Should I tell my daughter about the porn?

[ocman]

My daughter is married, they live with me and last month they got into a big fight beccause she caught him viewing online porn on their laptop.

 

Supposedly before they got married she asked him about porn and told him that she had a problem with it and he said he wasn't into it.

 

Apparently he's been viewing porn on my other daughters desktop computer (she moved out months ago).

 

I have tracking software on that computer and was checking it and noticed that my son in law has been viewing porn for the last 2 months.

 

She would be livid if she found out, do I tell her?

[Mythical_Suicide]

Are you positive it is him viewing the porn?

[ocman]

Are you positive it is him viewing the porn?

Absolutely, she does NOT view porn ever. It's nobody else in the house.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Absolutely, she does NOT view porn ever. It's nobody else in the house.

 

How do you know for sure? Can you prove 100% that it is from him?

[Seraphim]

I would stay out of it. I do not know why people want to get into other people's private sexual matters. I know people think they are helping but seriously, when she is no longer mad at her husband she will be mad at YOU. People often stab the messenger when life goes to crap. What goes on in one person's marriage is no one else's business, even if it is a child, unless they are being abused. She is not being abused she just does not like him viewing porn.

[ocman]

How do you know for sure? Can you prove 100% that it is from him?

Right now it's only the 3 of us here. He gets home late at night from work.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Right now it's only the 3 of us here. He gets home late at night from work.

 

Not trying to argue here but how do you know for certain it is him and not your daughter or not him AND your daughter? Can't really say i'd be upfront with my parents if I were into viewing porn

 

Like Victoria said, i'd stay clear of ratting him out.

[yumicecream]

I'd tell her. But be prepared to have her also be mad at you and to be dragged into that mess.

[ocman]

I would stay out of it.

She told me she wouldn't have married him if she knew that he viewed porn. Plus he has told her that he hasn't viewed any in over 4 months.

[CAgirl]

As a daughter myself I wouldn't want to hear something like that from my parent.

[Seraphim]

Yes, but this is HER marriage. Turn this around, would you have wanted her to go running to her mom about things she knew about you or if you are mom, to her dad???

[ocman]

Not trying to argue here but how do you know for certain it is him and not your daughter or not him AND your daughter?

I am 100% positive she is not viewing the porn, otherwise she wouldn't have said what she said.

[littlestar]

I would tell her, she has a right to know. She might be mad at you in the short term but in the long term it will be worth it.

 

Imagine how she will feel later on if she finds out u knew and never told her?

[Mythical_Suicide]

I am 100% positive she is not viewing the porn, otherwise she wouldn't have said what she said.

 

Many people say that and don't want to admit to their parents they enjoy porn. I think you should just stay out of it. If my father came to me saying my fiance was viewing porn not only would I be annoyed at him trying to "ratt" him out i'd be annoyed at the fact he had been checking up on him in order to know.

[Sarati]

Uh oh. No matter what the situation, STAY OUT of their marriage and their problems. She will find out eventually.

[ocman]

As a daughter myself I wouldn't want to hear something like that from my parent.

I hear you, but she offered the information and in fact she got so pissed that she called his parents because this was the second time that she'd caught him and she was absolutely livid.

[Seraphim]

OK as a parent I know we want to "fix" everything for our kids, but mixing in their marriage is not a good thing. She has to be able to fix her own battles.

[Mythical_Suicide]

OK as a parent I know we want to "fix" everything for our kids, but mixing in their marriage is not a good thing. She has to be able to fix her own battles.

 

I agree 100%

[JadedStar]

I would stay out of it. I do not know why people want to get into other people's private sexual matters. I know people think they are helping but seriously, when she is no longer mad at her husband she will be mad at YOU. People often stab the messenger when life goes to crap. What goes on in one person's marriage is no one else's business, even if it is a child, unless they are being abused. She is not being abused she just does not like him viewing porn.

 

I agree with Vic on this...

[yumicecream]

Its a very difficult situation. I mean, it could be worked out between the two of them and the parent getting involved could magnify it. But then again, he is lying to her and as a parent, I can imagine how you wouldn't like to see your daughter put up with a liar. I'd tell her but prepared to have her also get mad and to be part of the catalyst of a blowup that causes them to confront problems that they might not have confronted before.

[ocman]

People, just so we're clear. She never had to bring up the porn issue to me, she could've said it was something else.

 

I know she would want to know, just not sure if I should tell her.

[Seraphim]

No. You should stay out of it. A person's marriage and sex life is their own and personal.

[Mythical_Suicide]

 

I know she would want to know, just not sure if I should tell her.

 

Many have said no, some have said yes. Up to you whether you do or not. But as Victoria has said, even though you are the parent and you want to look out for your child you can't always try to "fix" their problems. It's her marriage.

[yumicecream]

You have to be careful with a forum like this. Many people on this forum really have no regard for things that you might consider wrong...so they won't relate to the idea of porn even being wrong in the first place. YOu have to decide for yourself...you know your daughter best.

 

Its also true that marriage is personal...but then again, it isn't...it depends on the culture you came from. In my family, my marriage would be more personal, but not always the case in many cultures, especially where the parents live with their married children.

[Seraphim]

It is not the porn issue at all, it is involving one's self in another's marriage,not good. I would say the same if it was anything else even.