THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[zakky]

DAY THREE

 

So, I didn't contact her yesterday and went to sleep but had more vivid dreams. She still was the first thing I thought of when I woke and I checked my phone for any texts hoping there was one when I woke up. I feel kind of empty and have this feeling in my stomach that makes me feel sick. But I feel a little calmer right now and TBH this forum has literally been a life saver and I am just taking things day by day. This weekend is gonna be tough as I am on my own all weekend (as friends are busy) and I know she is out on the town with her friends as its been arranged for ages. I'm starting to miss the contact I think and the friendship now. Maybe thats a good sign. Yesterday night I watched a Paul McKenna video about only thinking of the negative sides of her, and to be honest I realised there were some. I know (the person she is) that because I didn't respond to her message yesterday that she will not reply. I got a text this morning from my previous ex who lives in another country. I had a tough break up with her many years ago but the fact we are very good friends and I don't feel any pain with her gives me hope for this. I keep remembering that I was fine before her and so I can be fine again. I just need to keep focusing on me and my life and realising that no one person will ever 'complete you'. I hope today is okay for me and a step closer to healing.

[T413]

Keep going zakky. You're doing well.

 

NC is not easy but you're doing it so be proud of yourself.

[billybaggings]

Day 2 of no contact

 

I feel like absolute * * * * today I'm so down and depressed at work, I'm trying to keep busy but she's always on my mind I constantly think of her being with someone else

We've broken up for 3 weeks now, I done one week of no contact but text her some essay the other day to say how happy I was and that she made the right decision, which was the total oppisite of how I was feeling, she texted back being all blunt like she didn't care!

I'm fed up I know she will never get back in contact with me and that's what hurts the most, knowing she just passed her driving test aswell there's no time for her to think of me!! Its just my luck I never get anything I want in life!

[Laylan]

DAY 31NC

 

I've had no contact with my ex for 31days now. It sure is easier than day 1, 5, 10, 15 and so on but it still hurts like hell at times. I am starting to realize that he does not want me and will not come back and that sucks. Up t this point i had some kind of hope that he'd realize he made a mistake and would come back (not being able to control this feeling). I am looking to the future and waiting for the day i wake up and feel good knowing that he is not in my life anymore.

[corgidude]

Day 16

 

Broke NC slightly yesterday, only because she texted me to ask for the account info to separate our cell phones. (she's on a shared plan under my name) I emailed her back the info, and asked if I could get some boxes from her since I have to move out of my (formerly OUR) apartment at the end of the month, and told her I also found some glassware that goes to her kitchen set. (and yes, I realize seeing her to pick up boxes & give her stuff back means back to square 1 on NC) So far, NO reply. Oddly enough, I find myself kind of pissed off about that. I don't know why, but I am, and it feels... well, good. It's nice to have some other emotion toward her to latch onto, even if it's only temporary.

 

However, this morning was rough. I'm not exactly a religious person, but I've found myself praying a lot to any higher power that might be listening to help me. -Either there's nobody up there listening to me, or the answer is just a resounding "NO" with no explaination. I've teared up, choked up, and my eyes have watered slightly, but so far I haven't completely broken down and cried, so that's good. I'm also slightly embarrassed that I've probably shed more tears about this than she has... such is the life of the dumpee, I guess.

[MrD90]

I will do this but there are to things I have to met her on Tuesday to take my name off the lease and the bills and she also needs to take a pregnancy test in a week or so

[Lavender25]

I will do this but there are to things I have to met her on Tuesday to take my name off the lease and the bills and she also needs to take a pregnancy test in a week or so

 

Wow. That sounds brutal.

Stay strong.

[ClarenceRutherford]

However, this morning was rough.

 

I'm not exactly a religious person, but I've found myself praying a lot to any higher power that might be listening to help me. -

 

Either there's nobody up there listening to me, or the answer is just a resounding "NO" with no explaination.

 

I've teared up, choked up, and my eyes have watered slightly, but so far I haven't completely broken down and cried, so that's good. I'm also slightly embarrassed that I've probably shed more tears about this than she has... such is the life of the dumpee, I guess.

Am sure he hears you, corgidude. I know it feels horrible, but it could always be worse, right? You could also lose your job, your home, etc.

He may well be protecting you from even farther emotional harm.

Perhaps this is a lesson guys need to go through so we will be "toughened" for the next heartbreak, which won't feel so devastating.

 

Went through the same things you did, cried numerous tears and couldn't understand why this all happened to me when it seemed like she was "the one."

 

Felt my prayers weren't answered either, though I was a believer. So it happens to all of us. Methinks it's a part of life lessons. You can't really know joy if you haven't experienced pain, right?

[sumone]

DAY 13 & 14 so busy with work.. when I think about her now, its not for long periods of time, memories are more scattered of past good events and the person she is now. I'm happy about the thoughts of past events... and thankful I'm not with the person she is now.

 

Its the wkend, I'm catching up with some friends and resting alot otherwise, I need it... we will see how I do this time... I feel more comfortable going into it though without her.

 

I looked at her FB for a minute, but its just a lapse.. I wont do it again now I think.

I havent contacted her directly in any way and I dont plan to, she hasnt contacted me either and Im glad in many ways... no drama, no pain, I miss her voice, that loving voice... but that heart doesnt match with the voice anymore.

[zakky]

DAY FOUR - FAIL. REVERT TO DAY ONE AGAIN.

 

Okay so yesterday went okay. I went to the gym, went to see my parents, started to do a little work at home and was generally feeling not so bad. In the evening I volunteered to be in the Samaritans, something I have been interested in doing. I got up this morning, came online and read a thread that had been posted from the view of the dumper, and in it it had said that the dumper would think that the dumpee was a psycho and couldn't handle the fact they had been dumped if they go complete NC. That played on my mind as she had text me on day 2 asking if i wanted to take the spa day I had bought her instead of her. It really bothered me for some reason that someone would think I couldn't handle the situation. It just really did. I went for a really positive run and cleared my mind and felt good about myself. I am planning to go help my friend lift some bricks and build something in his garden later. So, I got back from the run and out of nowhere, BAM, I felt totally in control, totally able to handle contact my ex! So, I compiled a text reply and as i sent it changed my mind, and deleted it. Then ten mins later I compiled it again. It was only a basic reply saying to either take the gift yourself or give it away and I didn't ask anything that would warrant a reply. It was just friendly. She hasn't replied anyway and that in itself hurts. But man, that has took me back. Keep checking the phone and now i'm starting to think about initiating contact again. This weekend I am on my own as all my friends are busy so its gonna be difficult. What an idiot! It was so weird as was feeling so strong and then out of nowhere I just go and do that. PS. I had a text from my old ex girlfriend yesterday and we are speaking tonight. She is in another country and it will be nice to speak to her. Grrrr, I am so annoyed with myself after such great progress I felt in the last couple of days.

[zakky]

DAY FOUR - Following the text I sent, she didn't reply so I called and we had an okay conversation. I called later as well and asked her if she would get back together and she said no. She was flippant and cold (see my thread entitled why you need NC to protect yourself). I'm back to day one, not only on this challenge but with my feelings. Crushed and absolutely devastated. And, day one tomorrow begins. So So frustrated with my actions and progress was improving but tonight has made me even more determined to go no contact indefinitely.

[MrD90]

Wow. That sounds brutal.

Stay strong.

 

i know its my fault thou but i want her back but i guess no contact is the best

 

tomorrow i will text her this in the morning

 

i know you need space and im sorry i messed up and hope we can try this again just know i love and miss you take care and you know how to get a hold of me when you are ready

 

is that to much?

 

then it starts i will have to see her on tuesday and then on june 3rd to see if she is late besides that nothing at all

[lovelessons]

I am new here and I had no contact for 14 to 17 now, I am not sure did not keep track cause I was to ticked off. I love this person but when he told me he wanted or needed to help his son out I did not understand why because his son does not want his or my help. He is a 25 year old drunk. In any event moved in with son and another guy. about two weeks into staying there he goes cold on me. I am not stupid and I do not chase, look, inquire as to what is going on in that home. I listen to what he was not saying and I ran cold when he said he was coming home I replied what you done getting wet now you want to come home? he said no girl no tramp you are what i want and need. I did not believe him said no lets wait. that same night he moved in with a girl he had affair with some time back. Have not spoken to him since and I have been going out all the time. When his son called me to chat said something like well although you and my dad not together any more we can still be friends and started to talk of his father I cut him off by telling him of a date I had and then said good-bye. I was with this person for 8 years + and yes I want him back. But I will be dam if he thinks I am his door mat or that he can do it again. He better do some crawling to me or it will never happen cause I have a lot to offer so earn it now. What gets me the most is this, you read how people in general do not like needy people yet the person he is with is needy as hell go figure. Any one have answer to this.

[MrD90]

i love you and want to show you i can do the right things lets love again

[jakel]

2 months made it!!!!!! good bye to you !!!! kissed another girl tonight I'M freeeeeeeeeeee!

[Moonchill]

Congrets, jakel!!!

 

Just heard this song on Bones and..

It brought back so much memories of a long time ago...

Where I sang that one special song with his friends.

I really really miss the person I was back then.

 

 

But I got a hair cut and I'm working out , losing a bit of weight.

It's not all good and it's not all bad

 

But now I'm just having a tough time.

[wcl]

getting pretty difficult again.

we broke no contact last week but i started it again, its messing with my head!

i am pretty ok during the day but the mornings are terrible.

caused by the fact i have been dreaming about her. i dont normally remember my dreams much but since the split i can remember them and they are mostly about her.

last night i had a really realistic vivid one, she knocked at my door and was all friendly we hugged i let her in, and she told me since the split shes been taking lots of hard drugs and getting in a mess (she never took drugs in real life) but she was better. we talked more, then i went to make us a drink, came back and found she was upstairs on my computer looking on facebook and accusing me of seeing an ex again, and i explained its all rubbish, and she suddenly came out and said she didn't fancy me and never did! unreal for a dream the feeling i got from that was so realistic, broke my heart!

makes me wonder whats going on in my head subconsciously and what the feeling all mean for me do dream that she never ever fancied me during all the time we were together!

i cant get her out of my head this morning

[Ixtapa]

Same story all over again with a different guy. This is day 1

[deavyin]

I'm going to go for this too. Maybe this will give me some accountability.

 

My ex/coworker left me for the captain of our soccer team after we had been together for 3 months. We talked a bunch after wards via text and in person. I kept checking her Facebook page and driving by her place in the middle of the night on the weekends to see if her car would be there.

 

It's been a month since we broke up and she is officially in a relationship with the guy she left me for (it's f'd up). The last time we talked at all was via text on friday (it's now tuesday). She said some really messed up stuff about not having feelings for me and having feelings for him and blah blah. That friday was also the last day I drove by her house. Yesterday (monday) was the last day I looked at her facebook page and she had posted up pics of him at her place with the caption 'awesome boyfriend'. I have decided I need to do NC completely if i'm ever going to be able to get over this girl. I have to see her daily at work but we work in different groups so there is no reason for us to speak to one another. I can't count running into her and walking by her as contact since we don't speak, i don't make eye contact and it can't be helped.

 

I guess today is officially day 1 of NC. It's not quite that since my coworker, with best intentions, told me that the new guy posted on her fb page yesterday (mondayy) "i have an awesome girlfriend". It was something I really didn't want to hear and i asked him not to do it again.

 

So, I am going to count that as contact because, in my mind, any insight into her life at all is viewed as contact.

 

I have started NC today as of around 11:00 am. I'll start to post here at least once everyday to say how I feel.

 

As of right now i'm pretty devastated. I held onto hope for this entire month until I saw that she is already boyfriend/girlfriend with the new guy less than a month after we broke up. That killed all hope for me, set me back a long way and kick started my absolute need for PURE NC. I still really care for this girl and I want her back but I hope that will fade with time because I know that there is 0 chance she'll ever come back to me. She will be with this guy for at least 6 months and probably up to 2 years (maybe more). So, my chance at getting her back is down the drain.

 

I have decided not to mope around her at work anymore either. It's going to be a struggle to act 'ok' but i was stupidly thinking that if she sees how miserable I am it will hurt her and she'll regret what she did. After reading many posts on this forum I realize that it does the exact opposite. She will never want to get back together with me (now or in the future) if she thinks that I can't take a break up and I absolutely need her to be happy. Again though, I don't harbor any real hope that she'll ever come back to me.

 

Part of me just hopes that she sees i'm going better but still not talking to her and that irks her or hurts her in some way. She really wanted to be friends with me after the break up and says that it hurts her that we can't. I want to show her that i'm fine with out her (right now i'm not but i'll get there) and that I am a man who can survive on his own. I want her to see me laughing and joking with other coworkers and for her to know that that access is forever restricted to her.

 

Hopefully in time my laughter won't be hallow.

 

Hopefully in time my mind will stop obsessing over her and him together.

 

Hopefully in time I will be whole again.

 

it starts today.

[deff808]

Day 9 NC

 

So difficult, i can do it!

[Melting]

I spoke with you last night to get my closure.

 

I am going to be strong and leave you be, although in my heart I know that only time will take away the hope and hurt..

 

Day 1 for me....

[Ixtapa]

Broke NC to send him a text, stupid me. Oh well. Tomorrow will be day 1

[deavyin]

Day 2 Complete NC (no talking, texting, email or FB stalking)

 

The mornings are still the worst. I wake up and can vividly see her laying next to me smiling. I still get up hours too early (around 6) and there is no way i can get back to bed.

 

I haven't been able to give up this stupid hope that some day she'll come back to me. I don't know how to imagine the rest of my life without her in it.

 

I know she is with him now and has been for a month. They are already boyfriend/girlfriend. It's tough to deal with because my brain knows just how over it all is.

 

I lifted weights last night and tonight i'm going to go for a 20 mile bike ride. I've already lost 25 lbs in this last month and I have 20 lbs more to lose. I should be able to slim up to a good body in the next 2 months but it's going to take a further 2-3 months after that to get the rock hard body i'm going for (lean muscles).

 

I know I should be doing it for me but a part of me (a huge part of me) is still doing it to win her back. The guy she left me for is in amazing shape and I was horribly out of shape. People always tell me "everyone wants to be with someone who reflects their own self worth". After the break up I got tired of being overweight and decided that, if I wanted to win her back or someone as beautiful as her, I need to get myself in shape.

 

I have to accept that there are other reasons she never felt a 'spark' for me and does for this new guy who she has already fallen for.

 

People keep telling me "this new relationship won't last...it's probably already almost over". I wish that were the truth but it's not. None of these people even know the guy she left me for (i do) and they can't read her mind to see how she truly feels about him.

 

It will take 6 months - 2 years for that honeymoon period to end. At that point she has to decide if he really is long term or marriage material. Can I hold onto this hope for 6 months? I know that I shouldn't and I desperately hope that, via NC, it will slowly go away.

 

Right now it's hard for me. This girl felt like the 'one' in a way no other girl has. To have her in my life for a blissful 3 months only to lose her to another guy is so devastating. How do I accept that i'll never hold her again? Kiss her again? Make love to her again? Wake up to her again? I don't know how to do that.

 

I stopped bringing my smart phone to work because each time it blinks to let me know that I have a message I think it's from her. I know that it's not and that i'll probably never hear from her again but it's hard to not think "this distance between us is killing her...she sees the physical change in me (25 lbs is a lot of weight to lose and makes you look a lot better) and she is realizing she made a mistake in leaving me".

 

I also keep thinking "he lives 45 minutes away from her without traffic. There is no way this relationship could work since it's pretty much long distance. I live less than 10 minutes away. She'll want to be with me again...I can feel it".

 

She was so wishy washy at first. Giving me false hope. I keep trying to read into what she said and to look at it from the female dumper position. She told me she doesn't want to give me hope because this has hurt us so much. She said that her brain says no but she is battling her heart. I keep telling myself "she still has feelings for me but for whatever reason felt a spark with this guy. This isn't easy for her and she has doubts about whether she has made the right decision or not. This is why she jumped so fast into a full on relationship with this guy. She'll realize he isn't the one for her and she'll remember all the good times we had together in the 3 months we were with one another. She'll see that we never fought and were both very loving to one another. She said i'm the model of the perfect boyfriend. When I lose weight and get into good shape she'll see that I am someone she would be proud to have on her arm."

 

I hope I can make it through today. I am giving myself 2 months of complete NC. If she texts me for whatever reason (she won't) I need to be strong and ignore it. I have to fight these feelings that, the longer we don't speak, the easier it is for her to forget me.

 

I'd have less hope if she didn't work with me. Out of sight out of mind completely. It would work for both of us. I keep this hope because I see her everyday and think "she sees me changing for the better. I'm getting more attractive and I know she still cares for me and has to be hurting because we are no longer talking. When she realizes this guy isn't right for her she will start to see me in a different light and being around me at work, but not being with me, will start to nag at her".

 

I'm a fool. I never want to fall in love again.

[deavyin]

Day 6 without a single text, email or face-to-face talk.

 

Feel like crap. Still waking up at 6 in the morning with horrible dread thinking to myself "this can't be real...this didn't really happen again?!". Been trying to focus more on work and not talk about it as much as before. It's difficult but I know my friends and family are tired of hearing about a girl I only dated for 3 months. I wish I didn't have these feelings for her.

 

I almost bought flowers for her last night to send to her place until my friend talked me out of it. The note was going to say "i have accepted your decision. Just know that you hold a piece of my heart. I know that we can't be together right now. I only hope you don't close your heart to me forever."

 

My friend made me realize that it would only seem needy and clingy and that she would probably just toss them (she said that's exactly what she would do). I had convinced myself that, when she remembered the flowers, she would think fondly of me and in time maybe one day, when we are both single, we can start something new on equal footing; once i've moved on and worked on myself and she got out of this relationship.

 

What was I kidding myself? She has already moved on from me and it wasn't a hard decision for her. There is no chance she'll ever look back at me no matter how fit I get or how much I work on 'me'. She is already in a new relationship with this guy and I need to tell myself that she will probably be with him for a good while longer. This wasn't G.I.G.S since she was only with me for 3 months and never even let herself enter into a real relationship with me. She found someone she clicked with right away and you really can't stop a relationship like that from forming and maintaining for a long time.

 

I need to maintain all areas of NC from now on. After my coworker told me what they were posting on each other's walls I caved and looked myself. I regret it but it made me realize not to do it again.

 

She posted a pic of him at her place with the caption "awesome boyfriend" and he replied "i have an awesome girlfriend". This was on saturday. On monday, at 11:40 at night she posted "Liking where things are headed". She is happy without me and probably doesn't think twice about her decision to dump me for another guy.

 

I need to realize what she is (a lot of very bad words) and that she has very low moral fibre and move on with my life.

 

At least she doesn't know that I have seen her page and, as far as she is concerned, we are in strict NC with one another. I doubt i'll ever hear from her again even though we work in the same office. She knows that if she were to break NC it would give me false hope and it's something she really doesn't want to do; despite wanting a friendship with me. She knows that a friendship won't work and even agrees that she couldn't remain my friend were the roles reversed. There is 0 reason for her to contact me while she is still with him (and, like I said before, I hold no hope of this ending any time soon).

 

Oh well...these are the lessons you learn in life. I really liked this one...it's going to take a long time to find a suitable replacement that makes me feel the same way /sigh

[TheJerseyKid]

Hey dude, hang in there. I know the feeling of having your heart race every time you see a blinking message indicator on your phone or feel it vibrate. I was pretty much always like this for the first 40 or so days of NC until I started dating. Oddly enough after about 2 months NC was broken, we met up, had a few drinks, ended up having sex, but also communicated this was probably the last time we are going to have sex (we wanted to leave things on a good memory) and that we had pretty much given our relationship many chances and it's just not going to work out at this current time. Since then, the weird thing is, now that NC is kind of over (but we still don't talk much, or have any real hope at getting back together) I no longer expect it to be her when the phone goes off. I'm usually hopeful that it's one of the many girls I've been gaming lately, so that has helped take my mind off things a bit. You're still in the early days, man, hang in there. I've been thinking about telling my ex that I would love to be friends with her again in the future, but we need to go back into NC and REALLY get over each other before that can happen without emotional ruin.