THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[1guygirl]

Bitebenot and 1 guy girl, thank you! Its been a rough day but your words are very encouraging. I'm trying to stay strong through this and people like you on this site have helped me out a lot over the past two months or

 

well this site is a God send literally for all of us and its full of earth angels trying to help us heal, not for money or anything, just because they are caring loving beings. That in itself is something very profound to me.

 

we are human and are feeling love yet the hurt from love lost, and its beautiful to be here in love and support and great advice - i will never ever loose this bookmark....

 

we are blessed because we have these tools and support to empower ourselves from something that is (i feel anyway) more traumatic than loosing someone to death.

 

and my bloomin legs are hurting today but i am gunna go back to bed for a bit (i awoke early feeling quite angry at ex - but subsided now...) then later i will do another workout...it helps though i am still stuck until i move to a cheaper house (this rent and just tryin to start new biz thats not making money as yet is killin me...i am living on 50 quid a week grrrrr)

 

plus my ex ex set the CSA on me...cos i wouldnt sleep with him/he figures im all happy and in love, so hes pissed at me, so this is outta spite, even tho hes on more £££ than me. spiteful brat, wasnt enough that he won my daughter through deception and lies.

 

but i feel confident that it will all work out in the end...just gotta keep asking for that lil house in my price range and my recent ex is way down on my list...im coming first

[deeleythecat]

Hi guys.

 

Just a quick recap for historic purposes...Im 33 she is 29. I was a eliigable bachelor type, never married, good looking, good job, nice house etc. Popular. She is a single mom who works evenings in a club and is also popular, and entertainer and very likeable and amusing. Guys love her.

 

Not an ideal match for me I hear you ask - well no, until we started to hang out. We clicked in an instant - hobbies, interests, intellect, humour, funloving, desires, morales, history etc - we were INCREDIBLY SIMILAR. It was a match made in heaven. I didnt know what was happening to me until I realised Id fallen for her and she had me. I was used to going out with posh girls! She wasnt at all but she was awesome in every way.

 

We split up in early December. I went to great lengths proving i was serious about her in an effort to reconcile. We even scheduled a reconciliation meeting as she had said she missed me awfully but due to circumstances of texts not sending properly (fate?) we didnt get to hook up. Sadly I know that if we had got together that evening we would have sorted everything. I found out later that this was indeed a sheer act of fate and not a lie or an attempt to avoid. Just my luck eh!

 

I then found out a week later she was seeing someone...after hearing from HIM that he was seeing her - you cant imagine how painful that was. Ive never been in so much shock. Basically telling me to stop pestering her otherwise he'll step in. I didnt even know she had met someone. She had never told me, she clearly didnt want me to know or couldnt bring herself to tell me, or maybe he forced her because she was indecisive. I dont know.

 

Since then the only contact I've had since was a weak "I regretted the evil texts" that she/he sent but i have had no proper apology etc. apparently I was pestering her and it was stressing her out (I simply sent a few texts with a pic of her presents I had bought for her birthday!). She signed off with how great I was, but the next girl I meet I should put 110% into a relationship and how much I "shouldnt look at other girls". How bad is that? Were they my only flaws? I really did think I did a good job on this relationship, thats what hurt me so too.

 

She seemed pretty happy with her new set up and I was hurt. I went into NC mode. However, as intelligent as she is, she knows how split ups work, I think she knew the NC game too I fear.

 

Sad thing was we originally split because she thought she was not appreciated enough (even though she admitted she loved me so). Her original reason why we split was the fact that she didnt feel like she was no.1 and she was adamant that I compared her to my ex of years ago (which was rubbish as I so proved to reassure her before I found out about new guy). For these reasons she had finished our relationship. What was even more tragic was that it was a complete and utter misunderstanding - I absolutely cherished this girl and really saw her as my soul mate. In reality she was everything to me. Total comms failiure 100%. Also an indication of her not wanting to trust I fear.

 

I am mortified still - we only had a 10 month relationship but having been quite a few different girlfriends over the years (including some long termers) this girl blew my socks off. We clicked. We laughed. We never argued. We really did connect deeply and were always affectionate and close. She admitted herself she was blown away.Never had that as intense before - a proper fall in love process that took a few months to nurture into something amazing. She adored me as she constantly said. She wasnt my ideal type (looks wise and she had a youngster) but I accepted this and loved her to bits. She knew it too as I went to great lengths showing her after the break up - she didnt realise how much I actually felt, and how much I chased her to prove I adored her.

 

Now up until the present day: I have constantly thought about her. I am a mess but surviving. After a panic attack last Friday when I was out at an evening do, I got home and decided to text her after I realised she had dropped off something at my house. I felt awful doing it, and even though I knew I shouldnt, I had to text her something. It was a total lack of control but I HAD to do it. She;d had literally been to my house hours before and I had missed her!

 

I simply text saying thank you, how much I missed her, how proud i was when we were together, how much I loved her and hoped she would be happy going forwards. I didn't beg, it was more of a let her know that I still adore her. She replied by saying she didnt know I was out and had ran up to the door to poke the item through and literally ran off again. She was clearly worried about seeing me.

 

I opened up a bit and described how I still loved her to bits, and was sorry for not showing her the love she needed. She replied saying she never cheated on me, despite what I thought and how important that was for me to know. I then apparently moved her to tears again (I always could, and even after this time) and how she didnt regret the time we shared at all, how thankful she was and how much I was "so so, so special". No mention of other guy or if she's still seeing him. I assume she is still.

 

That was it. I replied saying Ive done a lot of soul searching and to understand how I feel she should look up "soulmate" on Google because that's what I knew we were. I didnt get a response. She maybe balled her eyes out or she might have simply tutted and waltzed on. Who knows. She wasnt a crying type girl so I know I had an impact on her. And to get her crying again was quite a surprise.

 

All very sad, and a bit desperate i know (wrong wrong wrong!) but I had to tell her. I adore her despite her actions with new chap.

 

So since then my NC begins again. She had been in touch twice since the new chap came on the scene in Dec, and I have been quite curt twice. Not desperate at all, and I explained how I felt and how much I loved her. I said at the time when I found out about the new guy that I would leave her alone and I pretty much have (apart from last Friday).

 

I don't think she will ever come back - there are feelings there but her new man is clearly her medicine. She is pretty hard with her feelings after having such a hard upbringing, and even though I knew she was very upset about our break up (I "broke her" apparently - I assume she meant she opened her heart to me and she never did that apparently)

 

I think she is handling this very well by having someone to focus on. From what I learnt they instantly started doing the things we did, the lingo, pet names and things we shared were transferred to this new chap. I witnessed this on the new guys facebook at xmas after he asked me to look at it to see their relationship was real. It looked like they were a proper couple sharing all the things we did together. Replacement me. I was gutted when I saw that.

 

I've read every book under the sun about breakups now, been a frequent break-up site user and even though I still feel awful (still cant sleep properly, eating minor amounts) I'm slowly getting by. It does feel getting by though - not healing. I think about her constantly. I read descriptions about soulmates on the internet and I cry my eyes out. Im 100% sure she was.

 

In the meantime, I'm working on myself now. Well, trying. I need to stop constantly thinking of reconciliation and let go.

 

Since Dec, I have dated a few times just to see how I feel (I guess as a panic response too), and have had a few girls showing interest in me - but I have no desire to do anything with them. I'm properly heart broken. I know I wont meet anyone who will make me feel the way I did for a long while. If ever.

 

Sad thing is - my relationship with this "ex" made me completely forget about my previous "ex" of 4 years ago. How insane.

 

Thank you for listening anyway.

 

So...day 4 NC.

[bitebenot]

Sometimes it takes way too much to keep a relationship alive.She wanted 110% from you ! In your case,you needed to put her constantly on a pedestal and to show her all the time how much you loved her.Why didnt she talked about it ? From what i read,your bond with her was very good.But it seems she was longing for more.Also, she works in a club,lots of men chasing her around.If by any chance she shows a desire to come back,how much energy would you need to keep the connection strong ? Would it be a long term relationship even if you invest yourself totaly ? So much to think about.The best for now is to take care of yourself,this is your priority number one.I do know how you feel,my ex of five years dumped me three days after she met her novelty.Yes it stinks big time,also for me she wont even communicate witch is ok by me.NC will give you time to reflect on your situation and think more clearly over time.You definitely will see the light at the end of the tunnel,just hang on.

[vertigoxo]

Day 155

 

I had a dream of him last night. I had a ride in the car with some weird person and he dropped me off of this guy's house. For some reason I keep seeing this guy's house in my dream for the past few months. Well in my dream, I got back into the car and we drove away.

 

I was in some house, I looked out the window to scan the neighborhood. I saw my ex in my dream coming out of his house, and his hair was the colors of the rainbow.

 

Then I dreamt of other weird things, like... I don't know, throwing my stomach sack out and having it hang over my mouth for a while, confused as to why it's happening. I had blood on my arms... Obviously for the stomach sack. I managed to suck it all back in.

 

Weirrrrrrrrrrrd.

[kvb10]

155 days.. rock on. I wonder how I'll be in 151 days..

 

My day 4 has just come to an end. Soon I've got to get her stuff together and give it to my roomie to take to her. That's another task that might be a little hard. Although I am doing a lot better and have started moving on, I do still get these sad moments where I wish this hadn't happened. But surprisingly, I've been making pretty good progress considering it was about 2 weeks ago that we broke up. I'm able to get along in the days, smile, laugh and see friends. I know it's going to be okay. It's just that these nostalgic moments will come and go over the next few months.

 

Everyone keep up the good progress.

[bitebenot]

It looks like a change in your life and the pain that follows it,Does it make sense to you ?

[anon12]

i broke it yesterday, which was day 14.. dont know why, there was no real need for it. But i reiterated the point that i didnt want her to contact me, unless she said i want you back.

 

anyway, she sent me a message saying its been ages since weve spoke, and that i dont have to reply, she just wanted to know i was ok.

I responded that i was doing fine, and that she knows why i havnt spoken to her.

She said hopefully time will change that. i didnt reply.

 

Still miss the girl to death. Think ill make a compiled cronicles of my NC experience at some point tomorrow, just explaining how ive felt at the different stages etc. Might come in usefull for someone else.

 

Day 2.

[vertigoxo]

It looks like a change in your life and the pain that follows it,Does it make sense to you ?

 

It does! Especially the part of me throwing my stomach up... I searched it in a dream interpretation website and it said that to see a stomach in your dream represents changes in your life and accepting it. Sounds just about right!

[kvb10]

Day 5... although I had some good days this week, today is a lower day. I'm thinking about her and wondering how she is able just to completely cut me out of her life. Wondering if she is mad at me or doesn't like me anymore. I thought I handled everything very well though. Wondering when we'll ever talk again but knowing it will never be the same. Guess I'm just not having the most optimistic day...

[mwh67]

well broke no contact after 31 days and sent a text...surprisingly she responded but we didnt talk too much. not sure how i feel about breaking contact but i think its time for round 2 lol

[bitebenot]

Day 5... although I had some good days this week, today is a lower day. I'm thinking about her and wondering how she is able just to completely cut me out of her life. Wondering if she is mad at me or doesn't like me anymore. I thought I handled everything very well though. Wondering when we'll ever talk again but knowing it will never be the same. Guess I'm just not having the most optimistic day...

 

Dont think for a moment that she forgot you..she hasnt ! She is comparing her new friend to you.Memories just dont fade away that easely.Shes fighting against the feelings she still has for you.Her new friend will distract her,but it can only do so much.Give her time to miss you and see what is missing.

[kvb10]

Thanks for the words bitebenot.

[1guygirl]

Day 5... although I had some good days this week, today is a lower day. I'm thinking about her and wondering how she is able just to completely cut me out of her life. Wondering if she is mad at me or doesn't like me anymore. I thought I handled everything very well though. Wondering when we'll ever talk again but knowing it will never be the same. Guess I'm just not having the most optimistic day...

 

this is where im at today....same thoughts and feelings....its strange and i dont like it. it never would be the same would it? the damage has been done to a greater degree. its really sad cos it all could have been avoided. ](*,)

 

still, i'll be made the scapegoat and all....thats fine cos it means he wont look at his s*** and keep getting women not putting up with his wandering eye and leaving him, or making his life a misery. In the end i wont look like such a bad thing after all, but it will too late....i'll be looooong gone!!!!!!

 

anyway, gunna do some exercise, and then i am off out to a male mates who will stroke my bruised ego back up and doesnt comment on other women alllll the time. Just the ticket for me tonight....

 

keep strong peeps

[hopelessincan]

as if i am still thinking of you. Why cant i get a clue. Your actions now are proving you dont want me. Sure you love me, but what is love without trust and willingness and us being together.

 

I have been so disappointed in you for days now, and you have no idea. Cause I just suck it up and smile and pretend as though i am fine.

 

Your little games you play just to keep me hooked. Do you even realize that you are doing it?

 

Again, here i am - the one having to make ALL the contact with you....sure you always respond and youre always friendly and youre always flirty..but what really does that mean?

 

Not a damn thing! But I still choose to take your crumbs...sucker am i!

 

Oh well see you next week...we're probably due for another argument...we've been getting along too well for the last month. And I know, if we do..it will be because of me....and all that i am now bottling up inside of me....and I also know that it will be our last chance

 

I hope I can hide it....but you know i cant. So have a good life!

[bitebenot]

**** Here some quotes for you guys on NC

1 We enter a relationship as s somebody and leave it as a nobody.

2 If you really love something set it free.If it comes back its yours if not it wasnt meant to be.

3 I guess we all make mistakes,you were my biggest.

4 You dont die from a broken heart,you only wish you did.

5 A break is like a broken mirror,its better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

6 The hottest love has the coldest end.

7 The heart was meant to be broken.

8 It takes two seconds to say hello but forever to say goodbye.

9 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

10 To fall in love is awfully simple,but to fall out of love is awful.

SO VERY TRUE HUH ?

[iBroken]

Ugh - She pulled me in and gave up on me because of my walls.

 

It hurts and it feels like breaking up all over again.

 

I will walk away with my head high. I will not react as I have in the past when I have been hurt. I wanted things to be different but was too scared. I still am. This hole in my chest hurts so much. And I miss her already.

 

Welcome back Hard days ahead, welcome back.

[klafeoj]

So i was going to post tomorrow for day 30 but realized that January has 31 days so today is day 30. I am at a point where i no longer know what i want from her. If she ever came back i don't know if i could even respond to her. How can you move on past the pain they caused you... it's a waist of brain power to contemplate such improbable things. The thought of getting with someone new also is alien to me. I know some suggest just dating, but it seems like masturbation without the payoff. A waist of time. Why date if you know you can't (or shouldn't) be getting into relationships. So i am stuck in limbo. Unsure if i would ever go back and not ready to progress forward.

[bitebenot]

So i was going to post tomorrow for day 30 but realized that January has 31 days so today is day 30. I am at a point where i no longer know what i want from her. If she ever came back i don't know if i could even respond to her. How can you move on past the pain they caused you... it's a waist of brain power to contemplate such improbable things. The thought of getting with someone new also is alien to me. I know some suggest just dating, but it seems like masturbation without the payoff. A waist of time. Why date if you know you can't (or shouldn't) be getting into relationships. So i am stuck in limbo. Unsure if i would ever go back and not ready to progress forward.

 

Thats the problem,when or if the dumper comes back, many would reject them because of the past pain or because the dumpee has a new lover.As for dating,it does take time...but dating can become friendship..so why wait ? If you make up your mind as to reject her in the future you will then be in a much better and viable place.Thats why its so crucial to move on and do everything you can to obliterate the ex from your mind.Thats where i am,will never communicate with her,dont want her back at any cost and all hopes became vapors.Bye bye ex,see you in another life.

[syxx87]

Day 33

 

I made a long thread about the past few days but I will try and give a quick summary here. So Wednesday, the same day I had my semi breakdown, I found out that she had messaged my mom and grandma on FB telling them she missed them and asked how they were. That doesnt mean much but if she was fully moved on, why would she stay in contact with my family. Later that night, my friend told me I had reason to be optimistic and thats all he would tell me. So Friday rolled around and I noticed my ex's car was at her job site well past business hours by itself which told me she was probably out with her boss which hurt a little. When I told my friend about it, he finally came out and told me that my ex broke up with her boss on Wednesday (he has been staying over there with her sister while waiting for his apartment to be finished). He said that she even asked him for advice on how to break up with her boss before she left to do it and came back and described how she did it.

 

It was bittersweet for me because it meant that me and her could potentially get back together but it was disheartening because that happened on Wednesday and here we are on Saturday and still no call, text, e-mail, smoke signal, or anything. Also, since I seen her car at her job site late at night, it makes me wonder if she possibly got back with him. I'm such a wreck right now and I have a million thoughts running through my head again now. I seen that she has been talking consistently on FB with my grandma lately and my best friend said she still has pictures of us together up on her wall as well. Why wont she just talk to me? I cant take this anymore!

[iBroken]

Day 2

 

Im up and down. Yesterday was really hard. Probably because I was adjusting to my life without you in it (again).

 

Today is bittersweet. I woke up in a good mood, the sun was shining, but Im staying with a friend right now and she had our picture up. It was that cute portrait we did a couple of christmas' ago. I stared at it and then got up and held it and stared some more. You are so beautiful in this picture. We look so happy, not forced, real happiness. I started to feel sad and had the urge to tell you how beautiful you really are. But I cant.

 

I think I know what happened and when I called you out on it, you did not reply. Your silence speaks volumes and for that reason, I cannot look back. Im sorry.

 

I do miss you and do love you but its time for me to pick up the peices and get my life back. But I do wish things were different, and I wish we werent here

[klafeoj]

Thats the problem,when or if the dumper comes back, many would reject them because of the past pain or because the dumpee has a new lover.As for dating,it does take time...but dating can become friendship..so why wait ? If you make up your mind as to reject her in the future you will then be in a much better and viable place.Thats why its so crucial to move on and do everything you can to obliterate the ex from your mind.Thats where i am,will never communicate with her,dont want her back at any cost and all hopes became vapors.Bye bye ex,see you in another life.

 

that's th problem. I am so very torn. If I could trust her... Maybe. But a leopard cAn't change it's spots. The though of her coming back though. The idea that this new relationship is a sharade and all smoke and mirrors gives me strength which is unhealthy. I need to not care but I just have a lot of trouble letting go. I want to know that she can't lie to herself. That the feelings she had can't be swept under the rug. Maybe it's just me projecting my emotions on her. I honestly don't have any idea what she thinks. The lAst think she said was that she was about to give up forever. It has been three weeks almost. I wonder if she will stick by it. I worry so. Anyway day 31

[bitebenot]

If you are tortured right now its only because of you ! She broke up with her new friend,give her time to think ! Jumping from one relationship to another in a few days is too quick ! When shes ready she will let you know.Shes in touch with your grandma,thats a positive sign.Just wait,dont show how needy you are and dont be to easy to get back ! But again, dont get your hopes to high just in case she wants to move on whitout you.One way or the other, you will know very soon.Good luck.

[kvb10]

Day 6... had a great day. Danced, sang, went into town to get some things, went for a run. Enjoying my good day. Starting to find my old self again... Remembering how it was when I was single before... I was happy and it wasn't scary and I did anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. No worrying about going to my ex's house, trying to figure out what to do, etc. Just all about ME! Being selfish is so much fun.

[bitebenot]

that's th problem. I am so very torn. If I could trust her... Maybe. But a leopard cAn't change it's spots. The though of her coming back though. The idea that this new relationship is a sharade and all smoke and mirrors gives me strength which is unhealthy. I need to not care but I just have a lot of trouble letting go. I want to know that she can't lie to herself. That the feelings she had can't be swept under the rug. Maybe it's just me projecting my emotions on her. I honestly don't have any idea what she thinks. The lAst think she said was that she was about to give up forever. It has been three weeks almost. I wonder if she will stick by it. I worry so. Anyway day 31

 

Too many if's ! And what she thinks...who cares ! Will she ever come back ? Who cares ! What about YOU ???? Just let go and try to heal ! Hanging on is very bad..you will be the same by summer time ! Is that what you want ? Maybe she will be back and maybe never,so what ! Let her find out what shes missing.Its conceivable that you might dump her one day after she wants you back.You just cant stand by waiting ! She has a novelty,do the same ! You are miserable while shes havings lots of fun.Just say " f... h.." and get out of your rut ! Poor me baby wont do you any good.Go out there and find a women who will be ready to share her soul with you.Give your blessings to your ex and let go,its was her choice to DISCARD you.If she doesnt come back its because destiny had something new and surely better for you.

[1guygirl]

had a really canny night last night with my male friend

 

got back to mine in the morning and crashed...been having these strange dreams and yes hes in them, in some way or another, cant remember enough to decipher them tho.

 

been feeling like i really dont want him back, feel slightly sick when i think of him, kinda in a disdainful way. maybe my gut has a chance to be heard now that im not plastering the cracks with being all loved up

 

jus moving on....the exercise is really helping...im really starting to tone up and thats building my self esteem back up *that got trampled on*

 

jus think he is a cruel pathetic b****** for jus freezing me out and ignoring me (diff to nc) *oh no he replied straight away to tell me that the valentines card he sent wasnt from him* ...yeah thats great, confirm quickly that no he doesnt love you anymore