THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Snowgrrl83]

The pain, why can't it stop hurting?

I just can't understand why he's leaving me, because he can't get over his ex girlfriend that was abusive to him. Why can't I get over a man that was abusive to me? Why are we all doing this to ourselves!

 

I just don't understand why I think the way I'm thinking and its driving me crazy.

[syxx87]

Day 13

 

I thought about her alot yesterday! My best friend went over to her house yesterday to hang with her sister and it took everything I had to fight the temptation to ask him if my ex was there or not. I guess thats good then if I'm no longer asking mutual friends where she is or what she is up to. I just cant shake this feeling of loneliness that she has created in my life though. I'm also frustrated because I'm trying to fight these thoughts in my head. I have one thought telling me that she will for sure come back and I just need to do stuff to pass the time by and be patient (unhealthy I know). Then I have another thought telling me that after how she did me, there is no way she is coming back.

 

One of the most horrible things I'm trying to fight and cant is the thought of her and her boss doing anything sexual. I caught myself fantasizing about my ex yesterday and honestly it was amazing then all of a sudden it got ruined because reality slapped me in the face and told me she is now doing my fantasies with her boss which made my stomach turn. I dont see how someone (especially someone who's suppose to love you) could hurt someone else like this so bad and not seem to care or think they are doing anything wrong. In fact she tries to justify her actions by saying she feels that she needs to try something new to make sure me and her are right for each other which is a total load of bull * * * * . Hopefully I will feel alot better after 18 more days.

[klafeoj]

day 11... boose is a bad idea when emotionally unstable

[Elephant]

Day 4.

 

I feel like today's going to be a rough one. I miss him so much. I went out last night, and saw many friends, but I still felt so lonely for him. I'm trying to be strong, but days like this can be very discouraging.

[Snowgrrl83]

I cant get out of bed today. Too hurt. Day 4

[anon12]

I cant get out of bed today. Too hurt. Day 4

 

Dont start self pity, its the worst thing you can do, i did the same, made things worse. Do something you can focus on, redecorate your room, do some painting, shoppings good therapy right?

[bitebenot]

To everyone,pain is part of the process after a break-up..only time will take care of it.It cant be rushed,you must be patient.Like i said before,even if you dont want to heal,it will happen anyway ! Why ? Its not totaly in your control ! Time heals all pain.For some it would be 2 months,some others will need a year.Usually its about 1 to 2 months for each year of the relationship you had.Of course its an average,but its about right.So the faster you move on the better it will be.Dont forget, a dog wont chase a parked car ! (your ex)

The ex is moving on and so should you no matter how hard it is.Staying still and moping wont do any good.Everyday you have to repeat to yourself that you dont need the ex to be happy..there are some exciting people to meet !

Once you fall for another lover,you will laugh at ex who is no match for this new bf/gf you found ! To stop analyzing the situation is a must,wont change anything.Staying busy for the first 3 months is a very good option.

Be with friends or family as much as possible.

[anon12]

I have to agree, how ever, a month or two is normally the amount of time until you start considering new options. Dont put a time frame on your self though, it takes aslong as it takes.

 

Keep your mind busy. An idle mind strays to issues of the heart.

[bitebenot]

The pain, why can't it stop hurting?

I just can't understand why he's leaving me, because he can't get over his ex girlfriend that was abusive to him. Why can't I get over a man that was abusive to me? Why are we all doing this to ourselves!

 

I just don't understand why I think the way I'm thinking and its driving me crazy.

 

Obsession is your problem...you're to needy towards that jack a$$ !

You seem to be happy to be his slave and you're glued to him !

I think even if he beats you up physically, you would stick by his side !

Be proud and forget the skunk.You love it when a man treats you like dirt !

Wake up and move on.Being that way,he will always reject you.

Be independent and proud.

[bitebenot]

Its strange to see some people who have that faculty to move on quickly after a break-up ! I seen it a few times.Some people cant move on while others do it in a very short span ! I guess some people have a very strong will.Maybe its all related to genetics and neurons,who knows !

[Snowgrrl83]

bitebenot - it depends on the relationship you've been in. I've been in 2 yrs relationships where I could move on 2 days later. But this one, so hard. Its very psychological and depends what you went through in your relationship.

 

This is what happened to mine: Man left his wife (or live-in girlfriend) for me. I left my fiance for him (yes, I was able to move on in less than a couple of days and I still don't regret moving from my ex fiance). Then a year later (now), he wants to get went back to her and I realized I didn't love my ex fiance but somehow tried to fall in love with another man that could have been the one would he have fallen in love with me (but never did).

[deecbee]

Day 1 already a mild failure. I woke up and checked his facebook.. sigh. I had nightmares about him all night and did it AS SOON as I woke up. No more, though, I promise.

 

I had re-friended him yesterday before I joined this site because I removed him a few days ago and he was "hurt" by it. I waited around all night for him to add me back, and still this morning it was "pending". I figured he was either out last night, or is trying to get back at me in a way.

 

Our break-up is a confusing one. We've been together for 3.5 years. I've known him for 10. We were best friends. I moved accross country to get into my dream grad school in NY and he was supposed to follow me out here and find work... he never did. He insists that I move back because he hates NYC, and loves California. The last few months he's been getting distant. LOTS of female friends added to his page, and he'll be with them on the weekends. He promised me it was platonic and that he just makes friends with females easier, but I don't know. I just can't shake this feeling that he had really lost interest and was ready to slowly write me off. When I tried to get out and expand my own social circle out here so I don't have to sit around being jealous, he couldn't stand it. It was a huge double-standard.

 

Finally, I felt disrespected enough and cut it off because I knew he was either going to get emotionally attached with another of his multitude of female friends, or dump me first. I just knew it. He was getting really distant towards me. I wrote him an email and he didn't seem to care. It wasn't until I removed him from my FB that he started freaking out and claiming he didn't want to lose me. We went back and forth for a bit and he finally stopped responding to me... I guess his NC worked because at that point I tried to friend him back lol.

 

*sigh* this is gonna be a hard one

[deecbee]

I cant get out of bed today. Too hurt. Day 4

 

Have a good cry if you need to. Cry your eyes out. I did yesterday and thought I'd be in bed all day crying... but you'll be surprised how quickly your body tires of crying. It's exhausting. Eventually I couldn't anymore. It was like my body had expelled all the saddness inside. After a while you'll just feel numb, which is better than sad right now. Go get a massage, have a nice meal, and watch some funny movies.

[Haze]

Day 1

 

We talked on the phone earlier this morning, and both agreed to take a long break from speaking to each other or seeing each other, since this has only made things more complicated. I'm going to focus on my own life, school and hobbies, and hope that he is able to sort out his feelings on his own.

 

The hardest part will probably be not to check his facebook profile... I got into the bad habit of looking at it every single time I go online. Multiple times a day. Man I hate FB sometimes lol.

 

Starting now I will have nothing to do with him... and I hope I'm strong enough to succeed =(

[klafeoj]

I have the luxury some other people don't because mine was a LDR. Which while it means reconciliation is impossible, it does mean that i can't run into her. It also helps you come to the realization that its over and done with. It is highly and i mean HIGHLY unlikely she would ever want back into that kinda relationship.

[klafeoj]

actually does anyone know if a LDR situation like this has EVER worked ?

[syxx87]

I have the luxury some other people don't because mine was a LDR. Which while it means reconciliation is impossible, it does mean that i can't run into her. It also helps you come to the realization that its over and done with. It is highly and i mean HIGHLY unlikely she would ever want back into that kinda relationship.

 

Atleast you feel as if you have some type closure (so to speak) of how this will all play out for you. I'm still battling with myself if my ex will come back or not. For my own sake, I try to tell myself that she isnt coming back but she just threw out so many mixed signals the first month after the breakup that I just dont know what to think. She told her sister how she loves all the changes I made and is scared that WHEN (The key word there) she is ready to get back with me, I will either be gone for good or things will be to different. She told all of our mutual friends and me how much she missed me and still loved me. She made out with me on New Years. She still has held on to stuff that she bought for me that she was gonna give me for X-mas and hasnt tried to return it or give it away. She also bought stuff for me during the first month of the breakup (I declined it though). We also had talks about how we would go about reconciling. So yeah while I try to tell myself that she isnt coming back and I need to move on and forget about her for good, stuff like that makes it hard to not wonder if/when she will come back.

[LostDavid]

Day 1

 

 

My heart aches for my Wife, who says she want a Divorce.

 

A little background:

 

We've been together for three years. I moved to live with her after my time in the U.S. Marines. We then were married a few months later. She had debt from visiting me several times while I was in the Marines, and when I moved in with her I couldn't get a job in her country (wasn't the States) for a while and the debt just seemed to keep piling up.

 

Finally came to point where I had to go back home (living with my brother at the moment) to the states to get a job, and after I returned home she decided it was time to get a divorce for many reasons. A lot of it is vague about but seems she was just not as happy as she made me seem (or I lacked to see what was in front of my face is likely).

 

 

Either way, I can't sleep without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I can't focus on anything more than 30 minutes to an hour. At times I feel angry and furious that I've been trying to make her want me, that I've been going after her letting her know I love her still and I don't want to be apart and angry when she only replies with minor things. Short sentences after a few days or bitter words of "only talk to me if it's about our Divorce" - which I don't think she wants. If she truly wanted it I feel she could've filed for the divorce already and had it on its way. She said she told her parents who would 100% help pay for it. I just wish I knew what was going on.

 

 

 

 

This is going to be hell, I can already tell that. Pain is just waiting to attack my heart, soul and hope in every way possible even typing this I am forming tears because I miss her so. I do hope this challenge will be worth it. I really do. Not checking photo sites, facebook/myspace such things will be ultra hard. But I am going to try this as it's been two months apart. I miss her but let’s see how it goes.

 

 

Thank you for reading this.

 

David

[bitebenot]

I wonder if he doesnt have another gf already ! Why would he lose interest in you ? Do you seriously think he still loves you ? He didnt follow you !

Hes distant... ! Huge indicators if you ask me !

NC has to be respected if you hope to have a chance to get him back.

Its imperative, otherwise it wont have any effect on him.Even when its well done their is no garantees, but you will be healing.You surely know that he will have to crawl back and hard core if you want him to stick around for good.

And dont think it will be done in one month,this is hard work on a long term.

I hope you are ready,it will take lots of energy.But if you are ready to heal and fast,just tell him you are not interested to have a relationship with him anymore( a 5 minutes conversation max and hang up).Then watch and see how he reacts.He might beg you right away or a few weeks down the road.If he does,you're in control and then you decide what you want,not him.Far as i know,you have nothing more to lose.If he doesnt respond,you lost him, but at least you will know.Its like a game of poker,winner wins all !Of course no FB or any other messengers.He has to call you only by phone.Listen to the messages,if its not about reconciliation,you keep ignoring him.Remove him completely from your pc.I sincerly think its the best way to go.If he misses you enough, nothing will stop him from calling you.

[bitebenot]

David,this is my opinion,take it or leave it..its up to you.

you say she doesnt seem to want that divorce.The way it is if i were you, i would go along with the divorce.By doing so it will confuse her quite a bit.By fighting it you just push her away even more.Its reverse psychology,do the reverse of what most men would do.I seriously think you got nothing to lose here anymore.If she goes along with the divorce ,their was nothing more you could have done to save your marriage.

Just tell her,ok..thats what you want,i accept ! And i think its the best for us to be apart forever ! Wish her good luck and give her all your love.I dont see what else you could do.

At least no children implicated,thats good.

[LostDavid]

David,this is my opinion,take it or leave it..its up to you.

you say she doesnt seem to want that divorce.The way it is if i were you, i would go along with the link removed doing so it will confuse her quite a link removed fighting it you just push her away even more.Its reverse psychology,do the reverse of what most men would do.I seriously think you got nothing to lose here anymore.If she goes along with the divorce ,their was nothing more you could have done to save your marriage.

Just tell her,ok..thats what you want,i accept ! And i think its the best for us to be apart forever ! Wish her good luck and give her all your love.I dont see what else you could do.

At least no children implicated,thats good.

 

 

Bitebenot,

 

 

*sigh* that is the thing I wrote her an e-mail the other day saying how she could get what she wanted (had a lot conversations in e-mail on the same day - and basically a lot of anger and hurt coming from her but the last hurtful words were "I just want to get you out of my life and get rid of your crappy last name") which is to get rid of me and my "crappy last name" .. told her some terms that I wanted changed in her 'Template' (gogo link removed?) of how I want to pay for 50% of the debt that was incurred during our relationship.

 

And wanted two questions answered (asking why she smoked behind my back) so I could learn why so I can become a better person and not be in that situation agian.

 

She basically ignored the whole e-mail, ignored an e-mail that would give her exactly what she claims she wants and all I asked in return is to help pay for debt (50%) and two questions (which she could've even lied about) so that really, really has me confused beyond words.

 

She also decided to mention in one e-mail (she did say some vulerable things like crying on the floor), and to quote her:

 

"you have no idea what my life has come to, how pathetic it is and that it is all thanks to you that i am at this incredible low-point."

 

which even confusing me more, how is she at this all time low and have a pathetic life when she is getting what she wants? Me leaving was not by choice, I never cheated on her either. I hope she isn't referring to my inability to get a job in her country because I lack a Masters Degree. =/

[anon12]

day 6.

 

just broke it when i met up with her, started with a sorta argument/conversation.

 

Ended with her going home, and telling her rebound she doesnt want a relationship at the moment.

 

Found out she didnt come back at xmas, because she was scared my friends would stop talking to me if i took her back.

 

Told her im going NC until shes completely made up her mind about what shes doing. Guess ill see what develops.

 

Always happens just as im moving on

[bitebenot]

Makes me laugh when some women/men say they will come back to their ex.

They say they are still in love and misses the ex while they have sex with their new bf/gf ! How sick is that ? Me who is not crazy about left overs,can you imagine ? Makes my stomach turn over ! At least my ex doesnt communicate with me,lucky her ! I would boot her *** to the moon ! Love is blind,no doubt.I wouldnt use worn jeans from another man,samething goes for my ex gf.The fact she was with another one is enough for me to be sure its totaly over ! If someone does take the ex back,it will never be the same anymore and it would be another break-up on a short term,i truly believe that.

Lots of work to get them back for nothing really.Thats my opinion anyway.

[bitebenot]

She keeps saying your are guilty of all sins !

Do what i said than ignore her ! The more you communicate with her the worse it gets ! Time to stop all communications and link removed it and wait to see how she will respond.

[LostDavid]

She keeps saying your are guilty of all sins !

 

Indeed it does seem like that. Can you point out the meaning of that though?

Call me daft or just clouded with emotions at the moment but I don't see what that means.