Question for mature women

[keenan]

Just to be clear:

 

1. I think 20 year olds can be very mature. I was! debaser_wolf and EQUESTRIANDYNAMO are awesome women who were probably born wise.

 

2. Life is an OCEAN. It's beautiful and so fun, but if you're out in it, living it, you get slammed down by waves that you never, ever thought would hit you...especially if you're a bit of a risk taker. Even the savviest of us get knocked down unexpectedly in those years between 20 and 30, or 30 and 40, or 40 and...you get me. But you survive! You learn to look for patterns in the water and the wind, and you change your behavior accordingly. It helps so much to have an "old soul" and your head squarely on your shoulders...but there is definitely something to be said for simply *accumulating a lot of experiences*...and being willing to engage in some serious, honest self-reflection, and then doing the hard work needed to maximize the probability of getting good outcomes while minimizing the probability of getting bad outcomes. It's a balance.

 

3. For me, this has translated into being more honest, patient, considerate, kind, and loyal than I was at 20, and a LOT less judgmental. I am 1/10 as * * * * * y as I used to be. It also means that I value those characteristics in my SO and my best friends far more than I used to. Being half-friends with the beautiful, snarky guy who makes you laugh so hard you practically pee your pants, but who is also pretty short-tempered and critical and fills his girlfriends with self doubts? Fine, whatever. Being in a relationship with him? Not for anything. Being in a relationship with the cute, funny, kind, generous, emotionally stable guy who loves you and wants to commit to you? Yes, please!

 

And I agree with annie24: consistency is worth its weight in gold.

 

4. I also get far more compliments than I did in my twenties....so step off, epsilon2x.

[tiredofvampires]

I think the things that I look for in a man today are not that different from what I was looking for in my 20's (my teens, well, back then I was just looking for someone who liked me back and was cute and intelligent), but they've been greatly qualified and refined. I have, as far back as I can remember, felt that I wanted a partner in life to share secrets with. To share my deepest feelings, experiences and unorthodox observations about things. So it's fair to say I've always gravitated towards the man who is in some way deeply self-examining, and a bit on the edge, who is struggling a bit with himself. I have had to go through so much adversity in my life that I've grown from, I think I've always sought out someone who might be a partner in all this, so we can do this together, so I don't have to bear it all alone and we can enhance eachother's self-discovery. And since I am passionate about the arts, I have always gravitated to poets, artists, musicians, creative types who don't wear a clean-cut socially conservative image.

 

Unfortunately, rebels and counter-cultural types who have all the personality flair I could want, and the dark side I can relate to, come in all gradations of character development. And what I've found is that it takes a very special sort of person to retain all the lessons he's learned, consolidate the trials by fire, and express himself fully without having raging issues that are destructive to a relationship. No matter how exciting a man's personality, how brilliant and fascinating, and how much I love him and his story, in the end how he treats me and other people, his personal integrity and what he values not just in talk, but in walk, these are the defining things that I'm looking for. So now, the man who has grown kinder as a result of living is probably what I'm looking for more than ever, and the package that comes in is less and less of importance. It's actually kind of rare, I find. I don't know if I'll ever NOT be attracted to "bad boys", but what has to accompany that (and it's not even an outward bad-boyness either, it's more of an orientation to life) has gotten much more selective in terms of character. A loyal, dependable, PREDICTABLE man is far, far more attractive to me now than ever before.

 

I'm also never again going to really put any stock in someone saying that they love everything about me and charming me with pretty words. Never again.

 

Romance will be built from the bottom up.

[thejigsup]

Women in their 30s and above learn how to put things in a more polite manner, even when they disagree. Younger people seem to take much offense at others who have a different point-of-view, I know I did. I've learned with age those magic words, "Of course, I see your point." As far as male attention goes, I get just as much attention from men now as I ever did. Not more, just the same amount. That NEVER changes.

[JadedStar]

I learned A LOT. I learned to not get so insecure and goofy over things that really are no big deal. I learned not to cling and hang on so tight that i ended up losing my grip altogether. I learned that it is great to communicate when something bothers you vs sitting around seeting for a couple of days hoping he'd read my mind...I learned to be a better listener and not come home frmo a bad day and spend and hour venting at how horrible everything was and to be concerned about HIS day and try to keep the venting and negative drama to a minimum. I learned that relationships are not supposed to be onesided, no matter whose side it might be. ONce i became comfortable with who I am i found I attracted people who were the same way.

 

My tastes also changed A LOT. I began to venture towards men who were mature, professional when they needed to be and fun and humorous when it was appropriate. Bad boys didn't do a thing for me once i hit the age of 35.

When i was younger i was drawn to the guys with a lot of troubles because i thought i should go out and 'fix' them. I later learned in life this was likely in most part due to my bad relationship with my father and a subconscious effort to try to fix future partners was in some way 'fixing' that relationship. Sounds freudian but i do think there is some truth to it.

 

Yeah, i learned a lot and do a LOT of things differently.

[waveseer]

What do you think you have learned about dating, relationships boyfriends/husbands, that you did not know in your twenties and teens?

 

I have learned that nobody deserves my full trust until they earn it.

 

Do you think you are attracted to different types of men than when you were younger and less mature?

 

Absolutely, I used to be completely willing to be responsible for everything in the relationship. No more, now I'd rather be alone than be the only one who cares.

 

Do you believe that you have always been attracted to the same type of men?

 

Not at all. I've been attracted to just about every kind of man at one time or another.

 

What do you think has changed about yourself "if anything (and if not, what hasn't changed?)

 

I have always been quite independent, that hasn't changed. I used to be quite naive, that has changed (I hope).

[Kiteless]

I don't think it is what I learned about relationships, just what I learned about me. I like who I am now, I don't seek approval from outside sources as my source of validation. I am comfortable with who I am, so in turn I seek out men that are the same.

[D_Lish]

Older women appreciate compliments more because they don't get them as often.

 

Soz to inform ya, but I get more now than I ever did in my teens and twenties...

 

That blows your take on it outta the window...

[D_Lish]

1. I don't need a man to be happy

2. Trust is only given, when he's earned it.

3. Never desert your friends, in favour of a man. Friends tend to be around, a whole lot longer.

4. Not to be so clingy, insecure, needy and demanding

5. Never to revolve my life around a relationship and a man....but to make my relationship and my partner, the most important part of my life.

 

 

I guess there are many more but I'm tired....

 

As for taste in men, it's varied over the years I guess....and I don't and havn't normally ended up, with my type...? I usually end up with guys, I wouldn't have ever dreamed, I'd be attracted too....lol

[thistime]

I think it's funny that over 27 is now considered "mature"...as in age. I always thought that when someone spoke of a "mature woman", it was referring to anyone cronologically over 40! i must really be old, if over 27 is "mature!"

Can we say 'expirienced" or "worldly" ?

[D_Lish]

I think it's funny that over 27 is now considered "mature"...as in age. I always thought that when someone spoke of a "mature woman", it was referring to anyone cronologically over 40! i must really be old, if over 27 is "mature!"

Can we say 'expirienced" or "worldly" ?

 

I was thinking the same. Heck 27 is still young....

 

I reckon 'mature' is 50+

 

I would in no way think of a man as being 'mature' at only 27!! 45+ for the man I reckon.

 

People have us old, before our time

[Portage]

I think the 'more mature' woman is laid back, easy going, not feeling the need to be in an exclusive relationship IMO. WE know what it's like to be involved as well as living solo.

 

If it happens it is just icing on the cake. My only concern, one can become extremely independent and no longer feel the need to add extra issues to their plate???? hmmmm

[D_Lish]

My only concern, one can become extremely independent and no longer feel the need to add extra issues to their plate???? hmmmm

 

Yes, so true. Think that has happened to me....I've become way to independent and am feeling no need to alter my circumstances and despite there being a man in the picture.

 

I shudder at the thought of being in a committed relationship.

 

I'm not looking to be married, have more kids and tied to the kitchen sink. That appealed to me once, not anymore. I'm happy with a guy around...but not full time.

 

I think my ex H put me off, BIG time!! LOL

[Portage]

I can completely relate DL I thought my life would be 2.5 children, married, dog, white picket fence, and neighbourhood BBQ's all summer long.

 

I am divorced with one child, i live in a condo (but i do have a bit of grass of my own and a BBQ), a chunky elderly dog, topped off with annoying neighbours.

 

But i feel content, though, my ideal relationship would have my SO living under his own roof with contact no more than twice a week. The perfect relationship.

[D_Lish]

..

I thought you were in a relationship. Did you guys break up?

 

I've never been in a committed relationship since the ex H.. coming up for two years.

 

I was seeing someone few months back, but he was long distance and I hardly saw him. Now while I don't like a guy to live in my pocket, I would still like to see him more than I was seeing the LDR guy...which is why I think LDR's suck. They are not reachable when you need them.

 

I'd be happy with seeing someone twice a week,...and I wasn't getting that from the LDR.

 

I recently met up with a guy online I'd known months beforehand....he is kinda LDR (2 HOURS)...and I'm getting pissed in this set up too. Again Im not seeing as often as I want....but I wouldn't want him here 24/7 either.

[Tethys]

Speaking for myself...

 

As an "older' woman (over 35)

 

I think I put up with a lot less, such as "flakiness."

 

I think I am more secure in myself. I mean, things I worried about in my teens and twenties -- I don't care now, like the minor stuff.

 

Someone brought this up -- but yes, I take compliments much better now. It's not because I get less of them, as someone implied -- oh no -- I am simply more gracious. When I was very young, compliments made me uncomfortable, and I stupidly tried to undermine them. Now I look the complimenter in the eye and I say, "Thank you" or "That is nice of you to say." Stuff like that. That is the best thing you can do and is much more gracious.

 

I don't obsess over the tiny things like I used to. I know what I want, and I go for it. I have accepted myself as a very sexual being, and I make no apologies.

 

So yeah, that's what I have learned or become as I get older..

[D_Lish]

my ideal relationship would have my SO living under his own roof with contact no more than twice a week. The perfect relationship.

 

Ditto....lol

[servedcold]

my ideal relationship would have my SO living under his own roof with contact no more than twice a week. The perfect relationship.

 

This is a milestone for everyone, where a BF/GF doesn't mean a housemate in the first few months. So much better when two lives intersect and then very gradually flow together over a significant amount of time. Have had trouble finding this with any age partner though.

[Portage]

Ditto....lol

 

Funny how our views change as we go through life...hand holding becomes exciting even. LOL. We really do revert back to the good ol' days We want the simple things and if distance keeps the motor revved...i vote SPACE!!!

[Portage]

This is a milestone for everyone, where a BF/GF doesn't mean a housemate in the first few months. So much better when two lives intersect and then very gradually flow together over a significant amount of time. Have had trouble finding this with any age partner though.

 

I'm surprised it isn't more prevelant in the older crowds????

 

I'm wise beyond my number 29

[My Advice]

your move........bub

 

 

I'm not mature enough to handle this. haha.

 

debaser I am ashamed of you. Are you making fun of my post?

[Cognitive_Canine]

debaser I am ashamed of you. Are you making fun of my post?

 

It was a bad joke.

[My Advice]

not every woman takes advantage of the lessons more time affords them. i know of alot of women twice my age that are 4 times as clueless.

the limit is in their aptitude and self awareness.

 

Eques certainly there are girls at your age more mature than older ones. This is a general statement. I would even go so far as to say 'some' people regress and become less knowledgeable or self aware as they grow older.

[My Advice]

I personally was never under the impression that older women necessarily receive less compliments.

 

My suspicion is that older women appreciate them more because they are more confident and actually recognize a sincere compliment when they receive it rather than a guy who is just trying to get into their pants.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I personally was never under the impression that older women necessarily receive less compliments.

 

My suspicion is that older women appreciate them more because they are more confident and actually recognize a sincere compliment when they receive it rather than a guy who is just trying to get into their pants.

 

I think that depends more on the person giving the compliment than the person recieving the compliment.

 

Young women recognize genuine compliments when they get them.

And older women still get men complimenting them only to get in their pants.

[My Advice]

I think it's funny that over 27 is now considered "mature"...as in age. I always thought that when someone spoke of a "mature woman", it was referring to anyone cronologically over 40! i must really be old, if over 27 is "mature!"

Can we say 'expirienced" or "worldly" ?

 

This time reread the opening.

 

I said "at least' over 27 meaning 28 + and the word at least suggests that only "some" 28 year old's might have figured out who they are at that age but that I would prefer people altogether out of their twenties and very early thirties to answer. I phrased the question carefully around observation and research that 'many' people determine a lot about who they are in their late twenties and early thirties and are slower to change afterward.

 

Not being defensive but I want to make sure we're all on the same page here concerning the question.