orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 If I moved out and dumped her, I don't think she'd chase or phone. I think she's innately too stubborn and selfish. I honestly don't think she ever looks at things from any perspective but her own. She's gorgeous, and has always had every guy swooning over her, and has never had to try. Ok I hate her. LOL Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I understand that you love her and in her own way she may love you. But the bottom line is that this relationship isn't working for you - it is causing more unhappiness than happiness. So the only logical thing to do is to move out and end the relationship because she clearly has no interest in changing or seeking help to change. Better to do it now than do it later after even more frustration and heartache. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 The thing is Ryan, that you have to envisage how this relationship is going to be in another 5 years, if this continues as it is........... Separate beds? She is so lucky to have someone who wants her as much as you do. Doesnt know what she is missing. All my real life friends tell me this, especially my girl-friends. They all say run run run away. yet I love her. That's what complicates it all. I feel lost without her. pathetic. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Why exactly do you love her? Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I understand that you love her and in her own way she may love you. But the bottom line is that this relationship isn't working for you - it is causing more unhappiness than happiness. So the only logical thing to do is to move out and end the relationship because she clearly has no interest in changing or seeking help to change. Better to do it now than do it later after even more frustration and heartache. You're 100 percent correct. Summoning the courage to do that four days after moving in seems impossible however. Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Why exactly do you love her? I'm wondering the same thing. Sounds to me like she treats you like crap. Maybe you need to really think about things... branch out from what you normally think of her to get the full picture. You're an attractive guy, it's not like she's the only woman who would give you the time of day (sounds like she really doesn't anyway). Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 You're 100 percent correct. Summoning the courage to do that four days after moving in seems impossible however. If you delay moving out you'll just find more reasons to stay thus making things even worse for you. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 You're 100 percent correct. Summoning the courage to do that four days after moving in seems impossible however. Not impossible. Difficult, gut-wrenching and highly upsetting. But not impossible. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Why exactly do you love her? I fell in love with her at first site really. We met on a journey abroad with school to Sweden. She was a graduate student. She's smart, educated, well-traveled, from a good home, and drop-dead cute. She also just got out of a marriage that ended after two months. Her side of the story is he was impotent (they waited until marriage) and he snapped when coming back from Iraq. That's her side of the story. Apparently his inability to perform created a rift between them. He couldn't get it up, apparently. Also, she has graves disease and no thyroid, which she says makes her always tired, and always in pain in her joints, which affects her unwillingness to have sex. Of course, she has no issue doing OTHER physical activities. Keep in mind I accepted her divorce, sickness, situation, and supported her 100% Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I've done these things ten-fold. I've warned her it will be the end of us. I've met her parents and you hit the nail dead-on--they are NOT affectionate physically. At least not in public. I don't want her to constantly hang on me. She's never ONCE rolled over in bed and just latched on to me. She NEVER initiates hugs. She won't even kiss me with her mouth open anymore. She says she finds it "gross." As far as sex, the last few times have been me begging, her pulling her panties down and laying there. It's pathetic. I've never been in a relationship with someone so aloof with sex. I think that is a sure sign that she isn't feeling a romantic love for you as she used to. Open mouth kissing with your partner is a very intimate experssion of love and if she used to do it and now isn't, this is probably a bigger warning sign that she isn't feeling romantic love for you then the lack of sex. I knwo that sounds odd, but for many the passionate kiss is harder to feign with someone you are no longer romantically attracted to than sex. You mentioned she is so gorgeous - perhaps your reasons for loving her are entirely physical and a bit superficial. If the only thing endearing one can find to say about why they love their partner is she is drop dead gorgeous then the relationship is in real trouble. I don't want to sound condescending but maybe you are not in understanding of what true love is? True love for smoeone usually yields a contented feeling because that person makes you love yourself - doesn't sound like this is happening for you, or her. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Not impossible. Difficult, gut-wrenching and highly upsetting. But not impossible. I fear I'll buckle. If I make the decision, it's going to be hard to follow through. I need to figure out how. Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I fear I'll buckle. If I make the decision, it's going to be hard to follow through. I need to figure out how. Stop thinking about her... Think about what's BEST for you. What will make YOU happier? What will make things better for YOU? Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I fell in love with her at first site really. Ryan imagine your girlfriend for a minute. The inside of her, her attitude, her lack of affection, her tiredness, her everything. Imagine this same character as an physically ugly woman. I think you are in love with her appearance. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Ryan imagine your girlfriend for a minute. The inside of her, her attitude, her lack of affection, her tiredness, her everything. Imagine this same character as an physically ugly woman. I think you are in love with her appearance. I thought the same thing. I wondered if she were very plain or not very attractive and acting this way - would his tolerance levels be even much much less?? Even the most beautiful of people get pretty ugly after being with them for years of unfulfillment. I have seen men with beautiful wives who were like this - untouchable, and after they have been married three to five years they don't act like they can even stand her anymore. Ryan, you don't want to become one of those guys one day. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 She also just got out of a marriage that ended after two months. Her side of the story is he was impotent....... his inability to perform created a rift between them. Don't feel guilty about moving out and leaving this relationship for the reasons you site. She didn't. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Ryan imagine your girlfriend for a minute. The inside of her, her attitude, her lack of affection, her tiredness, her everything. Imagine this same character as an physically ugly woman. I think you are in love with her appearance. It's funny how amongst the anonymity of the internet typing my name can immediately grab my attention. I think that's food for thought. I think I'm enthralled not just by her looks, but by her education, stability, and intellect. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Don't feel guilty about moving out and leaving this relationship for the reasons you site. She didn't. He divorced her. He filed papers. She claimed she wanted to make it work. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I thought the same thing. I wondered if she were very plain or not very attractive and acting this way - would his tolerance levels be even much much less?? Even the most beautiful of people get pretty ugly after being with them for years of unfulfillment. I have seen men with beautiful wives who were like this - untouchable, and after they have been married three to five years they don't act like they can even stand her anymore. Ryan, you don't want to become one of those guys one day. yeah and in time her looks will fade. And then what are you left with. I had a friend like this- gorgeous on the outside, and men would fall over themselves for her. I knew her very very well and underneath she was rather weak and sickly, unaffectionate, wasnt all that interested in sex, just put up with it for the man, had absolutely no personality, was naive about life. But im sure she will marry some businessman who wants her on his arm. She will make a beautiful bride, classic looks. Men just seem to fall for this. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 He divorced her. He filed papers. She claimed she wanted to make it work. Hmmm, i find it VERY odd that a woman who wno't have sex with you, a man who is newer in a relatioship than her husband was, is claiming their marriage failed because he COULDN"T have sex, yet HE left her. Are you SURE he didn't leave her for the same reasons Ryan? too bad you can't have a talk with this man. He might have left because he couldn't take the stand offish treatment and lack of sex either. Not many people are going to admit to their current SO that they are the reason their marriage failed. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 It's funny how amongst the anonymity of the internet typing my name can immediately grab my attention. I think that's food for thought. I think I'm enthralled not just by her looks, but by her education, stability, and intellect. LOL Ryan, but think about it- take away her looks, and how enthralled are you really? Its just what drew you in. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I thought the same thing. I wondered if she were very plain or not very attractive and acting this way - would his tolerance levels be even much much less?? Even the most beautiful of people get pretty ugly after being with them for years of unfulfillment. I have seen men with beautiful wives who were like this - untouchable, and after they have been married three to five years they don't act like they can even stand her anymore. Ryan, you don't want to become one of those guys one day. I'm already feeling that way to an extent. It's almost to the point if she came on to me, or tried to initiate sex, I'd almost be inclined to turn her down. Maybe out of spite, but also because she has lost much of her luster. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hmmm, i find it VERY odd that a woman who wno't have sex with you, a man who is newer in a relatioship than her husband was, is claiming their marriage failed because he COULDN"T have sex, yet HE left her. Are you SURE he didn't leave her for the same reasons Ryan? too bad you can't have a talk with this man. He might have left because he couldn't take the stand offish treatment and lack of sex either. Not many people are going to admit to their current SO that they are the reason their marriage failed. It'd be very interesting to sit and share a pint with him and get his take on things. Lord knows what I'd learn. Her friends and family support her version of events. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 If sex is that unimportant to her i would say that the same thig happened with her ex Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 It'd be very interesting to sit and share a pint with him and get his take on things. Lord knows what I'd learn. Her friends and family support her version of events. well she is hardly going to admit to people she is .. er.... frigid..... that term is so 50s. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 He divorced her. He filed papers. She claimed she wanted to make it work. You sure?? I'd be surprised. Sounds iffy to me. Link to comment
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