Ex contacting me.

[JadedStar]

I think he is contacting you simply because it is very HARD to completely sever ties wtih a person you were close too, even if you don't love them.

 

I would not allow him to keep vollying back and forth like this. I am telling you it will be VERY HARD to thwart his attempts at contact, i have been there myself, but you have to think of YOU.

 

He has made it clear he does not feel aobut you the way he should and he doesn't want a commitment, so if you continue to talk to him you are confirming that this is ok with you. Don't do it.

 

The texts and phonecalls will make this become very much like an open wound that continues to be poked at the minute it starts to heal over. It's not a good situation.

You sound strong, try to keep up the no contact.

[Broken Arrow]

Thanks Mijo and Guns, I really do appreciate you guys trying to help me. I have posted several times about my situation and no one responded. To answer your questions the last time I saw her we just hung out at her apartment after I took her out to dinner and just watched TV, nothing special. I did at dinner tell her I think about her all the time, and she means a lot to me. But every time I felt myself slipping over the line I stopped myself. She definitely didn't know how I broke down afterward, I was in my car going home by that point. Although its the hardest thing in the world I have been trying to move on. I stopped calling her, and I've hit the gym harder than before (I go in the morning for an hour, and at night for 2), I am just finishing up school, and just trying to stay busy. But it truly is hard to just forget. In your opinion should I e-mail her back? Should I ask to see her and ask why she still is contacting me? I'd really like your take on this.

 

 

Viewing your situation as a guy, I can only say that we (men) fall into one of two categories-good guys and bad guys. If the guy is a good guy, he might still have feelings and is trying to sort them out. Or he really likes you as a person as wants you in his life as a friend. If the guy is not so good, he is simply playing with your emotions, and keeping you on the back burner. So please be careful. Another thing, I think that you were in a very short term relationship, 6 months, in that amount of time it is most unlikely that the love factor was very high for him, and it is a lot easier to just see what it's like, or test the waters, and if they don't like it move on without the attachment that some one who has a longer term relationship might have. Hope this helps.

[gundr1kr]

BrokenArrow, it is good to hear from you. I know exactly how you are feeling and I feel bad that you are a guy and that you are having a hard time with this. As for the emails and the calls, no I wouldnt answer them or write back. I made that mistake already. About a week ago my ex had contacted me 10 times in a day and I talked to him on the phone about this and asked if he was regretting his decision or what was going on. He said it was hard for him to stop and his feelings hadnt changed. This was only about a week after the breakup too (so I dont know if they could have changed in a week). But my point is no, I dont think you should try and contact her. Everyone on this board has been giving the advice that if our ex's want to get back together with us then they will make it very clear and we wont have to question the situation.

 

Thank you responding to my situation. I do believe that my ex was a good guy because I did know him 3 years prior to getting in a relationship with him. He has told me that he prefers me as a friend and I am not 100% sure of that. I think he still might be sorting out his feelings. I have been very very clear that I wont be able to go back to being his friend yet he still continues to contact me. However, when it comes to the love factor - I believe that he truly thinks that he was in love even if we only dated for 6 months and I believe that because this was one of his longest relationships and he had never told it to any other girl.

 

I find this whole situation very frustrating.

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

Sorry that you were feeling down last night I thought you were going out and were going to get your mind off things? I played soccer last night and I felt a lot better because I was able to get some aggression out.

 

After I saw him in the cafeteria, I didnt hear from him which I thought was odd because I thought sure enough that I would hear from him, especially last night. Last night, we normally watched a lot of TV shows together. Oh well. Its weird because I think I have had some time to think back about our relationship and even though I miss him like crazy and would give my left leg to be laying in his arms right now, I dont know if we were truly meant to be. There were some things about him that only surfaced when we were in a relationship and I dont know if I could really deal with them down the road...unless they were fixed.

 

I dont know, I think I am rambling. How are you feeling this morning? Only a few more days till the holidays. At least we wont be focused on our exs...

[mijo]

I think the fact you were friends beforehand makes the "love" factor in a shorter term relationship much more likely too.

 

Brokenarrow I agree that you prob shouldn't try to contact her. If she wants to get back together then she will contact you and make her feelings clear. The best thing you can do is try to enjoy yourself and even if you can't move on totally, then try and move slightly past the ex.

 

I'm not having a great day today. I felt quite motivated yesterday to continue with NC yet I woke up today and immediately wanted to text him. I have quite a busy weekend planned with friends but my mind keeps wondering what he will be doing. I so want to text him but I know that I mustn't. My plan is simply to go out and have a fabulous time with my friends tomorrow night, dress up and enjoy myself and hopefully when he is sat at work he will see the photos on facebook and kick himself. Yes maybe it's wishful thinking, and maybe it's immature but at least it is giving me something to help me through the weekend.

[mijo]

Our situations really are so similar! I feel exactly the same, I miss him so much but I also know that when we were together things came up that I would still find it hard to accept, and I know that this could only work again if things changed. But I just feel like we both gave up far too easily, we could have worked through these things and instead we had a stupid argument and gave up.

I am so happy it's almost Christmas, yes I am gutted I wont be with him for it but at least it will take my mind off things. Plus I think he has to work Christmas day so he will have much more time to dwell really.

Do you plan to send a Merry Christmas message?

[gundr1kr]

I'm not having a great day today. I felt quite motivated yesterday to continue with NC yet I woke up today and immediately wanted to text him. I have quite a busy weekend planned with friends but my mind keeps wondering what he will be doing. I so want to text him but I know that I mustn't. My plan is simply to go out and have a fabulous time with my friends tomorrow night, dress up and enjoy myself and hopefully when he is sat at work he will see the photos on facebook and kick himself. Yes maybe it's wishful thinking, and maybe it's immature but at least it is giving me something to help me through the weekend.

 

I am sorry you arent having a great day I am sure it will get better. I think that is great that you are keeping busy. I know what you mean about wanting to contact him this morning. I woke up and looked at my phone and hoped that he would have contacted me. I have a friend at work that says that we are playing our cards right by doing NC. He said if we do NC and he doesnt come back to us then we are just moving on and we are getting what we want (for him not to have his cake and eat it too). However, if we do NC and he realizes that he cant live without us, then we are getting what we want that way too. I think it is a win-win situation so we need to keep up with the NC even though it sucks and it is hard.

[gundr1kr]

I am so happy it's almost Christmas, yes I am gutted I wont be with him for it but at least it will take my mind off things. Plus I think he has to work Christmas day so he will have much more time to dwell really.

Do you plan to send a Merry Christmas message?

 

No I wont be sending him a Merry Christmas message. Will you be? I dont know if I will even respond if he sends me one. I know it sounds mean but I dont want to give him false hope when I contact him back. I hope he sends me something though. I dont know if he will or not. I will miss him though.

[mijo]

Yeh I agree, it is reassuring when someone else says it too.

That's the thing with NC, it is soo hard to start with when all you want to do is speak to them, but when you actually think about it it is by far the best way to go. I wouldn't want to talk to him because he feels that he has to because I have rang him, or he is replying to my text. It would only mean anything if he has realised what he's lost and makes a proper effort. I am sure this will never happen, but then if it doesn't then I guess I haven't lost out as I obviously don't mean as much to him as he does to me, and I think we both deserve people who truly want to be with us.

[mijo]

No I wont be sending him a Merry Christmas message. Will you be? I dont know if I will even respond if he sends me one. I know it sounds mean but I dont want to give him false hope when I contact him back. I hope he sends me something though. I dont know if he will or not. I will miss him though.

 

agreed, I hope he sends me something but I don't know if I will reply. I think I may perhaps send something simple back if he contacts me, but if he doesn't then I will desperately try and stop myself from sending him one.,

[gundr1kr]

I dont know what is different about today or this morning but I just want to contact him really really badly. I want to tell him that I miss him and see if he has a response. I miss talking to him. I miss him a lot right now and I dont know why today is any different that any other day.

 

It snowed really really badly this morning and he lives alot farther than me and I am worried about his drive into work. I wish it could just be like it used to be...

[mijo]

I dont know what is different about today or this morning but I just want to contact him really really badly. I want to tell him that I miss him and see if he has a response. I miss talking to him. I miss him a lot right now and I dont know why today is any different that any other day.

 

It snowed really really badly this morning and he lives alot farther than me and I am worried about his drive into work. I wish it could just be like it used to be...

 

I felt the same when I woke up today. Despite being upset and angry yesterday I didn't want to contact him and now all I want to do is pick up my phone and text him to say hi and ask if he is ok.

 

This worries me though because it makes me think that if he did text me today then I don't know if i'd be able to stop myself replying.

 

I just wish I could rewind a month and stop this whole mess, say things in a different way and be more patient with the whole thing. I really don't get how we ended up like this. I know he either works 8am-3pm or 3pm-10pm and I still find myself checking when he has upsated something on facebook so I know what shift he is on as he can only get on the internet at work. I hate myself being like that

 

oh well

[gundr1kr]

I keep on re-reading this. I almost dont want to believe it or accept it. That hurts. I wont so hard to believe that he is just confused and that he will come back to me some day. Is this completely stupid? Prior to us breaking up he always told me he wanted us to work out and then he told me when we were breaking up that "him and I make sense to him". Do I need to stop hoping and really just move on? I want so badly for him to come back to me.

[mijo]

I keep on re-reading this. I almost dont want to believe it or accept it. That hurts. I wont so hard to believe that he is just confused and that he will come back to me some day. Is this completely stupid? Prior to us breaking up he always told me he wanted us to work out and then he told me when we were breaking up that "him and I make sense to him". Do I need to stop hoping and really just move on? I want so badly for him to come back to me.

 

aw hun, I hope you're ok.

It is so awful to think that they just don't have any of those feelings anymore. I keep thinking well surely he can't have just lost all feelings, surely, and his contact has kept that glimmer of hope that maybe he just needs some time.

I guess I do need to face the fact that this is probably it though.

It seems crazy but we have tickets to a Comedy show next March and a few days after we broke up he text and said that he really did want to be mates and still go together to this show etc. I know it's ages away but I still keep thinking, well maybe we can have a few months apart and then when we go to that we'll realise what we lost and we'll both have changed for the better by then. I know I need to totally put this out of my mind though! By then he will no doubt be settled with someone else and if I'm still clinging on it is just going to hurt me.,

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

So he contacted me yet again. We had a really bad snow storm here and he sent me an email asking me if I made it in today. I didnt reply but when I opened the email he knew I was here because he used return receipt. He then sent me the return receipt saying, "I got my answer." Why would he even care if I made it into work?

 

Then just a few minutes ago he sends me ANOTHER email and says

 

"I bought a box of spiced Cider packets (just add water)

 

Want to meet in the cafeteria and I can bring one for you?

 

Glad we can still be friends."

 

What the ****? I never said I was his friend. I am not responding to him. I freakin hate that he is doing this.

 

I am tired of him reaching out to me in the "Im trying to be friends." I dont contact him yet he still thinks it is okay to contact me. He is putting me through hell.

 

I get a glimmer of hope each time he does this.

[waveseer]

I suggest you tell him to stop trying to contact you for personal reasons. If he continues after that then you have a case for a harassment complaint. You should not have to deal with this, especially when you are trying to work.

[gundr1kr]

He sent me another email:

 

"If you really want me to stop contacting you at all, just respond to this email and say so.

 

I will be gone from your life forever."

 

I responded with:

 

"I will not be your friend. I have already made this very very clear."

 

Then he responded with:

 

"Fine.

 

Then have a nice life."

 

The sad part about this email chain is I have already had this conversation with him NUMEROUS times. I was initially doing NC because I wanted him to realize what he had lost. However, he continued contacting me and I didnt really contact him back. I dont understand what could possibly be going on his head!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gundr1kr]

Have I been doing something wrong? I have already told him that I didnt want to be his friend. I didnt reply after NUMEROUS contact attampts? Anybody, ANYBODY know what is going on with him?

[gundr1kr]

I think I might have just done the best thing. I put a rule on my account so anytime he tries to contact me, it will be automatically deleted before it even reaches me. If something is serious enough, he will have to call or come see me because all of this email stuff is bs.

[franfran]

That was a very strong thing you did...I bet you'll feel better now in the days to come

[mijo]

wow well done for doing that!!!!

Has he said anything since?

I think you said the best thing on not being able to be friends, he shouldnt have assumed that when you had made it plainly clear!

Why do men play these games?! Surely they must know that theyre giving tyhe wrong idea.

 

I haven't heard from my ex today and it is making me want to text him. I have been out for drinks this evening and just got in. I am sure he will probably be out in town now and we'd normally meet up, I just wish I could get it out my head

[gundr1kr]

wow well done for doing that!!!!

Has he said anything since?

I think you said the best thing on not being able to be friends, he shouldnt have assumed that when you had made it plainly clear!

Why do men play these games?! Surely they must know that theyre giving tyhe wrong idea.

 

I haven't heard from my ex today and it is making me want to text him. I have been out for drinks this evening and just got in. I am sure he will probably be out in town now and we'd normally meet up, I just wish I could get it out my head

 

If he has tried saying anything since through email, I havent received it because it would have been deleted!!! I bet his ego hurts right now but I have been very clear that I wont be his friend. I dont know why he thinks I will? I do feel like he was playing games with me. It also pisses me off that he thinks we can be friends after everything. Sex, talk of marriage, falling in love, etc. Do you know this exact chain of emails happened a week ago (last Friday) and I told him then too that I wouldnt be able to be his friend and he said then too, " OK. Ta Ta Forever" Then again he started communication. Hopefully this time is different. My heart is not something you can play games with. I guess this will be the true test.

 

I still dont think you should text him even if you want to. I dont think that is a good idea. However, I know how you feel. I want to talk to him and tell him that he was the one that gave up on us. He was the one that did all this. I wanted to be with him. Everyday that he contacts me it hurts. Doesnt it hurt you? It almost feels like I am going through the break-up each day because I know that we aren't reconciling.

[mijo]

Thanks for reassuring me, I know I mustn't text him, it's just hard on nights like this

 

That's bad that you told him the exact same thing last week and he ignored it when you have been so straight about it. Will he be alerted to the fact that you have blocked his emails?

[VioletFig]

gundr1kr and mijo..... i feel your pain ! stay strong !

[gundr1kr]

Thanks for reassuring me, I know I mustn't text him, it's just hard on nights like this

 

That's bad that you told him the exact same thing last week and he ignored it when you have been so straight about it. Will he be alerted to the fact that you have blocked his emails?

 

I know what you mean. I feel that pain too. We are both trying to be strong.

 

I dont believe he will be alerted that his emails are being deleted and I wont see them. However, hopefully we will think the unopened emails are due to me possibly taking vacation time and not being at work. Hopefully these next couple of weeks apart will make things clearer. Even though it sucks being away from them for the holidays, it will make things even clearer.