sweetgirl141 Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 So back in the day me and my boyfriend had a little bit of a rough time. Eventually we worked everything out. Obviously, we have our arguments and disagreements like every couple. Well recently I brought up the subject of talking about our future. I mean, we have been together for about 3 years and I am 21 and he is 24. I just thought it was time to discuss the topic. Well every time I brought anything up, he would kind of joke about it. He would always joke about how we were going to run away to Vegas and get married so I couldnt have the wedding I wanted or joke about how he was going to get my ring from a bubble gum machine. Also, he would joke about how we dont need to do things traditional so I didnt need a wedding band. I would ask him why he can never take things about that topic seriously and he would then be nice and sweet and say "baby, you know I am just playing" Well today he suggested to go look at rings at Jareds. While there he told the sales people that I could have whatever I wanted and was really interested in helping pick out and looking at the ring. It made me happy. It made me feel like he was really trying to find out what I liked and everything. I even thought when the sales people came to the total of $9620 that he would freak out but he didnt. Then the whole entire ride home we talked about when and where and how. Anyways, now that I see he is starting to open up and be serious about this subject, I am beginning to wonder if i am making the right choice. I dont know why I am doing this. I feel like little things are starting to bother me. What does this mean? Has anyone else felt this way?? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 He probably dealt with his initial doubts with the kidding bit. But, some time soon ago he figured out that this is what he wanted and got serious about it. Now, you are experiencing doubts. Break them down. Why are you getting cold feet? What are your exact issues? Link to comment
sweetgirl141 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 He probably dealt with his initial doubts with the kidding bit. But, some time soon ago he figured out that this is what he wanted and got serious about it. Now, you are experiencing doubts. Break them down. Why are you getting cold feet? What are your exact issues? The issue to me are kind of stupid I guess. But like he will laugh kind of weird and all loud and it bothers me. Or when he talks he talks sooooo loud. Or sometimes he whines and it bothers me! All those are just the stupidest things but they bother me. Its embarrassing to me to post it. The one serious issue is when we fight he blows stuff out of proportion and would yell instead of just talk. Link to comment
sweetgirl141 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 And maybe I am doubting too because other people are doubting my relationship. I just want to stop or find the issue or SOMETHING!! I know I want to be with this guy but I dont want to feel this way. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Before he buys a ring, I would consider going to counseling or marriage classes. If the things he does really annoy you big time, you need to think about those things. I know a couple who really had no major issues but went to counseling before they got married and it really made them be more attuned to eachother. I wish my husband and I would have done something before we got married. Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 If he annoys you now, imagine how much worse it will be when you've been together even longer. I have found for myself that the little things were really symptoms of big things. Don't be afraid to dig deeper within yourself for the real issues. Link to comment
sweetgirl141 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Share Posted November 19, 2008 If he annoys you now, imagine how much worse it will be when you've been together even longer. I have found for myself that the little things were really symptoms of big things. Don't be afraid to dig deeper within yourself for the real issues. Well I thought about it after I made this post and I guess the problem is the lack of affection and effort he puts into this relationship. I wonder if he is really wanting to be with me. He doesnt do things for me and I dont think he wants to. Any disagreement we have turns into a big one b/c he cant just understand where I am coming from. Then when everything is fine, he just doesnt want to talk about it. I texted him a few minutes ago and asked him if he could really spend the rest of his life with me and he said "yes, if we fix a few things". I replied that I just wanted to be able to talk to him about stuff and he replies "ok". No, "baby you can talk to me about anything" or anything like that. Just "ok". Maybe my doubts are, how are we supposed to make a marriage work if we cant talk like adults without his yelling and name calling and actually fix the issue? How can we make a marriage work when he has no interest in doing anything nice for me? How are we supposed to make a marriage work when I am not allowed to be human? An example of that is.... I have worked my schedule out for the last 2 1/2 years to be at every one of his family events... reunions, neices birthday, visiting family, christmas, thanksgiving, church, random lunches/dinners, etc. And he has been to maybe 1 or 2 of mine. After I found out that he would be unable to celebrate thanksgiving with my family, which also happens to be my sisters birthday as well, because he didnt ask off from work (we are celebrating that Sunday) I wanted to make sure he was going to be there to celebrate on Christmas Eve with my family. He just simply replied "I cant request off". Although I understand I felt that he could have put more effort into it. He is a manager and a fellow manager makes the schedule. I felt he could have atleast said "ill see what I can do" or "ill talk to so and so and ask if it could possibly be worked out". Well out of anger (and i know it was wrong, I was just frustrated and upset) I told him I was not going to attend his families get together if he did not come to mine. Well instead of being understanding of my frustrations and be being upset, he called me immature, a b****, and repeatedly hung up the phone on me. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I think, if you can find any reason not to marry him, don't. I agree with ready2heal, the problems will escalate when you're married. Maybe he sees marriage as a solution to all your little problems? Like, you'll both be mature as soon as you walk down the aisle? Tell him tha's not the case. Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 If he can't be civil and conduct himself in a respectful manner when you communicate and negotiate now when you have the least amount of pressure you will probably ever have as a couple, how will he ever be able to cope with all the rest of life that you will have to deal with? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 You are only 21. Do not feel rushed to get married. I'd back off marriage plans for a while. Perhaps go to counseling and tell him exactly why you want to wait and go to counseling. If you want to be together forever, what is the rush? Link to comment
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