Perfection Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Relationships come around when you least expect them. When you stop looking. Spot on. i used to think such things/statements were found or happened only in books and movies, but i was wrong. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Spot on. i used to think such things/statements were found or happened only in books and movies, but i was wrong. It's crazy too. I always thought that idea was stupid. But, it's happened about 4 or 5 times now.... Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 It's crazy too. I always thought that idea was stupid. But, it's happened about 4 or 5 times now.... I think I should just take a break from Dating and focus on going to the gym and other activities Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 i am not saying that is the issue... i am just wondering... because she said "you are not my type"... people coming from different backgrounds may not be of the same type right? Sorry to know about your experience Gry. I agree with other posters though. She should have been short n sweet. No need to explain every single detail. By "American Indian" do you mean "an American of Indian/south Asian descent"? My experience with many ABCDs (I hope you know what this term means) has not been good. They think a little too highly of themselves, make fun of our "Indian" accent, think that "we" are immigrants into "their" country, and are after a quick green card. But I've also seen some very nice, down-to-earth ABCDs. Well, different backgrounds shouldn't be an issue if one wants to get to know the other person, right? We see interracial dating all the time around us. So, if "different backgrounds" bother her, don't worry, its better to know that now than her making up some stupid excuses later on. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Agree with Dating Coach. If you reply I would write "thanks for your reply and thanks again for the ride home. take care" Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sorry to know about your experience Gry. I agree with other posters though. She should have been short n sweet. No need to explain every single detail. By "American Indian" do you mean "an American of Indian/south Asian descent"? My experience with many ABCDs (I hope you know what this term means) has not been good. They think a little too highly of themselves, make fun of our "Indian" accent, think that "we" are immigrants into "their" country, and are after a quick green card. But I've also seen some very nice, down-to-earth ABCDs. Well, different backgrounds shouldn't be an issue if one wants to get to know the other person, right? We see interracial dating all the time around us. So, if "different backgrounds" bother her, don't worry, its better to know that now than her making up some stupid excuses later on. Thanks that you are in this forum Tinu. Sometimes you can understand what I am trying to say before jumping to conclusions and ganging up on me. Yes, she is an ABCD. Just like you my experiences with ABCDs have been very bad. They act in a very condescending manner with us Indians. When I was in Grad School they used to calls us as PIGS (Poor Indian Graduate Students). This girl seemed nice though.. at least she readily gave me a ride and spoke very well throughout the 1 hour journey. Well... anyway.... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 What is an ABCD? Link to comment
lila... Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 What is an ABCD? the beginning of the alphabet, lol, I don't know, I'm curious to know also. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 What is an ABCD? American-Born confused.. something.. I can't remember the correct terms for it Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I looked it up: American born Confused Desi. An american born person of indian or pakistanian heritage that follows western culture. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 What is an ABCD? American-Born Confused Desi. It's basically an insult that people who were born in India and moved to America use to refer to people of Indian descent who were born in America. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 American-Born Confused Desi. It's basically an insult that people who were born in India and moved to America use to refer to people of Indian descent who were born in America. From what I gather, it isn't that they were just born here, but that they do not follow their indian heritage and have become westernized. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I looked it up: American born Confused Desi. An american born person of indian or pakistanian heritage that follows western culture. Yea.. there we go.. I knew it was something like that. Went to school with a girl who used that term all the time I was like what?! Link to comment
Perfection Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 From what I gather, it isn't that they were just born here, but that they do not follow their indian heritage and have become westernized. they do follow indian heritage/culture. but they still like to mingle with other ABCD's and keep away from PIGS or FOBS. but not all are bad. there are some good people too. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Thanks that you are in this forum Tinu. Sometimes you can understand what I am trying to say before jumping to conclusions and ganging up on me. Yes, she is an ABCD. Just like you my experiences with ABCDs have been very bad. They act in a very condescending manner with us Indians. When I was in Grad School they used to calls us as PIGS (Poor Indian Graduate Students). This girl seemed nice though.. at least she readily gave me a ride and spoke very well throughout the 1 hour journey. Well... anyway.... I hate to put labels on people, but more often than not you will find them behaving in a way that is representative of that cult. well... anyways... what can we do. It is absolutely disrespectful and heinous to use the term PIGS. What did these kids do to get where they are at? Its their parents that worked their butt off, worked whatever jobs they could get to provide for their kids. My parents tried to set me up with an ABCD man. The dude dropped out of PhD program and said "people in PhD programs are just entertaining themselves" (in a sarcastic way, btw, his dad is a PhD) and not just that... every time I would say something he would be like "Oh, you are taking a flight from LAX? Its a messy airport" (Even to get to a decent airport, I've to take a flight from LAX "Who wants to go to medical school, its too long" I was really so sick of his attitude. But his mom is the sweetest woman one can ever talk to and I respect her a lot so I had to tolerate his attitude. I've learned to stay away from them unless I'm really sure that they are good people. Honestly, I would much rather prefer a hard-working, honest, nice man from this country (whatever skin color) to an ABCD. They have no sense, really, of where they have come from. The truth is that every immigrant (man/woman) who has come to this country has worked hard to make it through so that the kids could have a better future. These kids had it a lot easier than us and they don't realize that. Don't worry Gry, I know rejection sucks, but when the right person comes along, things won't be this flaky. If they are, its better that they fall apart now. Marriage and companionship is not an easy road, you don't want a person who is this superficial. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 "Don't worry Gry, I know rejection sucks, but when the right person comes along, things won't be this flaky. If they are, its better that they fall apart now. Marriage and companionship is not an easy road, you don't want a person who is this superficial." From the facts he wrote, there is no clue that this was anything more than the typical "sorry, I'm not interested in dating you" - nothing superficial about it, any more than deciding not to date someone might have a superficial component. I also don't think she was flaky - she got right back to him to let him know "nope". Since she barely knows him she didn't reject"him" she just declined to go on a date with him. even if she thought there was potential during the ride home, it's reasonable - not flaky - that she changed her mind - but again we have no idea what really happened. Typical scenario. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Batya, I see what you are saying. I've written that based on what he wrote. He feel rejected. I know that they were not dating. I said "superficial" b'coz he is wondering if its different backgrounds that contributed to her declining his offer. May be I need some education here - wats the difference between flaky and changing your mind? Link to comment
madmarten Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Did you read OP? It sounds like clear-cut rejection to me. Nothing wrong with him asking and nothing wrong with her rejecting. Just the way it goes. Is there some kind of time limit before you can call it rejection or something? PS her statement was very strong and NOT just a simple dodge of him asking. Link to comment
Perfection Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 when people come from India to the US or go anywhere outside for studies or job, the expectations that follow him/her are tremendous. expectations from family, friends, relatives for him/her to succeed. so failure is not an option. and to do well, these individuals live in very difficult situations (eg: four five room mates in a small flat). try to save money at every possible place, because their families have already placed a large financial burden on themselves to send them over here and cannot afford more things. that's why they are referred to as PIGS. it infuriates me when i hear someone addressed as PIGS. f**king c**ts. sorry off topic but i got a bit riled up... Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 correct, what these kids are forgetting is that their parents were in those shoes not too long ago. They should have some respect. Well, when you get things this easy, why would you respect what you didn't even break a sweat for? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Did you read OP? It sounds like clear-cut rejection to me. Nothing wrong with him asking and nothing wrong with her rejecting. Just the way it goes. Is there some kind of time limit before you can call it rejection or something? PS her statement was very strong and NOT just a simple dodge of him asking. I don't think she rejected him as a person. I think she rejected the idea of going on a date with him. There's a difference. I think rejecting someone as a person is possible only if the two people know each other well and the reason for ending the relationship has to do with the other person's qualities or personality, etc. Nothing wrong with him asking or her response but I question all this jumping to conclusions that it was based on ethnicity or culture. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Batya, I see what you are saying. I've written that based on what he wrote. He feel rejected. I know that they were not dating. I said "superficial" b'coz he is wondering if its different backgrounds that contributed to her declining his offer. May be I need some education here - wats the difference between flaky and changing your mind? It's a matter of degree. To me flaky means constantly vacillating about a decision especially one that affects another. I don't think it's productive in this situation to speculate to this degree that it's because they have different backgrounds especially when the speculation involves this degree of stereotyping, in my humble opinion. I understand that the OP feels rejected. I am suggesting, since he seems to often have a negative mindset about dating that he work on seeing this not as rejecting him as a person since they barely know each other. Link to comment
madmarten Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I don't think she rejected him as a person. I think she rejected the idea of going on a date with him. There's a difference. I think rejecting someone as a person is possible only if the two people know each other well and the reason for ending the relationship has to do with the other person's qualities or personality, etc. Nothing wrong with him asking or her response but I question all this jumping to conclusions that it was based on ethnicity or culture. Oh, I agree with you that there is a lot of speculation about culture, etc. However her language was very strong and clear, She was likely physically unattracted to him and wanted to make sure that he understood he had no possibilty to date her. So she rejected him as dating partner. I understand the distinction you are trying make, but to the rejectee it is a small consolation. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 I just came back from work now... sorry.. ABCD means American Born Confused Desi. it primarily refers to Indians that were born in the USA. 'Confused' implies the fact that since they were born in the USA but to Indian parents they get confused about which culture and tradition to follow. But somehow this funny term became derogatory.. So they actually take offense to it. That is one of the reasons why they hit back at us and called us as PIGS (Poor Indian Graduate Students). They see us on-campus working different jobs and trying hard for financial assistance. Hence the term 'Poor'. I understand that the OP feels rejected. I am suggesting, since he seems to often have a negative mindset about dating that he work on seeing this not as rejecting him as a person since they barely know each other. Thanks Batya. I did not know what to term her response as. Should I mention it as "she declined"? I don't know. I am not really hurt or anything. I have met her in person just once. And I know I am not going to meet her that often in the future. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 i do agree with this to a certain extent Link to comment
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