LAYAAN Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I agree with Captain Planet's post. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I agree with Captain Planet's post. yea.. he was spot on! by the end of the day it all boils down to looks.. at least to get to the first date. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 yea.. he was spot on! by the end of the day it all boils down to looks.. at least to get to the first date. Not to me and not to many of my friends who've had tons of dating experience, collectively, over the past 20 years plus. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Not to me and not to many of my friends who've had tons of dating experience, collectively, over the past 20 years plus. ok... on a separate note... if a guy asks out a girl and if she says 'no' what is the term used to describe it? is 'rejection' a wrong term? some how i feel that it is the perfect term because the girl is not even going on one single date with him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 ok... on a separate note... if a guy asks out a girl and if she says 'no' what is the term used to describe it? is 'rejection' a wrong term? some how i feel that it is the perfect term because the girl is not even going on one single date with him. You can use whatever term you like. To me, if a man rejects going on a first or second date with me and he's never met me before, he hasn't rejected me as a person because he doesn't know me. He rejected the option of dating me. When I've declined a date with someone I don't know well most of the time it is not rejecting the person unless there was a specific reason that was based on his core values or personality. That would be unusual for me to know in a stranger or near stranger. You're assuming that rejecting the idea of dating you means rejecting any form of contact with you. That's not necessarily the case. one of my closest guy friends is someone I declined to date when we first met, 14 years ago. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Look, it was ugly the way she responded but dno't let it get you down. You asked is it wrong to ask out a girl. NO! You did it respectfully and if she has to go off on a tangent saying "not sure where you got ideas" that is her problem. A guy doesn't have to be getting "ideas" just to ask a woman out on a friendly date for a cup of coffee. Her reply was VERY snobbish and Gry, trust me it's no loss to not have some trick like that around you. Women like that need to get over themselves. She could have replied without adding all the "where did you get ideas" and i only gave you a ride because you are a friend of a friend jazz. Maybe your whole problem has been honing in on the nasty types out there. I dunno. All women are not like this. A girl can turn a guy down in such a manner that he can retain his pride and dignity. That is if she has any type of decency. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I disagree only in that I think she didn't have to add what she did. She threw in that "not sure where you got your ideas" and made it clear it was only a ride for a friend of a friend. I don't think all of that was necessary> Here a guy puts himself on the line, and ONLY asked her out for coffee (he didn't ask her out to a candlelight dinner). Her comments she added, to me, sound like they were added to let him know "umm no, you are NOT dating me". If I were Gry i would have commented, hey, no problem. I didn't have ANY ideas, what IDEAS are you referring to? I just wanted to ask someone I chatted with out for a cup of coffee. Sorry to bother you (your Highness, or should i say heinous. LOL Ok that part was me being sarcastic) She could have said no in a manner a bit more ladylike. But I do agree with you in that he needs to understand when these things happen the offer of the date is being rejected, not himself, and that he did nothing wrong with the way he asked her. He asked her out very politely and not a bit out of line, so all he has to do is continue to do this until he finds a woman who is reciprocal. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Always nice to hear from you JS. Yea.. while I appreciate her replying to me honestly I wish she hadn't used certain words... I do think I have some bad luck bumping into the wrong women time to time... but this girl is not some girl... she is my friend's friend. I have heard about her for 3.5 yrs (and she about me) and we finally met on Saturday.. I had no idea that she would be curt. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Always nice to hear from you JS. Yea.. while I appreciate her replying to me honestly I wish she hadn't used certain words... I do think I have some bad luck bumping into the wrong women time to time... but this girl is not some girl... she is my friend's friend. I have heard about her for 3.5 yrs (and she about me) and we finally met on Saturday.. I had no idea that she would be curt. Just don't take it personally. She didn't have to add what she did but it is her perogative. Like Batya stated, the offer of a date was being rejected, not you. The important thing to note is you asked her out appropriately, and said nothing wrong in the message you sent her. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I actually did not send a reply... I am curious to know what exactly is a rejection then? I am not saying that she has rejected me as a person... She has only rejected me from the dating standpoint... but isn't that still a rejection? no? i don't know.. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I will say, can't speak for other women, but looks matter to me as far as getting to the first date. However, what I find attractive may be different from what other people find to be hot. I have often had friends tell me they did not find certain guys I found incredibly attractive (I'm talking purely on the looks level, before I even spoke to the person) to be so (again purely based on looking, taking other factors out of the equation for the moment). Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I will say, can't speak for other women, but looks matter to me as far as getting to the first date. However, what I find attractive may be different from what other people find to be hot. I have often had friends tell me they did not find certain guys I found incredibly attractive (I'm talking purely on the looks level, before I even spoke to the person) to be so (again purely based on looking, taking other factors out of the equation for the moment). But hopefully if a guy put himself out there and asked you out for coffee you would let him down in such a way to not try to be curt or hurt his feelings. It's ok to not accept every offer to go out but I do think there is something to be said for turning a guy down mroe gracioiusly. I think it must be AWFULLY tough to be a guy, having to always put yourself out there time and time again. Sure some women ask guys out, but it is the guy who has this on his shoulders moreso than females. It has to get tough sometimes. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 But hopefully if a guy put himself out there and asked you out for coffee you would let him down in such a way to not try to be curt or hurt his feelings. It's ok to not accept every offer to go out but I do think there is something to be said for turning a guy down mroe gracioiusly. Yes, I think it's important to do that tactfully. In the case Grymoire described, he got a really rude reply. I sort of feel bad for that woman because eventually her lack of tact and kindness is going to come back and bite her in the bum. It always does. My post was in response to the idea that some other poster said that if someone gets rejected by a bunch of people, it means they are unattractive, which I don't agree with. I think we all face rejection and even people who will find many other people attracted to them get turned down a lot too. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Yes, I think it's important to do that tactfully. In the case Grymoire described, he got a really rude reply. I sort of feel bad for that woman because eventually her lack of tact and kindness is going to come back and bite her in the bum. It always does. LOL you are better than me. Instead I am hoping that day comes and bites her bum sooner rather than later. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 LOL you are better than me. Instead I am hoping that day comes and bites her bum sooner rather than later. completely off-track.. but her bum is quite big... in fact very big... the moment i saw her it was the first thing that i noticed.. and during the party i could not help myself but to watch it and she caught me once seeing her.. Link to comment
glegend Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I know its hard to hear this but just move on to the next one. Try not think about it. Trust me when I say this. I keep thinking about this girl at my work and it kills me up inside. I need to really move on, when I think I am moving on something else happens at work with her which pulls me back and I star thinking about her again. Now you have the opportunity to just move and forget about her. Yes its sucks that she rejected you but she did. That was the worst thing that she could do. But I guess if your not her type then your not her type. Its strange that she says she gave off the wrong message but maybe she thinks she did. Maybe something happened during the ride home which makes her think like this? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I know its hard to hear this but just move on to the next one. Try not think about it. Trust me when I say this. I keep thinking about this girl at my work and it kills me up inside. I need to really move on, when I think I am moving on something else happens at work with her which pulls me back and I star thinking about her again. Now you have the opportunity to just move and forget about her. Yes its sucks that she rejected you but she did. That was the worst thing that she could do. But I guess if your not her type then your not her type. Its strange that she says she gave off the wrong message but maybe she thinks she did. Maybe something happened during the ride home which makes her think like this? I dont think the girl means she THINKS she gave off the wrong message. I think she is saying that she did not give off the wrong message and can't figure out why Gry thinks she did. Truth is, however, one does not have to give off messages or give ideas for someone to be attracted enough to ask them out for a date. I think it was her being big headed. I mean, come on, how many women give a man ideas and that is why he asks her out?? Most men just ask her out if he finds her attractive, not because she was giving him hand signals under the table! LOL Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 completely off-track.. but her bum is quite big... in fact very big... the moment i saw her it was the first thing that i noticed.. and during the party i could not help myself but to watch it and she caught me once seeing her.. LOL good thing i'm not a guy, i'd probably get slapped or just be dateless cuz i would have been too tempted to say to her after that "uhh pullease, get over yourself big ass". LOL She wouldn't have to know you actually liked looking at it. LOL Link to comment
ManAbout Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 If you are asking out women above your league in the looks department, you better have something else to back it up with, that is the bottom line. You live in Silicon Valley where guys outnumber girls by a huge number. So what do you have to offer her? You say you don't have a good body, and from our previous discussions it appears you have a very average salary, you are not exactly a star in your profession or your career. Silicon Valley is full of 30 year old guys worth millions of dollars. If she is as hot as you say she is, she probably has Doctors, Venture Capitalists and Stanford MBAs lining up to date her. Why should she date YOU? Because you are a nice guy? Because she had an interesting conversation with you on the ride home? Please, be REALISTIC. I am not trying to be mean, I am just saying that you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe use situations like this as motivation. Improve yourself and be the best man you can be and then you see how the women come after you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 He can ask any girl out that he wants who is unattached. She can say no, but he can still ask. If her response is crass and/or ugly, that says WAY MORE about her than him. Just sayin. Link to comment
ManAbout Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Just read the part about her being ABCD. Sorry buddy but that is double jeopardy. I don't know of any Indian girls born in the US that will date a guy who has come from India recently. Not one. I know you said you have been there 5 years or something, but that is recent to them. You have more chance dating Hispanic women or even American women than you have these girls. Moreover, the stuff I said about her wanting to date a highly successful professional like a doctor or venture capitalist is double and triple true. A hot ABCD in Silicon Valley can point her finger and get any man she wants. You are waaaaay over your head on this one. Link to comment
ManAbout Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 He can ask any girl out that he wants who is unattached. She can say no, but he can still ask. . Sure and I can try out for a position with the New York Yankees. I know I will get rejected. But at least I tried. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sure and I can try out for a position with the New York Yankees. I know I will get rejected. But at least I tried. Not exactly correct. I am no baseball junkie but I don't think just anyone can try out. LOL Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 It is really ironic that several posts in ENA imply that women value confidence, personality, sense of humor etc and call men that talk about their education, salary, and car as shallow and then we have a post like this That said, I do get your point ManAbout but to imply that I hoped she would date me because I am a nice guy was really out of the line. I never mentioned that I am a nice guy anywhere here. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sure and I can try out for a position with the New York Yankees. I know I will get rejected. But at least I tried. don't make invalid analogies here..... if you read the whole thing you would know that my friend said to me "she is single ;-)"... she also texted this girl and said about that i may be needing the ride... it was almost like she set us up i am not an idiot to hit on some one out of my league blindly..... Link to comment
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