In_hiding Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 ... Is running into your ex at an event, and seeing that they have not changed, but knowing that you have, and that you look great and feel great. And noticing that they can't keep their eyes off you and always places themselves in a position where they can see you. Ran into Ex last night, It was amusing she couldn't keep her eyes off me. Not once did I go up to her and talk to her tho, I just did what I needed to do there with a kind of a half grin on my face the whole night and laughed with people and enjoyed myself. Me Link to comment
philove Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Well done! I wish I could have an opportunity like that. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Were you with a hot date?? That would've been even better Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 The best revenge is living well. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 The best revenge is living well. Yes, living well AND having your ex be able to see you living well. That is the best revenge. Link to comment
bostonbruins24 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 It sounds like you aren't over your ex by constantly thinking about her and trying to impress her .So,who is getting the revenge ? As long as you dwell on her and think of ways to get ''revenge'' you are the one who is remaining attached to your ex. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I disagree. He said in the original post that, not once was he tempted to make an attempt to talk to her. If he was still mooning over her, he probably would've at least acknowledged her presence. His reaction of just enjoying himself and ignoring her sounds healthy to me. It sounds like you aren't over your ex by constantly thinking about her and trying to impress her .So,who is getting the revenge ? As long as you dwell on her and think of ways to get ''revenge'' you are the one who is remaining attached to your ex. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I agree with boston bruins... it isn't nice to have revenge. If you were completely over her you would not have this need to show her up or be out with revenge. You just sound bitter... especially since you had to come post on it. People who are totally over it wouldn't need to do such a thing. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I disagree. He said in the original post that, not once was he tempted to make an attempt to talk to her. If he was still mooning over her, he probably would've at least acknowledged her presence. His reaction of just enjoying himself and ignoring her sounds healthy to me. Making an "effort" to ignore someone is just childish and immature. If he was really over it, he would have been friendly, probably said hi, and certainly not ran back to an internet forum boasting that he got revenge. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 psh, so many haters in this thread!! Dude, personally.. if some girl broke my heart, heck yes I'd be happy with revenge in the way you described it... for me: I was miserable, sad, pathetic to name a few!! and to give her an oppurtunity to see that I had moved on, and wasn't still waiting around for her, shows ME that I have truly moved on, as well as shoves it into her face!! So yea, maybe this is "childish" or w/e, but I personally think its a good reinforcer to what I assume is NC, because you see that it WORKS.. that you don't need to talk to them to make yourself feel good... and that you are a person worthy of love... and that you're doing just fine without her!!! nice work!!! Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Making an "effort" to ignore someone is just childish and immature. If he was really over it, he would have been friendly, probably said hi, and certainly not ran back to an internet forum boasting that he got revenge. Maybe that effort was made because he realizes that she once held a really important spot in his heart.. and he doesn't want to give her an oppurtunity to come back in... Also, being cognizant of the situation and your own feelings seems to be pretty mature to me.... being able to recognize that a person has the potential to screw up all the good things that you have going is actually pretty introspective... for example, I have friends that do a lot of drugs, dropped out of school, have no careers etc.... I make an effort to ignore them.... run with dogs, you get fleas.. I know they have the potential to mess up my path.. am I being childish? Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Maybe that effort was made because he realizes that she once held a really important spot in his heart.. and he doesn't want to give her an oppurtunity to come back in... Also, being cognizant of the situation and your own feelings seems to be pretty mature to me.... being able to recognize that a person has the potential to screw up all the good things that you have going is actually pretty introspective... for example, I have friends that do a lot of drugs, dropped out of school, have no careers etc.... I make an effort to ignore them.... run with dogs, you get fleas.. I know they have the potential to mess up my path.. am I being childish? well yes, I wouldn't drop friends just because they made bad decisions. What the world be like if we just ignored everyone who didn't adhere to our standards? am i perfect? No. Are your friends? No And to degenerate your (ex) friends by calling them dogs? Nice. Link to comment
exploding head Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I've lost 50lbs. Wish my ex could see that.. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I've lost 50lbs. Wish my ex could see that.. but why... to make the ex jealous? To make the ex think,"wow... wasn't I stupid!" I think if you are still having thoughts like these, then you are not over your ex! it reminds me of those jenny jones/ jerry springer shoes where the 'surprise guest' would be a person from the past. usually a guy would be called on the show who was about 26 year old... had dumped a girl when he was 16 because she was too ugly/fat/chubby/geeky..whatever... and then this 'surprise guest' ends up being a girl who's now aa leggy 'model' witht his 'talk to hand/ you can't have me now atttidue. Usually the guy was just sitting there laughing at the patheticness of this girl who took the effort to contact a talk show and show some guy she hadn't seen for years how 'great' she was now and how hw coudln't have her. to me that just makes the dumpee look way more pathetic and confirms with the dumper why they dumped them. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 well yes, I wouldn't drop friends just because they made bad decisions. What the world be like if we just ignored everyone who didn't adhere to our standards? am i perfect? No. Are your friends? No And to degenerate your (ex) friends by calling them dogs? Nice. Actually, I had a really rough run in with drugs/drinking etc..... I pretty much was a step away from dropping out of college and ending up in the gutter..... So yea, I will ignore them, because I don't want to get caught up into all that again...... And it has nothing to do with perfection, it has to do with having goals, and realizing what it takes to reach those goals.... also its a pretty common saying.. I'm not sure if you know it or not.. its "If you run with dogs, you get fleas" basically saying that if you hang out with the low lifes, you start to become a low life....... And ironically enough I actually work with people on the fringes of society, so I find your accusations humerous Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 You sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders. I totally agree with you, and I'm almost twice your age! LOL Stay away from people who are heading for a crash--they WILL bring you along for the ride, and you don't need that. Stay on course. Ignore the haters. Actually, I had a really rough run in with drugs/drinking etc..... I pretty much was a step away from dropping out of college and ending up in the gutter..... So yea, I will ignore them, because I don't want to get caught up into all that again...... And it has nothing to do with perfection, it has to do with having goals, and realizing what it takes to reach those goals.... also its a pretty common saying.. I'm not sure if you know it or not.. its "If you run with dogs, you get fleas" basically saying that if you hang out with the low lifes, you start to become a low life....... And ironically enough I actually work with people on the fringes of society, so I find your accusations humerous Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Oh come on, why are you being so critical? Sounds like you just want to pick on the OP. Making an "effort" to ignore someone is just childish and immature. If he was really over it, he would have been friendly, probably said hi, and certainly not ran back to an internet forum boasting that he got revenge. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Actually, I had a really rough run in with drugs/drinking etc..... I pretty much was a step away from dropping out of college and ending up in the gutter..... So yea, I will ignore them, because I don't want to get caught up into all that again...... And it has nothing to do with perfection, it has to do with having goals, and realizing what it takes to reach those goals.... also its a pretty common saying.. I'm not sure if you know it or not.. its "If you run with dogs, you get fleas" basically saying that if you hang out with the low lifes, you start to become a low life....... And ironically enough I actually work with people on the fringes of society, so I find your accusations humerous well yes of course I got your saying, I commented on it, not sure why you are repeating it? I find it even MORE unsettling that you would make comments like that about people, especially if you work with them AND considering you were there too... nothing funny about that. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Oh come on, why are you being so critical? Sounds like you just want to pick on the OP. It's what I think about the situation. It isn't revenge at all... I seriously think it's a problem when the dumpee desperately is trying to prove to the OP that they are happy/ content/ lost weight/got a better job. to me that just says the opposite of what they are trying to do. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Ok, but I think there's a difference between INTENTIONALLY and actively trying to get revenge... for ex., slashing your ex's tires or something... ...and the passive "revenge" of, hey! What a funny coincidence-my ex who dumped me, just happened to see me out one night, and I just happened to look really good, and he/she couldn't stop looking at me. Couldn't you see yourself maybe taking even the slightest bit of pleasure in a situation like that? Those two things are quite different. The latter goes along more with the saying "living well is the best revenge." I don't see anything disturbing or alarming about that. It's what I think about the situation. It isn't revenge at all... I seriously think it's a problem when the dumpee desperately is trying to prove to the OP that they are happy/ content/ lost weight/got a better job. to me that just says the opposite of what they are trying to do. Link to comment
opalinef Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 the OP was not "desperately trying to prove" anything. he happened to be in the same room as an ex and felt happy that he had moved on and she clearly hadn't. there is nothing desperate about that and i really don't see how that proves he isn't over her. why is being truly over someone defined only complete and utter indifference? i don't get it. sure, you stop being motivated by pleasing your ex or by proving something to them but what is so wrong with inadvertantly reaping the rewards of a life pieced back together well? i don't understand the need to cut someone down for feeling good about a happy accident. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Ok, but I think there's a difference between INTENTIONALLY and actively trying to get revenge... for ex., slashing your ex's tires or something... ...and the passive "revenge" of, hey! What a funny coincidence-my ex who dumped me, just happened to see me out one night, and I just happened to look really good, and he/she couldn't stop looking at me. Couldn't you see yourself maybe taking even the slightest bit of pleasure in a situation like that? Those two things are quite different. The latter goes along more with the saying "living well is the best revenge." I don't see anything disturbing or alarming about that. well yes, slashing tires is crazy ( although I do know someone who did that! I was going more on the fact when it's intentional.. as in making the effort to get all glammed up and going to see the ex. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 the OP was not "desperately trying to prove" anything. he happened to be in the same room as an ex and felt happy that he had moved on and she clearly hadn't. there is nothing desperate about that and i really don't see how that proves he isn't over her. why is being truly over someone defined only complete and utter indifference? i don't get it. sure, you stop being motivated by pleasing your ex or by proving something to them but what is so wrong with inadvertantly reaping the rewards of a life pieced back together well? i don't understand the need to cut someone down for feeling good about a happy accident. first of all, he used the word' revenge'. If he was just happy then why talk about it in terms of revenge? That was what made me think he wasn't over her completely. Link to comment
InRecovery Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think there's a satisfaction to showing your ex you've moved on ... for sure. But revenge is probably the wrong word to use, it certainly implies unresolved issues and resentment towards the ex and that they still have ahold over you in some way. I want to get to a stage where I hope my ex has a great life - despite how things went down I don't think I fell in love with a bad person, just someone who obviously wasn't right for me in that we didn't (looking back on it) always bring out the best in each other (I became an apologist and a bit of a wimp, she became a bit of an aggressive, inconsiderate cow). Link to comment
sad_panda Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I'm not a hypocrite. If someone hurt me really bad in the past, even if I'm completely over it by now, I wouldn't mind one-upping him in some way, especially if the opportunity is serendipitous. As humans, our emotional range is very wide. We feel a lot of things at the same time, and it makes everything fall in a gray area instead of black and white. We can be completely over an ex, but not be indifferent towards them. This is why person A can be friends with exes, while person B can't, even if both persons A and B have moved on with their lives. Link to comment
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