ladyblue07 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I'm asking did the doctor say it looks like the baby was conceived 11 weeks ago, or did they say she's around 11 weeks pregnant? You should really ask the doctor to clarify what he meant if you're not sure, due to what I mentioned before. Yes, Scorpion Fury is right. I think it would be important to get clarification from the doctor about this. 11 weeks PREGNANT means that the BABY is actually only 9 weeks old, because they consider the beginning of the pregnancy to be two weeks before the baby is actually created. This is explained on this website: link removed "Strange as it may seem, your practitioner calculates your due date (and your baby's gestational age) starting from the first day of your last menstrual period. Pregnancy lasts about 38 weeks from conception, but since it's often difficult to pinpoint exactly when egg and sperm merged, doctors and midwives simply count 40 weeks of pregnancy beginning with the onset of your last period. That's why you're already considered to be two weeks into your pregnancy when fertilization occurs". Hopefully the doctor can help explain thigns more clearly and let you know how likely it really is that you are the baby's dad. Anyway, I give you a lot of props for being concerned about your girlfriend and the baby, and not just running away from the situation even though I would guess that it's not what you planned on. Good luck to all of you. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 FYI, the only way to use DNA to determine paternity prior to the baby's birth is to use amniocentesis, which should not be done unless there is a serious condition to check or some other life threatening thing that must be diagnosed before the baby is born. Paternity is not so urgent as to require amniocentesis. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 11 weeks PREGNANT means that the BABY is actually only 9 weeks old, because they consider the beginning of the pregnancy to be two weeks before the baby is actually created. where did you get this from???? it is true that an average pregnancy is more than 9 month from the day of conception, but pregnancy is considered to start with exactly that: conception. as an additional note: some women have bleedings while they are pregnant which occur at the same time as their period would, so it can be easily confused with a normal period. thereforee they are measuring the size of the fetus to estimate conception date, which is a much more reliable indicator (albeit not perfect). Link to comment
blue69 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 where did you get this from???? it is true that an average pregnancy is more than 9 month from the day of conception, but pregnancy is considered to start with exactly that: conception. as an additional note: some women have bleedings while they are pregnant which occur at the same time as their period would, so it can be easily confused with a normal period. thereforee they are measuring the size of the fetus to estimate conception date, which is a much more reliable indicator (albeit not perfect). Actually Penelope you might want to check on that. The medical community doesn't always follow that logic. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 where did you get this from???? she provided a link Link to comment
mr me Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Im sorry but this just is a sad story. Im not really sure what is going on with you because you said you are dealing with alot of emotions but they werent explained so well. Im kinda confused with all this well figure out exactly when she got pregnant. There is really no 100% chance to know from all this speculation. I know that even paternity tests arent 100% percent right all the time but thats the only real way to know. Im also not sure why you didnt get the night after pill if you did have the condom break. Im just kinda wonder why you would be ok gettin someone pregnant so soon into a relationship. Did you always want to have kids, were your parents not around when you were a kid, and anything that might want you want to do this. I think it takes alot of strength to want to stick this out but im just not sure if its based on good reason. I know you said that you wouldnt care because she will still be the same person but i wonder if thats really based on good judgement. I dont really think there is anyway to know what will happen now. You dont know if she will still want to stay with you or not, you cant really be sure whos it is, and really she just came out of a relationship so i dont think her mind is in such a great place either. I know this isnt actually the good news you wanted to hear but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders so i hope you can take this for what it is. Its really up to you what you want to do and maybe you will stick with this girl and things will work out or maybe they wont. I personally wish you would just leave this situation alone and try to do what you need to do with your life but you can decide for yourself how you want to live your life. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 you learn something new every day: a quick review of the literature concerning "definition of pregnancy": from a science/ medical point of view nothing has changed about the events leading to a potentially new life: fertilization of egg, implantation into uterus, gestation, birth. so if you have conceived in a natural way, the date necessary to predict your due date is still the date of fertilization of the egg. However, there is an ongoing debate about definitions as part of a moral/ ethical/ legal/ political/ debate, since governments, religious groups, and science etc are arguing about legal definition of "pregnancy and a human life" due to abortion laws, ivf treatment, stem cells etc. Link to comment
tmp02161248 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well to clear up some things, and please bear with me, I've been working a lot of hours lately. We started dating on Nov. 18, we started having sex just over a week into the relationship, I always used a condom because this was a new relationship. Well on December 08, the condom broke and she told me that she didn't want to do the morning after pill, I suggested it to her but she told me not to worry about it because she was on birth control, which when asked what kind or when she stopped taking it, I could never get a straight answer out of her. It's kinda sad that I remember the date, but I have some pictures saved on my phone from the night the condom broke (It was a really good night) and the file name shows the date it was taken. So neways, fast forward to the the night before we go to the OBGYN , she talked to me about the fact that maybe she's getting so big because she's carrying her ex's kid (They broke up about a couple weeks before we started dating, it was one of those on and off deals, but because their relationship was spread out over 5 yrs, that makes it a 5 yr relationship even though they were probably together for a total of 2 yrs, it's funny how ppl do that) so I told her that's not going to change how I feel about her, and we did have really strong feelings right from the get go, it scared the crap out of me because I never had felt this strongly for someone so soon. So we go to the appointment, and we had gotten a due date based on the date of her last period which was the week we started dating, of course I heard all of this from her, not the doctor, she wanted to go alone in case the baby wasn't mine, then she sent me a text breaking the news to me, saying that she's sorry and that the doctor wouldn't let her go get me while I was in the waiting room. When I talked to her she said that the 11 wks figure wasn't based on her last period which was 9-10 wks ago, it was based on the size and the features of the baby that they gathered from the ultrasound. For those of you that managed to read my novel feel free to ask anymore questions, I was ready to be a father, I was excited about being father, I had just spent the past month mentally preparing myself to be a father and now based on what I've heard I'm not the father, I will still be willing to pay for a paternity test to give me peace of mind, however now things are a lot more complicated and I'm just going to take things day by day. I told my girlfriend that regardless of what happens I'll still be there for her, that I'll still go to the appointments. I still love her but I'm not sure if she's still going to love me, and with all of these hormones, it's going to be harder to endure knowing that there's a pretty good chance that this isn't my child. I'm 23, I work as a part time as a server and full time as an A/V technician and I'm goin to school for Music Production Technology, I make about 30k a year, she's 20 and makes around 19k a year as a to-go-specialist at a restaurant, we make enough to support a child so finances aren't an issue. This wasn't planned but it was something that I was ready to go at head on, and still am, but I just have to take things one day at a time Link to comment
dumbblonde88 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 It's good you are ready to be a father cuz this baby is going to need one. Its ultimately up to her if she wants you in the picture but it sounds like she found a winner and should hang on to you. Of course if ex is the father and wants rights he can have them but there's never too much love and positive influence in a child's life. Support her. Love her. Love the child whether its yours or not. If she goes back to the ex dont be angry at her. understand its a difficult situation. best of luck Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 where did you get this from???? it is true that an average pregnancy is more than 9 month from the day of conception, but pregnancy is considered to start with exactly that: conception. . Actually the poster your quoted is correct-most doctors do calculate the start of a pregnancy using the 'wheel' method which starts pregnancy two weeks before you actually conceive. As you can read here: link removed during week 3 of pregnancy is when you actually conceive according the medical community. Ultrasound dating includes this two week period before you actually conceive. For example I am 16.5 weeks pregnant right now but actually conceived 14.5 weeks ago (based on charting FAM method, my LMP and ovulation), and my ultrasound dates me at 16.5 weeks. It's a bit confusing, but it's accurate. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 you learn something new every day: a quick review of the literature concerning "definition of pregnancy": from a science/ medical point of view nothing has changed about the events leading to a potentially new life: fertilization of egg, implantation into uterus, gestation, birth. so if you have conceived in a natural way, the date necessary to predict your due date is still the date of fertilization of the egg. However, there is an ongoing debate about definitions as part of a moral/ ethical/ legal/ political/ debate, since governments, religious groups, and science etc are arguing about legal definition of "pregnancy and a human life" due to abortion laws, ivf treatment, stem cells etc. We're talking about how the medical community defines pregnancy and dates the gestational age of the fetus- which is what is relevant to the OP's concern. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 OP, I really sense maturity in your post and in the things that you've stated about yourself. I think you should be proud at how you're dealing with this. As you said, it's just a one day at a time deal. Things may change, and they also may not. God bless you and good luck, no matter what happens. At least you may certainly be proud of how well you're handling something that is a total game changer! Link to comment
redhearts Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 2 months? RUN and make sure she DOES NOT put you on the birth certificate or you'll be responsible for child support. Seems to be like she wanted it to be her ex's and wants to be with her ex for some odd reason in the back of her mind. That is what I get out of this. Put it this way, its not your child, if the time comes that you two break up say in a 1 after the baby is born, or 2 years, that baby will recognize you as the father if the other guy isn't in the picture. Then things will be hard. You think you can afford it. But it will always be more than you expect. link removed One thing I don't get she had to have missed her period for 2 months, how did she not notice? Or missed 1 month? I'm not sure. If she was supposedly on birth control, taking it while pregnant isn't that dangerous to the baby? Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I disagree with the advice to run. The OP has strong feelings for this woman. He stated his feelings for her are different from any he's had before in other relationships. Why should he not explore this - just because it may be hard? In most cases, where there's dishonesty or drama or whatever, I'd agree with you, redhearts. But I think this OP seems like he's handling it well, his girlfriend seems to have been honest with him (that seems to be his perception as he's not mentioned anything shady about her and doesn't write about her as though she's shady) and I think that he'll know when to split, if ever. I see no reason for him to run. Link to comment
redhearts Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 She had sex with him when she probably already knew she was pregnant. What if she had a plan to wait a few weeks to go to the doctor? So that she would have enough time for him to fall for her? So she wouldn't have to be alone through this? Females are scandelous, lol. I mean she didn't take the plan B, why do you think so? She probably knew she was pregnant. She probably wasn't even on birth control the whole time. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Do you not like your fellow women? You have said many things in other posts that are misogynous. I might be spelling that wrong. I think what really counts with this woman is that she was honest with him that it might not be his. And she told him the truth all along about that, it sounds like. Sure, she might have been afraid to tell him initially, but she did the right thing. OP knows what he's getting into. Would you please quit talking about how women lie, women deceive, women get pregnant on purpose, etc? It's really tiresome and irritating. 99% of women *do not* do these things. Life is not a soap opera for most people. Link to comment
redhearts Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I know that! I'm just saying the possibility of being careful. There are two sides to every story, there are people who are truthful and people who aren't. But that is good that he trusts her, that is good that she is honest. I just think something sounds fishy here. But I will be quiet now! Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I know that! I'm just saying the possibility of being careful. There are two sides to every story, there are people who are truthful and people who aren't. But that is good that he trusts her, that is good that she is honest. I just think something sounds fishy here. But I will be quiet now! Well you never know. Things could be fishy. The OP seems solid though. I think he can figure it out if there is anything. Link to comment
tmp02161248 Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Thanks for the support, as it stands right now, my girlfriend keeps on pushing me away, doesn't wanna do anything, I haven't seen her since Thursday, and she hasn't answered any of my calls today, and when I called her yesterday she sounded really irritated, and said she'd call later, than never did. So unfortunately the balls in her court and it seems to me like she doesn't even wanna play ball. I've been working a lot the past few days which has been good in a way because it's kept me occupied however this still hurts, especially after I told her that I'm still here for her no matter what. Even though she's overwhelmed right now, there's no reason to completely shun me out, like she's been doing, I wish we had gotten in a fight or something because at least then there'd be a reason for her to ignore me. I've been playing a lot of scenarios in my head however I really don't know what to think. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 there is a chance that if she is pregnant with the ex's child, she may decide to try to get back with him again... and may already be spending time with him or trying to work it out with him... so i'd just keep your distance and see if she calls again. Don't invest any more into this until you see if she is willing to do the same. Step away from it, and if you don't really hear from her in the next month, i'd assume she's probably gone back to the ex. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I wouldn't assume she's gone back, but I would see a red flag that she's treating me that way, even if she is overwhelmed. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Maybe she wanted to get back with her ex and is not telling anyone the truth. I thin k it's shady that she said she got her period before having sex with you, and then wouldn't let you go into the doctor's appointment with her. Why wouldn't she? That's just weird. This very well may be your kid and she is not being truthful Link to comment
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