liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I mean, virgins are people that have decided to not have sex yet, by accident or design and thats it. I'm curious to know why, some, not all, people respect those who have decided not to have sex? Though I do think it's sweet, that in this day and age, people may 'save' themselves, waiting for the right person. I would not condescend for that but neither would I praise them Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Society (at least American) and the media these days are telling us to be more sexual, and at earlier ages. It is really taken too lightly, many people engage in it without understanding or regard for the consequences. I think it is voluntary virginity is respectable. To be able to able abstain from sex amidst all the social pressure takes a lot of strength. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I've really only come accross this on the online community and among certain cultures. Where I grew up it was definitely not thought of as a good thing to be a virgin. I don't respect a person and more or less for being a virgin, but maybe a little less if they think they're god's gift to the universe because of it. Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think it is voluntary virginity is respectable. To be able to able abstain from sex amidst all the social pressure takes a lot of strength. Does it? I mean it's not that easy to have sex if nobody wants ot have it with you! I accept that if women are throwing themselves at you everyday and a guy keeps declining that shows 'strength' but for the majority we take it when we can find it! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Quite frankly I don't think virginity is respected at all...I think a lot of people make fun of it, denounce it, trash the people who are virgins by accusing them of being holier than thou etc. I think society has caused people to view virginity as an embarrassment and that is why people are losing it earlier and earlier with some random person. Sex is often no longer viewed as a loving act...it is viewed simply as physical gratification to be had with anyone you have just had one or two dates with...it is often used as a test...I want to see if we have fun in the sack before I decide whether or not I want a relationship with you. I also think that many people who do parade around virgintiy as a badge of honour are the ones who have done everything else but vaginal penetration and thereforee are actually only techinical virgins but not virgins as far as sexual innocence goes. I don't think most virgins are walking around expecting to be praised for their choice..except, perhaps the technical virgins. I think many virgins just have different values from the mainstream society and the people who THINK that virgins expect to be praised are the ones who are insecure about their own colourful sex life. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 If a woman is a virgin then you know for certain she has never had an abortion or a baby. If either a man or a woman is a virgin then there's a pretty good chance you can't catch anything from having sex with them (except a headache if they fall in love and you don't). For all other intents and purposes, I personally see virginity as a liability for myself exactly the same way I did at 15 when I found a man ready, willing, and able to proceed through the rite of passage with me. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think it has to do with your upbringing and the culture around you. Nowadays culture for kids comes more from tv and multimedia than their neighborhood, so I think it's more rare for virginity to have the value it used to in US culture. Maybe that can engender respect from some people, that you didn't bow to peer pressure or can show some self control vs going after what you want at the moment. I was raised to believe girls who slept around were tramps, and that was prettty common everywhere I lived except NYC (6 different places, all major cities, since I first heard about sex). When I moved to NYC in high school, girls were walking around all day with BC in their purses so they could flash it in the bathrooms to other girls. As an adult, I did it when I found a guy I really had feelings towards, not just any old guy I thought was "hot". Never talked about being a virgin before that. I was happier with myself and didn't give a damn what anyone else might have thought had they known. Link to comment
cutiepie07 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think it is voluntary virginity is respectable. To be able to able abstain from sex amidst all the social pressure takes a lot of strength. This is somewhat true, because it seems being a virgin is becoming less and less common these days, so perhaps it means more when someone is one. I think it's a personal choice, I don't judge people one way or another. The only time I would get irritated is when they would think they are better than everyone else because they haven't had sex yet and then judge those who have. Like I said, it's a personal choice, and it shouldn't really matter one way or the other. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 i think there are as many people who disrespect virgins as there is ones who respect them.. ha.. well maybe thats a little off, but some people look down on virgins... remember that song in Grease? Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Does it? I mean it's not that easy to have sex if nobody wants ot have it with you! I accept that if women are throwing themselves at you everyday and a guy keeps declining that shows 'strength' but for the majority we take it when we can find it! Obviously voluntary and involuntary virginity are two different things. It does not take resolve to not have sex if you have no opportunity to do so. My point was that I think that our culture more and more trivializes sex. Virgins are seen as losers, and not normal. Kids are having sex at earlier ages. Teen pregnancy is a big problem. I think a person who understands all of that, and in the face of everything telling him/her otherwise, chooses not to have sex until they are married, or educated, or whatever, is someone who should be respected. I am not saying virgins are better than non-virgins. And I think self-righteous virgins are as annoying as anyone else. But can't we agree waiting to have sex is a good thing more often than a bad thing? Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I am not saying virgins are better than non-virgins. And I think self-righteous virgins are as annoying as anyone else. But can't we agree waiting to have sex is a good thing more often than a bad thing? I'm really not sure that it is. But I agree there is nothing wrong in waiting...just I feel for the person who was the one they waited for! OMG, I doubt I could live up to their expectations if it was me. I expect most virgins, that voluntarily 'save' themselves for their wedding night are in for a let down. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 it's because there is so much sexual temptation it's commendable to not give in because society says to. Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 But I agree there is nothing wrong in waiting...just I feel for the person who was the one they waited for! OMG, I doubt I could live up to their expectations if it was me. I expect most virgins, that voluntarily 'save' themselves for their wedding night are in for a let down. And I agree with you for the most part. But how often do people have sex with the person they feel are "the one" and then find out that they aren't? How often do people have sex when they are not educated enough, or in a position to support a child? The longer we wait to have sex, the more likely we are to be able to handle the consequences and live up to the responsibilities. So I think waiting to have sex, in general, is a good idea overall. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I mean, virgins are people that have decided to not have sex yet, by accident or design and thats it. I'm curious to know why, some, not all, people respect those who have decided not to have sex? Though I do think it's sweet, that in this day and age, people may 'save' themselves, waiting for the right person. I would not condescend for that but neither would I praise them Why wouldn't you praise them assuming it's by choice? They (we) have made a smart, well thought out decision and executed it in the face of tremendous social pressure. Doesn't mean they are better people, but it does mean they've made a careful, thoughful decision. And the ratio of people disrespecting virgins vs respecting got to be at least 2:1. Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Why wouldn't you praise them assuming it's by choice? They (we) have made a smart, well thought out decision and executed it in the face of tremendous social pressure. Doesn't mean they are better people, but it does mean they've made a careful, thoughful decision. And the ratio of people disrespecting virgins vs respecting got to be at least 2:1. But those that have decided not to keep their virignity may also have made a well thought out decision in the face of tremendous social pressure to. That doesn't make them better people wither though. Link to comment
justally Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Try this one on as well: Why are people so inclined to doubt people who say they're virgins? It's not just a respect thing... I'll try to explain what I mean. When I started working a year and a half ago, I was a virgin. Planned on being a virgin until I was in a committed relationship of at least 3 months old, preferably 6. By the end of the first week, everyone had sussed out that I was a virgin by my involuntary reactions to some of the jokes going on...my cluelessness (I'd never seen a naked man, never dealt with some of the positions/awkwardness being that close to someone physically can present, etc) keyed that up pretty obviously. No one really disrespected me, if you will, but they made a point of telling sexual joke around me, so I'd either blush or look confused...Nobody asked me why, it was assumed I was waiting until marriage. Jokes about blood on white, yada. Virginity is a bargaining tool. A virgin gets to call the pace the physical aspect of the relationship goes at. A virgin is guaranteed STD free. A virgin is a blank slate to learn new styles with. Being a virgin...can be a powerful attracting method. Strong willed, and self-controlled. It's so easy to not be a virgin these days... How many born-again virgins are there? And how does your partner tell if you're a virgin or not? Not all women have hymen, and some hymens stretch naturally (gymnastics, horseback riding, tampons...)...More than that, not every woman bleeds! The value assigned to virginity...is mostly only relevant to the woman, though some men (mostly religious) will refuse to marry a "soiled" woman. It enhances our self-worth (or at least it did for me)...it's another chip we have on the board, and it's value is wild--it's what you make of it. Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't "respect" virgins for remaining virgins, nor do I trash them. I see it as another lifestyle choice, and believe they are doing what is best for them. In religious communities it is seen differently, I know. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm really not sure that it is. But I agree there is nothing wrong in waiting...just I feel for the person who was the one they waited for! OMG, I doubt I could live up to their expectations if it was me. I expect most virgins, that voluntarily 'save' themselves for their wedding night are in for a let down. Not necessarily...I don't think virgins have their head in the clouds...they can actually be more realistic in their expectations than people who spend their life chasing after orgasms like a drug and need to bang someone every day or so or else they have "withdrawal" symptoms. I think if someone is that insecure about sleeping with a virgin because they don't think they can "match up to expectations"...maybe they should just sleep with the person who has had 15 partners and then worry about whether they will match up to all the "wild in bed" exes! Link to comment
alcide Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Virinity is a big deal cause thats wat people see as perfect people until, then the start to make assumptions, so really and truly its just turns. Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 As far as I go, I'm a virgin by choice and by circumstance. Let's face it, I'm not Brad Pitt. Girls aren't waiting in line to have sex with me. But at the same time I've had girls give me the 'green light', so to speak, but I turned them down. I mean, sure I get horny everyday and have fantasies (not something I'm proud of), but when it boils down to it ... I'm just not that type of guy and I think I'd always turn down a willing girl. This might sound stupid to alot of people, but I view my viriginity as the very last shred of innocence that I have left and the thought of losing it frightens me. Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Crush, I would ask you why you conflate innocence with virginity? Also, have you ever had any exclusive relationships that lasted, say, more than three months? I'm just wondering to gain some context. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 As far as I go, I'm a virgin by choice and by circumstance. Let's face it, I'm not Brad Pitt. Girls aren't waiting in line to have sex with me. But at the same time I've had girls give me the 'green light', so to speak, but I turned them down. I mean, sure I get horny everyday and have fantasies (not something I'm proud of), but when it boils down to it ... I'm just not that type of guy and I think I'd always turn down a willing girl. This might sound stupid to alot of people, but I view my viriginity as the very last shred of innocence that I have left and the thought of losing it frightens me. to me, none of this sounds like being a virgin 'by choice'. honestly, i used to use this excuse when i was younger and a virgin. Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 to me, none of this sounds like being a virgin 'by choice'. honestly, i used to use this excuse when i was younger and a virgin. That's fine if that's what you think. I'm just being honest. Link to comment
Tethys Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Ghost, You do know that some men require an emotional connection for sex .. I was asking Crush for some context. Not all men want to have sex with whatever! Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Crush, I would ask you why you conflate innocence with virginity? Also, have you ever had any exclusive relationships that lasted, say, more than three months? I'm just wondering to gain some context. To be perfectly honest with you, it's a long story. In a nutshell, I'm conflicted between my physical desires and my Christian beliefs. I'm a young guy in a very sexual world and temptations are everywhere. It's really hard sometimes. And, despite what skeptics on this board say, sex is still a really big deal. Link to comment
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