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Is it wrong to be too available in a relationship?


GetMeBack

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Hi Everyone...

 

Like the title says....Please discuss.

 

Im not into mind game playing in relationships, but I do think there is something to be said for being " too available " i.e not having plans EVER - Your waiting to see what he/she is doing..

 

For all the people who have been married or in relationships for a long time..

 

Do you think that turning down dates to "do your own thing " is healthy? Shows you have a life?

 

Your thoughts please..

 

GetMeBack

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I would not turn down a date if I did not have plans and was not exhausted or something like that but I think it's good to have other things going on in your life. It enriches the relationship and your life.

I second this post. It's not good to pretend to be busy - you can get caught out like that if you so it too often.

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It is true you shouldn't be TOO available but only becusae you should have healthy outlets for your time and not just at someone's beck and call. So i can't say that forcing or making up things to do and intentionally being unavailable is the right thing. I think that healthy people just naturally have other activities other than their SO that are important to them, thus they can't always be available.

 

I have spoken of my insecurities in my youth and at that time i made my SO everything and it wasn't healthy. And ironically that realtionship just ended up with two of us growing further apart because we were both too clingy and suffocating of one another so when we grew it became really old. Today i have so many things i like to do that are solitary or with friends so it isn't an issue anymore. I didn't have to create things to be unavailable it just turned out that way because I have other things going on as well.

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I would say yes - people take things for granted when they are used to where you are at (nowhere) all the time.

 

Making up things is pointless. It doesnt really get you into doing anything with YOUR life and its your life that is important here.

 

Its about balance, balance between all things. You can sit and wait forever or you can get out there and do things that make you feel better about you.

 

Truth is that someone that you love and in a commited relationship with, shouldnt ever be about who is available. Available for what - to fill your/their needs when you/they are bored?

 

A solid relationship is about being together most of the time but still being able to persue your own interests and friends. Being entwined in each others lives but having the balance between being able to persue your own interests.

 

Its about where you end and where your partner starts. Together but not so wrapped up that there is nothing else.

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I agree with DN not to pretend to have plans. On a practical level, my bf and I rarely have "dates" - it's just understood that we will spend most of our free time together (we are temporarily LD). But, I do have an active social and business-social life as does he, so it generally works out that neither of us "depends" on the other for plans or entertainment, and we are pretty much even in how much time we expect to spend with each other.

 

I do agree in the early stages of dating, make it your business to keep your social life up and while I would not lie about having plans, you can have plans with yourself - for whatever - to catch up on the week's TV, bake cookies, go to a movie, whatever. I tried not to see a "new" man more than once or twice a week in the beginning so that I didn't get too attached too soon.

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I think being too available makes a person boring. Not that they aren't playing game but they don't have other things in their life besides me to enjoy.

 

Interesting people have interests and interests take up time. I.E. people who put things such as hobbies, exercise, clubs, and activities into their lives are much better partners.

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