Getting back together really does happen!

[paradiselost]

Girl met boy when she was 15 at private lessons. After the first time she saw him she asked her friend about him was introduced and they dated, he was her first boyfriend.

 

That lasted 6 months and they broke up.

 

Fast forward 12 years and they meet again at 27, date and got married last year!

[Orchid98]

Its great to hear these stories. I know a few couples who have broken up and got back together. But either way there is always a happy ending even if the exes didn't get back the other ends up finding someone better. I guess that's the beauty of life....its full of unexpected surprises.

[thekid55]

Hi all. If you've been on here for the last few years, you are probably familiar with my story. If not, check my archives.

 

The cliff notes version of my story? My girlfriend and I dated for two years while we were in college (early 20s). We broke up during our senior year for eight months. During that time, we both went on dates, saw other people, went out with friends, etc. As a man, I realized that I lost my identity in the relationship which in turn killed her attraction for me. When I realized this, I knew that I couldn't ever let this happen again in a relationship, whether or not it was with her. In addition to dating, I totally redefined myself. I took up some new hobbies, dusted off some old ones, but most importantly, I did a lot of self analysis. Ultimately, I started a new relationship with a new girl, but within a few weeks of my new relationship, my ex came running back to me. She was hellbent on getting me back and when I say hellbent, I mean it.

 

I'll be honest...I was skeptical as hell about this. I had to feel her out and really see if she did any work on herself. And in time, I did see that she worked on herself. I ended up dumping the 'new' girl and going back to my ex. Since then, we've been back together for about a year now and we couldn't be happier. When we first got back together, we laid all of our cards on the table about the old relationship and promised each other that we wouldn't discuss it past that day. But we had to let go of past hurt to find happiness in the new relationship.

 

Believe me when I say this--you won't find happiness in any relationship until you take the time to sort yourself out. I can't stress that enough. For me, it took about four months or so. For others it may take less time or even more time. The point is--you have to put in the time and be happy by yourself again before ever thinking about another relationship. Believe everything happens for a reason and don't take any of your days for granted.

 

All in all, life is a crazy, crazy thing. I truly believe that you were given YOUR life because only you are strong enough to handle it.

[Love1336]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I love these stories.

[flatplane]

Top words TheKid you're absolutely spot on.

[MakeItCount]

Everyone should read his story. I followed it since day one and it was one hell of a learning experience for everyone who involved haha.

[Tallman]

Just finished reading the last of all 955 posts. Took over a week to read them all. All in all it helps to know that sometimes things work out so that they lived happily ever after. My 10 year relationship ended and I am grateful that I have some tools to cope.

[rainbows1]

I haven't posted on here for a while but my mom told me about a girl she saw recently and the girl told my mom she was with a boy when they were both 19 for 6 months on and off, but he wasn't that bothered about her, he was more interested in football and his friends. She called off the relationship, moved away for a while and met a guy whom she lived with for 2 years before the relationship ended. Anyways, she's in her 30s now I think and she has been with the guy she met at 19 for 6 years now.

[HopefulNessie]

Just bumping this positive thread

 

For those who reconciled, did any of you have a stubborn partner who bottled things up? My ex is strong headed (which I loved actually because he always stood up for his beliefs) but we never communicated properly and honestly about what bothered him until AFTER the break up at which point he had already emotionally distanced himself. I let go off him and am focusing on bettering myself but I'm curious if he's likely to come around given his stubborn tendencies. He is set in his ways and has to make a mistake 2 or 3 times before learning from it but when he does he's 1000% committed to the change.

[saroec]

Nessie, I only needed to read to 'stubborn' in your post before I knew I had to reply! My ex was beyond stubborn, NEVER talked about anything. Would just bottle everything up, and then get to boiling point after a few tiny little things tipped him over the edge. Since getting back together, he has promised to talk about anything that is bothering him, regardless of how small, or how silly it seems. I think the important thing is that THEY have to realise that they have made mistakes too, and they need to be committed to changing these relationship threatening behaviours.

[ks1986]

Nessie, I only needed to read to 'stubborn' in your post before I knew I had to reply! My ex was beyond stubborn, NEVER talked about anything. Would just bottle everything up, and then get to boiling point after a few tiny little things tipped him over the edge. Since getting back together, he has promised to talk about anything that is bothering him, regardless of how small, or how silly it seems. I think the important thing is that THEY have to realise that they have made mistakes too, and they need to be committed to changing these relationship threatening behaviours.

 

Nice to know you worked through it and they acknowledged it. I was in that boat with my ex. They were stubborn as a mule when they put their mind to something and would bottle things up and ignore things that bothered them to make our relationship "easier" or to avoid conflict. Then something tiny would happen and it would all come to the surface at once...talk about frustrating! Can you be more specific about your reconciliation? What made him drop the stubborn act? Did he come back realizing that he did this or was it something you only talked about after meeting to reconcile?

[HopefulNessie]

Nessie, I only needed to read to 'stubborn' in your post before I knew I had to reply! My ex was beyond stubborn, NEVER talked about anything. Would just bottle everything up, and then get to boiling point after a few tiny little things tipped him over the edge. Since getting back together, he has promised to talk about anything that is bothering him, regardless of how small, or how silly it seems. I think the important thing is that THEY have to realise that they have made mistakes too, and they need to be committed to changing these relationship threatening behaviours.

 

Thanks for the feedback Saroec! I see what you are saying and I know he has to realize his short comings I'm just worried that hell be too stubborn haha. But if your stubborn guy did, hopefully my ex will too Time heals all wounds and makes us all wiser, either way I know we will both be ok in the end.

[saroec]

ks1986 - we organised to meet 3 weeks after we broke up. I didn't bring up the stubbornness first, he just out of the blue said "I know i'm seriously stubborn, I bottle things up, and I promise I'll try my best to talk more." He said that we both had to work at better communication with each other, as we are both stubborn, which used to inhibit any productive communication without silly little bickering arguments.

 

Nessie - absolutely, time is a great healer, whether it heals the wounds from the relationship and makes things better, or whether it heals the heart and you can move on. I hated being apart from him at the time, but looking back, it was a great time for me to realise that I wanted to change things about myself, not for him, but for me.

[HopefulNessie]

Sarosec- last time we talked I tried to reassure him that all these issues he saw were fixable and I told

Him all I saw wrong with things and my own short comings and the only thing he said that was hopeful was that he could have done things better as well and he didn't know if we could ever be together again in the future or not. We ended the covo with him saying "we'll hear from each other" or "we'll keep in touch" ( we were speaking a different language so

Can't translate directly) but then I texted him a few days later and asked if he wanted NC and that I'd do what was best for us and he said there is no us and NC would be best.

At one point he also told me it was too late and I already had my chance (argument right after the break up) and I told him that was BS because I didn't get anything and he didn't even honestly tell me what bothered him until after the break up. He said he never BSed me and he's not ready to talk and has a lot of stuff goig on (this was prior to our last conversation that I metioned).

 

It's all very confusing. Every situation is unique. I know him and I know we can reconcile but only if he has an "aha!" moment. He's had many "aha!" moments that were slow to come In the past and I guess I'm worried tat he won't have an "aha" moment. Stupid worry really! LOL. It's only worth my time if he DOES.

[saroec]

My situation seems similar to yours in some respects, mine was very distant one day, and then texting constantly the next. My only interpretation is that at the time, they don't know what they want.. kind of like, they want to have it both ways.. I suppose it is similar to those who have been dumped, some days are good, and some days are bad. Having been in each others lives for a long time, there are bound to be things that remind both parties of each other, and influence whether the day will be a happy day or a sad day, if you see what I mean? I knew in my heart that he loved me, I don't know how, but I just knew it, and I think ultimately for me, it was the time spent apart to really evaluate the relationship, and its positives and negatives, that really made us both realise how important we were to each other.

 

I guess the most important thing is to wait and see, I know it's the hardest thing not knowing, and the 'i don't know' responses to every question get incredibly frustrating. Ultimately though, they will know what they want one day, and the NC period is good to give both parties time to know what they want.

[HopefulNessie]

Thanks for all the advice and feedback! It's comforting to hear someone in a very similar situation! It gives me hope that he in fact have that "aha!" moment and open himself up to reconciliation.

[saroec]

During my break up, I had a lot of friends tell me to just get over him, to block/delete him, and just forget about him.. When you KNOW they still care, that's the most impossible thing to even consider.. I say, always have hope, otherwise, what's the point? x

[HopefulNessie]

During my break up, I had a lot of friends tell me to just get over him, to block/delete him, and just forget about him.. When you KNOW they still care, that's the most impossible thing to even consider.. I say, always have hope, otherwise, what's the point? x

 

Thats what everyone is telling me as well. Reconciliation is the furthest thing from their minds but hope dies last for those in a situation like this. We broke up on March 1st and I 100% knew in my heart he'd text or call and take it back and on te evening of the 2nd he did just that and he "tried to make sure" how he feels and it turned into a "break" until March 8th and then he said he made up his mind and the feelings were gone but the entire time he didn't tell me what was wrong and I just got a feeling he'd take a few months and reach out to me. I'm hoping I'm right again and that it's not just wishful thinking.

[saroec]

We were on our break from the 8th March, by the 14th he told me he had made his mind up, said that I could come and collect my things from the house we shared. I didn't, I left it a little longer, and he kept texting, sometimes he'd be nice and slightly affectionate, other times I'd just get a one word answer. It took him 2 weeks to tell me he would bring my stuff to my house, he offered after I said I'd come and collect it. I used to get so excited waiting for him to come and meet me, or pick me up, but this time, the fear I felt was horrendous, I was terrified I was wrong and he was coming to break it off for good. He even told me that it was over when he came round with my things, but as he spent more time with me, he changed his mind, he started to look more relaxed, and happy, and suddenly whispered in my ear "if I told you I didn't love you, I'd be lying," told me he would never break up with me again and that he wanted to be with me. Things can change in the shortest amount of time..

[HopefulNessie]

I really don't think he's gonna come around as fast as your guy did but I am so happy for you I wish that my story will have an ending like yours.

Good luck with your relationship! I am so glad that your paths led back to being together. I know how you must feel now ( a lot wiser) and it can only help you in the future!

[paradiselost]

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[HopefulNessie]

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Here are some

[HopefulNessie]

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And a really good ending to this one

[undercover007]

Now that I think about it.. I think most of my exes have come back...

 

*My first bf in high school broke up with me.. mainly cause we would fight over stupid stuff plus we were young and this was my first relationship so I had no clue what to do! Anyway, we didn't date very long but I did like him. Then eventually I guess he liked this other girl at my school which is probably why he finally decided to break things off. I was pretty bummed but not super heartbroken since we really didn't date that long. Well I guess he tried to pursue that other girl but nothing came out of it. Then later on.. maybe a month or so later I ran into him at party and I acted totally like I didn't care he was there. I just smiled and then continued to do my own thing and have fun. He ended up trying to talk to me then later calling me telling me he wanted to be with me again. I decided to take him back but then I realized my feelings weren't the same for him anymore so I broke it off with him!

 

*Another guy I dated for just a month ended up breaking with me because I was younger than him and I couldn't go out all the time cause of my mom. Eventually he dumped me and dated another girl right after. I was devastated cause I really liked him. Well he did end up trying to call me a few times after but I knew he was with that other girl so I didn't want anything to do with him. I ran into him at a few parties and totally acted like I didn't have a care in the world about him. Well I guess he soon became heavily addicted to drugs.. and then him and his girl broke up. He later moved to another state then 4 years later, he found me on Facebook and added me. I guess he saw from my pictures how much I grew up and changed and then told me he really regretted dumping me and he only did it cause I was too young at the time. He tried to see if I'd give him a chance again but it was already WAY too late plus I was with someone at the time. But it just goes to show... there's no telling when a ex can come back.. might be a few weeks to a few years!

 

*I dated a guy for just 1 month.. but we had a lot of problems from the beginning. We would fight a lot and then we decided it wasn't working. I think he may have dumped me first though. Well I ran into him at a club shortly after and he saw me just dancing and flirting with other guys which probably made him jealous. He approached me and danced the night away. Well we hung out a few times and I knew he wanted to be with me again but then I realized that my feelings for him were gone already.

 

*My MOST recent ex.. who I was for 6 years and also engaged with for a year.. well we had many break-ups and make-ups. Our first 3 years was a very toxic relationship. He would always breakup with me when things went bad.. and I'd beg him back and then he would finally take me back and the cycle kept repeating itself. Why'd I stay with him? Well obviously we had a lot of good times with each other and we had a very passionate relationship. I loved him and still love him to death. Anyway, our breakups were always like a week or 2 and then we'd reconcile. Sometimes he'd be the one to initiate contact.. but most of the times its was me. Finally after 3 years together we had one REAL big break up which lasted for 3 months. This time I thought we were truly over cause he actually dated someone a month after we broke up. I had never been so heartbroken in my life. I literally thought this was the last breakup because it ended so badly plus he had a gf (which was just a rebound for him). I stopped the calling/begging/pleading as soon as I found out he had a gf. That was the last straw for me. I did NC for a month and then he called me one day out of the blue to check up one me and make sure I was "okay." When he called I didn't know it was him cause he had called from his work phone. It definitely caught me off guard but I totally acted like everything was fine and dandy. I tried to get off the phone with him as fast I could though cause I was busy. I think he was surprised since the old me of would wanted to stay on the phone and talk to him about everything. But I was just disgusted with him and wanted nothing to do with him. I told him I had to go and that I'd "call him back." Well I never did call him back cause I was trying to move on with my life. Then 2 weeks later, he texts me and asks me again how am I doing. I ignore his text. He sends me a 2nd text saying that he still cares about me which is why he contacts me. BS!!! I ignore him once more. Well the next day, I guess he couldn't stand me ignoring him and calls me. At first I wasn't going to answer it but then I decided to hear what he had to say. Boy was I in for a surprise. He literally begged me back.. told me he was miserable without me and the other girl he was dating was nothing compared to me. He told me still loved me and would do ANYTHING to get me back. Now my ex is very stubborn and never really admits to being wrong so I know this took a lot for him to admit to this. I didn't trust him though and I told him that. He said he'd prove it to me and blah blah. Of course he dumped that other girl but still I didn't want to take him back right away. Everyday for 3 weeks, he would call me and tell me how much he loves me and that I am the "ONE" and that he wants to settle down. Finally after 3 weeks I decided to see him. Of course our attraction and connection was still there.. and we ended up getting back together (maybe stupid on my part). Things to be going good... but then I had a lot of trust issues. We would get into fights here and there.. but our communication was a little better. Eventually though, he started doing the same things he used to do in our old relationship like ignore me when he's mad and not talk about things. Soon I started to see the same old patterns in our relationship. Once again we broke up... for a week.. then got back together (stupidly). This time I told him though if we are going to be back together I want to know that we are going to eventually get married which he knew its something I've always wanted. He agreed with me and a month later he proposed and got me a ring. We moved into our own place shortly after. This was both our first time living together so it was very exciting but scary at the same time since we've had so much problems in our relationship before. Well in the beginning of living together things were a bit rocky but then we finally got the hang of things and everything seemed to be going well.... except I started to notice that he wanted to go out a lot more and party which was weird cause he never used to party before. All his friends are single and younger than him so I think he got influenced by them. I started to complain more that he wasn't putting me as a priority and I felt like if we're going to be married it shouldn't be like this. He also got back into doing ecstasy which is something he used to do a LONG time ago. Well in February things got bad and we were fighting a lot.. and every time we would fight he would just leave and go hang out with his friends. Then one day, he decided to pack up all his stuff while I was at work and called me after I got done to tell me that he was "unhappy" and that we were done. Its been a month of NC for me.... although no reconciliation yet... I really am trying to move on because what he did was the most ultimate betrayal But I do of course one day he does realize what he lost. 6 years down the drain.. *sigh*

[paradiselost]

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