RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 If sex is that unimportant to her i would say that the same thig happened with her ex It's funny, when we first started dating, she asked me "So, do you have a sex drive?" I blushed, and said yes, because I do love sex. Honestly. She said sex is VERY important to her in any relationship. And now this. Perplexing eh? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 It'd be very interesting to sit and share a pint with him and get his take on things. Lord knows what I'd learn. Her friends and family support her version of events. Her friends and family probably only know HER version of events. Even if he stated his case, not many family members and close friends go to the side of the ex who they are not close to. I would not take what they say about the break up with more than a grain of salt. They did not live in the marital bedroom. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 anyway it doesnt matter what happned with the ex. all that matters is what is going on here. consider the possibilities. 1. you end up in separate beds within 2 years 2. you end up cheating on her because you are so pent up 3. you have one final discussion with her and see if things change 4. you leave her to save years of pain. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 It's funny, when we first started dating, she asked me "So, do you have a sex drive?" I blushed, and said yes, because I do love sex. Honestly. She said sex is VERY important to her in any relationship. And now this. Perplexing eh? I dont know, that all sounds very iffy...... she might have been fishing, hoping maybe you DIDNT have a sex drive. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 anyway it doesnt matter what happned with the ex. all that matters is what is going on here. consider the possibilities. 1. you end up in separate beds within 2 years 2. you end up cheating on her because you are so pent up 3. you have one final discussion with her and see if things change 4. you leave her to save years of pain. In a way it does matter because i think past behavior can be a good predictor of future behavior. What knowing this would glean him is that he has more of a picture that it WONT get better so he can nix that hope, and that it was bad enough to make a man committed by marriage to leave. Knowing this won't change his plight, but it can help him see the reality more clearly that is still a bit clouded by his feelings for her. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 anyway it doesnt matter what happned with the ex. all that matters is what is going on here. consider the possibilities. 1. you end up in separate beds within 2 years 2. you end up cheating on her because you are so pent up 3. you have one final discussion with her and see if things change 4. you leave her to save years of pain. I honestly would rather sleep in the spare bedroom as of now. What's the point of being here beside her? She's two feet from me right now and I'm here, with my laptop, on a forum, trying to figure out OUR relationship. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I just mean that he is never really going to find out the truth. Ryan have a look at my thread and you'll see what she is tossing away is exactly what i am wanting back! Kind of ironic. I guess i feel a little angry at your girlfriend. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I honestly would rather sleep in the spare bedroom as of now. What's the point of being here beside her? She's two feet from me right now and I'm here, with my laptop, on a forum, trying to figure out OUR relationship. I agree that this must be very frustrating. Maybe you should show her this thread. Nothing lonelier than being lonely with a partner at your side who is millions of miles away emotionally. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I honestly would rather sleep in the spare bedroom as of now. What's the point of being here beside her? She's two feet from me right now and I'm here, with my laptop, on a forum, trying to figure out OUR relationship. Oh jeez, Ryan, you need to seriously talk with her asap Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Not that good sex is only for the young by no means but man, you are WAY too young to start getting this jaded on relationships....and being this miserable with a gorgeous women you love who won't let you touch her. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I agree that this must be very frustrating. Maybe you should show her this thread. Nothing lonelier than being lonely with a partner at your side who is millions of miles away emotionally. She used to say "Ryan if there is anything I can do better in our relationship, please tell me." A month ago I told her "Liz I NEED you to try harder to be more physical, and to initiate and reciprocate sex more." It exploded into an argument. She got extremely defensive. A couple of weeks ago I came onto her and she said her hips were sore. I asked if she could please me in other ways (which she's done ONCE in eight months) and it exploded into an argument. She gets so defensive it's pathetic. This thread would boil over into an argument for sure. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 i really feel that affection is something learned at a young age, as a baby even, and i fear that really there is no hope for this woman. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 But you could show it to her to explain why you are leaving her - no argument, just an explanation of how you feel and the fact that other people validate those feelings. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Obviously dont show her the thread but tomorrow , or now, write down on a piece of paper clearly how you are feeling, and then tell her. i really dont see how at this point you have much to lose, because what are you really getting from this relationship? Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 i really feel that affection is something learned at a young age, as a baby even, and i fear that really there is no hope for this woman. I agree. I'd love nothing more than just snuggling in front of the fireplace and watching a movie. If i do try and snuggle, it's so akward. I just roll over and wrap my arm over her while she lays there. I feel so inept. I usually just roll back over after a minute or two. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Obviously dont show her the thread ? At this stage of his relationship I honestly don't see how showing her this thread will hurt matters at all. It might open her eyes. I can't see how it can worsen the problem when it is already this dire. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Honestly, a lot of it is I feel like I'm not getting any younger and she's a good catch. I'm 27, she's 27. I think I'm scared of losing all I've invested in this relationship. The time, the effort, the money, the promises, I just fear failure. I don't want to start over. I don't want to do this all over again. I'm just scared to start from scratch. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I agree. I'd love nothing more than just snuggling in front of the fireplace and watching a movie. If i do try and snuggle, it's so akward. I just roll over and wrap my arm over her while she lays there. I feel so inept. I usually just roll back over after a minute or two. I know this won't be easy to hear, but do you think she is no longer in love with you? Her actions sound just like a woman no longer in love. Link to comment
DN Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I don't see that she is a good catch at all. Far from it in fact. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I know this won't be easy to hear, but do you think she is no longer in love with you? Her actions sound just like a woman no longer in love. I'd question more if she was ever in love with me? I don't see what's happened to make her fall out of love. She's been so adamant about this move-in thing. Why would someone want another who they don't love to move in? Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Honestly, a lot of it is I feel like I'm not getting any younger and she's a good catch. I'm 27, she's 27. I think I'm scared of losing all I've invested in this relationship. The time, the effort, the money, the promises, I just fear failure. I don't want to start over. I don't want to do this all over again. I'm just scared to start from scratch. People meet other people and get married at 70. Even older. *shaking you* come on- you really want to stay with an unaffectionate woman the rest of your life???? because she's a "good catch"???? she certainly doesnt sound like one. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I agree. I'd love nothing more than just snuggling in front of the fireplace and watching a movie. If i do try and snuggle, it's so akward. I just roll over and wrap my arm over her while she lays there. I feel so inept. I usually just roll back over after a minute or two. yeppp sounds like a real catch. Again, i think you are attracted to her looks. Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I think you guys are certainly right about her being a mere construct of sorts inside my own mind. I think I've built her up to be something she isn't. I think part of my letting go and moving on is realizing that fact. If I was to break it off, what should I say? Just be honest, tell her I could never be happy in a relationship that is devoid of physicality? Link to comment
RyanD333 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Well given that she's backtracking on her sex drive from early one and she has been pulling back, like open mouth kissing...did you ever consider there might be someone else and she's cheating, at least emotionally on you? That could explain the distance and so much defensiveness too. Just a thought. Very doubtful. I think loyalty is one of her best attributes. If she can't even open up for me, I doubt she could for someone less-involved. Link to comment
orangetemple Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 the honest truth is perfectly valid. Your needs arent being met, and whther they are emotional or physical, they are still needs. She will probably say that sex isnt everything, and cause a blow up, but you need to stand your ground. In a way, your emotional needs arent being met either, because lack of affction, hugging, is lackof love. I suggest you write down in plain terms first , get it straight in your head, and tell her, as you would tell anyone else, the plain truth, as FACT. Link to comment
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