SapphireNoir10 Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 So whats the plan? Link to comment
allypally Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 I am finding the courage within myself to leave him. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 good luck I hope you find it At least try talking to him one last time so you know you did what you could Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 What is adding fuel to the fire is that some people are saying "stay with him, give him another chance, he will change" and I mean what they are asking here is that I take the spiritual high road and put up with his nonsense. The gay friend I live with keeps saying, "he made a mistake, and if he makes it again, then you can decide". Then there are others (including my parents) who are saying "Leave him, dump him, he isn't good enough for you, why wait and find out more of what you already know" etc. I had a long chat with the lady (who is of an age) who does my mani/pedicures and she advised the same. She said he sounded like bad bad news, that he had probably lost his attraction for me and was on the look out for a distraction. This is what is contributing to the conflict. Yes, at the end of the day it is my decision and my decision only, but it is my trusting nature that is causing me to hesitate. I want to think that he isn't really like this. But at the same time, he has shown me a side of him which I don't like at all. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 well, since you think you are entering the 'dark side', darth vader did too. but he realized the emperor (the bf) was bringing him down and had to get rid of him. he tossed the dude into the pit. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 I've just done that - finished it with him. Feel much better for it. Being with him was messing with my head and I don't have the energy or the time for that. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 So you think you'll be level from here on out? Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes ITG I do. I know what I saw/experienced on that holiday and if I stayed with him, I would only be hanging on to someone who didn't show me any respect and who wouldn't be able to honour wedding vows. I would only be giving him the message that I didn't respect MYSELF enough by staying with him as it would be like saying "yes, you can carry on treating me like dirt, I accept that as the way things are going to be from hereinon". I am worth far more than that. Link to comment
Girl79 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Wow ally how did he take the breakup? I am so sorry you had to end it, but I'm glad too that you realized you are better off. I am sure you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders as I know how much it was eating you up inside. It's so hard to forgive and forget, and you realize that you just couldn't forget what happened on the holiday, so good for you for doing what was best for you. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes ITG I do. I know what I saw/experienced on that holiday and if I stayed with him, I would only be hanging on to someone who didn't show me any respect and who wouldn't be able to honour wedding vows. I would only be giving him the message that I didn't respect MYSELF enough by staying with him as it would be like saying "yes, you can carry on treating me like dirt, I accept that as the way things are going to be from hereinon". I am worth far more than that. What are you going to do for yourself to make this easier to get used to? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Wow ally how did he take the breakup? I am so sorry you had to end it, but I'm glad too that you realized you are better off. I am sure you will feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders as I know how much it was eating you up inside. It's so hard to forgive and forget, and you realize that you just couldn't forget what happened on the holiday, so good for you for doing what was best for you. is that really relevant? ally is moving on, that is all that should matter. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 I emailed him at work from my work email and wished him the best for the future. The email was entitled "Goodbye", and read xxxx I hope you are well. I'm calling it a day with us and wish you the best for the future. Take care, xxxxx He won't have received the email yet as there is a time delay for security reasons. I'm not sorry, not sorry at all. He cheated on me in front of me (just didn't get to sleep with the tour guide as there wasn't an opportunity, but he would have done if he did have the opportunity). The whole thing has affected my health and wellbeing. You know you have to get out of a relationship when your health and wellbeing are suffering. My inner conflict has been caused by my trusting nature fighting against what I know to be a bad situation - simple as that. I have done the RIGHT thing for SURE. Now he has carte blanche to screw around with who he wants and I wont be subjected to the mental torture I have been going through and his lies and deceit. He is NOT the man he is telling me he is. His loss NOT mine. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 that was how you broke up? Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes. If I had done it face to face he would only have tried to make me come round and talk me out of it. We have been talking for weeks and things haven't improved. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes but you sent him an email at work Ally. What up with that? Really? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 either way you are done. technically due to this delay of the email system you say, he might still think you are together. he might still contact you. i wouldn't say it's over yet. well, if it's over in your head it's over. next time call or do it in person. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 I think sending him an email like that at WORK was in very poor taste. I am glad you ended it because you are right, if a realtionship makes you feel that sick and disraught it isn't working. But an email like that to his job? What if he takes it really hard or something and has to leave, and gets into trouble? I'm not a fan of sending things like that to someone's job. Even tho this break up is immenent sending a former fiancee an email that basically says "sorry its over" to their job is bad. It should have been face to face but if that was not going to work send it when he is at home to a personal account. I dont get your logic about he would make you talk and come around. No, he can't make you come around if your mind is made up, that statement suggests you have not firmly done that and also he STILL is likely going to come and talk it thru. You think you can send that to him and he won't come talk about it? You seriously think this is it and your communication with him is done, just like that? Not understanding this mindset. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Whats up with that? Really - I could have emailed him at his personal email address but he was going to be coming over this evening and wouldn't have been able to check it in time, nor would he have checked his mobile until he had got to my place. I didn't want to ring him at work either as both of our offices are open plan. I agree JS, it wasn't in good taste, but the timing and knowing that he wouldn't get the message(s) until it was too late dictates. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Yes. If I had done it face to face he would only have tried to make me come round and talk me out of it. We have been talking for weeks and things haven't improved. I can understand you wanting to just get it over with, but I also think that if you are not resolute enough to break it off in person, then it's going to be hard for you to be apart from him. For this break-up to work, I think you need enough conviction that you are doing the right thing to be able to NOT be talked out of it. You said you are sure - are you really? I can't really opine on whether or not you should break up. Just, in my opinion, part of the problem is insecurity on your side. I think working through those issues might be helpful, before you get into a new relationship. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 So just to be 100% clear.... you had plans to see him tonight but woke up this morning and decided - nope you're done - gonna end it immediately? I'm just real concerned about you Ally. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Whats up with that? Really - I could have emailed him at his personal email address but he was going to be coming over this evening and wouldn't have been able to check it in time, nor would he have checked his mobile until he had got to my place. I didn't want to ring him at work either as both of our offices are open plan. I agree JS, it wasn't in good taste, but the timing and knowing that he wouldn't get the message(s) until it was too late dictates. Ally i dont understand you thinking that breaking up in email will end all communication. you know that someone you were engaged to is not going to not reach out and want to talk about this. You can't avoid confrontation forever. Despite the things he has done i still think he deserves to talk about this face to face to hear your reasoning in person. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 No ITG, I hadn't just woken up this morning and thought - "right today I'm going to end it". Please read my previous posts (added today) to give yourself a clear idea as to my logic. Link to comment
allypally Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 JS, he knows my reasoning - we spoke last Sunday. Only this time, I have realised that by continuing dating him, he will just continue to be flaky and flirt with other women and continue to disrespect me. Ending it (as a number of ENA people suggested a few days ago) MAY make him realise how his actions have actually ruined the relationship. My insecurity has been fueled by his behaviour. A man who WANTS marriage and who is very IN LOVE with his fiancee would NEVER behave the way he did. He wants the married life AND his laddish life aswell. I cannot deal with the laddish side as I have already said. I can't relate to it. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.