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Girlfriend is pregnant with ex boyfriend's child


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So after getting excited about being a dad, I just found out yesterday that my girlfriend isn't pregnant with my child. She got an ultrasound yesterday and the doc said that she's 11 weeks pregnant, we've been together for just over 2 months so it's close, but it's not my child. So she was actually pregnant when we first started dating with her ex's baby. She told me this could be a possibility the day before the ultra sound though since she had her period the week we started dating I was pretty confident that it was my baby.

 

So now I'm going through a lot of different emotions. I did tell her that no matter what the doctor said, it's not going to change how I feel about her because she's still the same woman that I fell in love with. Things are just going to be more complicated, as if they weren't complicated enough already, since the ex is the dad I told her she needs to tell him, but that means I'm going to have to deal with him in the picture now, he may see this as an opportunity to get back with her.

 

Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated

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You've only been dating her for 2 months, so you don't even KNOW the girl yet!

 

Why did they break up? Yes I will catch a lot of hell for saying this - I always do - but my personal opinion would be that (depending on the circumstances) it is may be better for you gf to breakup with you and get back together with the baby's father.

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You have only been dating for 2 months, your opinion will probably change.

 

agreed. i say walk away. it's been just 2 months. you can't be that invested in her, and if you think yo're in love with her, it's either been clouded by the honeymoon stage or b/c you're excited about the pregnancy. it'll most definitely change your opinion of her one day.

 

and no, erik, she doesnt have to get back together with the baby's father, but she shuldnt stay with this guy.

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By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?"

 

Don't they factor that into the equation or are all doctors bad at math?

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He should have explained that, which is why I'm asking if he did. But yeah, they consider the first week of your period to be week one of pregnancy even though you're not pregnant yet

 

I am not doubting you I just never heard of that before so I would appreciate someone to second.

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By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?"

 

Yeah!

 

Doctors can only estimate. A three week difference here can change the further along she gets. If she had her period the first week you two started dating..then it's highly possible that it's yours, and the doc's 'estimate' is off.

 

Don't jump the gun here. I wouldn't say anything to the ex just yet.

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I think the bottom line is, you're going to need a paternity test to know 100%. They can do paternity tests while she's still pregnant, early on, I think right abut this time. It's only a couple week frame. But I think there is a slight risk to the baby. Ask a doctor.

 

Doctors can only estimate, but the earlier the estimation/ultrasound, the more accurate it is.

 

I think he should clarify with the doctor about the 11 week thing, I'm pretty sure he did it the standard way, wasn't 11 weeks ago her last period?

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By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?"

 

This is very true! I hope you get a paternity test done either way.

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I know this is a tough situation for all involved. Sorry you are going through it. It can feel like a big loss to feel like you are going to be a father one minute and then not the next. I know the feeling personally. But consider that these emotions may be clouding your judgment.

 

I would try to consider the facts involved. You have only been with her for 8 weeks. That is not long enough to really know a person, certainly not long enough to know are ready to be a parent with her. She was in another relationship (or at least, sleep with an ex) 11 weeks ago. She may, and probably still has feelings for the ex, who she now will be connected with forever through this child.

 

She will be pregnant and hormonal for the next 30 weeks. She will seem like a different person for about 4 times longer than you’ve known her. And then AFTER that, her life as she knows it will change forever. It will probably not be possible to have the same relationship you have with her now ever again.

 

My feeling is that this will really end up complicating your life. I think she needs time to choose how the ex will play a role in this child’s life and you need to give her that space right now.

 

If you continue on in spite of this, you are a saint and good luck to you.

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They factored in the size of the baby which I believe was 22 inches, there was a little sack to the right of the baby, the doctor factored in all of these to come up with 11 weeks.

 

We started dating around 11/18, she had her period, then a week later we had sex, I busted in her on Dec 08 due to a broken condom, so for the baby to be mine she would have to be 7-9 wks, it's close, but I just don't know.

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They factored in the size of the baby which I believe was 22 inches, there was a little sack to the right of the baby, the doctor factored in all of these to come up with 11 weeks.

 

We started dating around 11/18, she had her period, then a week later we had sex, I busted in her on Dec 08 due to a broken condom, so for the baby to be mine she would have to be 7-9 wks, it's close, but I just don't know.

 

I'm asking did the doctor say it looks like the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago, or did they say she's around 11 weeks pregnant? You should really ask the doctor to clarify what he meant if you're not sure, due to what I mentioned before.

 

22 inches is a fully formed baby ready to be born.

 

I would do a paternity test

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I am not doubting you I just never heard of that before so I would appreciate someone to second.

 

Yes it's true. They date the start of the pregnancy from the start date of your last menstrual period, even though technically you conceived on the average 8-18 days after that depending on your cycle.

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My bad, I was paying attention but gimme a break, u know how much crap was going through my head at once when she came out of the doctor's office, So ok the doctor took a look at the size (Which I don't know sorry) and a few features of the baby to determine how far along she was.

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Did the doctor give her a due date?

 

If you have the due date, there are many online calculators you can google, where you can enter the due date and it will give you the conception date. So i would ask her what day she's due, then go to a conception calculator.

 

Here's one i used... it says that if the due date is August 31, 2009, the baby was conceived on Dec. 8 2008. So if you think that is when it was conceived, she should be due on August 31, 2009. If she's due before then, it's probably not your baby.

 

You can use this yourself based on her due date... go to the section that says 'Calculate backward' (you can either calculate based on last period or due date using this webpage).

 

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Yeah you need to get more details from her & she needs to be VERY specific what the doctor said....I know your head is spinning but slow it down for a bit & think! Its very important

 

I think either way you shouldnt eliminate yourself from being the father unless you are 100% certain - by the doctor telling you the timeframe isn't possible for u to be the father OR getting a paternity test. I think its too much of a close call.

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