THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lieutenant Dan]

I had another dream last night, this time about me having to choose between my ex and the guy I'm currently "seeing". I choose my ex. Ugh. I talked to my mom last night, and decided that, yes, my ex is going to come home from college and start some crap with me. It's plain as day, especially now that he's talking to me. I don't want to deal with it. A part of me wants to get back together with him, but a part of me just tells me to move and get something better. I keep telling myself me and moms "gut feeling" is wrong, and maybe if I keep telling myself that he'll just forget about me and won't start anything?

[wanttobehappy]

Day 2

Surprisingly well... feeling sad but not anger anymore. Well, there is anger, but not much. This is a passive kind of anger, not a gut-wrenchingly asking-myself-why-this-happened anger.

Begin to see how we are very incompatible.

Actually have seen it before, but was in denial. Now my sister basically is saying "good riddance", I couldn't digest it before, but now I kinda agree.

[FigureItOut]

Day 30

 

I made it. Now what? LOL.

 

CONGRATS ScorpiGal!!

[FigureItOut]

Had a GREAT workout at the gym last night. I also had a really good talk with a friend of mine about some of the many "not so good" things about him and the relationship, and it really helped put things into perspective. I demonstrated a bit of anger, which I haven't before.

 

Apparently, he is BLOWING up facebook by joining groups, updating his status, etc., every hour during the week. He never used to do this. He used to go weeks without updating his status, and now he frequently updates it with happy phrases and tons of exclamation points. Seems like he actually is, or is trying to appear, very happy to his friends and distract himself from the fact that we no longer e-mail a million times a day at work. Fortunately, I defriended him when I initiated NC so I don't have to see any of this.

 

It's a beautiful day outside, and I'm feeling good this morning... so I'm going to run with it and enjoy the day. Still haven't heard a peep from him...

[ToodlePip]

It's been roughly 3 months sine the breakup, two months since I last saw her, and that was the last time I initiated contact. After responding to a text from her two weeks ago, I haven't heard anything since.

 

Feeling ok about it all now. Still struggling abit with making changes to my life "stick" - still have aimless days, but my fun-loving side is coming out again here and there, I'm fliring with women for fun, and I'm assessing romantic possibilities. I still really miss my ex, but I think it's as a friend rather than anything else. Maybe one day we'll talk again, maybe quite soon because in 3 weeks I'l be in the same office as her. But for now I'm continuing NC. It still does feel rude, and as if I'll lose her forever, but it's not like she's kept her side of the bargain about wanting to stay friends ater the breakup - no phone calls, no invitations to meet, only emails and texts.

 

Feeling a bit in limbo right now because I truly feel at that crossroads - let go, or cling on for a bit more.

[ToodlePip]

Day 22

 

My self-esteem took a bit of a hit, was out with a few friends and one of them in particular seemed to distract all the attention of any nearby girls. Aside from that, good night and I didn't think about her once!

 

 

Those friends are really irritating I have one who is far funnier than I am, and I have to actually ask him to not get involved in convos I have with girls I fancy

[FriendnorFoe]

day 3, god this weathers beautiful, takin atvantage, going for a hike in a bit with some friends, def. looking forward to the outdoors this summer, hiking, fishing, camping, im def. in better shape to tackle some more challenging hikes I wouldnt have been able to do a year ago. Just got a promotion at work, start that new pos. on tues., more money hours. you know I was planning on going to school in the fall at this college but if this new job works out good I could be making 15-16 bucks an hour in two or 3 months, if thats the case I might just push back school to next year, dont know yet nothing is defintite, well have to see how things are working out, for the time being thou life is great. As far as my ex, I have completely stopped caring what she is doing, who she is seeing, thats no longer any of my concern I am too busy with my life. Sure I still think about her time to time but its no longer about feeling bad or anything that would bring me down, its mostly "yea it would be nice to see her again eventually." Things are set in motion, past is the past, look to the future my friends.

[FigureItOut]

I crashed.... day isn't going along as well as it started. Right now, I still have this irrational fear that is overcoming me that I handled the breakup so wrong. When he broke up with me, I got so defensive and shut down. All I knew how to do was to tell him that I wanted it too and was okay with it. Now I'm so nervous that if he changes his mind or wants to talk, he won't call (he has self-esteem issues).

 

But I still have not broken NC.

[LemonCheesecak]

Those friends are really irritating I have one who is far funnier than I am, and I have to actually ask him to not get involved in convos I have with girls I fancy

 

Haha I'd better perhaps try that next time then, especially seeing as this friend has been with his girlfriend for 5 years! I owe it to her, really

 

I feel you on not being able to make changes stick, having the same problem myself. Trying to get back into shape but some days I just wanna lie on the couch and read a book or something. In regards to being more sociable and fun I think I'm definitely making progress too, and people seem to be responding well to it so it's not all bad.

 

I agree with maintaining NC, 3 weeks is no time, and I'd take all the healing time you could get if contact is inevitable. Trying to do the same myself, I'll probably see her on a near-daily basis at work from June onwards. Will be interesting to see if I get a birthday text next Sunday though (I think this is the clincher for me, if she forgets/disregards my birthday then she truly is dead to me)

[Tell Me Why]

I just moved all my stuff out today and am about to start DAY 1 tomorrow. We had brief contact today as I was moving out. Tomorrow I start the journey of NC and I am really scared about it. Any advice for someone brand new to NC?

[LemonCheesecak]

I just moved all my stuff out today and am about to start DAY 1 tomorrow. We had brief contact today as I was moving out. Tomorrow I start the journey of NC and I am really scared about it. Any advice for someone brand new to NC?

 

My only advice is throughout all your initial doubts and concerns, just stick with it! Things get easier and start to make a lot more sense.

 

And if you feel like you're gonna break it, get on here and tell your problems. There's always some great reassurance and advice just a post away

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 26 & 27

yesterday was unable to post, as was preoccupied having a girls day/night out. Had an awsome time with them. Invited my friend who ive recently helped through her breakup, with my experience, had many d&m's about how sucky our ex's are...they seriously sound like the same jerk!

Really letting go of him, hardly looked out for his car, while out shopping... got beeped at many times by cute guys, woop...i really cant wait to find my next bf, i know im only going to allow the very best to share my heart this time.

I feel really upbeat, pretty and so glad im finally letting him go forever.

I honestly can say, with out lieing through my teeth, that im glad hes gone.

[melanie6929]

Well, I guess tomorrow will be Day 1 of NC.

 

I tried to get closure tonight to move on, but he didn't give it to me. He just ignored it.

I said some pretty mean things, but hey, he still could have given me that. Afterall, this is what he wants, is for us to be just friends. Ugh..

[melanie6929]

DAY 26 & 27

yesterday was unable to post, as was preoccupied having a girls day/night out. Had an awsome time with them. Invited my friend who ive recently helped through her breakup, with my experience, had many d&m's about how sucky our ex's are...they seriously sound like the same jerk!

Really letting go of him, hardly looked out for his car, while out shopping... got beeped at many times by cute guys, woop...i really cant wait to find my next bf, i know im only going to allow the very best to share my heart this time.

I feel really upbeat, pretty and so glad im finally letting him go forever.

I honestly can say, with out lieing through my teeth, that im glad hes gone.

 

I hope I'm doing as well as you when i hit day 26. Good progress.

What has helped you deal?

[Euterpe]

Start of Day 6

 

Hit a bit of a low this morning. Another dream about him last night....but of course waking up alone.

 

I CAN deal with being on my own, I just don't want to. The world seems full of happy smiling couples, and you start to wonder why they find it and you don't.

[ScorpiGal83]

pace, Cat76 and FigureItOut, thanks for the words of encouragement

 

It's now Day 31 and I intend to stretch NC to Day 60.

 

However, I received a piece of news about my ex that made me feel a bit down. He has been struggling financially apparently and has had to get a second job, making pizzas. At the same place/chain I used to work part-time as a student!! He is 28 this year with a degree in multimedia and is really talented at 3D animation. I feel so bad because he has always been there for me in times of crisis, work-related or otherwise. Now he has to deal with this alone. It's saddening.

[pace of ace]

Day 26

 

Ever since Friday afternoon i've been overcome by anger over the way she's dealt with me. Why didn't she just admit straight away she was leaving me for someone else, when it's so frickin' clear that's what's happened.... It's just she took her time in making it happen with him, but it was on the cards from day 1!

 

Why tell me if she had to choose between me and him she'd choose me if that so clearly isn't the case!?

 

I think at some point, i may explode!

[Cat76]

Day 6...Been for a jog/fast walk and feel quite good apart from collapsing through the door afterwards.

 

It's a lovely day and far too nice to be miserable about the ex...life goes on

[Cat76]

Start of Day 6

 

Hit a bit of a low this morning. Another dream about him last night....but of course waking up alone.

 

I CAN deal with being on my own, I just don't want to. The world seems full of happy smiling couples, and you start to wonder why they find it and you don't.

 

Hi Euterpe

 

You will feel better soon. I think of it as I don't WANT to be on my own, but I would rather be WITHOUT someone who doesn't want me (hope that makes sense).

 

I've had dreams 2 nights running now but I just try to think about something else as soon as I wake up.

 

Keep going hun

[Cat76]

pace, Cat76 and FigureItOut, thanks for the words of encouragement

 

It's now Day 31 and I intend to stretch NC to Day 60.

 

However, I received a piece of news about my ex that made me feel a bit down. He has been struggling financially apparently and has had to get a second job, making pizzas. At the same place/chain I used to work part-time as a student!! He is 28 this year with a degree in multimedia and is really talented at 3D animation. I feel so bad because he has always been there for me in times of crisis, work-related or otherwise. Now he has to deal with this alone. It's saddening.

 

No worries, your journey and the way you deal with it is very inspirational.

 

I'm in a position where I want to know if my ex is ok. He had some medical procedures this month related to his illness. But if he wanted me to know about it, then I guess he would contact me (he hasn't), so I'm going to just leave him to it.

 

It's hard when all we want to do is reach out and be supportive as they have done with us, but it was in a different context of relationship status. I have a hard time STOPPING caring about what happens to him.

 

Keep being strong

[wanttobehappy]

Well, I guess tomorrow will be Day 1 of NC.

 

I tried to get closure tonight to move on, but he didn't give it to me. He just ignored it.

I said some pretty mean things, but hey, he still could have given me that. Afterall, this is what he wants, is for us to be just friends. Ugh..

 

Sorry to hear that.. I got my closure, and that was like, half my bitterness gone!

 

Day 3 (after closure)

Spent peaceful time at home. Sister worked whole day, and at first I was scared I'd break down being all alone. So I put all my attention to this MMORPG. The only times I were miserable was when I was not thinking about the game, I then hurriedly humming a song in my mind, or redirect my thoughts to the game.

 

Edit: Probably better not to say anything mean. He'll ignore you, and that's painful.

I wrote him an email that sounds cheerful, friendly, and humbled myself apologising about the mobile phone I threw into fish tank that night, recognising whatever he gave me when we were together.

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 23

 

Just another day. She can go jump off a cliff.

[FigureItOut]

I had another dream about him last night, and I woke up as usual in a little bit of a panic. Gonna try to shake off the rough start and go about the day. It is beautiful outside, and I'll probably go to the gym as well. Here's hoping today is better than yesterday.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Talked to my ex for 5 hours last night. At the time it was so nice, we talked like we used to, he wouldn't let me stop talking to him. Told me how nice it was to talk and all that. I've woken up this morning feeling horrible, and I bet he doesn't even want to get back together with me. Hah. I'm an idiot. I hate him so much Why did he have to talk to me for 5 hours?!

 

Where do I go from here?

[FriendnorFoe]

day 4, just another day of living for myself