THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Snowgrrl83]

I'm going to go through therapy. I called my employee assistance program and they signed me up with a psychologist. Hope it helps. I think it will help with all the psychological abuse I went through. I hope it will help me forget my horrible ex and what he did to me, also, I hope it will help me say "no" when/if he ever does come back... because there is still a part of me that wants him back no matter how terrible he was to me.

[HopefulDrew]

I'm going to go through therapy. I called my employee assistance program and they signed me up with a psychologist. Hope it helps. I think it will help with all the psychological abuse I went through. I hope it will help me forget my horrible ex and what he did to me, also, I hope it will help me say "no" when/if he ever does come back... because there is still a part of me that wants him back no matter how terrible he was to me.

 

If he was terrible to you, then once you regain your confidence you won't take him back. That should be your one goal right now, get your confidence back.

[deecbee]

So,your ex was a rat after all huh ? Are you sure hes not having sex with another women ? If he did or does,would he tell you really ?

Im afraid that as time passes by you will find more about him,events that will not please you very much.Just be ready in case it does.

 

I am fairly certain there was nothing physical going on with anyone else. My intuition is pretty strong. I do think he was quickly heading down that path though, and was emotionally cheating with a number of women and not being honest about it, which is why I called it off.

 

So I broke NC already. Back to Day 1 tomorrow. I spazzed out and sent him another angry email. I definitely do not feel in control of this breakup like I should be. So far, he is the one doing NC on ME and I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE BIT!! ](*,)

[deecbee]

Hopefully you're over it by now, but I can offer insight to a different perspective on this matter... Someone once kept me waiting. An emotionally unavailable man wasn't willing to fully commit, but didn't necessarily want anyone else either. It left me very confused. It felt like rejection- like he was only keeping me around until something better came along. I built up a lot of resentment towards him and started looking elsewhere. In my mind, if he didn't want to commit to me, why not? Perhaps that's how she felt. You didn't want to commit to her, she just figured you just weren't that into her. Does that make sense?

[hopelessincan]

day one. 26 hours. I cant believe this roller coaster ride we are on. I have a bad (good) who knows feeling that he wont be getting in touch anymore. And neither will I. If only I never had to see him again. Three months on this ride is plenty.

[bitebenot]

Not so sure you'd be willing to accept constructive criticism, but...

 

 

 

While you're not shy in expressing your resentment for her over the break up, have you considered your role in all of this? How long would you expect any woman to stay in a situation with commitment issues or... "no guarantees"? Do you think she's uniquely evil in this respect, and are you expecting your next relationship to turn out any differently without addressing this aspect of yourself?

 

I was stupid i know...im kicking my own a$$ now ! I cant hardly believe i acted that way.I guess i was confortable the way i was and i neglected her.

I dont blame her really,its all my fault.Its just the way she did the break-up.

Dont have to become an evil women.And why replace me 3 days before ?

Why letting me know about it ? Just a dirty way to do it thats all.

[bitebenot]

Hopefully you're over it by now, but I can offer insight to a different perspective on this matter... Someone once kept me waiting. An emotionally unavailable man wasn't willing to fully commit, but didn't necessarily want anyone else either. It left me very confused. It felt like rejection- like he was only keeping me around until something better came along. I built up a lot of resentment towards him and started looking elsewhere. In my mind, if he didn't want to commit to me, why not? Perhaps that's how she felt. You didn't want to commit to her, she just figured you just weren't that into her. Does that make sense?

 

You got it and completely ! I consider myself an intelligent man,but this time i really f*** up ! I miss her still very much,still hurts.Its too late now,nothing to do about it but to accept the way it went.Strange how things go sometimes,going back in time i would give her the moon,she was a great women really.Stupid stupid stupid me ! ](*,)

[bitebenot]

I am fairly certain there was nothing physical going on with anyone else. My intuition is pretty strong. I do think he was quickly heading down that path though, and was emotionally cheating with a number of women and not being honest about it, which is why I called it off.

 

So I broke NC already. Back to Day 1 tomorrow. I spazzed out and sent him another angry email. I definitely do not feel in control of this breakup like I should be. So far, he is the one doing NC on ME and I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE BIT!! ](*,)

 

You initiated the break-up,not him ! If hes in NC its because maybe hes pissed or hes giving up on the relationship.Men are strong on going back to their ex,i know i did this at least 4 times in my life so far.I was dumped only once,im on the other side of the fence for once.Im sure he will try to contact you again,but it might take so time. He was bashed today,that wont help none.But its his fault so...You took the right decision,it takes guts sometime to react to a situation we dont enjoy.Now be ready for the ride,its going to be hard but you can do it im sure.

[bitebenot]

I'm going to go through therapy. I called my employee assistance program and they signed me up with a psychologist. Hope it helps. I think it will help with all the psychological abuse I went through. I hope it will help me forget my horrible ex and what he did to me, also, I hope it will help me say "no" when/if he ever does come back... because there is still a part of me that wants him back no matter how terrible he was to me.

 

Good ! You need it ! It will help.you'll see.You will learn a lot about this and it will serve you for a lifetime.But many are in this situation,you're not alone.

[deecbee]

You initiated the break-up,not him ! If hes in NC its because maybe hes pissed or hes giving up on the relationship.Men are strong on going back to their ex,i know i did this at least 4 times in my life so far.I was dumped only once,im on the other side of the fence for once.Im sure he will try to contact you again,but it might take so time. He was bashed today,that wont help none.But its his fault so...You took the right decision,it takes guts sometime to react to a situation we dont enjoy.Now be ready for the ride,its going to be hard but you can do it im sure.

 

I know, that's what's silly, I broke up with him, b*tched him out, etc, but I'm the one stressing over here. I guess part of me wishes he would've put in a little more effort into trying to get back with me, instead of going quiet and ignoring me. It makes me feel like he doesn't care.

 

Oh well. Day 1 tomorrow.

[deecbee]

I was stupid i know...im kicking my own a$$ now ! I cant hardly believe i acted that way.I guess i was confortable the way i was and i neglected her.

I dont blame her really,its all my fault.Its just the way she did the break-up.

Dont have to become an evil women.And why replace me 3 days before ?

Why letting me know about it ? Just a dirty way to do it thats all.

 

I understand. Sometimes it is hard (or impossible) to see the errors of our ways until it is too late. She likely acted the way she did because she was truly hurt. Sometimes hurt can come out as rage. For example, I sent an angry email to my ex today. He probably sees me as a huge b*tch right now. But in reality, I'm just very hurt and affected by his actions.

[bitebenot]

I understand. Sometimes it is hard (or impossible) to see the errors of our ways until it is too late. She likely acted the way she did because she was truly hurt. Sometimes hurt can come out as rage. For example, I sent an angry email to my ex today. He probably sees me as a huge b*tch right now. But in reality, I'm just very hurt and affected by his actions.

 

Ya,i read you.I know she was hurt.She paid me back for my negligence.

I know she misses me and still loves me,but it wont change her mind..

she will try hard to make her new relationship work.At the same time, it will help her to get over me.For her to get over me, she decided to get under another one,lol ! Me has a man,i cant go to another women after a break-up,i cant comprehend how people can do this ! Oh its true,im stupid,lol.

[bitebenot]

DEECBEE

Do you feel better after bashing your ex by email ?

will it help you somehow ? im curious

[deecbee]

DEECBEE

Do you feel better after bashing your ex by email ?

will it help you somehow ? im curious

 

NO!!! I feel MUCH worse!! I feel stupid and embarrassed, especially since he STILL didn't answer me! If I had to do it over, I would not have written him another email. It makes me look desperate. And now he is in control because he hasn't responded. No more contact from now on. I wish I could forget his email address/phone number. Too bad it's all memorized.

[bitebenot]

NO!!! I feel MUCH worse!! I feel stupid and embarrassed, especially since he STILL didn't answer me! If I had to do it over, I would not have written him another email. It makes me look desperate. And now he is in control because he hasn't responded. No more contact from now on. I wish I could forget his email address/phone number. Too bad it's all memorized.

 

Now its done dont worry about it.The fact that he wont answer now doesnt mean hes having a good time ! Maybe he knows about NC !!!!!

Plus,If hes in NC,its because he wants you to regret your decision ! It will become a cat and mouse game.Attach your seat belt,you are going for a ride lol.You did nothing wrong,hes immature.Stick to your decision,its a good one.

If he does get in touch with you it will mean that he still cares.

But if he doesnt...you must be prepared mentally for this,expect the worse

so that you wont depress over it.You must set your mind now and say to yourself he will never want a new relationship with you.

Yes i know,its hard like hell,for the next month thats all you will think about.

No one should have that much power over another one.

Thats not what love is all about,some peole are just heartless.

[vertigoxo]

Day 138

 

Things are pretty peaceful these days... =]

[LostDavid]

Day 1 (Like so many others, I failed terribly bad this first day)

 

Yesterday I decided to read some of her old e-mails to me, hateful, hurtful ones and some beautiful ones where she told me she never wants to date again because she knows she can only have the love she had for me once in her life and she doesn't want to be disappointed again. Believe those are kind words in attempt to smooth my aching heart knowing I miss her and want her.

 

Yesterday after I posted my “Day 1” she decided to e-mail me a nice e-mail saying every time she hears from me (e-mail or otherwise) it opens up a wound and it hurts too much and that's why she can't and won't talk to me more than needed regarding the divorce, and she hopes I’m doing well.

 

I gave in and told her what she wanted to hear. I told her I agree with her terms for the Divorce and I wish her the best and send her all my love and hope she'd doing well and taking care of herself. She said the same thing about she is hoping I'm taking care of myself in her e-mail which was nice to hear. Vs the normal “f you!!! You are worthless” etc.

 

Despite her being in pain when she hears me a big part of me is happy to hear that because it means she still cares. Another part is destroyed knowing every time she talks to me it hurts her and it’s sad that is what it’s become.

 

 

Tonight at the gym I realized a lot of the rotten things I did to her. Neglect ion, not treating her like my wife but more of a roommate, I know I did wrong and I wish I could go back in time and beat the sh*t out of myself for being such a moron. The only thing left is to help her get over this debt she incurred while we were together so she can move on with her life and be happy. I hate saying it and at times I don't wish for it but I know deep down I want her happy. I'd rather it is with me but I don't think that will happen again. I do keep hope, as I would love to be with her again; I truly feel she completed me and made my life 10000x more brighter and better than it was before we met (and not just now in my gloomy situation of missing and being without her).

 

A friend wrote me today also that I’ve spoke about this situation with over many days. She is so very angry with the way my Wife is acting and believes it's all a big game and that I should just block her and ignore everything she does even if she sends me Divorce papers as she is not worth my time. Sadly I know she is right but how can one move on and have a life when I took vows to stick by my partner through thick and thin? I can't even see another female as anything more than "eye candy" and even then I feel bad because I'm still married. My father was a Priest (Roman Catholic) and I take marriage seriously (why else would I have married?) and it's just rough, I don't want to give up on her as that would break the promise of thick and thin and void our vows but it's so hard to keep them when she doesn't even want me. I guess I need to take the higher road right now and stick by her even though she doesn't want me until that point in time she does send me the Divorce papers and only then will I know it is truly done, and yet I'll still have to wait a couple more months until it's "finalized" and I can actually move on. Not that I want to. But I guess I need that wound to happen so it can scab over and heal as my friend tells me.

 

 

Well, here goes for day 1 all over again and thank you for reading this whomever did.

[Snowgrrl83]

He's a jerk. He messed with my head, big time. I'm never going back. When he sees me this weekend I will ignore him. If he confronts me. I will tell him to move on and get some help. He's pathetic, like a beaten woman that keeps on going back for more to his other ex that abused him.

[klafeoj]

day 13, i still wonder what she feels. Is it totally gone? Is her new relationship a rebound... a product of emotional stress. Or is it that she really just picked up and moved on that quickly. Quenstions without answers. It's been a week since she mouthed off saying she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I wonder if that will be all she wrote or if she will start more trouble eventually.

[bitebenot]

Give her time to miss you and think about the problem at hand.

The time apart will help her to forget your bad side and think of the good times she had with you.NC doesnt mean you're not trying to get her back,its a huge effort to win her back and take care of yourself.

Now you realise what you did wrong,work on them while you have time to do so.She has to feel and see the change,words wont do it.She still loves you,thats good news.When she starts to feel better she will call you.

She wont be so upset anymore,communication will be a lot better.

Its imperative that you leave her be and wait for her to reply.

Dont worry,she wont forget you.READ the NC rule and follow it,its very important.

[bitebenot]

He's a jerk. He messed with my head, big time. I'm never going back. When he sees me this weekend I will ignore him. If he confronts me. I will tell him to move on and get some help. He's pathetic, like a beaten woman that keeps on going back for more to his other ex that abused him.

 

Now thats the way to go !

[bitebenot]

day 13, i still wonder what she feels. Is it totally gone? Is her new relationship a rebound... a product of emotional stress. Or is it that she really just picked up and moved on that quickly. Quenstions without answers. It's been a week since she mouthed off saying she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I wonder if that will be all she wrote or if she will start more trouble eventually.

 

All you can do is wait and see.Its only been 2 weeks and she is waiting to see how long you will last ! She is testing you.

[deecbee]

Back to Day 1. Ironically enough, I was feeling strong and confident in my ability to not speak to him last night. Then lo and behold, who do I receive a text and an email from this morning?? Yep. It's pretty apparent that he was out on vacation or something for his 3 day weekend. I am not going to respond. I've got other things to focus on.

[Snowgrrl83]

I'm still upset he hasen't tried to contact me.

[klafeoj]

I was contimplating... when i did my begging pleading phase... my ex came up with every reason she could think of that the relationship wouldn't work... these wern't brought up when we actually broke up but anyway... why is it that they drudge the darkest parts of your relatioship up at the end... is it to convince them selves or have they just been holding on to this * * * * since day one?

I was always weird things too like "i hate your family" or "you wanted to break up in the first couple months" (the second one i was like where the hell did that come from... i was always glad that i never gave into those thoughts...she was my first love and i guess it was just a change from going from utterly single to in a relationship. She also explained that my feelings were just the product of not wanting to change my life around.