THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[yogi]

Day I don't know

 

I don't know what day it is and I don't care! Still write in the journal occasionally, still get pretty sad, especially if I'm having a rough day, but I don't feel the need to count anymore, occasionally I can avoid thinking about it at all, and I'm ready to just go on and see what happens! I've gotta do what I've gotta do and she's gotta do what she's gotta do and maybe the two will converge somewhere, but I'm not all that concerned with it.

 

Good for you. You sound like my ex. I wish I could feel that way about it. Still hanging on to what might come.

[FootofGod]

Good for you. You sound like my ex. I wish I could feel that way about it. Still hanging on to what might come.

 

If you want control, let go. I had another of several epiphanies yesterday while I was shooting some pool, because I love drawing abstract analogies to life. I used to be a pretty competitive guy, and still am in a way, but not the same way.

 

I was just shooting by myself without purpose, actually doing quite well. Then I thought "billiards isn't about winning or losing - it's about sinking balls into pockets, and if you do that, winning kind of becomes the intrinsic outcome." So, I just stopped thinking about winning altogether - just focusing on the short-term goal. Like I said, suddenly I was shooting better, not even really having a goal in mind besides "hit the ball square, make the other ball go in the pocket."

 

This, of course, applies to life. We talk about moving on, etc., but can't give up that hope of the future, and it is really hard. But, to gain control, you really have to totally let go. If you do what you're supposed to do in your life, analogously aim and sink balls, "winning" becomes an intrinsic part of your life in the same way. And that might not mean they come back, but it definitely makes it a wide-open possibility. If you get too much tunnel vision and look too far ahead, you're going to not see what's right in front of you or to the sides, and that's all important stuff.

 

Billiards and life aren't about winning or focusing on what you "want" out of them. If you just do what you're supposed to do and forget the goal, you end up getting what you needed.

[alamina]

Day 27.

 

Feel blah.

[star111]

4 months.....and he flippen contacts me. 4 months.....a lifetime of NC, and oh I did better than I had in years. whyyyyyy does the universe work this way. i swear- i thought out of all the men who always come back- he would be the one that stays away. its just so ridiculously easy- the way we fall as humans. i honestly stopped contact to move on. i havent evewn been on here in 3 months. and i count the months (I stopped counting the days). and he would cross my mind daily....but more of a dull thought. then out of nowhere- he appears in email. i just dont get our minds i just dont get it.

[Igelchen]

* * * * e.

 

Went out in Newcastle last night with some friends, and had a terrible time. Ended up drunk-texting her pretending I'd got the wrong person, so she knew I was out "enjoying" myself. No reply... obviously. Two hours' sleep then waking up to the bright dawn of another gruesome day one.

[the_dawn]

Hi guys,

 

star111: what was in the email? was it the usual 'how are you?' or something else?

 

Igelchen: you just need time mate, perhaps less drinking so you are more aware and less prone to make mistakes like texting/calling etc. What have you been doing to occupy yourself? having something to do and not think about the ex is quite important, so join a gym, go ride a bike or something similar. Usually stuff you do on your own can be a bit easier as you are not surrounded by people who are happy, couples kissing and such like. I think it makes the NC period a bit easier.

 

I'm on the end of my 2nd week and feeling a bit better to be honest. I've went from being sad and missing her to being mad at her and seeing the whole situation from a different perspective. On the other hand I have no idea how she can be with some other guy and only a month after the break up. Personally I couldn't be with anyone at the moment, it's just all too fresh and there's so much that would bring back the memories. I guess I still simply don't understand some of it.

 

Seriously we all just need time and sometimes switching off our brains/thinking less.

 

the_dawn

[Igelchen]

Igelchen: you just need time mate, perhaps less drinking so you are more aware and less prone to make mistakes like texting/calling etc. What have you been doing to occupy yourself? having something to do and not think about the ex is quite important, so join a gym, go ride a bike or something similar. Usually stuff you do on your own can be a bit easier as you are not surrounded by people who are happy, couples kissing and such like. I think it makes the NC period a bit easier.

 

Mostly, that's what I'm doing. That was my first night out drinking for quite a long time, and only because I'd had it arranged for a while... I'm nto supposed to be drinking at all at the moment. Unfortunately there's not much in the way of gyms and so on to keep me occupied at home in the middle of nowhere... but I'm keeping busy so far, and so far I've felt better. Rollercoaster at the minute. One minute fine, the next, wishing I was dead

[the_dawn]

Hi mate,

 

going through the same here so I know what you mean. You get days when it's ok and days that are simply hard to go through, it's normal.

 

If you're in the middle of nowhere and you have some space at home you can always buy a set of weights (like dumbbells) and exercise at home. That's what I did, got me some equipment for around 100 quid and that keeps me occupied, at least for now.

 

the_dawn

[pinkdinooo]

DAY 4

 

so i went out last night with my friends and i had a really good time. i was really happy and was acting crazy with my girls haha

 

when i got home in front of my door speaking with my friend at 4AM, i heard something like a voice coming from my cellphone and it was the automated message of when people dont answer their calls. so, i immediately hung up, scared i might have said something stupid or some bull * * * * . i checked my call log and of all the people i have in my contacts it had to be my ex.

 

now i'm freaking out. if he didnt answer, does that mean he ignored me or was he just sleeping? if he doesnt ask me about it then it prolly means he didnt care... omg, im paranoying.

 

so, did i break NC by accident? id like to say i didnt but since i feel like crap again then maybe i did... okay, i'm going to say no because it will make me feel better and keep me going haha

[Sunkist09]

Hello, i've done this like a year ago, please go through the 30 days, it helps. what helps more is during the 30 days, u try to reinvent yourself, make urself better, go on a diet..work out, learn to paint or read that book... it helps alot when you shift your focus.

[alamina]

Day 29

 

I felt really down on day 27 but spent the remainder of the afternoon/evening with a good friend, walking around for hours and having a pleasant dinner.

 

He's still in my thoughts. I am proud that I have lasted this long in the NC challenge. I'm going to keep at it. It's hard but not impossible. I deserve to be loved for who I am. I will always try to improve myself, and I will do it for me! I will not try to fit in someone's mold. I am proud of who I am.

 

This month has taught me that. It has brought me clarity. Am I fully healed? No. I'm on my way.

 

One thing I'll never do again, is try to prove to someone that I am worthy of their love. It reminds me of beauty pageants where the contestants have that goofy and nervous grin, and you know that inside their heads they're thinking Pick me! Pick me!

 

Nope. No thanks. I think I'm pretty fabulous, thank-you very much.

[FootofGod]

I contacted my ex today via text to tell her I'm coming down into town in the next few days and she should tell me if she needs me to bring any of the stuff from our place. I feel no guilt in breaking no contact, because I just sort of don't care. And it had a purpose. I know I don't owe her any favors, but she's going to contact me and ask anyway, and if it's convenient, I'm not going to be an * * * * * * * . It's a "favor" I'd do for anybody, so her being my ex is sort of neither here nor there.

[the_dawn]

Day 13

 

Was doing quite well yesterday, but had a dream about us getting back together and I feel worse today. Hopefully that will pass...

 

the_dawn

[butterfly12]

okies here we go,

 

DAY 1... i did a month N/C before so i hope this isnt too hard but i got a feeling it will be. he isnt on my facebook anymore but i gotta try not typing in his name just to look at his profile picture (yes sad i know!) but i do it about 100000000 times a day!! so this N/C is more about stopping that for me... so here i go! xx

[lostinyou]

day 11 full NC (5 weeks broken up)

 

finding it hard today, spent some time with female friends this weekend. They have all said that she must be an idiot to give me up and one of them even said that i am 'a catch' for any girl. kinda boosted my confidence but has left me thinking about things too hard. i miss her terribly

[abigheart]

The break-up has reached a little more than 3 months. I technically started the NC challenge a month ago, and although I never reached out to him via phone or e-mail, I still checked his facebook from time to time. Thus, I need a FRESH start. I will not ask my friends what he has been up to, etc. I will most importantly not check his facebook. I can't stop the thoughts of him in my head, but I will try my best to not fall into anything that might trigger past feelings and set me back.

 

So this is day 1 of COMPLETE NC.

 

Yesterday when a friend told me about how he was at a mutual friend's grad party night at a bar, I was so upset. I kept telling myself "I should have gone" and even if I had gone and we were already NC at that point, maybe he would have bought me a drink or maybe he would have asked me to dance. I know they are totally friendly, but I couldn't help but be envious that my ex had done those two things but out of complete friendliness and care. I know I shouldn't look into it, it was just a nice gesture of him. Spending my birthday without him killed me, but I am strong. I can get through this.

[Igelchen]

okies here we go,

 

DAY 1... i did a month N/C before so i hope this isnt too hard but i got a feeling it will be. he isnt on my facebook anymore but i gotta try not typing in his name just to look at his profile picture (yes sad i know!) but i do it about 100000000 times a day!! so this N/C is more about stopping that for me... so here i go! xx

 

Yeh... I kept doing that Still tempted a lot too, but I haven't for a while. I'm even fighting off the memories now. When I get sad I can go sit and talk to our chickens for half an hour and then forget about it... I might start meditating or something to clear my head. I remember more and more all the time, it seems. Everything is a trigger. I go on holiday tomorrow with my entire family. Hopefully after the disastrous attempt at being social last friday, I can spend the week forgetting everything.

[the_dawn]

Hi Igelchen,

 

you know you can always talk to yourself. I do it all the time, I just walk around the apartment and talk out loud. Is it a bit crazy? probably, but easier than keeping it all inside your head. Probably similar to you talking to the chickens and probably easier than talking to people, who sooner or later get sick of you.

 

the_dawn

[hater13]

not doing well at all...

 

 

sometimes I wish my ex would stumble upon these boards and recognize who I am. Then again I rethink it and realize he probably wouldn't care anyway- he's just think I'm pathetic for still being sad about this while he's moved on wonderfully.

 

I'm moving away from my hometown, I've lived here all my life since I was a baby.... I'm moving to a completely different city where I don't know anyone. I've been crying all day.

 

I'll miss this place, I'll miss my friends, I'll miss the people I've been with since kindergarden.

 

The city I'm moving to is closer to my ex, but what does that even matter...that just increases the already non-existant chances of awkwardly running into him.

 

I wonder what I would do if I ever did see him again. ignore him? smile? awkwardly say hi? lol. He'd ignore me....so I guess I'd ignore him too.

 

I hope we do run into each other sometime soon, you can see how much I've changed. I literally LOOK different..... I wonder if he looks different too. Do you still keep that scruff I said looks good on you? maybe? who knows..

 

 

anyway I don't know what else to say right now. I have so much to share with you..so much that I can't even tell you. Will I ever be able to share anything with you again?

 

xx

[Rotxsen]

Day almost 120 I think

 

what's up people I wanna say you guys are strong for taking this big step just like I did a few months back here I am still doing the good fight I can't complain fellas it's a bumpy road with greats rewards later on you will learn alot about yourselfs and others you will see clearly things and make sure you never do the same choices again.

[brownage]

Day 56:

 

Today would have been exactly 2 years since I kissed her. But I seriously doubt it'll mean anything to her today. I wouldn't be surprised if she even forgot about this day. Sometimes I feel really great, and sometimes I feel quite down.

 

Yesterday I was feeling very sick and I wanted to call her and hear her voice for comfort like I used to when we were dating. But I cannot. Looking at Rotxsen's 120 day progress, I have a strong feeling that my NC is going to extend throughout the rest of the summer. It is for the best I suppose.

 

When I first went NC, she blocked me on MSN, and a week or so ago, I saw her online again. I saw her online at two or three separate occasions. I think she was expecting me to talk to her, but I didn't!

 

So then a few days ago, a good friend of mine told me she just signed in again on his MSN, but she wasn't online on mine. So I suppose she blocked me again after seeing me making no attempt to message her. She never even said happy birthday to me (on may 28th).

 

So on May 29th, I hung out with her older sister (she's 22), and her younger brother (he's 15). We just went out to eat, but it was pretty fun. It's nice to know that her siblings are not obligated to hang out with me since my relationship with my ex is over, but they did, and I'm very glad.

 

I hope that doesn't count as breaking NC. Probably not.

[mr. dd]

Day 1.

 

I am starting over, although since I must see her in a few weeks for a wedding I will have to restart again after that. But in the meantime I am going NC for those few weeks.

 

She broke NC after 10 dedicated months to not talking, since the day we broke up. Asked me if I wanted to go out for a beer or something. I thought about it for awhile, and responded with a nice friendly email and said sure, I would like to meet up for a beer.

 

She has ignored me since then and has yet to respond, so I somehow doubt i'll be getting that beer with her ever. I guess i'm on like day 5 or something really, but today is the day I will stop checking my email obsessively looking for her response and waiting to hear from her.

[alamina]

Day 30!!

 

I feel a lot better than I did at day 1, that's for sure! I will no longer update, as I don't feel like counting the days anymore. Counting the days make me think of him, and I'm really trying to move on. I actually have a desire to move on. I like this website though, it has helped me tremendously. To think that I lurked here during the past two years, during my many breakups with this man, and never posted anything.

 

I highly recommend to the lurkers to post something. It really helps! You may never get closure with your ex, but this place helps you find peace within yourself. Before I posted here, I'd always call him for some ridiculous excuse and he'd see it as a sign that I wanted to be led on for a bit longer! He didn't see a future with me but I was fun for the moment. Screw that! Never again!

[yogi]

Thanks Foot of God. Giving up control is very hard. But you're right!

I'm still trying to stay busy and keep distractions coming. Been reading a great book "Yoga for Depression" by Amy Weintraub. It explains how poses and breathing and constant dedication can bring a new peace to your life and release the build-up in muscles caused by traumatic events. You actually get a release of old pent up emotion.

 

I was good -- 7 days of no contact -- then I made a mistake of reading a couple of texts I was ignoring and responded with something I thought was funny. And then, like a dodo bird, wrote that I was sorry I hadn't responded to the text because I wasn't strong enough. Lame and weak. So not me.

 

Of course he didn't respond. He needs NC time, too.

 

I'm looking forward to the day where these tiny communications aren't as much of a big deal anymore to me.

 

But it sounds like you're doing great. Nice! How long has it been since you've talked to her?

[FootofGod]

I haven't talked to her since I initiated NC just shy of a month ago, outside of some very short responses to non-relationship related texts (we live together but she's out of town, she got important mail at our place, etc). And recently I texted her to tell me if she wants anything dropped off when I come into town. I'm done counting days of NC. I actually don't care if I see her or talk to her - I know where I stand, what I do and don't want, would and wouldn't say, and all that. Thinking through every single possibility is tiring, but eventually you reach the point where you know what you'd do in most any situation, and there's no need for words.

 

I can't be her friends, but it doesn't hurt much anymore, so I could stand to be a courteous human being again and just pretend she's not my ex.