tmp02161248 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 So after getting excited about being a dad, I just found out yesterday that my girlfriend isn't pregnant with my child. She got an ultrasound yesterday and the doc said that she's 11 weeks pregnant, we've been together for just over 2 months so it's close, but it's not my child. So she was actually pregnant when we first started dating with her ex's baby. She told me this could be a possibility the day before the ultra sound though since she had her period the week we started dating I was pretty confident that it was my baby. So now I'm going through a lot of different emotions. I did tell her that no matter what the doctor said, it's not going to change how I feel about her because she's still the same woman that I fell in love with. Things are just going to be more complicated, as if they weren't complicated enough already, since the ex is the dad I told her she needs to tell him, but that means I'm going to have to deal with him in the picture now, he may see this as an opportunity to get back with her. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated Link to comment
george237 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You have only been dating for 2 months, your opinion will probably change. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You have only been dating for 2 months, your opinion will probably change. totally agree. And as you have been together only 2 months. Be prepared for the possibility that she may want to get back with her ex now that they'll have a baby. Link to comment
ErikT Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You've only been dating her for 2 months, so you don't even KNOW the girl yet! Why did they break up? Yes I will catch a lot of hell for saying this - I always do - but my personal opinion would be that (depending on the circumstances) it is may be better for you gf to breakup with you and get back together with the baby's father. Link to comment
hers Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You have only been dating for 2 months, your opinion will probably change. agreed. i say walk away. it's been just 2 months. you can't be that invested in her, and if you think yo're in love with her, it's either been clouded by the honeymoon stage or b/c you're excited about the pregnancy. it'll most definitely change your opinion of her one day. and no, erik, she doesnt have to get back together with the baby's father, but she shuldnt stay with this guy. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?" Link to comment
george237 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?" Don't they factor that into the equation or are all doctors bad at math? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Don't they factor that into the equation or are all doctors bad at math? He should have explained that, which is why I'm asking if he did. But yeah, they consider the first week of your period to be week one of pregnancy even though you're not pregnant yet Link to comment
george237 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 He should have explained that, which is why I'm asking if he did. But yeah, they consider the first week of your period to be week one of pregnancy even though you're not pregnant yet I am not doubting you I just never heard of that before so I would appreciate someone to second. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?" Yeah! Doctors can only estimate. A three week difference here can change the further along she gets. If she had her period the first week you two started dating..then it's highly possible that it's yours, and the doc's 'estimate' is off. Don't jump the gun here. I wouldn't say anything to the ex just yet. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I think the bottom line is, you're going to need a paternity test to know 100%. They can do paternity tests while she's still pregnant, early on, I think right abut this time. It's only a couple week frame. But I think there is a slight risk to the baby. Ask a doctor. Doctors can only estimate, but the earlier the estimation/ultrasound, the more accurate it is. I think he should clarify with the doctor about the 11 week thing, I'm pretty sure he did it the standard way, wasn't 11 weeks ago her last period? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 By 11 weeks, the doctor means 11 weeks from her last period, which in reality is somewhere around 9 weeks from the date of conception. when was she last with her ex? Or did he say "the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago?" This is very true! I hope you get a paternity test done either way. Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I know this is a tough situation for all involved. Sorry you are going through it. It can feel like a big loss to feel like you are going to be a father one minute and then not the next. I know the feeling personally. But consider that these emotions may be clouding your judgment. I would try to consider the facts involved. You have only been with her for 8 weeks. That is not long enough to really know a person, certainly not long enough to know are ready to be a parent with her. She was in another relationship (or at least, sleep with an ex) 11 weeks ago. She may, and probably still has feelings for the ex, who she now will be connected with forever through this child. She will be pregnant and hormonal for the next 30 weeks. She will seem like a different person for about 4 times longer than you’ve known her. And then AFTER that, her life as she knows it will change forever. It will probably not be possible to have the same relationship you have with her now ever again. My feeling is that this will really end up complicating your life. I think she needs time to choose how the ex will play a role in this child’s life and you need to give her that space right now. If you continue on in spite of this, you are a saint and good luck to you. Link to comment
tmp02161248 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 They factored in the size of the baby which I believe was 22 inches, there was a little sack to the right of the baby, the doctor factored in all of these to come up with 11 weeks. We started dating around 11/18, she had her period, then a week later we had sex, I busted in her on Dec 08 due to a broken condom, so for the baby to be mine she would have to be 7-9 wks, it's close, but I just don't know. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 They factored in the size of the baby which I believe was 22 inches, there was a little sack to the right of the baby, the doctor factored in all of these to come up with 11 weeks. We started dating around 11/18, she had her period, then a week later we had sex, I busted in her on Dec 08 due to a broken condom, so for the baby to be mine she would have to be 7-9 wks, it's close, but I just don't know. I'm asking did the doctor say it looks like the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago, or did they say she's around 11 weeks pregnant? You should really ask the doctor to clarify what he meant if you're not sure, due to what I mentioned before. 22 inches is a fully formed baby ready to be born. I would do a paternity test Link to comment
tmp02161248 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 I wasn't there for the appointment, I was in the waiting room, this was hard for her so she wanted to be there alone, the doctor estimated that the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I think you have the 22inches wrong, double check....she would be popping the baby out soon if that was true lol Link to comment
free2Bme Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Erm, the fact that you say the baby was 22 INCHES (22mm maybe?) suggests you might not have been paying very close attention. I'd check again if I were you Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I am not doubting you I just never heard of that before so I would appreciate someone to second. Yes it's true. They date the start of the pregnancy from the start date of your last menstrual period, even though technically you conceived on the average 8-18 days after that depending on your cycle. Link to comment
tmp02161248 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 My bad, I was paying attention but gimme a break, u know how much crap was going through my head at once when she came out of the doctor's office, So ok the doctor took a look at the size (Which I don't know sorry) and a few features of the baby to determine how far along she was. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Quick question, how old are the 2 of you? Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 So if the doctors are basing how far along she is...from the date of her last period...and you're the only one she's been with after her period, then you have to be the father. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Did the doctor give her a due date? If you have the due date, there are many online calculators you can google, where you can enter the due date and it will give you the conception date. So i would ask her what day she's due, then go to a conception calculator. Here's one i used... it says that if the due date is August 31, 2009, the baby was conceived on Dec. 8 2008. So if you think that is when it was conceived, she should be due on August 31, 2009. If she's due before then, it's probably not your baby. You can use this yourself based on her due date... go to the section that says 'Calculate backward' (you can either calculate based on last period or due date using this webpage). link removed Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Yeah you need to get more details from her & she needs to be VERY specific what the doctor said....I know your head is spinning but slow it down for a bit & think! Its very important I think either way you shouldnt eliminate yourself from being the father unless you are 100% certain - by the doctor telling you the timeframe isn't possible for u to be the father OR getting a paternity test. I think its too much of a close call. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 They changed my due date three times through the course of my pregnancy. I knew the day I conceived...but they wouldn't listen to that, and kept telling me MY due date was wrong. Finally the third due date was right, which happen to be the one I gave them. Link to comment
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