Why is virginity respected?

[CrazyKing]

Some think sex is something supernatural, that it has to be done with someone REALLY special...

All in all, it depends on what we focus on, I don't feel guilty about having lost it, because I terribly wanted to, but there are people who focus on not having sex, so they don't feel bad about still being virgin...

[CrazyKing]

I totally disagree. Kissing may be a form of intimacy but it certainly is not the same as getting naked with someone and rubbing genitals.

Even kissing can transmit diseases...

[mr_iwi]

Obviously voluntary and involuntary virginity are two different things. It does not take resolve to not have sex if you have no opportunity to do so.

 

My point was that I think that our culture more and more trivializes sex. Virgins are seen as losers, and not normal. Kids are having sex at earlier ages. Teen pregnancy is a big problem.

 

I think a person who understands all of that, and in the face of everything telling him/her otherwise, chooses not to have sex until they are married, or educated, or whatever, is someone who should be respected.

 

I am not saying virgins are better than non-virgins. And I think self-righteous virgins are as annoying as anyone else. But can't we agree waiting to have sex is a good thing more often than a bad thing?

 

I see no reason to respect them more than someone who has chosen to have sex. It's like someone not eating cake all their life just so their wedding cake can be the first one they taste. I just personally don't see the point.

[theWalla]

I see no reason to respect them more than someone who has chosen to have sex. It's like someone not eating cake all their life just so their wedding cake can be the first one they taste. I just personally don't see the point.

 

To me it's not a matter of respecting someone "more". But I think virgins should be respected, since I can see and appreciate the value in choosing to live that way.

 

And i can appreciate being sexual, as well. I know that sexual compatibility can be an important factor in a happy and fulfilling relationship, and think it is important to establish before marriage. When practiced responsibly, being sexual can make you a happy and healthier person overall. That is to be respected, as well.

[shyguy1]

Great post, it's well established that I'm number 3.

 

I do feel I'm a lost cause though, not to say all people that fall into that category are... but I'm willing to bet a large percentage of them are.. especially when they reach my age and still fall into that category.

 

There's some lame country song that they play at work... I just say lame because I don't like country music (except for Johnny Cash) and the guy has a line in the song about the girl thinking he's "a total freak"

 

That's what girls in my age group would think of someone in my shoes... sad, but true all the same.

 

Notable exception being religious girls who has 'saved' themselves.

 

Problems with that:

 

You don't see many of them in this day and age

 

I'm Atheist and wouldn't be compatible with one anyway.

[lady00]

I don't have any more respect for someone who is a virgin than for someone who isn't. I think some people have a tendency to place a lot of judgment upon someone who happens to be a virgin at an age in life when most people that age are not, or upon people who lose their virginity early in life.

 

I think that how someone chooses to conduct themselves with regard to sex is a personal choice and I choose not to ascribe any sort of respect or lack thereof on the basis of that. If someone is promiscuous, I don't have less respect for him or her than I do for someone who is a virgin. I don't place that much emphasis on sex. I place emphasis on how someone behaves and treats other people. For instance, if someone is promiscuous and goes after people who are in a relationship, I would see them as a person whose values don't square with mine--not because of the sex, but because of who they are pursuing. Also, if someone is a virgin, they don't get more respect from me than someone who is not a virgin unless they do something in their life that makes me want to respect them more, such as being a kind person, doing nice things for other people, being selfless etc.

 

So, to me, virginity or lack thereof does not tell me much about my decision to respect or not to respect someone. That's just me though. So I can't say that I understand or agree with the view that accords more respect to virgins than non-virgins. Both categories can be great people or absolute jerks, and that is what matters to me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

While I agree with your notion of basing respect on how a person is overall, I do think there are different ways to respect and disrespect someone because people are multi-faceted. For example, I can respect someone based on how hard they work and how dedicated they are to their job and doing their job well, but also disrespect them for the way they treat their spouse. I can respect someone for being a loyal friend or their strong family ties, but not respect them regarding their work ethic if they are sloppy and couldn't care less about the quality of their work. Same with virginity...respecting someone for being a virgin means that you respect the fact that they are not a crowd follower in that regard, they don't succumb to peer pressure and they have their own internal value system which allows them to tune out societal pressures so that they can do what they strongly believe in. Just because someone respects that person for that particular aspect it doesn't mean that they have to respect all aspects of the person.

[lady00]

respecting someone for being a virgin means that you respect the fact that they are not a crowd follower in that regard, they don't succumb to peer pressure and they have their own internal value system which allows them to tune out societal pressures so that they can do what they strongly believe in.

 

While I think that virginity might be an indication that a person has all of these qualities (and these are great qualities to have), I also think someone whom is not a virgin can have all of these same qualities. I don't view virginity as a proxy for other qualities. I view it as a simple fact of having not had sex yet. I don't go further in ascribing qualities to that person because I don't view virginity as definitive (or as a proxy) of a person's personality and qualities.

[Mavh25]

I respect young teens who don't give in to the hype.

[Jadewhisper]

I agree with you,Grrr.

 

When one is at the age of 14-15, etc., can they really deal with the possible consequences and the emotions which run with it? Just taking birth control is not going to resolve the emotions one has when they are in love or if they are planning to not have virginity status anymore.

 

If you believe someone loves you and then you go through the steps of intimacy only later to find out they used you, I imagine that would set the mindset of what to expect in a future relationship. It would be hard to put that out of the way for a new relationship.

[chocolate_86]

i'm just going to say this..........

 

I am a virgin.I am 22 years old and i'll be 23 years old this year.i am the target of sexual jokes and i don't care. I don't walk around thinking i am so much better than non virgins,like some people may think. I masturbate on a regular basis,i've had a guy go down on me and fingering all that stuff.

 

It really does amaze me how people always assume i am waiting for marriage. That is NOT the case at all. I think sex between two people is an amazing thing and i don't want to do it with someone who just doesn't respect me not as a virgin, but as a woman or someone i dont respect. To be honest i can't wait to have sex,i'm excited about it,but i won't let some random person inside of me. that's not how i am.

 

I've said my piece

[Luke Skywalker]

That's interesting. I thought the OP was discussing types 1 and types 2 -- as he/she is suggesting that people generally think they are being prudes by not having fun like everyone else is when they have a choice to have sex.

 

Type 3 virgins are not focused on discussion. If you are too ugly or have social issues - then I think that people would be more understanding and they would probably have opportunities of sympathy sex or from a mature person that can tolerate those issues. I know I could have lost it myself in the past if I wanted to but choose not to.

 

It would seem that I 'feel' like I'm a type 3 virgin because even though I may be religious and waiting for marriage, I'm over 32 y/o and don't have any serious relationship or marriage prospects - which would put me in a type 3 anyway. I don't care - because I also believe in miracles - and that's in God's hands.

 

In real life, I do not advertise the fact that I'm a virgin to anyone except for a special online campaign (last one was over two years ago), typically because I just stick to myself and whoever connects with me, then I may open up to them a bit, otherwise I nobody would know anything about me.

[MD Geist]

I hate this whole wait till marriage thing. Whether people want to admit this or not, I know its true.

 

Kissing and Sex are the same thing. They are both lustful activities, just in different degrees. If you are going to "save" yourself for the right person. You might as well not kiss them until you're married either.

 

I can agree but disagree at the same time because I was brought up with that programing and its worked best for me.

 

While all my friends from school went out there had random partners they mostly contracted either an STD or are parents at the moment where as i'am not. Its good to wait for the right one to come around but I don't believe in waiting for marriage if like your partner is not a virgin when you get married to them.

 

That wouldn't make much sense to wait then you waited while they went out there and had fun.

 

I think your screwed either way as long as your a virgin theres just no benefits.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I can agree but disagree at the same time because I was brought up with that programing and its worked best for me.

 

While all my friends from school went out there had random partners they mostly contracted either an STD or are parents at the moment where as i'am not. Its good to wait for the right one to come around but I don't believe in waiting for marriage if like your partner is not a virgin when you get married to them.

 

That wouldn't make much sense to wait then you waited while they went out there and had fun.

 

I think your screwed either way as long as your a virgin theres just no benefits.

 

I'm am very happy that I waited as long as I did.

[shyguy1]

I'm am very happy that I waited as long as I did.

 

It's all relative though Debaser.

 

The older you get the 'harder' it gets to not only end your virginity, but escape the oftentimes unfair stigma that goes along with it.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong... but you are still fairly young in the grand scheme of things aren't you? (fairly young as in 19 or 20)

 

I thought I remembered hearing that at some point anyway... if so that's still older than when most people begin having sex and I applaud you for your willpower.

 

The fact remains that:

 

A: Female virgins are generally looked upon more favorably by society and therefore the stigma of being an older virgin isn't nearly as pronounced.

 

B: There's a significant difference between someone who's a virgin at 20 or so and someone who's a virgin at 23...24...25... and so on and so forth. 19 and 20 are both older than normal... but not abnormally older and not so much older than society is going to think it's weird... and not so old that a certain segment of the dating population will rule you out from the start.

 

While I think it's great that you waited until you found someone you felt worthy of sharing yourself with, the ability to meet that special someone decreases substantially by the year.. especially when you are quite simply clueless around people and social interaction.. something I would wager is true for not only myself, but for most older virgins.

 

The being socially ignorant is only the start, as I would also wager that this applies to most older virgins... but there's lack of self esteem/self worth... depression... shyness.... the list goes on and on and on.

 

Sometimes seems a daunting, if not downright impossible task.