The ex's birthday approaches...it's time to strike

[kevin456]

First off, this isn't a post asking whether I should break NC on my ex's birthday. NC served its purpose for me. It allowed me to heal and get my thoughts in order. I have been broken up for the past 2 months, 1 month of which was NC. I broke NC a week ago via e-mail, and I do not regret my decision.

 

I have not received a reply to this e-mail, and I don't think I will. I didn't spill my heart out or anything, it was just a friendly "how have you been" kind of thing.

 

My ex's birthday coincides with the end of my semester at college, and I will be in her town for about a month. This is when I will make an effort to get her back.

 

Here is my question: Should I call the ex on her birthday or should I ignore her and call her a couple days later? I want to invite her out the weekend after her birthday.

 

Here are my concerns: I want her to answer the call. Is she more likely to answer on her birthday, or after it? And I obviously want her to accept my invitation. Is this more likely to happen on her birthday or after it?

 

One advantage of not calling on her birthday is it creates some mystery about me, because I think she will be expecting it. This mystery can work to my advantage. At the same time, I don't want her to have any negative feelings toward me, and I'm afraid she might if I don't wish her a happy birthday. Keep in mind that I want to get a positive response when I invite her out.

 

Thanks for the replies.

[waveseer]

You could text her on her birthday so she knows that you care and then call her a couple of days later.

[atelis]

calling after her birthday will make you look stupid in my opinion. I think it makes a person look like they are playing games. I would send her a text, wishing her a happy birthday and to enjoy her day and leave it at that. You can then follow up after that suggesting a catch up.

 

I'm not sure what the circumstances of your break-up were, but that might shed light on the best course of action. Regardless, i still think a short text is the way to go. It's less intrusive, shows you are thinking of her and keeps things 'neutral'

[luvs2kayak]

Why in the world are you putting your hopes into getting back together? You are broken up, and she is not getting back in touch with you. You act as if this will happen when, in reality, it probably will not. I am sorry, but that seems closer to reality.

[Maelstrom X]

Definitley call after the birthday...genius move...you are correct in that your NC worked for you in that you are back in control of yourself....

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry to put it this way, but if she didn't answer your e-mail, what makes you think she'll answer when you call?

 

I don't believe that you've healed after only one month of "NC", and I think you're trying to move a bit too fast here.

[kevin456]

Why in the world are you putting your hopes into getting back together? You are broken up, and she is not getting back in touch with you. You act as if this will happen when, in reality, it probably will not. I am sorry, but that seems closer to reality.

 

NC allowed me to look at the situation with some sense. I am not putting my hopes into this. I am moving on with my life. I still want her to be a part of it. I fully understand that my efforts will probably go no where. I see this as my final window of opportunity.

[veneratio]

Since your mind is made up, I say go for calling on her birthday. If it were me and my ex decided to call me a few days later I would think she was playing games or I would wonder why she couldn't spend a minute, whether it be a text or a call to just wish me a happy birthday the day of rather than a few days after.

[PrincessBOT]

Don't do this to yourself. The only thing holding you up right now is inexperience and hope. When reality set in it will be even more devastating because it was prolonged.

 

You will probably not take this advice,but I had to say it. With that said if you are going to go about it your way, I'd say send the text the day before her birthday. The obvious thing is that she will know that you are still thinking of and care about her.

 

In reality if she is done the text can probably push her further away and let her know that you still want something she doesn't want. She probably cares about your feelings and will know that you are not over her. She will feel guilty about being the person that is causing you pain. She will not want to face this guilt and most likely will respond with a thank you text and will not answer your call when you do make it.

 

You probably don't want to hear that either so if you are going to go about it your way I say call her the day after her birthday in case she will be with family and friends ( you don't want your call to annoy her or make her feel guilty on her birthday while she is with family and friends)

 

Good Luck.

[thejigsup]

If you want to look good and not make a fool of yourself, don't call or message her. Annoying exes that continually keep in touch even after we have, by not answering any texts or calls, made it clear that we want no part of them, are shared as a joke by us. Not nice, but it's either that or a restraining order.

[crab62]

kevin... to be honest, sounds like a lot of work to me

 

why don't you just be kevin on the day of her birthday...and every other day for that matter... and if this girl wants kevin back and if she wants to work it out with kevin, she will let him know (sorry to put you in 3rd person form, it's just for effect )

 

and you're 19yo? right? you have an ocean of nice and available young girls who are probably just so eager to hook up with a sweet guy. if this girl you are chasing doesn't see you as an nice sweet available guy... her loss!! sounds to me like it's her problem, not yours... and you should move on the those girls who will take you as you are... the ones you won't need to chase.

[kevin456]

I appreciate all the posts, but I thought this was the "getting back together" forum... Getting back together is my objective at this point. I'm doing what I can to accomplish this, given the window of opportunity that is approaching.

 

I am completely prepared for her to ignore my call or reject my invitation, but at least I can't say that I didn't try. Sometimes love is worth it.

 

And if she rejects me, it is her loss. I am in a state right now where I can be rejected and move on happily. We'll see how it goes.

[atelis]

so will you do it on her birthday or after?

[kevin456]

I think a text on the birthday and a call a couple days later will do.

[browneyedgirl36]

Well, you're determined to do it, so no one's talking you out of it, for sure. My suggestion: Call her on her birthday rather than texting. Texts, like e-mails, are easier to ignore than phone calls. If you call and she doesn't answer, or if you leave a message and she never calls back, that will definitely tell you something. I just think texting AND calling is a bit much, and if you had to do one or the other, I'd say calling is better.

 

As far as everyone's advice to not do this...well, I agree to some extent, but, it seems you're determined, and if you really feel you have to, and if you really feel you can let it go if it doesn't turn out the way you hope, then maybe you should, just to be sure.

[kevin456]

Well, you're determined to do it, so no one's talking you out of it, for sure. My suggestion: Call her on her birthday rather than texting. Texts, like e-mails, are easier to ignore than phone calls. If you call and she doesn't answer, or if you leave a message and she never calls back, that will definitely tell you something. I just think texting AND calling is a bit much, and if you had to do one or the other, I'd say calling is better.

 

As far as everyone's advice to not do this...well, I agree to some extent, but, it seems you're determined, and if you really feel you have to, and if you really feel you can let it go if it doesn't turn out the way you hope, then maybe you should, just to be sure.

 

That is really good advice that I will take into consideration. Thank you. I still have about a month before all this goes down so we'll see how I feel when the time comes. Calling on her birthday may be the better option.

[kevin456]

So here's today's update...she sent me a response to the e-mail, a pretty lengthy one, just telling me what shes been up to and asking me a few questions about my own life, but nothing personal.

 

As an aside, it feels good to be reading her words and not trying to decipher everything she says. No contact really did the trick.

 

Since it took her about a week to respond, I think I'll wait a week or longer to get back to her this time. Always give less. I don't want to smother her now that we are back in contact and I want to pique her curiosity by leaving some time between her response and mine.

 

Does anybody have any more advice? A new plan of action after today's development?

 

My plan right now is to stay in (light) contact via e-mail, and then call her on her birthday.

[Maelstrom X]

Keep that contact light. If you want to really have an impact go back to no text on the birthday and call a few days later. This will show her you are over her and you're your own man and worthy of her heart. Don't get pussified now that you've finally learned how to communicate with women.

[kevin456]

So here is the latest update:

 

After not expecting my ex to respond to my initial e-mail (which came after a month of NC), she did indeed respond, after about a week. This surprised me, but I took it at face value.

 

I waited about 5 days to respond to her, to keep her interested and curious (this is the essense of light contact- too much can drive her away). I kept the response light and funny, catching her up on my academic situation at my university, and talking a little about an athlete that we both follow.

 

She responded the next day. A longer response than the first one (although that one was not short, either).

 

So that's where we stand now...light, friendly contact through e-mail. Her birthday is in about 2 weeks. I plan to continue the e-mail conversation, perhaps responding to her latest message in a few days.

 

Don't misinterpret what I am writing here...I am not saying that I think long and immediate e-mail responses mean that she wants to reconcile, but it can't be bad. I think I am on the right track.

 

Any and all advice/guidance is welcome.

[veneratio]

Kudos man. Sounds like you're on the right track. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Keeping yourself at a distance to let her know you're stronger than she thinks.

[Kurt75]

Sounds to me like you are doing really, really well. The simple dare i say tactic of light contact seems to be working wonders. Make sure you dont fall into the trap of letting feelings rule your head though. If you have found a formula that works stick to it and dont go overboard on the contact.

I will keep my eyes on this one

Keep us updated

[kevin456]

So I responded to the e-mail today...friendly, funny, light. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying to keep up this friendly exchange for a couple more weeks when I go back to her town. In the meantime, I have been taking steps to make myself more attractive: whitening my teeth, buying new clothes, haircut, etc. Even if my ex doesn't want me back, other girls will notice my improvements...its a win-win situation