Ex contacting me.

[gundr1kr]

Well, I was right. He forwarded me the return receipt that he got once I opened the email. Once I opened the return receipt email he them forwarded me the second return receipt email that he got.

 

I havent heard from him in a week. He then plays games by himself? Never has anything to say really...

[mijo]

Well, I was right. He forwarded me the return receipt that he got once I opened the email. Once I opened the return receipt email he them forwarded me the second return receipt email that he got.

 

I havent heard from him in a week. He then plays games by himself? Never has anything to say really...

 

That's crazy? Why did he forward the receipt from a blank email - what did he expect you to reply if he wrote nothing in it? If it were me I would email back and ask why he had just sent you a blank email, although it will probably be more effective to just ignore it.

 

I really do not understand his games. I can half understand forwarding on a receipt if he had written something important in the email that he wanted a response to, but to a blank email it just seems petty?

 

Did you say anything to him??

How did you feel when you saw him at lunch?

 

Do you feel that you were able to cope better with this break up having gone through a broken engagement before? This is the first messy breakup I have really had...

 

What did you do with the old email chain when you found it? Things like that can really hurt. I know that most of the inbox of my mobile was full of really sweet, loving text messages from my ex and when reading them one night i just got too upset and deleted everything off my phone as I couldn't stand to look at them. I've got ride of almost everything now - the only physical thing left is a note that he left me once after I had left for work. For some reason I haven't been able to get rid of it, I suppose it's always nice to have something to remind you of people when you look back in years to come. I guess I have a constant daily reminder of him on facebook so a note locked away in a drawer can't do much harm.

 

I hope you're having a better day today??

[gundr1kr]

Good morning Mijo -

 

How are you doing. Have you heard from your ex yet? Since you have a lot of mutual friends, do you think that they told him that you knew about the current gf?

 

I really dont know what to think. I thought about it last night...what I should do. In a way I want to keep the door open for reconciliation but I dont what this non-sense communication to continue. I might start a thread and ask opinions. During lunch, I felt pretty good...whenever he says me at work he puts his head down and acts really shy. Its funny because once he is behind the computer, it appears that he has ALOT to say.

 

When I got the chain of emails, no I didnt say anything to him, I just ignored him. If there is nothing in the email, what would I say. I just wish I knew what was going through his head. Somtimes I feel like he SERIOUSLY has some issues.

 

Yes, when I read the chain of email messages that my ex had sent me a long time ago, it was hard to read. I think the hard part was that it all felt like a lie. How can you call me a soul mate a couple months before we break up? How could you lie to me and make it seem like everything was okay? After i read them, I deleted it. I dont want any reminders.

[mijo]

I think you did the right thing deleting the emails, it is too painful looking back on things like that and just upsets you as to how they can change their mind so quickly. It makes you question everything you had which is never a good thing.

 

His contact attempts are so hard to read - it's almost as if he is worried that you will forget him so he just wants to remind you that he is still there but without directly saying anything. Do you think it worth asking him why he sent the blank emails or would you prefer to remain NC?

 

I have to say given the time-frame I think there is still some way for this to go yet...

 

No I haven't heard anything from my ex - it has been 4 days now which is a long time for him, so I guess we will see. It is possible he knows I have found out about it but I am not certain to be honest. There were a couple of comments made by people on my facebook page but whether he will have a. looked at my page and/or b. realised they are even referring to him I have no idea. I guess time will tell. I am quite glad at the moment that he hasn't contacted me as I don't have the dilemma of ignoring him or telling him what I think! At the moment I am just happy that I have no desire to speak to him!

 

Has today been any better for you so far?

[gundr1kr]

I agree with you that his contact attempts are hard to read. I talked with some people on here and they mentioned that I should write this back to him the next time he tries and contacts me:

 

"I really need space from you right now. At this time, please respect that I cant be your friend. I still care for you but at this time I think distance and time will be the best for me."

 

What do you think?

 

Does your ex go on Facebook often? I am sure he knows that the conversation on your wall is being directed at him. I dont think guys are that clueless. Have you ever considered deleting him as a friend? Honestly, I think it is a step in the right direction. Also, he shouldnt be able to see what happens in your life or what someone write about you. He lost that priveledge when he ended things. Just my opinion though.

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo....

 

I needed to post an update and I need your opinion for what it means...

 

Well, he texted me about 15 mins. He sent me a text message saying

"Just wanted to let you know its cold outside. So make sure you bundle up if you take your dog out to go to the bathroom. Your welcome".

 

I sent him the text back:

"I really need space from you right now. At this time, please respect that I cant be your friend. I still care for you but at this time I think some distance and time will be the best for me."

 

He wrote back:

"Still? But its been over a month. OK. I will respect your wish."

 

What do you think? Dont you think he was being an arrogant @ss? I felt like he was saying to me in that text "you arent over me still?" His text also made me think that there is never a chance of us getting back together...

 

Thoughts?

[mijo]

Hi,

 

How do you feel about the messages now?

 

To me that is the kind of text message you would send to a partner as opposed to a friend. I don't understand his games. I think you did the right thing in messaging back and telling him u want space. It may well have been over a month but because he has continued to text you it causes you to take steps back. As for his response, he has stated he will respect your wishes but I really do wonder how long he will keep away for, he hasn't done it in the past.

I wouldn't take it that there is no chance of you getting back together...he obviously still cares for you and if he still cares for you then there is always that possibility that you can rekindle things.

If he contacts you again have you thought of maybe saying that you want to meet to finally talk about things so you can both move on properly? Or do you think that would be counter-productive for you? I know when I split with my ex I just wanted a chance to talk things through face-to-face, but I never got it!

 

I have still not heard anything from my ex, coming up for 5 days now and I still don't feel the desire to contact him which I am happy about. I did think about deleting him from facebook, but given the circumstances and our group of friends etc I decided that whilst I am getting over him ok at the moment (this could all change I know) I would rather seem like I am unaffected by him... maybe in a few weeks when I see photos of him and his gf posted I might change my mind...

[mijo]

So, I wondered if I'd manage a week without hearing from him... just short of 5 days and I get "Hey sweetie, how you doing?x"

 

I think I am definitely best to just ignore him though?? At least it might make him wonder a bit and realise he can't do what he has been doing.

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo -

 

I KNEW he would be contacting you soon. Yes, I think it is best to ignore him and not answer him back. Since you two have been broken up, have you ever done that....ignored him? If so, how did he react? If not, how do you think he will react? I am expecting some sort of reaction out of him. I do agree with you though, he cant continue stringing you along when he is already with someone. What a jerk.

 

I am not sure how I felt about the messages. At first I thought he was just being a BIG JERK. I thought he was trying to make me feel bad because I still dont want talk to him a month later. However, some guy on here said that it is possible that he is trying to show his caring side by the first messages and that he was just being a typical guy with his last message. He said he thought it was possible that he could be trying to rekindle his feelings? Who knows. I dont know. He just really made me mad last night.

 

At this point, no I am not going to suggest a sit down to discuss everything. That would make it really easy for him and I not willing to do that. IF he does want to work things out, he needs to make the effort. I thought by texting him back and saying that I care about him, it was all he was going to get from me.

 

I do know what you mean about wanting to talk to your ex face to face after the breakup. However, my ex isnt like that. He will do whatever it takes to avoid talking about serious issues face to face. Another reason why I think he is a coward. I think I still might be mad. His text back to me last night just made me sooooo angry. Like, I cant believe you arent over me?!!?

[mijo]

Hiya,

 

I haven't been able to get online at all over the weekend, did you have a good one?

 

Have you heard anymore from your ex?

 

I agree, he is showing that he still cares for you with his first message. It is obvious he doesn't want you to forget him, but I don't think he realises that by not giving u space it isn't really allowing you to fully move on. I am also dubious as to whether he would send such a message to a friend, but I am not sure. I can understand why you wouldn't want to sit down and discuss face to face if your ex is that way, plus I guess after the time that has passed it may cause more harm than good and push you backwards at this stage.

 

I haven't heard from my ex since the text he sent to me on Friday. I am glad that I didn't reply to him as I've found that hard to maintain in the past. I now haven't spoken to him for over a week which is the longest period since we broke up. Whether he will attempt to contact me again I don't know...

 

I went on my date on saturday. He was a really nice guy - the kind of guy that looks really good on paper; nice looking, good job, decent guy... but there just didn't seem to be any spark. we had a bit of a kiss which was nice, but i just don't think i want to pursue it. I can't fault him that much but he just didn't really make me laugh, and that's quite important to me. I know you shouldn't compare but I just think back to the times with my ex where we could just sit for hours laughing at random things, and with the guy on saturday i just couldn't do that, I just felt like I'd get bored spending much more time with him. Who knows!

 

Do you have a lot planned this week?

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo!

 

I hope you had a good weekend...My weekend guests left recently. We had a great weekend Did you?

 

No, I havent heard from my ex. I asked for space, so I guess he is giving it to me. The more and more time that goes by, the more time I have to realize that we arent meant to be. I want my future husband to be different than him. I do care about him but I just dont think he is enough for me. I think his actions lately have really showed me the person that he is and I am not sure if I like him. I know I change every day with my view but things are becoming more and more clear to me.

 

Well, I am actually kind of surprised that you didnt hear from you ex. The reason that I say that is because you had the comedy show this weekend right? I am sure you will hear from him, it just when it will actually be...

 

I am sorry your date didnt go as well as expected. You just need to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince, right. I know what you mean about comparing your ex to your current dating partners. I think if anything, at least you learned from your ex, that you need your next mate to make you laugh.

[mijo]

Yup the comedy show was on friday and it was on friday afternoon that he last text me, i never replied and i have heard nothing since. In a sense i'm quite relieved, as I'm no longer hanging on the phone or hoping it's him when it beeps. I also seem to have gotten over the desire to text him. All good.

 

I agree completely about dates. I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not 100% into, seems pointless, and someone being able to make me laugh is a dealbreaker really.

 

I'm glad your ex is giving you the spaceyou asked for, hopefully it will also cause him to sit back and reflect on it too. I know what you mean about wanting your future husband to be different from an ex, it takes that time apart to be able to see all the things that make them not right for you, the things you overlooked before because you were in love with them

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

Sorry I havent updated in awhile. I have been under the weather and stayed home a few days resting. I am feeling a little better today.

 

As for an update...the ex hasnt contacted me. However I did talk to my therapist about what is going on with my ex and I. She believes that he feels that he can leave me however, I cant leave him. So the fact that I dont want to talk to him, wont beg him back, etc, makes him feel really insecure - hence all the contacts attempts.

 

However, at this point, I am pretty much over caring about him or this whole situation. What sucks is that he was a great guy at the beginning. However, he wasnt showing me then who he truly was in a relationship. I dont like that guy. I wouldnt be able to spend my life with that guy. So I am moving on.

 

Have you heard anything from your ex? Has he asked you why you never responded? I am glad that you arent waiting for him to call or text you, that is a good step in the right direction.

 

Anything new? How are you feeling in this whole situation? Any updates?

[mijo]

Hi,

How's it going? Hope you're feeling better?

 

I can see what you therapist means, it is a dent to the confidence and makes them feel insecure. They assume that as they finished it that you should still be clinging on. Have you found it useful having your therapist to talk to? have they given you any further insights?

 

I am glad your ex is giving you the space you asked for. At least it shows some respect.

 

Well, I have no idea what is going through the mind of my ex! He text me on Friday "Hi how you doing?x" and I didn't reply. I felt much stronger for not replying and I didn't hear from him over the weekend. I was feeling a bit down about it as after my date on sat it made me remember all the fun times I had had with my ex, and I kept comparing how I felt after the date to how I felt after the first date with my ex etc etc. Anyway on Tuesday evening I had a text from him but it was just a joke (he often sends jokes) and I ignored it.

 

THEN on Wednesday morning I was getting ready for work and wanted to download a song so turned on my laptop. I quickly logged on facebook as I had a couple of message and he was online. The next thing I know he sends an instant message saying "Hey, how are you? Do you fancy giving me h*ad?" What an idiot. You know when you are almost shocked that they'd even say it, even though I should probably know by now. I mean texting someone at 3am when you're probably drunk is 1 thing, but doing it before 9am when you're at work is another! I just replied "I don't think that would be a good idea no", then he talked normally and asked how i was and I said I was late for work and logged off. I haven't heard from him since. It's what I'd expect from a 17 year old not a 28 year old!

 

I am 100% with you, the disappointment comes from knowing that he's not the man I thought he was. I still think about him all the time, and miss him so much, but I'm missing the person that I thought he was and I don't seem to be able to get my head around the fact that he isn't really like that. I know I could never get back together with him, for starters my friends would think I had gone insane, but also I don't think I could ever trust him now. I just hope I never have a weak moment where I let him back into my life. part of me wants to tell him how much he has upset me, but the other half just thinks don't even give him the benefit of knowing you're bothered and leave him to it coz I know I deserve better.

[gundr1kr]

Mijo-

 

Oh my goodness! I cant believe your ex. Who does he think he is? It has been how long since you broke up and he thinks it is okay to ask you that? Yes, what an idiot. And I DO agree with you, it is different when someone texts you that at 3am because they are obviously drinking and when someone talks to like that when they are obviously sober!

 

Honestly, though, I feel like you shouldnt have responded to him in the first place. I would have logged off facebook right then and there. He should know that it is NOT OKAY for him to talk to you like that. Even if he was kidding, what would his current GF think about it?!?!

 

What a loser. Honestly. I know what you mean about having moments of weakness. We all have moments and that is okay. However, this guy isnt right for you. I think I am telling you this and so is all of your friends. I would jump through this computer and yell at you if you went back to him after all of his bs. I think you need to go to strict NC and that means even on Facebook. He needs to get the message loud and clear that it isnt OK to treat people this way.

 

I'm feeling okay. Ive still got all the cold -like symptoms but I am getting through the day. Yes, it has been nice not having contact with the ex. I still think about him a lot. I think I miss him however I just have a lot of negative thoughts about him in my head. It has helped to talk to a therapist because she tells me like it is. You know my ex is probably feeling a little insecure because of the way I am treating him. You know it would probably do you and your ex some good if you did the same thing. You need to stand up to him.

[mijo]

Hey,

 

I know you're right, my friends said the same thing in that I shouldn't have responded to him at all. I really don't get him, I mean it would be bad enough saying that to an ex regardless, but when I know he has a long distance girlfriend it makes it 100 x worse. Obviously though he doesn't know that I am aware of his GF. Maybe he's just playing me, but I reckon if I turned round and said yes he would be round straight after work and the fact he would betray his GF that quickly makes me look at him in a whole different light. He went on to me so much about how he would never ever cheat in a relationship, how he had been hurt and he thought cheating was unacceptable - way to cover up what you really are! Part of me thinks the reason he said it so bluntly was because I ignored his text messages before, as if he wanted to know how available I still was to him. Like you said it makes them feel insecure - and that was after just a couple of ignored messages. I keep wanting to believe he doesn't really have this girlfriend up in Scotland and that he wouldn't be this awful, but deep down I know for a fact it is true, and they're going away together at the end of next month.

 

Like I said though the upsetting part is that it spoils what you had and makes it harder to look back on it with fond memories because I feel like the person that I loved being with so much was all just an act. Even the person who I knew as my friend before that. Let's just say he has gotten his act off to a tee. I just wish he didn't still consume my thoughts all the time. I would never get back together with him, not knowing what I know, I couldn't forget whats gone on. We do all have weak moments, and I know how charming he can be - I would never have believed any of this 6 months ago - even 3 months ago, but I guess I just need to make sure I remember it now. If he was to send me such a suggestive message again I would want to ask him straight out if he is seeing anybody, but then to be honest I don't want him to think I am bothered!

 

haha what a nightmare! It has been almost 2 months now since we broke up, I don't know how I still standing where I am.

 

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. At least you have been able to avoid contact with your ex whilst you're getting better. I agree with you about thinking about them but having negative thoughts...I figured this is moving on from being upset, but don't you still wish you could wake up and not be thinking about him at all? I am longing for that day!

 

Have you heard anymore from the guy you were going to go on a date with?

[gundr1kr]

Hey,

 

I dont get your ex either unfortunately...IF ONLY WE COULD READ MINDS I dont understand why he thought it was okay to talk to you like that. I bet he just wanted a reaction out of you. He wanted to see emotion and he if he could still get to you. When you decided not to respond to text messages, I bet it did make him feel insecure.

 

I also dont know why he would emphasize that he would never cheat or didnt like cheaters, etc if he is the type to cheat??? I dont get it. It is all messed up to me.

 

Yes, I can understand completely what you are saying. It does spoil the idea of him that you had in your head when you were dating and even just friends. I feel the same way about my ex. I look at my ex now as not someone that is confident and has a great personality but now someone that is extremely immature, controlling and selfish. It sucks. But now we know who they really are. I would rather know now then a year down the line. I dont want someone to waste my time. In fact, I should thank my ex. I could have wasted a lot more time with him and he did me a favor. You know have the opportunity to find the person that will treat you right. Its apparent that your ex isnt that guy.

 

Well, I dont know if I told you but on Friday the guy that I went on the date with came over to my desk and was just chit-chatting with me. He then asked me what he did wrong or if there wasnt anything that he said because I told him I didnt want to go out with him. I thought it tooks lots of courage to do this. Maybe it didnt and I am just so used to my ex being immature and any conversation is over email or text message. I just thought it was really nice of him. I told him I still wanted to be friends with him and that it just was bad timing. We will be on the same soccer team so I dont think there are any hard feelings.

 

I have been feeling very good about the breakup with my ex lately. I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably wont get married or be in a serious relationship for at least 5 -10 years.

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

How are you? How was your weekend? Anything new? Any updates?

 

Well it had been quite awhile since I had last heard from my ex. However, today he sent me an email. Normally I would read it, he would send me the return receipt and it would affect my whole day. TODAY, when I got his email, before I opened it and read it, I deleted it. It felt so good. I dont care anymore what he has to say. Whenever he has something to say it is selfish and manipulative. I truly feel like I am moving on

[mijo]

Hey Mijo-

 

How are you? How was your weekend? Anything new? Any updates?

 

Well it had been quite awhile since I had last heard from my ex. However, today he sent me an email. Normally I would read it, he would send me the return receipt and it would affect my whole day. TODAY, when I got his email, before I opened it and read it, I deleted it. It felt so good. I dont care anymore what he has to say. Whenever he has something to say it is selfish and manipulative. I truly feel like I am moving on

 

Hi,

 

Sorry I haven't been on in so long, I have been so busy at work!

That's great news that you are moving on, I admire your strength in being able to delete it without even reading it! This will bug him aswell as he wont get the read receipt so will wonder why you are so unbothered. Have you heard anything since?

 

Things with my ex have still been a bit odd. As I said briefly I got slightly involved briefly with one of his friends (they aren't close friends they just get the coach to football/soccer matches together), anyway I said to him that I'd really rather my ex didn't know about what had happened and if he could not mention it that would be good. He agreed and said of course he wouldn't. Then last sunday I got a text off the friend saying he is on the coach with my ex and he has worked it out but not to worry it is all fine. I was sat with my housemate at the time fuming as I knew he must have told him or how would he have worked it out. She said to me "oh how long do you think it'll be until you hear from ___". 2 minutes later I got a text from my ex - "so what happened between you and ___, just been speaking to him on the bus". I ignored both of them and didn't respond. Later that evening me ex's friend rang me and said they'd spoken about it but it was ok, my ex had said I was a really nice girl etc and his friend seemed to think it was no big deal. I just explained that it was a big deal to me and he had no right to talk about me to people, let alone someone I'd asked him not to. I then explained why I didn't want him to know as we broke up 2 months ago yet I still get hassle from him and don't want to add fuel to the fire.

 

I had a couple of jokes from the ex on tuesday then on wednesday he text me saying "so how's ___ (friend)", i ignored that text then 40 minutes later got "are you with ____, is that why you're not replying". I text back saying "I wouldn't know, he's your friend isn't he?", and he replied "I only know him a bit from the coach, you know him more intimately than that though don't you?" I then replied saying "this really isn't of any concern to you, i don't know why he felt the need to tell you anything". Then he said "I cannot believe you would get with ___, I am shocked!". I just said "not that it is anything to do with you but I am not with ____" and he replied "to be honest he seems a nice guy but a little dull, I really didn't think you would go for that". I then didn't reply.

 

I haven't heard anything else since then. The whole situation is driving me a bit mad. I still think about my ex but I know there is no way i could ever ever get back with him after all this and my friends would probably disown me. The reason I didn't want to pursue things with his friend was because he was a little boring and there was no spark, and I guess I hated the fact that he knew that I wouldn't like him because of the fact he was a little dull.

 

Anyway on the plus side I am feeling much better about things. I feel like he has shown his true colours enough for me to not be bothered by him anymore. Those texts going on about his friend were the only ones I have replied to in quite a while now and that was only so I can partly set the record straight. I never thought 2 months ago that I would still have this hassle now. madness!

 

Anyway, have you got any plans for the weekend?

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

So it is good to hear from you! I didnt know if you had moved on and decided not to write anymore.

 

Wow, the drama with the new guy?! I wonder why he decided to talk about you when you had specifically told him not to discuss this with the ex? Thats kind of weird. However, I do think that it made your ex a little jealous because he was constantly texting you asking about him. It truly isnt any of his business what you do from know on. So are you going to continue seeing the ex's friend even though you think he is dull?

 

I know what you mean about still thinking about the ex, unfortunately. If I wasnt still thinking about the ex from time to time I dont think I would be on this website. It takes time. We cant rush it even if it would make our lives so much easier.

 

Well, I actually got a text from the ex this morning at 6:30am. It had to do with work and how I should check out a press release and that if I had questions "we should talk". Whatever. I deleted and I am not responding. I dont know what makes him think that I need him to inform me of these things OR that I would come to him with questions about it. PLEASE!? Its funny though because if he texted me that early he might have dreamt about me last night or I might have been the first thing he thought of when he woke up in the morning. It makes me happy that I am still on his mind.

 

I am positive that if my ex were to ever ask for another chance, I wouldnt give him another. I know that I have a lot of negative emotions toward him.

[gundr1kr]

Hey Mijo-

 

How was the weekend? Anything exciting? My best friend came into town again this weekend which was great because I love to see her. I went to a party last night for the SuperBowl and that was fun!

 

So since my last communication with you, I have received two more text messages from him. One telling me that I was rude for not answering him back and * * * . Then the next morning I got another text message telling me that I should check out Yahoo Finance again for another press release.

 

I am OBVIOUSLY not going to answer him back. I just really tired of hearing back from him!!!