pumpkinmoon Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I think Facebook is fine as long as it doesn't get abused, but sadly I think in majority of cases it does. I hate facebook and don't use it often. I only use it to keep in touch now and then with people I no longer see. I don't splash my personal life all over it like a lot of people do. Some people even find it necessary to state what they had for breakfast! Do I care? NO! Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I think Facebook is fine as long as it doesn't get abused, but sadly I think in majority of cases it does. I hate facebook and don't use it often. I only use it to keep in touch now and then with people I no longer see. I don't splash my personal life all over it like a lot of people do. Some people even find it necessary to state what they had for breakfast! Do I care? NO! Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yep! I think the Face Book thing is getting out of hand now. If it's taken with a pinch of salt it can be fine. I'm thinking of deleting mine because I'm sick of people knowing my business. I don't mind it to be in touch with my close friends, I just don't like work people knowing my business. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yep! I think the Face Book thing is getting out of hand now. If it's taken with a pinch of salt it can be fine. I'm thinking of deleting mine because I'm sick of people knowing my business. I don't mind it to be in touch with my close friends, I just don't like work people knowing my business. Link to comment
girl68 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't like that facebook thing especially not for married people. It was initially set up for people to find old friends but that's not what people have been using it for now. People are using it as a tool for dating. I'm sure there are some people on there that are still using it for it's intended purpose but not the majority. I have to agree with you on this 100%...it is the evil of the modern day. JMHO!! I agree it can be used for all sorts of dirty things, but I doubt that's a majority. I think the majority of people use it for snooping AKA "facecreeping" on people you knew once, dated once, was friends with once... that sort of thing. And less for actaully hooking up. I think you need not worry unless you have good reason to. Has be betrayed you once? Has he dated like this online before? Is he overly secretive about it? Does he chat with/ exchange messages with ex's often? Are they "questionable" messages? See I'm in a committed relationship and both of us are on FB, I facecreep my ex's, as I'm sure we all have a natural curiosity as to "where they are now". I also facecreep on friends, past lovers, enemies and the like. I'm just a facecreeper. I don't use it to send flirty private messages or to look up singles, or to have solicit sex... or anything. You're right it is "social networking" but it doesn't mean it is FOR dating. So if you trust him, leave it at that. BTW facebook is nothing new aside from myspace, friendster, asianavenue etc. These sites have been around for a long time. Link to comment
girl68 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I don't like that facebook thing especially not for married people. It was initially set up for people to find old friends but that's not what people have been using it for now. People are using it as a tool for dating. I'm sure there are some people on there that are still using it for it's intended purpose but not the majority. I have to agree with you on this 100%...it is the evil of the modern day. JMHO!! I agree it can be used for all sorts of dirty things, but I doubt that's a majority. I think the majority of people use it for snooping AKA "facecreeping" on people you knew once, dated once, was friends with once... that sort of thing. And less for actaully hooking up. I think you need not worry unless you have good reason to. Has be betrayed you once? Has he dated like this online before? Is he overly secretive about it? Does he chat with/ exchange messages with ex's often? Are they "questionable" messages? See I'm in a committed relationship and both of us are on FB, I facecreep my ex's, as I'm sure we all have a natural curiosity as to "where they are now". I also facecreep on friends, past lovers, enemies and the like. I'm just a facecreeper. I don't use it to send flirty private messages or to look up singles, or to have solicit sex... or anything. You're right it is "social networking" but it doesn't mean it is FOR dating. So if you trust him, leave it at that. BTW facebook is nothing new aside from myspace, friendster, asianavenue etc. These sites have been around for a long time. Link to comment
eiffeltower Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Well if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat facebook or not. My boyfriend cheat on his last girlfriend and he doesn't even have an email address let alone a myspace or facebook. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I BTW facebook is nothing new aside from myspace, friendster, asianavenue etc. These sites have been around for a long time. See I'm in a committed relationship and both of us are on FB, I facecreep my ex's, as I'm sure we all have a natural curiosity as to "where they are now". I also facecreep on friends, past lovers, enemies and the like yea, but the frenzy is somewhat newer. A few years ago the general public wasn't really using these sites quite as much. Now it is so popular you have people of ALL ages, not just the young, using them. For example a couple of years ago my mom would not have even known what these sites were, now she has her own pages! LOL And yea, some people in relationships abuse them by looking up old flames, etc and being clandestine, but not all people do this and you pretty much have to have the propensity to be that way in the first place. "Facecreep"> LOL now there is a new term i never heard before but how apropos! LOL Link to comment
melrich Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Like anything, Facebook can be abused. Obviously you have had issues with your fiance in the past and the fact that you are asking this question tells me you have doubts about him. If I were you, no way I would be marrying him the way you feel (that is no comment on whether you are right to feel this way or not) but you are just going to tie yourself and him into a world of mistrust and misery. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I think if you distrust him using something like Facebook, you should put off the marriage. Believe me, it is the most awful, sickening feeling to feel like your ex is doing terrible things online behind your back. It will ruin your life. Work out your issues first before you decide to tie the knot. I agree with this. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 i'd say that less than 1% of the people who have contacted me on facebook have been random men looking to hook up. i agree with jaded - if he is faithful, he won't stray. if he's the cheating type, he'll do so either way, facebook or not. afterall, infidelity has been around for thousands of years, long before facebook!!! Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 a facebook profile which indicates very clearly that he is attached to you shouldn't be a big problem. the thing is: he must be clear about it to anyone else whom he meets & who wants something more than just a friend. If he is that clear, you can trust him & he can have as many accounts as he wants to. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 i agree with jaded - if he is faithful, he won't stray. if he's the cheating type, he'll do so either way, facebook or not. afterall, infidelity has been around for thousands of years, long before facebook!!! Also , i must add... if he wants to cheat you, you can even cheat you right in front of your nose & you won't know it. If he doesn't want to cheat you, even when he is 10,000kms away from you, he will remain faithful to you. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I really hate to burst your bubble here, but if your fiance is going to cheat, he doesn't need Facebook. He goes to work, he goes shopping, maybe goes to school. You can't supervise him 24/7 so if he's a trustworthy guy, then just relax and trust him. And, believe me, no one wants to be in a relationship with somewhere who is constantly looking for the other shoe to drop, deserving or not. If you don't trust him, bottom line, you need to re-evaluate your reasons for being in this relationship. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I have said this from day one. I don't like that facebook thing especially not for married people. It was initially set up for people to find old friends but that's not what people have been using it for now. People are using it as a tool for dating. I'm sure there are some people on there that are still using it for it's intended purpose but not the majority. I have to agree with you on this 100%...it is the evil of the modern day. JMHO!! Well I'm married and my husband and I are both on Facebook, and we use it for networking with friends and nothing more. I think if your relationship is solid and you trust and respect each other than there's no reason you can't be part of a networking site like this, it's no different than going to a bar or out with friends when you are married. There's always going to be risks and temptations, but if you are committed and trustworthy, it won't matter. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Since myself or partner do not have personal facebook accounts (i do have one i use only for work purposes and networking since networking is a huge part of my job) i can use my daughter and her husband as an example. When facebook becomes nitpicky and stickety is when each person has friends of opposite sex on them and they right cutesy and flirtsy posts on their wall that might border on the edge of risque. My daughter has shared with me some upsets over comments females have written on her husband's wall...and to be honest, i've seen her wall and he likely has the same issues with her i just don't hear about them. While I don't find either comments to be dealbreakers or even that bad, i do see how each of them could take some issue with it as why do they both need to have these flirts and affirmation like this from other members of the opposite sex? I don't even think EITHER of them are encouraging it, it is just from clueless friends who have nothing better to do than to write this stuff on their pages. I am sure this is more an issue for the younger facebook and myspace users than older, but i've seen some whacky things on older people's pages as well. Even if no cheating will ever take place, it is these pesky things that I think are a pain in the ass for couples because even tho they might be harmless, they are freaking forever imprinted there on a webpage where if the comment were made harmlessly face to face on the job, or out socially, the SO isn't having to read it and see it right in their face. I think it is this that causes couples so much heartburn. Sure, some couples are so 100% healthy and trusting that they laugh it off, but realistically, how many people in the REAL world are like that? Sure a lot of people here on EnA are more insightful as they come to these sites and try hard to work thru insecurities. But the average public is not always that way and sure, those things can make one wince. I say why even have the stupid things if it is going to cause even a slight amount of heartburn for one's partner? IF that were me and i could do something as small as just getting rid of the account to remove that upset, i would do it in a heartbeat> I am not saying some of you married folks here (or in relationships) would get upset over these things, but as i mentioned, not everyone is 100% healthy and SOME jealousy is going to be a bit normal if we are all honest about it. That is when facebook and myspace can cause issues even for couples who are not cheating and who even have reasonable faith that their partner won't cheat. Even knowing my partner wouldn't cheat i still don't think i'd like seeing a bunch of female friends writing flirtatioius things on his wall, despite the harmlessness of it. IF it happened face to face, i don't have to see it right there in print to last for an eternity or until one deletes the account. Link to comment
Circe Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I don't use facebook as a dating site nor do I know anyone who does. Same here. It is a bit impersonal, but for me - I'd simply not know what's going on with most of the people who are on my facebook if not for that application. Unfortunately for me - I'm bad at catching up with people. And I love looking at photos.. they can cheer me up.. give me new holiday destination ideas. I like looking at the reviews some of my movie-buff friends write. I like having something to browse when I'm bored. I think fidelity is always a choice. Ive heard of it referred to as a slippery slope and I understand why people think of it that way. But I actually believe there is always a point when you know that what you are doing is wrong (fidelity-wise). You can ignore that or you can pay heed. But I do believe that before people cross that line, they know they are crossing it. They just dont always pay attention to that knowledge. Having said that - it's a question of whether you feel you trust your fiance enough to pay attention to what he knows is right or wrong by you. If you don't - then you'll have problems somewhere along the line, whether its Facebook or something else. If you do, and he honours that trust - Facebook won't hurt you. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Many men strays away... and often they do it because they want to... & certainly they know that it is wrong... in our society, wrong & the dark side always have it's own dark attraction. Sometimes, i am also beginning to think that all men strays no matter what happens so it is the job of every woman to be able to stand on her own. Sometimes it is also tempting to cast them away at the first sight of something going wrong... then you regret it if you are wrong... the cycle goes on... (sigh~) I am also in the same boat as you can. Am also hoping that my boyfriend will stay faithful to me as i am to him. The truth is: you can never know because you don't know completely what is in the heart of the other person Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Facebook is no more dangerous than him going to the grocery store or going to work. There are single women everywhere. Don't worry so much about it. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Facebook is no more dangerous than him going to the grocery store or going to work. There are single women everywhere. Don't worry so much about it. LOL the only difference, as i stated in my last post, is the conversations become permanent record. LOL Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 LOL the only difference, as i stated in my last post, is the conversations become permanent record. LOL which is a good thing!! Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 LOL the only difference, as i stated in my last post, is the conversations become permanent record. LOL Damn delete button. LOL Cheaters suck. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I don't use facebook as a dating site nor do I know anyone who does. the net is a possible dating site for me Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Damn delete button. LOL Cheaters suck. I don't think status's can be deleted can they? Unless you delete your whole account? Just curious. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 which is a good thing!! Depends on which side of the fence you are standing. Those who are being too flirty probably shouldn't WANT them being permanent. lol Link to comment
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