Why is virginity respected?

[Tethys]

Crush, ahhh, you did not mention your religious beliefs before. That puts a new spin on it.

 

I am not religious, but I would not say sex is not a big deal either.

 

I know where you are coming from though as I had a very religious upbringing.

 

However, I will not tell you what you should do as you need to reconcile that with your faith.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would like to add that religious beliefs may be what encourages some people to value virginity but not everyone who values virginity does so for religious reasons. Some people value it because that is just the way they are wired. I just dislike this notion that people nod their head in an understanding "oh, that makes sense" way the minute valuing virginity is explained as a religious conviction, but for non-religious reasons it is viewed differently...like in a "get over yourself" manner.

[Tethys]

Crazy, I don't know if you are talking about me, but I said earlier on this thread that I view that choice (virginity) as another lifestyle choice. I would not value it or devalue it.

 

I responded to Crush the way I did because he said some things that I asked for context for, without mentioning that it was religious in nature.

 

PS I misspoke -- I meant he gave a situation without mentioning that his virginity was for religious reasons, and I asked for context. I was prepared to answer without religion in mind until he said that.

[blue69]

I respect each individual's choice. If religion is the basis great. If it is self-made moral guidance, no different.

 

I only get concerned (not really concerned) when a person says they will NEVER have it. Waiting to experience it with the "right" person, however you define it, is an awesome guideline.

 

I try to say that when it comes to sexuality be honest with yourself, understand yourself and dont allow guilt or shame to define you. No reason to feel guilty over desires, they happen and are normal. No need to feel shame over being a virgin. Maintain your integrity to yourself and your beliefs. I guess I dont really respect the virginity aspect of it, I respect someone who understands themselves, makes a decision and stands by it. Someone who isn't afraid to define sexuality they way they honestly want it to be. I respect that.

 

In the same way I don't judge those who are more open or promiscious. Neither is a wrong or right decision. They are personal decisions that are up to each individual to make and stand for.

 

Good luck.

[grymoire]

It depends on which country and culture you come from.

 

In my country virginity is praised and expected behavior. If you lose your virginity before marriage you better get ready for a barrage of criticisms and insults.

[Tethys]

Grymoire, I admit to being North American-centric on this issue, so I answer from my own experience.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Crazy, I don't know if you are talking about me, but I said earlier on this thread that I view that choice (virginity) as another lifestyle choice. I would not value it or devalue it.

 

I responded to Crush the way I did because he said some things that I asked for context for, without mentioning that it was religious in nature.

 

PS I misspoke -- I meant he gave a situation without mentioning that his virginity was for religious reasons, and I asked for context. I was prepared to answer without religion in mind until he said that.

 

Yeah, I wasn't sure in what context you were referring to...your post just sparked something in my head because I have seen other threads where posters are more understanding when it comes to religious reasons than for other reasons.

[Tethys]

Yeah, I wasn't sure in what context you were referring to...your post just sparked something in my head because I have seen other threads where posters are more understanding when it comes to religious reasons than for other reasons.

 

Fair enough.

 

But if he's going to talk about his experience as a virgin, then it helps to understand the context as I was prepared to give him a different answer until he mentioned that.

 

I think you have to admit it would change one's advice depending on context.

[Sanguine]

Everyone has a different opinion on the subject of being a virgin. I have a few friends that are ages 18-23 that are still virgins. I also have friends that will have sex with anyone that is willing.

 

I personally think you have more respect for yourself if you only have sex with someone you have fallen in love with.

 

Some people think it is something to be shared with someone you truly love, others think it is just something fun you do when you're bored.

[ghost69]

Ghost,

You do know that some men require an emotional connection for sex ..

 

I was asking Crush for some context. Not all men want to have sex with whatever!

 

and where did i say that?

[Tethys]

and where did i say that?

 

You didn't. I almost said, "well, with... whatever!" because I am lazy, multitasking, and didn't want to dig up terms, but thought I might get accross the gist.

[StrawberryYogurt]

It depends on which country and culture you come from.

 

In my country virginity is praised and expected behavior. If you lose your virginity before marriage you better get ready for a barrage of criticisms and insults.

 

I agree with this. It is similar in my culture. You get talked about behind your back if you have sex before marriage and/or shack up.

[MattW]

Well, I can only speak for the US, but I think there's two things going on; yeah, the media heavily influences sex, and glamorizes it, and everything, and young people get so wrapped up in it, that it becomes a mob mentality that the "cool" people are having sex, and that the people who aren't are "losers", etc. So, on one end you have peer pressure. But, on the other side of the spectrum, you have strict overprotective parents that, often times, rather than educate their children on the topic properly, just try to pound it into their heads that "You shouldn't be doing this! Don't you do it, or you'll be in SO much trouble!". And there's nothing wrong with wanting to protect your kids, but think about what this causes... Everyone goes through a "rebellious" phase in their teen years. If some one tells you that you "can't" have something, you want it even more. Look at how many teens are into drinking, smoking, even doing drugs. All of it isn't JUST about peer pressure, but because they've been told so much that they shouldn't have those things, without really getting to understand WHY they shouldn't have them.

 

For me, growing up, my parents (well, my mom more so than my dad, believe it or not) were very open about those big topics, including sex. They never tried to pound it in my head that I should just stick away from all that stuff; they just explained things to me to help me get a good understanding of the risks, and whatnot, but they totally left it open to me to ultimately make my own decisions, and they let me know that they wouldn't necessarily be super ultra PO'd at me for experimenting with all that stuff. And how did I turn out? Well, I think I turned out pretty damn good, if you ask me. Never had any interest in experimenting with drugs, never felt the urge to try smoking... Admittedly, I've drank a little before, but I've always been as responsible as I can with it, and I've never drank enough to be "drunk". As for sex, eh, I'm still a virgin. Not exactly "waiting for marriage", or anything, but if/ when I have sex, I want it to "count", I don't want to be having one night stands, or jumping from one sexual escapade to the next, I just want to find a girl I really hit it off with, and start a relationship from there. Of course, I haven't met that girl yet, but meh.

[drewciouS281]

for the individual themselves that is awesome for them being a virgin in this day and age. Praise them? i wouldnt really say i praise them because in my time ive had friends that were virgins or with virgins including me and once they get thier cherry popped, majority of them will want to see what its like to be with someone else. live alittle. Thats just my experiance though. My first ex was a virgin and after we broke up, in one year her partners jumped up a hand full. haha

[littlestar]

I think to much emphasis is placed on 'virginity'

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think to much emphasis is placed on 'virginity'

 

Actually, I don't think enough emphasis is placed on virginity judging by how quickly people are desperate to lose it. I think there is actually too much emphasis on having sex...which is why people are doing it at younger and younger ages and why, by the age of twenty they have had so many partners...and why STDs are rampant, teen pregnancies are rampant, why there are so many young women having children without being married and then within a year or so the they are no longer in a relationship with the father of their child etc. Lots of foolish choices because there is too much of an emphasis on sex and not enough of an emphasis on virginity or celibacy until you are more sure of the relationship.

[shyguy1]

Take it from a 29 year old virgin (not by choice)

 

I don't think it's looked upon in a positive light at all, nor do I feel it's 'respected' by most.

 

I do think female virgins have it easier than male virgins... female virgins are at least sometimes seen as being 'pure' and at least in some cases they might be respected... but certainly not in all cases

 

Male virgins beyond the age of 18 or 19.. and especially beyond the early 20's, aren't ever seen as 'pure' or really respected at all... they are simply seen as pathetic losers.

 

In my case:

 

While I go back and forth on the loser thing, I've always had a lot going against me. From being extremely shy and socially awkward... to an overbearing depression and lack of self esteem and self worth.

 

Honestly I feel I fall into the wanting to find a bond before sleeping with someone, I think there's a genuine fear of intimacy... that goes hand in hand with the various issues listed above (I'm a psyche's dream patient... or worst nightmare, depending on whether said psyche is also a masochist of not)

 

Even in an ideal situation.. where I didn't have those issues or a fear of intimacy, I still think I would prefer to find a bond with someone first. I don't get the point of casual sex for the mere sake of having sex.

 

It just so happens that given the various issues, it makes it that much harder for me to find that certain someone to make said bond with... thus the 29 year old virginity with no end in sight.

 

People are virgins for a lot of different reasons. Religious or moral reasons... lack of opportunity.... and the list goes on and on and on.

[CaptainPlanet]

I mean, virgins are people that have decided to not have sex yet, by accident or design and thats it.

 

I'm curious to know why, some, not all, people respect those who have decided not to have sex?

 

Though I do think it's sweet, that in this day and age, people may 'save' themselves, waiting for the right person.

 

I would not condescend for that but neither would I praise them

 

I think it is just another insane custom.

[irishrimp]

Does it? I mean it's not that easy to have sex if nobody wants ot have it with you!

 

I accept that if women are throwing themselves at you everyday and a guy keeps declining that shows 'strength' but for the majority we take it when we can find it!

 

My husband and I were each other's first and we waited until our wedding night. He dearly wanted to do it as soon as we knew we were going to marry each other, as did I, but I kept assuring him it would be more rewarding if we waited until our wedding night. It was hard to wait so long, but it definitely was rewarding in the long run.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I wouldn't say I respect virgins more.

 

However, I waited a long time to lose my virginity. That was what I needed to feel good.

 

I respect people who stand by what they want and value and don't worry about what others think (including those who lost it on the first date if they felt it was right).

[Jadewhisper]

Some virgins might feel like they want to get to know the person and have that person earn their trust beforehand.

 

I think it's commendable not to bow to peer pressure and wait until the time is right. I think that's why it's respected.

[sns256]

I am just theorizing here but I think that there are three different types of virginity that are out there. Two of which are respected and one that is not respected. (There might be more, feel free to add any if you would like).

 

1) Virgin by choice (waiting for that special person)

 

These would be the people have plenty of opportunity to loose their virginity, but choose to wait for that right person to loose it with. They want to wait to get to know the person they are with before they will have sex with them, to make sure that they are the right one.

 

2) Virgin by choice (waiting for marriage)

 

These would be the people that may or may not have plenty of opportunity to loose their virginity. They choose to wait for the right person to marry and then choose the have sex with them after marriage.

 

3) Virgin not by choice

 

These would be the people that would loose their virginity if they had the chance. But for various reasons these people have had never had the choice of loosing their virginity. These people either don’t try, or are unlucky and haven’t found a person that found them attractive.

 

Of course these descriptions are very general. But they provide a look at the different types of virginity.

 

Virgins 1 and 2 would be the ones that are respected for their willpower and strong morals. They have the opportunity to loose their virginity but they are people that value themselves enough that they will wait, and choose not to have sex.

 

Virgins of type 3 would be the ones that are not respected. They don’t have a respected reason why they are still a virgin. If they don’t try that is their own fault, and shouldn’t be respected because basically they have made a poor choice. Either they don’t try because they are lazy, or they have some other type of condition. eg. Shyness, Social Anxiety, ect. (Failure to do anything about their condition is a choice). If they do try, and fail miserably then they are seen as failures. Failures are not respected. For some reason they have been deemed undesirable by the opposite sex.

 

Virgins of type 3 are not lost causes, and are not doomed to an entire life, never experiencing sex. They have to get very lucky to find that rare person that will accept them. They can work on themselves to try to improve their chances. Or they can pay for it. (there is probably more)

 

I would love to hear of the virgins on this board, what category they would fall under. I would suspect the majority on this board land under type 3. They are the most frustrated about their situation, and would voice themselves more readily than type 1 and 2 virgins.

 

I certainly fall under Virgin #3. I have never heard of my virginity being respected. I get made fun of at least a couple times a week about it. Whether it be my friends, sister, parents, relatives, or co-workers. If they know about it, I will be made fun off because I am a virgin. If someone around me finds out that I am a virgin still, I loose nearly any and all respect from that person. I don’t go around telling people, but I have had most of my friends since I was 16-17 and I have never had a girlfriend, or date so they are beginning to put two and two together. I have no excuse other than not really trying and failed when I get the courage to try. I would say that the majority of people that don’t know me don’t like talking to me for some reason. I am trying very hard to improve myself, but it takes along time to get anywhere. Longer than you think. It is very hard to break out of societies mold/ labels.

 

So from my point of view Virginity is not respected at all. But I can see if the person chose the path of Virginity then they will either be given some respect or at the least keep their existing respect.

[epsilon2x]

I hate this whole wait till marriage thing. Whether people want to admit this or not, I know its true.

 

Kissing and Sex are the same thing. They are both lustful activities, just in different degrees. If you are going to "save" yourself for the right person. You might as well not kiss them until you're married either.

[cyberdog]

I'm sure there was a time when a lot of people probably thought that way as well. I don't have any respect for virgins any more than I would for non-virgins. I don't judge how 'moral' a person is based on whether they've ever had sex or not either, and to be quite frank I'm sick of our schools teaching thinks this way as well (abstinence only education where you get sheet of paper saying "What is a Moral? A moral is ..., ...") essentially implying that those who are sexually involved have no morals.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I hate this whole wait till marriage thing. Whether people want to admit this or not, I know its true.

 

Kissing and Sex are the same thing. They are both lustful activities, just in different degrees. If you are going to "save" yourself for the right person. You might as well not kiss them until you're married either.

 

I totally disagree. Kissing may be a form of intimacy but it certainly is not the same as getting naked with someone and rubbing genitals.