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I can't see myself with anybody, any time soon


definitely_maybe

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I've never had a long term relationship. In high school, i had a few interests and a few dates, but no real physical experience, love, or lasting relationships. I am not clueless, but am not well practiced in dating skills.

 

About me. I'm a third year engineering student. Only a few girls in the program, and I generally don't have much interaction with girls, outside of one who is a good friend, and a few i talk to occasionally on the bus.

 

Due to the workload, i am busy. I don't have much free time. When I do, I like some down time, some sport/exercise (like cycling), and occasionally go out with my mostly male group of friends.

 

Due to the circumstances, I can't see myself meeting anybody for me, or committing time to a relationship before I graduate.

 

I don't feel unattractive, but I rarely make an effort to put on more than torn jeans and a hoody.

 

After I graduate, I will probably get a job and stuff, and then the chances of meeting somebody go down. Chances are, I will be busy learning my new job, and committing my free time to sports like cycling and hockey.

 

At what point will I meet somebody, start a family?

 

I can't say I am looking to meet somebody now, but when I do, will there be somebody there?

 

I often don't feel lonely, but sometimes - usually the winter months - I do a little, and my mind ponders what things could be like.

 

Everybody has physical desires.

 

Am I worried, or bothered? Right now a relationship is not high on my priority list - I'm not looking for one. But obviously I think about these things, the future.

 

I just tell myself that when the time is right, or when I least expect it to, things will just fall into place.

 

And, if it turns out i don't have a family of my own, if nothing else, i will have more disposable income.

 

This is just a few thoughts thrown together. It is in journals, because it is a little too personal to post to a blog, and I'm not really here to seek out advice, but sometimes you just want to write down your thoughts.

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  • 8 months later...

I just feel the need to get something off of my chest right now, but I don't feel like whining via a Facebook status or blog post, so I figured I would just throw it up here in my journal.

 

Every day is exactly the same. Each week is the same.

 

Right now I am on summer vacation. No school, no homework. I'm working at a low stress job. I am enjoying the low stress.

 

That said, it seems not a lot interesting is happening. Each day I do the same things. Wake up, make breakfast, pack lunch, pedal my bike to work, work, pedal home, eat supper, and sit around and surf the internet and watch tv. I don't have any close friends, and I don't get out much.

 

A couple days a week I get together with a group and ride or race my mountain bike, and it brings me great pleasure.

 

This post has a similar mood to the previous one I made months ago. Things are not awesome and exciting, but at the same time, things are not bad. I'm just sitting here inside my comfort zone. Doing things I am comfortable doing. Am I bored enough to make a change? Probably not.

 

In just over a moth, things will change dramatically, and I will go back to the stresses of school.

 

Later this week, some relatives are coming for a short visit. Maybe that will lead to something fun.

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  • 1 month later...

i think you need to get some women into your life!!! have you considered joining a club or organization where you will meet women naturally? church youth group, dance class, volunteer at an animal shelter. Clearly you won't meet women in your 100% male engineering class.

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i think you need to get some women into your life!!! have you considered joining a club or organization where you will meet women naturally? church youth group, dance class, volunteer at an animal shelter. Clearly you won't meet women in your 100% male engineering class.

 

Even my mom has been hinting more and more lately that I need to start checking out some girls. I'm 21 years old, and my dating life has been non-existent.

 

I'm hesitant to get involved in more activities, because school keeps me really busy once it is in full swing. My sister once shared a quote with me which I think is rather true.

 

"everything you have ever wanted, lies just outside of your comfort zone."

 

or something like that.

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More POF observations.

 

This is a somewhat interesting way to kill time.

 

There seem to be quite a few girls aged 22 or under who have a child already.

 

At 21/22 years of age, it seems many have already graduated college and started a career. Me and all of my friends are still in university, trying to get through our 4 or 5 year programs. It's almost shocking to realize that I could be working full time already, if I had done a 2 or 3 year college program.

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do your program, do what makes you happiest. i was a science major in college, finishing a phd now. i loved my science and calculus classes, 2 women and like 70 men, lol! it was great! like shooting fish in a barrel!!

 

i think, honestly, please do approach that cute girl and ask her for her notes or studying together or something. college is a really great time in your life, when you are surrounded by tons of single people your own age. as you get older (lol, my age) more and more of them are married. and if you ask her to study together or something, it's just such a natural way to get to know each other.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm back to type my random thoughts in my ena journal thingy.

 

Me and my school friends. We see each other at school all the time. We sit together in class, we chat, we help each other with work when we can.

 

But, the truth is, though we are "friends" we rarely hang out outside of school. In the 2+ years I have been hanging out with these people, I might be able count on my fingers how many times we have done something outside of school.

 

Of course, part of the problem is that we are mostly insanely busy. College/university is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable times of your life, but being in one of the toughest programs offered, makes it hard to enjoy.

 

I'll keep this in mind, and if I see an opportune time, I might propose another little off campus get together. I think another one of the problems is that each one of simply fails to take the initiative to propose something.

 

I think another problem is that, at the core, we are well, engineering students. You know the stereotype. Geeky, shy, inexperienced. While there are many counterexamples, and we are not socially awkward, I think some of the stereotypical traits are evident, to some degree.

 

 

Oh, and why not another POF update. My profile has not gotten that many views. I have not received any messages. I have not contacted any users. I have added a couple to my favourites list, as their profiles did interest me, but I have not contacted any of them. I still have conflicting feelings. Starting online communication has no downsides, and what could possibly go wrong. But, I don't do it. One of my biggest reservations is that I don't want to take my focus away from my studies.

 

This is one of the things I struggle with. Any time I do something, or consider doing something for me, for fun, there is guilt. I feel like I should be working on school stuff. I hesitate to make plans to do anything. This just leads to procrastination, and not getting full enjoyment out of the time I don't spend working. I don't make plans to do something fun, because of the guilt, but I don't get things done anyway.

 

I'm trying some new time management techniques. Basically, just scheduling my time by the hour each day if I truly want to accomplish things. It seems to be going ok. Hopefully I can keep the motivation to stick with it. If I am feeling really un-motivated, and I don't have any work that is pressing to be done, I make a much looser schedule, or I don't make one at all. When I do make a schedule, I write it down, so that it is set. Mentally making a schedule does not work. But if I write it down, I am much more likely to stick with it.

 

If I can get more comfortable managing my time, I should be able to schedule some more "fun" time, and not feel guilty about it. I can do it.

 

 

This turned out to be a longer entry than I first anticipated. Hmm. I guess I've got a few things on my mind

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  • 2 weeks later...

Bah, I feel blue for no reason at all. Things are not bad at all, and I really have not got much to complain about. Ah well, we all feel like this sometimes, and just have to keep moving forward.

 

Maybe it's because I've been watching too much of That 70s Show, and subconsciously it is making me sad that I did not have a really close group of friends or a girlfriend in high school to hang out, and have good times with on a regular basis.

 

Damn you TV!

 

Ok, so, now I am going to go solve some heat exchanger problems. Hmm, maybe that is why I am not that chipper. I don't LOVE heat transfer....

 

Whatever,

 

ttyl journal.

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Your focus right now is school. The advice to approach someone as a study buddy is a great one, though...

 

But realize that you may not be in a position to strike up a more serious relationship because after all you do not know where your future job will lead you.

 

That said, once you are where you will be living more permanently then you can try different tactics based on your lifestyle. Sounds like you like mountain biking -- there are women who like that sort of thing, so you could look for a group that includes women. Others mentioned church (or synagogue if that fits). What about volunteering at an animal shelter or somewhere else that you would meet someone of like interests and passions. Okay, so you don't dance but what about a hiking group? And yes, you might even meet someone at the grocery store or the laundromat or the bookstore or the coffee shop...

 

Somewhere there is a young woman who would be thrilled to meet you and spend time with you!

 

By the way, you are quite articulate for someone going into engineering -- I have a family full of engineers and they are not so expressive...

 

Lumi

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Your focus right now is school. The advice to approach someone as a study buddy is a great one, though...

 

But realize that you may not be in a position to strike up a more serious relationship because after all you do not know where your future job will lead you.

 

 

By the way, you are quite articulate for someone going into engineering -- I have a family full of engineers and they are not so expressive...

 

Lumi

 

Lumi, I think you understand some of my main points. One of the key themes here is conflicting feelings. Right now I have a goal of graduating, and starting a career. It keeps me busy, and I have some activities I do on the side to entertain myself. I'm mostly happy, but of course, I'm human, and have desires for companionship. But, I do have conflicting feelings about starting a relationship at this point.

 

It could be fun, and give me the opportunity to gain some experience, but I hope to get a co-op job somewhere this summer, and who knows where that will be. It's not too enticing to force a couple month old relationship (if it were to develop) into a long distance one. And yes, when I do finally graduate, who knows where I will settle down? Right now, I've got nothing/nobody tying me down, and I could accept a job half way accross the country.

 

So, that is in part why I am not really pursuing women right now. I'm focusing on establishing my life right now, and when I do, perhaps I will more actively search for a girlfriend. But, like I said, I am human, and will have feelings that reflect that. So, mostly, I come here to whine, and get things off my chest. And if something happens when I'm not looking for it to, perhaps I would embrace it, but that has not happened at this point.

 

Though I say I am not pursuing women right now, I feel like I am just on the edge. One day I might just wake up one day and randomly change my mind on that, and approach a girl. Never know.

 

I kinda like it here actually. I appreciate the anonymity I have. Of course my comments here will be mostly not cheery in nature, because well, when I am exceptionally happy and occupied, I don't stop by here as much. But, it provides a nice place to vent my feelings, when I don't feel like wining to somebody in person.

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  • 1 month later...

I never post here when things are nice and good.

 

Some recent good things:

 

Going out for sushi with some friends and their friends. A first for me. Probably won't do it again though. Sushi is not really my thing. But, I put myself in a social situation, and had some fun.

 

A great mark on a big project that was stressing me out all term long.

 

I my cousin introduced me to our neighbour. She seems kinda cool.

 

Weather has been great. Above seasonal temperatures.

 

I've got plane tickets for a trip to England over Chrismas break. I'm really looking forward to it.

 

 

 

Bad stuff. It's EXAM time! Evil, evil exams. Making me feel miserable since 2006. No need to elaborate. Studying for, and writing exams is a painful process for any engineering student.

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  • 1 month later...

How about some rambling....

 

Got through exams. It was rough, but I passed everything, and did very well in some courses. This is my fourth year of university, and for the first time since high school, I received an A+. In two courses actually.

 

Also, my trip to England was awesome. I got there a little later than expected due to some issues with flights, but made the most of the time I had there. Good times.

 

 

So, now I'm I've got a new group of classes. One is boring, one I'm unsure about, two are good. I've been spending a fair bit of time looking for coop/internships. Weather has been good, so I've been outside a fair bit. Right now, I am not too busy.

 

During the first week back to school, I went out to bars several times. I quickly realized that buying drinks at bars adds up real quick if you do it often. I can justify spending a small amount of money on social activities, but I don't like to budget too much money for that.

 

So, more or less, things are ok. Just typical. Got a minor case of the winter blahs, and am still getting used to my new schedule for this term.

 

I've had a few good dreams. They can really positively influence my mood for the day. I wish I could control my dreams. That would be sweet.

 

That's enough rambling for now.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

School is winding down.

 

The job search has lead to a handful of interviews, which is good. No job offers yet though. Kinda nervous about that.

 

I have not been very social lately.

 

I have been spending a lot of time on my bike lately, which is great. Spring weather is here.

 

Overall happiness has been pretty good lately.

 

Watching movies sometimes makes me feel very alone.

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  • 9 years later...

I have not posted in this journal for almost 10 years. I have not logged into this forum in probably a similar amount of time. I don't know if anyone who read these ramblings still logs on or not. However, it's crossed my mind a few times to post an update, and today, here it is.

 

Dear past self, hang in there, your late 20s turn out really well!

 

I want to sum this up pretty quickly. After graduating school, I did find a job relatively close to my (parents') home. The job was a good match for me, and I lived with my parents, and saved a good amount of money. The 4x4 pickup truck I bought turned into a bit of a hobby, and I met people through clubs, and off roading. I still rode my mountain bike around. Overall, I had little to complain about. I had money, a few toys, and few responsibilities. Something was still missing though.

 

I spent more time on some free online dating sites. I had a few conversations, but several of them died when I proposed actually meeting up. I did get one date, and it went reasonably well, but I could not get myself a second date with that girl. I was not heartbroken.

 

One day, I got a genuine message from a girl on OK Cupid. That was really odd. Girls never messaged me. We exchanged a few messages, and before long, we arranged to meet up for a coffee. When I saw her walk into the coffee shop, I was like "Whoa, she's here to meet ME?" She was really cute, but not in the same way as the girls I was normally attracted to. She was more stylish / artistic looking, and less sporty. We both learned a few things about each other. For example, she learned I was bald (most of my hair fell out in university), since I had a hat on in all of my profile pictures. She was 4 years younger than me, and still in school. The meet up went well enough, and I got a second date.

 

A dinner date started off with me picking her up, and being helpful by boosting her friend's car. Off to a good start. I thought the date went pretty well, but later I learned that apparently my confusion about the prix fixe menu options came off as argumentative. But, this girl was patient, and thought I deserved another chance. I continued to make a few more mistakes, like deciding to introduce her to my parents after a hot summer hike. Apparently, she would have preferred to shower up, and make herself extra pretty first. Oops. From this point on, the relationship progressed well. We spent more time together. We touched, we kissed, we went away for weekends together. We fell in love.

 

It did not take too long for us to decide we wanted to navigate through life together. We got engaged after 8 months, and were married less than a year after that.

 

It has been a wonderful three years of marriage. We now have a house, a cat, two dogs, and a strong relationship. We are both good for each other. She is smart, ambitious, and adventurous. I help keep her grounded, and she pushes me to be less conservative.

 

If you are feeling lonely, have some optimism. In time, things just might work out really well.

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Congrats dude! I'm glad it worked out for you! This forum can be quite depressing sometimes, so it is nice to see a happy story here and there!

 

Thanks!

 

I remember coming here in the past, and being comforted by both seeing that others were having similar sad feelings, but also that others were having success finding love.

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