Day 6 after 50 days NC
I've had a great weekend with friends, hiking, camping, meeting a few new girls, and generally feeling up for a change. I'm thinking of travelling again for a few years. Nothing ever quite made me as happy and the soul does need re-charging. The ex called me, I was shocked. I told her How she had hurt me, and then there was a sense of guilt from her. She did apologize. I really laid it all out that I was extremely depressed, "thrown away"
I have been noticing that I'm having trouble sleeping, but it's not because of depression, much the opposite? I cant shut down. Feeling excited to hike, work, do anything. I've been reading a lot of Buddhist literature dealing with loss and anger, and I kinda woke up one morning thinking positive and well, I didnt sleep for 37 hours afterwards.
Not sure how I feel about her anymore. I do miss talking to her, but I feel disrespected and just thrown away. She knew from the beginning of our relationship that we can never go back to friends again. (known her since I was 16, 31 now)And that TOTALLY sucks.