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Fiance has joined facebook :0(

allypally

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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My fiance had failed to log out of his email account the other night, but I noticed that there were a lot of friend requests from single women - women from his school days who were looking him up.

 

To me this is odd, I lost touch with people that far back in my life YEARS ago.

 

For what reason would these women want to get back in contact?????

 

He is going to be over at his Best Man's house this evening, no doubt looking at facebook; aka organising the stag weekend.

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hockeyboy Mentor

hockeyboy

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My fiance had failed to log out of his email account the other night, but I noticed that there were a lot of friend requests from single women - women from his school days who were looking him up.

 

To me this is odd, I lost touch with people that far back in my life YEARS ago.

 

For what reason would these women want to get back in contact?????

 

He is going to be over at his Best Man's house this evening, no doubt looking at facebook; aka organising the stag weekend.

 

Why are you so worried about this? If you don't trust him, are you sure you should be marrying him?

 

On FB, most people are friends with those they went to school with...I get friend requests from women I went to school with that I barely talked to. Once "friends" we don't talk at all. It's what people do...and it's not a big deal. Besides, these women are requesting him....he's not seeking them out.

 

If he failed to log out, he's obviously not over concerned about you possibly seeing whats on his account...and with that said, you shouldn't be invading your finances privacy.

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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well it was on the computer where we live and my account (my flatmate and I have a user account) and so when i opened up my account his email account came up.

 

Normally he is paranoid about logging out and is very private about my seeing anything. He has a pin number for his phone aswell.

 

There was nothing to see in his email account anyway unless he had deleted a mass of emails.

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jcrisph Newbie

jcrisph

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My fiance had failed to log out of his email account the other night, but I noticed that there were a lot of friend requests from single women - women from his school days who were looking him up.

 

To me this is odd, I lost touch with people that far back in my life YEARS ago.

 

For what reason would these women want to get back in contact?????

 

He is going to be over at his Best Man's house this evening, no doubt looking at facebook; aka organising the stag weekend.

 

To tell you the truth..facebook is a computer stalker..it basically shows who u comment on...what groups you joined..schools etc...Maybe these ladies are just finding him from the PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW little box..he is a new member so he will get a lot of adds.

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hers Experienced

hers

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How do you know they were "single" women? The biggest thing rthat happens on Facebook is people from school finding you & adding you as a friend, just as hockey boy said. You don't seem to know much about the features on the site. There's a tool called "people you may know" & it is on the homepage of your accopunt. If there's a person who's friends w/ multiple friends of yours, it says you may know that person. That's it. They're probably not typing in his name & going "omg steve is so hot! I'm single & I hope he is! I'm going to look for him & add him!"

 

Honestly, w/ this paranoia & lack of distrust, why are you marrying him? Does he know what he's getting himself into?

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hers Experienced

hers

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Even if he left his account open, going thru it is still snooping. You were bothered that he joined Facebook, so you saw this as the golden opportunity to find out what he's up to b/c you don't trust him. I did read that he left his account open--that doesn't give you the right to go thru it.

 

Some history: I'm the biggest snooper there is. Snooping on my ex was the biggest mistake ever b/c I found things I didn't want to find & took away all the trust he & I couldve possibly had in each other (that's not to say had I not snooped, we'd still be together. We had major problems anyway but my snooping brought them all to light). So I know the temptation to snoop--trust me. It's there, calling your name. You know he's doing something, but you don't know what, even if that something is simply planning a get-together w/ his friends. But you have no trust so you snoop. Then your whole relationship is different for the rest of the length of your relationship b/c there will always be this.

 

So as a former snooper, I can honestly say that your relationship is doomed if you think you're justified in looking just b/c it was there. It's doomed b/c you don't trust each other. It's doomed b/c you're getting married without an ounce of trust in each other.

 

By curiosity, do you know what his plans are for his stag do? I'm assuming you're not american (I don't know) b/c you've said flat & stag do, but in america, bachelor parties usually cause a lot of riffs in relationships b/c of strippers & what not. I don't know if they're usually the same where you are. But if they are, how do you expect to deal w/ that if you can deal w/ him having an online friend profile?

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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I am not sure how many times I have found myself at this place - questioning my relationship.

 

This is the second time round I am thinking about calling off the wedding, only this time its far worse as the wedding is just round the corner.

 

The last time I broke off the engagement he had wanted to walk away from the relationship aswell, but apparently wanted it to work, so he stayed.

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Hope75 Grand Master

Hope75

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I think to call off a wedding because someone contacted him on facebook is a total over-reaction. If he contacted her that would be entirely different.

 

I would agree with this but I think the underlying issue is much bigger- that the OP doesn't trust him and is suspicious of what is more than likely completely innocent activity. If this sort of thing makes her question her relationship or his fidelity, how can she expect to survive a marriage with him?

 

The world is full of single women and he will run into them everywhere he goes. Temptation is everywhere. Some may flirt with him and maybe even ask him out. But- if he is trustworthy and faithful it won't matter. But if the OP can't handle this fact, she can't expect to keep him in a glass bubble where he can't talk to the opposite sex or have friends of the opposite sex.

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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Perhaps he won't, but I have seen him put another woman before me in a situation where I should have come first and there was ABSOLUTELY no reason for him to do what he did other than because he wanted to.

 

However, I think the possibility of him cheating is very high because of the way he talks about women etc. His laddish tendancies.

 

I don't think I know him at all when he is not around me. I think he is a completely different person when not around me to the person I know.

 

Thats why on our holiday, I had to question whether I really knew this man at all.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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Then you should leave him. As you know I am aware of your backstory and still think you are overly suspicious - but you can't help how you feel. My main concern is that you will come to regret it and be very unhappy as a result. But then you will be unhappy anyway if you don't trust him.

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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I can't help how I feel because time and time again he doesn't put me first. I get left to the side while he does what he does.

 

Why does he admit to these things in the first place, or is it the fact that I just can't handle someone who behaves this way? i.e. I'm not comfortable with someone who drinks themselves stupid and flirts with other women.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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You know, you have posted about these concerns with him many times. And yet you are still with him. You have allowed him to think that you are going to marry him, you have allowed him to make plans to completely disrupt his life to be with you - and now you are saying that you are still having doubts despite the fact that nothing has changed.

 

You really do need to come to decision one way or the other because not only are you putting yourself through unnecessary tribulations it is getting to the point where you will be very unfair to him.

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