now, like I am not desperate, needy etc... He also said he was expecting my wishes because we mean a lot to each other, we had a nice relationship and a civilized and friendly break up. He said that I was late, too (it was 6pm). (!)

 

He was at work, but he had his phone and he actually used it, two rare things... that's why I chose to text him that hour because I knew he would be busy without his phone. But anyway... We had a brief convo of a couple of minutes, he asked me about job, studies etc, I acted like everything is fine, I am busy etc.

 

And now, I lost everything I gained the last days that I was not that stressed and could think and act almost like a normal person.

 

Now I am thinking of the conversation, analysing it, thinking of what I could say differently, if it was a good idea to pretend I am fine instead of starting crying and begging him...

 

Back to challenge!

[meowmix88]

Day 13

 

All the panic is back. Feels like Day 1 again. I have not contacted him because I'm sure I'd feel worse if he does not pick up or if he does not sound happy to hear from me. I'm not willing to take that chance. I'm laying low from my friends for while too as I'm way too ashamed to face them right now. Maybe after New Years I will start socializing again, but I just can't right now.

[HoliPoli]

I know what you're feeling. Today was my most anxious/panicky day yet. All these mood swings make me feel crazy and I for one HATE feeling crazy like I have no control over my feelings, life or anything. No one should have that hold over us.

 

One book that I found helpful and maybe you will too is called "The Rules". It's not very long but it is filled with amazing info that works. Now if only I had followed The Rules I wouldn't be in this situation.

[playstheblues]

We've been broken up for 3 months - and I am only just gaining the strength to start NIC. We had to sort a lot of stuff out like the sale of our property etc and now there are no reasons left to contact. We have been having cordial contact, in fact he acts like nothing has changed and still uses pet names for me and jokes about but he he not made any inroads to getting back together. He was very depressed and made the decision to break up overnight (literally- from his own words) and he were planning a wedding and had been together for almost ten years. We otherwise had a pretty solid relationship. I have moved out of the city we lived in to stay with my brother. When I left he sort of insinuated that he needed to get himself together so we could get back together, but has made no attempt to get back together. He didn't know whether he wanted to reconcile or not because he was too depressed to know what was going on in his own mind. Even though he has been suffering from depression and his meds are only just beginning to work, I think any further contact is killing me, so I've decided to go NIC hoping it is the right choice. Obviously, I still want this man to come back, but either way, I need to do something to help myself.

 

Day 2 of NIC and I'm already dying. Hopefully, I can get some strength from somewhere.

[HoliPoli]

I wish you the best playstheblues.

 

Not always does taking a step back mean you have to give up the love you're fighting for.

 

His meds are starting to work - GREAT!

 

Give him time on his own to work out his issues without you. I know you want to be there for him, but he HAS to stand on his own feet before you two can stand together if that's what's meant to be. 10 years is ALOT of time to invest and maybe the odds will be in your favor when he's on the right track with himself.

[HoliPoli]

Isn't it easy to be sucked into breakup depression? I'm guilty of it myself. I know I shouldn't dwell or be sad, but it's just so hard not to! I want to be sad, I want to cry, I want him to come crawling back in an Oscar winning manner you could only see in a Hollywood movie. I want him to realize I was the complete love of his life and he wants to change his world just to be together and make pretty babies forever and ever.

 

Once I fantasize it I think about what I need to be to make that happen.

 

I NEED TO BE WORTH IT. In order to be worth it I must act like I'm worth it and I must believe I'm worth it. I must be worth it!

 

There's a 99.9% chance I'm not going to get the comeback of a lifetime here, but I don't want one because he never treated me like I was worth it and after all I'M WORTH IT!

 

Find the strength to tell yourself that you're worth it. Don't ever accept less than you deserve. He was less than I deserved and there's no way I would ever take him back regardless of how much I ever loved him.