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Mental 'adultery'


ay0_x

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So this topic comes as an afterthought of a conversation i just had with one of my best friends.

 

Basically, we got into the topic of how although both of us are in loving long term relationships, we CANNOT help flirting, looking at other people, being attracted to other people, etc.

 

My case:

 

I stare. If I find someone attractive, and notice them looking, I'll shoot the odd glance back.

 

BUT

 

I will not give my phone number to them. I will not start a conversation with them. I will usually end a conversation rudely and abruptly if they get 'too' interested. My interest usually dies out after a 30 second conversation. However, I do get a slight kick out of it.

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Friend's case:

 

He stares. He flirts and he crushes, and likes to entertain thoughts of a possible relationship with other people, but the occasion doesn't arise.

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Anyway, you can see that we basically have the same sort of problem. So I pose a question to the older (25+) members of the forum..

 

Does this "lusty eye" syndrome disappear as you get older?

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I have seen overly flirtatious men well into their forties and I am sure they were always like that. It is a choice a person makes to behave that way and can be stopped at any time if the person really wants to. I would examine why you feel the need to behave that way...clearly it is some kind of ego boost. It really isn't fair to the person you are seeing, nor is it fair to the person you are giving signals to only to squash them down if they make a move on you...in other words, you like the thrill of the chase and are only considering your own needs and feelings, not those of your partner nor your "conquests". You will never grow out of it unless you choose to figure out why you need this extra adulation and thrills and decide that it is not the way you want to live your life. You can start this process even now, if you choose to...or in 20 years you will still be doing the same thing.

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It's there your whole life if you want it to be. Most people I know are like this, but they never ever ever indicate they would act on it. They draw the line at commenting about other people, casual flirty conversation, or something of the sort. I think it's mostly the little ego boost to know for a minute you're still attractive to someone else.

 

I myself engage in banter occasionally with one coworker, and have to laugh that he checks me out every morning, but most of our conversations turn to his kids and my car. Never once have the impression that he was actively imagining anything with me.

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looking but not touching is ok but me personally, if im really into someone im with, i dont even care to look. If my SO was flirting or giving the glance back as you say, i would probably cut her off.

 

Sure your not doing anything but giving the glance back is like a subliminal message to the other person as an invitation. Maybe you need to be single again and yes i feel it is something you MAY outgrow but you MAY not. Somepeople cant help to flirt, cheat, etc. Some people have more respect not too. Im a huge flirt but when im if im in a loving relationship, i make sure that im not leading anyone on.

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what's wrong with looking at other people? we are not horses with blinders on. it all comes down to the intent. if you do it to make moves, then you are a cheater. so many people on the planet, it's hard to avoid attraction and looking.

 

Casual flirtation with no intent behind it is not an issue. We are not dead and we are human.

 

Quite well put!

 

mine reworded. no kg compliments.

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I'm not 25+ so I don't know if you want to hear from me. I guess when you're still in your 20's you're into the exploring and fantasizing stage where you imagine what it's like being with other people but never act on it as you know how this will hurt your SO badly. I do find myself talking dirty to guys once in a while but it's not hidden, b/f is ok with it. Like you I don't have intentions of giving them my phone nor actually meeting them in person. My talking dirty only lasted several mins then it's back to reality.

 

Ay some point I'm sure we all fantasize, we're humans not machines.

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unless you do it online?

 

True, well see I do like writing strong stuff only with guys, but only writing not cyber nor phone sex. He knows about it and doesn't mind so that pretty much puts it on non cheating zone I guess.

 

midnight would you be ok if you had a g/f who enjoys writing like that with guys online?

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True, well see I do like writing strong stuff only with guys, but only writing not cyber nor phone sex. He knows about it and doesn't mind so that pretty much puts it on non cheating zone I guess.

 

midnight would you be ok if you had a g/f who enjoys writing like that with guys online?

 

i think i could handle that if all the other areas of the relationships were top shelf

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