THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[thelastsong]

Day 1 again. I sent an email telling him that we can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. No reply.

 

It's really hitting me that he really doesn't care anymore and that I'll never talk to him again. I miss him so much. This is so hard. I want him back so bad, but I know it's completely hopeless.

[lonelyheart2]

Day 3 just found out he asked my friend if he could go visit her in luxembourg. We were supposed to go on that trip together she doesn't want to see him because she's angry with what he did...I'm kind of hoping she does though and she tells him what a complete idiot he's being and that someway somehow that will change his mind and make him want me back..............................still clutching at straws

[jeepman41]

Day 1 again. I sent an email telling him that we can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. No reply.

 

It's really hitting me that he really doesn't care anymore and that I'll never talk to him again. I miss him so much. This is so hard. I want him back so bad, but I know it's completely hopeless.

 

 

It is hard when the breakup is fresh when you come to the realization that someone you loved and cared for can become so cold and distant as if they were another person. But apparently his mind is already made up. People can be very selfish and you need to start thinking about yourself. Love yourself more.

[thelastsong]

It is hard when the breakup is fresh when you come to the realization that someone you loved and cared for can become so cold and distant as if they were another person. But apparently his mind is already made up. People can be very selfish and you need to start thinking about yourself. Love yourself more.

 

The sad thing is that this really isn't a "fresh" break up. We've been broken up for 3 months now, but I saw him for the first time since the break up yesterday. He was super friendly and acted like we had never dated or anything. He kept telling me that he considers me a friend, and it really stung.

 

I know he doesn't care that I probably will never talk to him again. After everything we've been through, he doesn't give a flip about me. I'm so jealous of all these people whose ex's call and say that they miss them, etc. Mine couldn't care less if I were dead or alive.

 

I miss him so much, but he doesn't care about me at all.

[lanaa]

for 3 months he didnt try to contact you at all?

[thelastsong]

for 3 months he didnt try to contact you at all?

 

Nope. He only contacted me when I contacted him first a month after the break up to get his new address to mail him his things. He promised to "keep in touch." Then I didn't hear from him until 2 months later, a day before I saw him. He really, truly does not care about me anymore, if he ever did.

[Moonchill]

How long were you broken up and how long have you been in NC? You say you are not over him. Do you want another relationship with him or do you just want to move on? Or are you just plain curious? These are some of the question you need to ask yourself.

 

For 8 months! Ok the last 8 months we only send eachother 1 text message..

Well I thought I was over him. I moved on. Finally I started feeling good for the first time this year. Then he pops up again..

Sometimes exes are like bloodhounds.. It's like they smell from afar when you are finally moving on and feeling good again and they search you up to see if there's an open door.

I don't want to jump to conclusions.. I have no clue why he contacts me again. He only asked me if this was still my number and I confirmed.

Though the text he send before that question was complete blanc and I asked about that.

He has not answered yet. I don't think he will. It wás on a saturday night so I guess he was just drunk and there is not a lot of meaning behind it all

I have not yet added him back on Facebook.

I know I'm still not ready for that. My guess is.. he is looking for a friendship with me since he heard from his friend I am past the whole break-up..

I don't want to be friends because I don't want to devellop feelings again for a man with so called commitment fear.

[Moonchill]

I am actually quit shocked he even thinks of me. Or that he still has my number ( deleted his but recognized it anyway)..

I thought he did not think of me and was over me in a second.

This kind of proves you never know what goes on in the head of the ex.

You might think he does not give a sh*t but perhaps he might have.. back then.

[jeepman41]

I am actually quit shocked he even thinks of me. Or that he still has my number ( deleted his but recognized it anyway)..

I thought he did not think of me and was over me in a second.

This kind of proves you never know what goes on in the head of the ex.

You might think he does not give a sh*t but perhaps he might have.. back then.

 

 

Since you two are broken up, there is no need to wonder about could haves, would haves and should haves. Just accept the fact that is over for now. When a person breaks up with you they have usually emotionally distanced themselves from you days sometimes weeks before. The dumpee is usually caught off guard by this behavior. Exes can be ice cold. This is their way of trying to move on. I know it's hard whne you try to validate the relationship.

 

If you keep in NC and concentrate on your own feelings and what is best for you, you will get to feeling better in time. You need to go through this recovery period and heal yourself.

 

You seem like a genuinely nice person who just wants to be loved. The object of your affection does not feel the same about as you, as you do for them.

It will get better but you just have to give it time.

[RitaTrue]

Day 14

 

I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS!! Seems shorter than that.

 

Today, thankfully, was a good day. I wasn't thinking about the ex. When I do, I realize I think about him when I get insanely bored. Like, when I'm working and I'm waiting to help someone, then he pops to my mind. Or when I see a certain brand of chocolate that he got me before, then he comes to mind. Aside from that, I'm fine. Small steps in the right direction =]

[T413]

Day 3

 

I'm feeling a little apprehensive about whether this will work but I think I have to trust myself more. Fortunately, I have some good friends around me who are helping me.

 

The pain that I used to feel is not as strong as it once was. Time is a healer.

[Natashal]

if you are both friends on facebook do you leave them on there and just dont reply to their pm and if they write on your wall?

[Double1983]

Hello everyone,

 

New member here. Paul from the netherlands

 

My gf broke up with me 11 days ago (13th of aug.). We had a big fight night before and the next day she told me with textmessage thats it wasnt going to work, we dont belong together and she wasnt in love anymore. ( Weird thats someone can change in a day).

We had on and off contact for 6 months and a relationship for 3 months. (short i know, but it felt right). Had 1 fight and thats was the last one.

 

Well ok, i started the NC rule. I said first that i was ok with the break-up. And i stopped texting,calling and e-mailing her. That night she texted me she was sorry and didnt want to hurt me i ignored her.

Few days later i accidentally called (phone was in my jacket and i was driving, stupid me). She was working and called me a few times, i didnt respond. >> voicemail message (she told me to text here, because she wanted to know why i called). I didnt respond. BUT!!!! i have a iphone4 with "whatsapp" and later that night she used that. Now i couldnt ignore her anymore. So i told her it was not on purpose, but then she turned into a * * * * * . We had a fight and all i could think of was STUPID ME!!!! i let me emotions go..

 

I was out that night too and yes a little drunk and got emotional and texted her.. !!! STUPID ME AGAIN!!!! i felt soooo stupid the next day.. i gave her power and i was the weak person.. So again.. over to NC! Till last monday.. she send me a message on Facebook ( i already deleted her) She told me i was spotted in a bar in her town ( i live a hour away from her place) I was in panic. So i replied: i did not know i had a double she replied: now u know. Ok now i thought this is it. I need react on those messages i send earlier that week. So i wrote: Listen, those text-messages.. sorry for that. That wasnt the real me. And now that i am already busy, i want to apologize for my part in the fight we had.And the things what went wrong in the relationship. I accept your choice and i think its a good idea. she replied: it is ok ;-) I didnt reply back and i am now on my 2nd day of NC. I dont know what to do. I want her back, but u cant force someone to love u. NC for me is for healing but also a sort hope she want me back. She is sometimes a difficult person (mood changes, not only to me but friends family etc)... any advice what to do?

[Moonchill]

Natashal, you can avoid such a dilemma by simply stop being friends with your ex on fb till you are both ready to be in contact again without too much emotions

[Moonchill]

Thanks Jeepman41. I feel that I am 99% recovered and 99% over him. Just as long as he won't take advantage of that 1 % I'll be allright

[RitaTrue]

Hi Paul,

You're on the right track. Except, maybe you should go a step further.

 

-Block your ex (this will unfriend her, and make her invisible in your wall and in your friend's posts). If that's too hard....

 

-Deactivate your FB.

-Delete your ex from your messengers and email accounts

-Get rid of any momentos from your ex

 

Overall, it takes time. And you're on that path. Stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes. Your ex will keep feeding your breadcrumbs. Thats just a part of the journey. Just keep on swimming.

[DesMoines]

Hm…I'm just about to a week of NC…for the first time in the three months we've been broken up.

 

Man, guys - It really does kind of suck. I was the one who made the decision to go NC just for my own well-being. It was killing me to see his FB updates, and to see his number in my phone…so, when he told me that he didn't see us back together…I just told him I'd have to cut contact.

For now - it's doing me a world of good…but I really hate it. It's not fun, and I miss joking with him, and telling him things and stuff.

 

I'd love a little advice on this, though:

My ex is an artist, and I had asked him some time ago if I could create a dress inspired by one of his paintings - I would custom dye the garment and cut and put it together, and he would paint the actual painting onto the dress. I had been planning on wearing this dress to a wedding on October 1st…but, now that I've decided to have no contact, is there ANY way I can go about getting this dress done without doing damage to the NC I've already established?

I contemplated just leaving the stuff on his doorstep with a note, and instructions…but that seems dreadfully immature.

I really don't know - does anyone have suggestions or advice?

[asty]

I'd love a little advice on this, though:

My ex is an artist, and I had asked him some time ago if I could create a dress inspired by one of his paintings - I would custom dye the garment and cut and put it together, and he would paint the actual painting onto the dress. I had been planning on wearing this dress to a wedding on October 1st…but, now that I've decided to have no contact, is there ANY way I can go about getting this dress done without doing damage to the NC I've already established?

I contemplated just leaving the stuff on his doorstep with a note, and instructions…but that seems dreadfully immature.

I really don't know - does anyone have suggestions or advice?

 

heh...isn't it obvious that it's not worth it?

[jeepman41]

No contact means NO CONTACT. That means no email, text messaging, phone calls, listening to their voice mail message, FaceBook messages, smoke signals, homing pigeons, driving by their work place, driving by their house or "accidentally" running into them. No contact of any kind. It's all in black and white. If a woman gets pregnant, she isn't just a little pregnant, she's either pregnant or she's not. If you want to go NC in order to heal yourself it's all or nothing.

 

Anything else is just LC and it takes you a lot longer to heal. NC is not done out of hate, spite or revenge. NC is taking back control of your life. You must make a decision to love yourself and not engage in any self defeating behavior.

[jeepman41]

Thanks Jeepman41. I feel that I am 99% recovered and 99% over him. Just as long as he won't take advantage of that 1 % I'll be allright

 

 

You're welcome and glad I could help. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

[wolflovesmoon]

My actions and behaviors lead to the " Break up" she didn`t say don`t talk to me or anything, she said she does not trust me and she does not want to be in a relationship with me. she didn`t leave me just for any reason but i gave her reasons to do so.. and i am hardly trying to fix it and change. after 2 days of NC ,, we texted for a while , it was all friendly, threw few compliments now and then, and i excused to go to the gym and told her i will talk to her tomorrow.. we dated for almost 3 months.. i don`t know what else to expect but i will be patient and go slow. august 12th she told me she deep down madly in love with me and few other sweet things. i was about to ask her if she can meet me soon so we can talk but i did not. any thoughts or suggestions or questions?

[T413]

Day 4

 

I have images in my head of the last time I saw him (yes - just four days ago) when he was flirting with what I think will be his next girlfriend. I can see the way he touched her tenderly. That used to be me.

[Moonchill]

All it took was a couple of text messages and a friend request on FB anddd BOOM! I'm back again.

Ok not totally but still I feel like I've taken a step back because I replied to him. And because he got back in touch again.

Now I wonder why.. Very clever of him to send me a blanco text. Maybe he is playing a game with me?

I don't want him back on my mind! I was doing so great! I was barely thinking of him!

So this goes to show.. if you have been in NC for a long time, keep going because you don't want to have him on your mind again, believe me

[jeepman41]

All it took was a couple of text messages and a friend request on FB anddd BOOM! I'm back again.

Ok not totally but still I feel like I've taken a step back because I replied to him. And because he got back in touch again.

Now I wonder why.. Very clever of him to send me a blanco text. Maybe he is playing a game with me?

I don't want him back on my mind! I was doing so great! I was barely thinking of him!

So this goes to show.. if you have been in NC for a long time, keep going because you don't want to have him on your mind again, believe me

 

 

The only way for NC to be effective is you have to cut off all types of communicaton with your ex. That way you alleviate the temptation to be drawn back in by them using feelers or bread crumbs. Exes like to see if at times they still have emotional sway over you. Don't get caught up in playing games.

 

If your ex had any significant impact on your life you never completely forget them. You may go long periods of time without thinking about them but they will occupy space in your mind. In time that space will become less and less.

[jeepman41]

What do you feel like are the problems you need to address in order to have a better relationship?