THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bitebenot]

If praying helps you keep doing it.Right now your priority is you and your son.

Its true when you say you just cant forget someone after seven years.In my case i was with my ex for 5 years.Only time will take care of your pain.Dont speak to him more then you have too,keep the talks about your son and nothing more.Your friends arent very supportive when you need them the most,how sad ! Time to change your life around and start fresh.Now you think you wont get better but you will,i know that pretty well ! I was a mess myself,it was a living hell but after four months i do much better.Give yourself some time and you will improve a lot ! You deserve better than your ex and you will find the love of your life when your ready to do so.At this time stay busy and do things you enjoy,we are here to support you !

[ex sweatheart]

got to day 3 NC, went out with girlfriends who spent dinner telling me that ex was just confused and to give him time to work through his emotional and professional issues, also advised against no contact saying i was playing games by ignoring him...long story short i lapse and call ex to say hi, he says i have thought about calling you .... (well if he thought about it why the hell didn't he ) we chat cordially, he asks what im doing, im going to have drinks with mutual friends (who scream into phone that he should come out for a drink) he says is that "names voided" id love to come have a drink, comes to bar we are at looking doe eyed at me saying how good it is to see me, i start sculling espresso martinis and cannot remember the night until i wake up early morning with ex in bed at this point feeling liek an addict who has fallen off the wagon, kicking myself.

Wake up for work and ex wants to have breakfast before i start, continues to look doe eyed at me , all over me like a rash, wants to help with renovations at work in the afternoon, will call in a couple of hours to check in, hugs more lost puppy looks then goes when i say i have to go now...

when i did hear from him tone of voice changed back to lack of interest and insistence of helping with renovation at work changed to "oh im so tired i want a nap"... even though when we were together i would be up half the night helping with his work...ld keep it up with him but just give

So did reno on my own, had dinner with friends from last night who said he was so excited and happy to see me, that i should just give it a chance and wait it out, "he may change his mind about a commitment in a year".... he is stressed about work, life, his cat, his hair, his ex or just any reason that could explain crappy behavior.i get it don't take advice from people that want you to stay in a less than appealing relationship to ease social circles

my biggest things are =

 

1. I feel like a damn fool that i only lasted 3 days NC before caving and not just talking to him but actually sleeping with him

2. Feel even more stupid for getting so blind i don't remember any conversations between us, good bad or otherwise... for all i know i agreed to get back together

[minou]

It's been 2 weeks since I reached out to my husband, the longest since we've been apart. I'm aching to hear his voice. I didn't think V day would hit me this hard. Today I planned to clean the apartment, work out and go to a workshop this afternoon. Right now, I can't even get out of bed.

[bitebenot]

After four months and a half i came to this conclusion today.Its valentines day...shes with another man.If she thinks im not good enough for her,well i think im too good for her ! She doesnt deserve me,im a good man and i know it.She told me days after the split that she was taking a chance,i hope she really missed her shot on that one.I tried twice,will never chase her again ever.I can comprehend much more now,i can see clearly.My hearth agrees with my mind for the first time since the break-up.I am that i am,that she liked it or not,tough luck for her! Life whitout her aint the end but a new beginning.Shes gone and im back.No way i would take her back because to me shes a used good and not worth any efforts to have or keep.Bye bye ex !

[Brenda222]

Bitebenot

 

Thank you so much for the advice. It helped me so much.

 

Day 5 (2/14) - I am only a bit sad about not being with him. I have not been alone for Valentines Day since I met him. Last night he dropped our son off at my place. I didnt come out to meet him I had our son run in the house after he dropped him off. I could not see my ex from where our apartment is. I had a hard time with dealing with hearing his voice when he said he was dropping our son off. It hurts but not like it used to. I joined a dating site last night. I cant trust everyone on those sites but the pick me up was that all these guys sent me cards to say Happy Valentines Day. They all had good things to say. Even though on dating sites you have to be careful. The thing was that they were saying good things and not the bad things about me. I am still hurting behind this man but I know now I can have my pick and chose of the guys on the site and screen them and don't have to fall for any mess. I can spot the things I did in my ex in the beginning with some of these guys on this site. And some are acting like he did when we first got together, just wanting to jump and get with me. Im gonna take my time. Im not getting with anyone right now but its nice to have all these guys to chat with. And I am letting them know Im not getting with no one right now. The thing is I feel I have the strength to do that now. I dont have to rush and wont get with anyone at this time because I am hurting. Im gonna take my time. I feel that I will meet someone else one day and I just hope I can have the strength to not feel for my ex. You know they always seem to come back and want you back when you have found someone else. Thing is is that this is the first time I have talked to other guys when we have been broken up. The last few times we were broken up I sat alone and didnt even talk to anyone, now Im talking.

[bitebenot]

Good thinking,talking to other men is not bad for you.If you find someone you like,make sure he doesnt carry any baggages from an ex.! If your ex shows up while you have another bf,then you are the one who will decide,not him ! Just dont ever forget hes the one who left you.Time for you to work on your self esteem and feeling attractive again.You will make it,you got my word on that.Give yourself some time to find your own personality again,regaining control of your mind and soul..God is with you.Take care.

[anon12]

day ? hell i dont know .

 

feel so bad.

 

"hi tom happy valentines day 4 yesterday!! "

 

just got that from my ex

 

edit : apprently shes single again?

[minou]

Day 15

Managed to get out of bed yesterday. Cleaned a bit. Then I went to a Siberian Shamanic workshop. Good stuff. Really happy I kept moving on a Sunday, though it was hard to. Longing to contact him so I'm posting here instead. Dream of being with him again. Dear God, I am putting my marriage in your hands. Please help the decade of powerful love we shared stay alive in his heart.

[jaygirl]

I just made an honest mistake. Truly. honest one.

A friend texted me: have a great week ahead.

 

I wanted to reply her, but i didnt have airtime on my phone, so i picked up my second phone and typed in :

 

'Same to you' and then mistakenly typed in my ex's number which is stuck in my brain into the phone and sent it.

 

honestly i am upset. I dont want him thinking i sent it to him in reply to his vals day text because thats not what it was.

what should i do? further ignore it/ or send him a text that the message wasnt for him?

 

now i am soooooo angry. pls what should i do?

[vertigoxo]

Day 166

 

Emotions are calming down again. Yesterday had a bit of a "down time" when I thought of the ex... But I came out of it and now I feel okay again.

 

14 more days till I complete 6 months of NC! Wooooo!

[bitebenot]

I just made an honest mistake. Truly. honest one.

A friend texted me: have a great week ahead.

 

I wanted to reply her, but i didnt have airtime on my phone, so i picked up my second phone and typed in :

 

'Same to you' and then mistakenly typed in my ex's number which is stuck in my brain into the phone and sent it.

 

honestly i am upset. I dont want him thinking i sent it to him in reply to his vals day text because thats not what it was.

what should i do? further ignore it/ or send him a text that the message wasnt for him?

 

now i am soooooo angry. pls what should i do?

 

Just forget what you did,no big deal really.If he sends you a message dont answer back.

[bitebenot]

day ? hell i dont know .

 

feel so bad.

 

"hi tom happy valentines day 4 yesterday!! "

 

just got that from my ex

 

edit : apprently shes single again?

 

Ahhh... Anon12,still stucked in the same position huh ? A dog wont chase a parked car ! She might be alone again but it doesnt mean she will go back to you ! Are you a masochist or what ? Move on man and forget her ! Let her go ! Your torturing me ! At your young age,go and experience more love stories ! Move your f.... a... Your lucky you arent my brother,i would shake your cage on a daily basis.Im hard on you,you deserve it.Waiting for her wont make her come back.Show you dont care and get another chick ! Take her back and she WILL break you heart again.Damn....you really are in her pocket ! She got you by the b.... Be a man and drop the obnoxious weirdo.Send her this message: Stay out of my life,i got a new gf,to me now your just nothing but a pain in the a...// Then change your email or remove/delete her from it.Ill bet you she will start chasing you after.That my friend its reverse psychology.

[topdog_9]

day 1. looking forward to day 30 already...

[hopelessincan]

Day 4 for me. I've lost track of how many attempts I've had. I think this is try number 4. But this time feels different. I'm finally angry with him. Took four months and his spineless cowardly behaviour to do it though. Other than the nasty email I intend on sending him, I will not be contacting him again.

[confused2010]

So it's Day 3.

 

Day 1 was absolutely HORRIBLE. Day 2 was just the direct opposite. Amazingly enough it was V Day and I had a great day. But I wasn't sure which way it was going to go. It started in the middle and just seem to go downhill.

 

I got a text from him today saying, "I know you're not talking to me but your birthday present finally came in (my bday was the end of jan) so can I bring it by? If you're still not talking to me then just text me back that you're still not talking to me."

 

From his phrase "still not" makes me think that he doesn't think I'm serious. He also called about 45 min after and I did not pick up.

 

Suggestions anyone??

[star111]

through week 1 and v-day. feels long, but feels good. different this time. I didn't even mind that I was alone on v-day. I guess it took a traumatic experience to really let things go. i'm leaving him alone, to heal. this week I thought about him a lot- but I'm just trying to get on with life. it was always chaotic- and I can't say I miss anything except for the closeness. But that has been gone for a long time. the contact was due to false hope. Delusions- of what I thought hanging or talking would bring. In reality it really was the 'idea' of him. in the end he offered me nothing, and I held out for crumbs. and every contact- led to the same ending. the sick, twisted cycle. time to really live, knowing he'll never be a part of my life again. initially that was the hardest thing to accept. but it really doesn't feel that scary at all anymore. i'm finally starting to feel the way I feel toward other ex's....nothing. just seemed to take a really long time to get here.

[minou]

I miss him so badly I want to be dead. Won't do anything for that to happen, but I feel guilty for the thoughts. Every time I contacted him by text in the past, I had some kind of illusion of contact; that was not real. I've been really good about not contacting him. The illusion is gone. What's left is this aching pain and longing. I always believed in God and heavenly forces, and spent an hour a day meditating. I felt abandoned when I lost what meant the most to me in this world. I'm slowly rebuilding my spiritual faith. It's the only thing that gives me peace. I'm lucky I have a really good job, my health. I miss our happiness. Why did I ever notice female perfume on the shirts he wore while I was away? I wish I had never found it. The one time in my life I acted on impulsive anger, I lost what meant the world to me. It feels so unfair. I've always been so patient and understanding. I know that's wasted energy but my mind keeps going back to that, at times. The last week I've been better at staying in the present, but it's excruciatingly empty without him. I feel pathetic. I'm grateful to have a place to express myself, without being judged.

[anon12]

well. my ex wants to come back, shes going to councilling, sorting herself out. and making amends for her mistakes. Shes pretty much crawling after me.

 

but im not sure what to do..

 

oh NC broken -_-

[bitebenot]

well. my ex wants to come back, shes going to councilling, sorting herself out. and making amends for her mistakes. Shes pretty much crawling after me.

 

but im not sure what to do..

 

oh NC broken -_-

 

You still love her..so go for it.Take it very slowly.Many issues to work on,the major one will be trust.You will have to start on a new relationship and forget the past..it will be hard but not impossible. A couple in love can overcome any obstacles if they are serious about it.Be aware and prepared in case it doesnt work out.Sometimes a relationship is better the second time around.

[kvb10]

wow anon... you have been through a lot. I can understand being hesitant... you've been pretty hurt. I'd say to take some time and think about it and make sure you are ready. If she wants you back this much she will understand if you can't give her an answer right away. She'll understand that this is hard for you too.

[kvb10]

day 16... crappy but hanging in there.

[jaygirl]

Day 5 for me here! I am getting so worried. Ex has not called. seems he has accepted my request for the NC.

 

He travels on sunday. I am so scared that once he is in a foreign country he wont remember me!

 

 

I miss him so much!

[jaygirl]

Okay. Now my ex 'mistakenly' sends me his bosses IM on ymessgr!

 

Simple text that said: hi janet, shld I forward the documents to your desk?'

 

But I was wondering if he did it on purpose. Anyway I dint reply. I didn't try to even say wrong msg or anything. Do people type in the names of the people they are IMing into the msg? Anyway let me stop overanalysing.

 

Five mins later he sends another that says: Sorry, mistake.

 

That's it

[topdog_9]

day 2. broke down and called him but he didnt pick up. he called back and i didnt pick up. phew

[FoundYet]

Four Weeks later

 

Doing better.

The love/ hate has turned into acceptance and indifference. Those two emotions took up soo much of my time, my self and I don't want that anymore.

I don't want to turn into him or what was left of him, after his ex from years ago left him, as a depressed someone moving from person to person not able to see or want happiness for years. But I fell for him anyway.

Now I want to be happy again. I like to laugh and have fun, but I'm not going to wait, I'm not him, I can't.

And so, we had good times. We never fought but we never talked like we should have. He couldn't accept his past and I couldn't handle being compared to others anymore.

I would like to be friends with him, it was a year of our lives, but I don't think, more like, I know that I'm not strong enough for that and I don't know if I'll ever be.

I wish him well, as always.

I am finally doing things for me again. Things that make me happy and smile and laugh. I know I've still got a ways to go but I'm doing it.

And I haven't looked him up in awhile, yea for me