RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Yea don't do anything rash. Make a plan if you really want to move. See what options you have. And let her know. Don't just move out. Explain why and if you do still care for her leave it open to keep dating, but you need a real cometojesus meeting with this woman to let her know the relationship is dangling above a very steep mountain without much of a net. She'll manipulate the conversation, morph it into an argument, point out what I do wrong, and turn it all on me. She does every time. I don't think she wants to discuss this anymore reasonably, because she doesn't want to change, or rather, isn't capable of changing. Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She brought me my mail and said she's going to bed, that was it. Then ignore what I said before and tell her you will be moving your stuff out tomorrow - tell her the relationship just isn't working for you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She'll manipulate the conversation, morph it into an argument, point out what I do wrong, and turn it all on me. She does every time. I don't think she wants to discuss this anymore reasonably, because she doesn't want to change, or rather, isn't capable of changing. Well then you have answered your own questions. Just plan it all out first, and when you have secured a place to move make it an announcement. When she starts to turn it into an argument, just leave. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well then you have answered your own questions. Just plan it all out first, and when you have secured a place to move make it an announcement. When she starts to turn it into an argument, just leave. So you don't think it's lame to begin the move, then explain later? I have a place to go. My room at my old place is still vacant with two of my good friends in a nice house. They would even help me move no problem. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 So you don't think it's lame to begin the move, then explain later? I have a place to go. My room at my old place is still vacant with two of my good friends in a nice house. They would even help me move no problem. NO, if what you are saying is the truth, I don't. You have stated that she isn't reasonable and will turn this into an argument and won't listen to the real issues, so she has forced your hand. Ryan, you have been living with her four days, well five now...or is it six, and look at your posts. Apparently you are beyond miserable. Break ups hurt but this is for your sanity. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Also, the biggest issue surrounding this is I don't trust I'll stay strong. Whenever we've been at odds before, or I didn't know where we stood, I called her first, gave in. I was torn, couldn't eat, think, or function. I fear as soon as I leave, I'll miss her, and give in. I suppose I'll need to constantly remind myself it's for the best, that she DOESN'T make me happy. I guess Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think that if you are serious about ending it then it is best to get your stuff out and then explain - but do it in person. I can't see that packing up your stuff while she watches would make either of you very comfortable. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 NO, if what you are saying is the truth, I don't. You have stated that she isn't reasonable and will turn this into an argument and won't listen to the real issues, so she has forced your hand. Ryan, you have been living with her four days, well five now...or is it six, and look at your posts. Apparently you are beyond miserable. Break ups hurt but this is for your sanity. I've honestly tried so hard. All I ever wanted her to do was meet me in the middle on the physical thing. Touch me once in a while, initiate a kiss, initiate sex, make me feel loved. She's refused to ever budge because she knows she has me around her finger. Now that I'm here, I think that notion was reinforced and it's gotten worse. I have tried to talk to her reasonably so many times. It ALWAYS turns into an argument. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think that if you are serious about ending it then it is best to get your stuff out and then explain - but do it in person. I can't see that packing up your stuff while she watches would make either of you very comfortable. Well I have a plasma TV, bed, computer desk, tons of electronics, clothes, dresser, etc. It would take a while to get it done. I don't think I could get it all done before she got home. Link to comment
striker_dude Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 This happens a lot after people get married and move in together for the first time. Imagine how it would be if you were married to this chick and just realized now how wrong it all is? All you gotta do is pack up and leave. You got a place to go back to, and a really good reason..she's not having sex with you. Just do it. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 This happens a lot after people get married and move in together for the first time. Imagine how it would be if you were married to this chick and just realized now how wrong it all is? All you gotta do is pack up and leave. You got a place to go back to, and a really good reason..she's not having sex with you. Just do it. It's HONESTLY not just the sex. I know she has sex drive issues, I know she has pain. It's really the lack of affection. I crave it, I need it, and I don't get it. It's affected me in such a negative way. Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well I have a plasma TV, bed, computer desk, tons of electronics, clothes, dresser, etc. It would take a while to get it done. I don't think I could get it all done before she got home.Get what you can out - personal items, clothes etc. Get the rest another time. But moving those things out now will make it clear you mean what you say. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I've honestly tried so hard. All I ever wanted her to do was meet me in the middle on the physical thing. Touch me once in a while, initiate a kiss, initiate sex, make me feel loved. She's refused to ever budge because she knows she has me around her finger. Now that I'm here, I think that notion was reinforced and it's gotten worse. I have tried to talk to her reasonably so many times. It ALWAYS turns into an argument. This relationship is doomed. Sorry to say. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 This relationship is doomed. Sorry to say. Don't be sorry. I honestly used to be such a jovial, fun-loving guy. I used to feel like the guy every girl wanted. Now my friends say I'm negative, quiet, and my self-confidence has taken a huge hit. She's the only intangible in the equation. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Also, the biggest issue surrounding this is I don't trust I'll stay strong. Whenever we've been at odds before, or I didn't know where we stood, I called her first, gave in. I was torn, couldn't eat, think, or function. I fear as soon as I leave, I'll miss her, and give in. I suppose I'll need to constantly remind myself it's for the best, that she DOESN'T make me happy. I guess So back to this, advice? Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 This relationship is doomed. Sorry to say. I think so too. You can only try for so long and meet with no success before you have to accept someone has no desire to try and fix things. Once you have accepted it the only rational thing to do is to end it and move on. It's not easy to do but it is for the best. So back to this, advice?Any time you think you want to go back - read this thread and remember the misery you have been put through. Don't be sorry. I honestly used to be such a jovial, fun-loving guy. I used to feel like the guy every girl wanted. Now my friends say I'm negative, quiet, and my self-confidence has taken a huge hit. She's the only intangible in the equation.Then the chances are that once you recover from this you can be that guy again. It will feel as if a burden has been lifted from your shoulders. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm really considering waking up right after she leaves and beginning the move frantically, getting all my stuff I can, grab a uhaul and get a friend to help me do it all. Get it all done before she gets home and leave a note. Link to comment
striker_dude Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm really considering waking up right after she leaves and beginning the move frantically, getting all my stuff I can, grab a uhaul and get a friend to help me do it all. Get it all done before she gets home and leave a note. How about sitting down with her and saying "look, I'm not into this anymore, it's just not working for me, I'll be gone and all my stuff will be gone by the time you get home later. No, it's not something you did, it's something you didn't do". Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 You guys have honestly provided me with more strength than I can explain. And I thank you all for that. Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm really considering waking up right after she leaves and beginning the move frantically, getting all my stuff I can, grab a uhaul and get a friend to help me do it all. Get it all done before she gets home and leave a note. Good plan up until 'leave a note'. Don't do that - do it in person. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 How about sitting down with her and saying "look, I'm not into this anymore, it's just not working for me, I'll be gone and all my stuff will be gone by the time you get home later. No, it's not something you did, it's something you didn't do". I really wonder if the same thing happened with her marriage. They wait to have sex until marriage, he realizes she's a cold prude, and bails. It seems more and more likely her story was bogus. Link to comment
striker_dude Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 It's HONESTLY not just the sex. I know she has sex drive issues, I know she has pain. It's really the lack of affection. I crave it, I need it, and I don't get it. It's affected me in such a negative way. Affection is at least as important as sex. And she isn't going to change..even if she SAYS she will just because you're leaving. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Affection is at least as important as sex. And she isn't going to change..even if she SAYS she will just because you're leaving. honestly, I think she's so stubborn and self-absorbed she will just lash out at me, or just withdraw. She won't chase me, or apologize, or try to make it work. She'll just throw me, and us, away. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I really wonder if the same thing happened with her marriage. They wait to have sex until marriage, he realizes she's a cold prude, and bails. It seems more and more likely her story was bogus. That is exactly what I think. Link to comment
striker_dude Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 honestly, I think she's so stubborn and self-absorbed she will just lash out at me, or just withdraw. She won't chase me, or apologize, or try to make it work. She'll just throw me, and us, away. Then why bother trying to sneak away? Just tell her you're leaving, let her do her withdrawing, and get yourself out of there in a nice organized way. Otherwise you'll probably end up dropping that Plasma off the back of the truck in your haste to get away. Link to comment
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