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How many Days after NC should u give up hope they will contact u again?


littlestar
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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The first time I went nc for a year without notice because I was so torn up I couldn't communicate at all.

 

This time I asked for 3 months. So I did go back even though I still couldn't handle being friends. I'm still crazy about this person (and I've been known to act like it), the difference now being I am in a much better place. That year of living my life helped tremendously and although I'm certain it was painful for the other person, they've told me that they benefitted as well.

 

In conclusion, anything can happen and I do mean anything.

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I dont think there is a certain prescribed number of days you wait till u lose hope. My thought was to try to keep myself from hoping they would come back and assume that it is completely over because hope is what held me back from healing. I would suggest u not wait for him. go no contact and heal urself. if u two aremeant to be...even years down the line u may try it agian...but for now, throw away the hope and push forward.

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After a certain amount of time are we meant to give up hope they will ever contact us again?

 

The minute you go NC is when you should give up hope that they will ever contact you again..that is what NC is all about...moving on with your life and putting the past behind you. To do that effectively you have to accept that the relationship is done and dusted forever. That doesn't mean there will never ever be a reconciliation..nobody knows what the future holds...but it is better not to hope because that just prevents you from living your life to its fullest. There is no time line for reconciliations..they can happen at any time or they may never happen. Best not to think about it and just accept the current reality.

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littlestar, just from personal observation you seem to be putting alot of thought last few days into how long is enough? do you think maybe pondering this so much is making it harder for you? i dunno the whole situation to be honest, so this is only what i get from over a few days, but do you feel your doing enough to keep yourself distracted? is there anything you've enjoyed doing that you can remember and you havnt thought about it once while doing that?

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I think it's more meaningful for yourself to look out for the day that you don't wonder about him and if he will contact you. And that day will come for you, I promise. There are no natural laws for these things, you're just gonna have to live through it. Meanwhile, you have us to talk to here, I guess we've all been where you're now at some point.

 

As for your question: I think the purpose of NC is to move on, not to 'wait' for someone to respond to the silence. So, the moment you feel you're letting go, you'll start to notice you're happy again without him, you're able to laugh out loud, is the moment that NC is starting to have its effect. And funnily enough, this will also be the moment that you won't dream about him coming to beg for forgiveness and such and so on.

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Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. To hope is to wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled, a key condition in unrequited love. Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude. - wikipedia

 

You are hopeful as long as you want to be, its a stage of healing i suppose, but having hope that a love might return vs being optimistic are very different, as the above is stated, hope being an emotional state i think leaves yourself very vulnerable, first off in respect that this person may not come back anytime soon, and while we 'hope' they will, we arnt focusing on what really matters, ourselves.

 

Being optimistic on the other hand, lets you objectionalize the situation.

You know, they are gone, it sucks, but sadly there is nothing we can do to change it except be positive-optimistic about what really matters now life in general, once we start taking the right steps in our life, it begins to improve in every area.

 

For lack of a better term losing "hope", i personally will never, as long as me and her are both breathing i believe there is "hope". But for right now this feeling of "hope" for me is being put aside. Maybe its because ive accepted that at this present time there is no "hope". Shes with someone else, and not talking to me, so though reconciliation remains very open to me, i know that i need to focus on my life.

 

Some people look at NC in two different ways, one being that the longer u NC the better the chances of them contacting you, the other the longer the NC the less chances. As cliched as it is in this forum, its more about what we do with the time we are given.

 

post is kind of incomplete but im waiting for my bus to come so it was written fast.

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After a certain amount of time are we meant to give up hope they will ever contact us again?

 

I don't think you should ever give up hope that you will hear from them again and there is no time limit to when they may return.

They could come back two weeks later, it could be two years, five years.....I had one come back after ten years, lol

 

Important thing is, is to NOT put your life on hold meantime.

Because the majority of us could, would and will be waiting for something, that will never happen..

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I don't get the counting the number of days things. Believe me, I miss my ex a huge amount still and it's been 10 months or so since we broke up. I would have to go back and look at the date to see how many days it's been since he contacted me or I contacted him. I'd also have to go and look up the date I last saw him face to face, or the date he broke up with me. I don't NEED to know how many days it's been. It's not going to change how I feel, is it? It's unrealistic to count days and think "Right, it's been x number of days, that means they're never going to contact me again". People are unpredictable creatures. Things change, people change. I'm okay with not hearing from him again. I'll be equally okay if I do hear from him again. The world keeps turning and keeping track of how long it's been does nothing but keep the mind focused on the ex.

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I disagree about giving of hope. YOU HAVE to give up hope as soon as possible. Take it from me, I held onto hope for two years and it really is a dead end street.

 

You must try and move on your way and along that path build a better you. AS long as you hold hope...You set yourself up for big disappointments. Soon as you let go of that hope you will breath a little easier. If they come back, what a pleasant surprise if that is what you wanted.

 

Hope about killed me!!! Hope sucks!!!!! Hope is fake! Hope is a waste of time. I am a realist. I learned the hard way. You move on with your life like you will never hear from them again and just maybe they will come your way.

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I disagree about giving of hope. YOU HAVE to give up hope as soon as possible. Take it from me, I held onto hope for two years and it really is a dead end street.

 

You must try and move on your way and along that path build a better you. AS long as you hold hope...You set yourself up for big disappointments. Soon as you let go of that hope you will breath a little easier. If they come back, what a pleasant surprise if that is what you wanted.

 

Hope about killed me!!! Hope sucks!!!!! Hope is fake! Hope is a waste of time. I am a realist. I learned the hard way. You move on with your life like you will never hear from them again and just maybe they will come your way.

 

Huh? I'm sure there's plenty of hope left inside you. I'm sure you hope for a better future. I'm sure you hope to make more money one day. I'm sure you hope all your loved ones stay healthy. I'm sure you hope that you find happiness. Hope is mainly what keeps us going as people. If you give up hope, you really don't have much left.

 

I hope that I can find a wonderful woman that I can share my love with. Right now, I don't have my eyes on anyone so I have no prospective woman to share my love with. Should I give up hope that I'll find someone to love and love me back simply because I see no signs of it happening in front of me? Should I throw up my hands and say "Forget it, there's no one out there, it's hopeless, I'm going to be alone forever"? Of course not, that's silly.

 

As long as people aren't basing their life around these hopes, you can hope as much as you want. Like I said, I'm hoping I find a woman to share my love with, but I'm certainly not booking romantic cruises for two just yet, because I understand that it's just hope at this point.

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I should have been a little more specific about the hope I was talking about. If you hope that someone will come back or act correct. That is the hope I speak of that is a waste of time. Other hope about having a better life and the such is a good thing. I agree with your statement about hoping to find the right woman to spend a life with.

 

Hope has its place...just do not hope for one to come back once it has gotten bad.

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Hope has its place...just do not hope for one to come back once it has gotten bad.

 

But, still, as long as one isn't basing their life around this hope, what's the problem? I hope I get a good sized raise in the next few months. There's nothing wrong with hoping that. What would be wrong is if I was going out and spending money like crazy because I was confusing that hope with reality and thinking that raise was a given.

 

In the same way, there's really no problem with people hoping their ex comes back. It would be a problem if they were letting that hope stop them from other potential relationships or causing them to dwell in pain.

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Sometimes though hoping can often lead to disappointment. Live in the here and now, concentrate on you, don't hope for someone to come back, if it's meant to be then they will come back, if not then it was not ever meant to be.

 

What's wrong with disappointment, though? It's a part of life. The only way to not be disappointed is to lower your standards and expectations of life. If you do that, then you'll never be disappointed. But, you'll also most likely never truly be satisfied, either.

 

Personally, I'm not 'hoping' my ex comes back. Until there's a sign that it's possible, I don't even concern myself with the thought. I never forced myself to 'give up hope', that just sounds strange to me. It reminds me of some sort of pirate skeleton cackling "Abandon hope all ye who enter, muahahahaha". I'm going on a bit of a tangent here, haha.

 

The point is, hoping and believing are very normal and very human things to do. As long as it's not impacting your life negatively, people should feel free to hope and wish and dream all they like. If it's hurting your ability to function normally, it's not really 'hope' its more like a delusion.

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Sometimes though hoping can often lead to disappointment. Live in the here and now, concentrate on you, don't hope for someone to come back, if it's meant to be then they will come back, if not then it was not ever meant to be.

 

That is exactly what I am talking about! Best just to forget hope in ex coming back!!! I held on soooooo long to this misguided thing we call hope. I was often disappointed and it made the hurt longer and it was more painful.

 

I always like Mayday's advice, but I respectfully disagree with him on this. I once had hope my ex would return and spend her life with me, but it caused me much grief.

 

One day I would want her back in my life, it just seems to be better by losing that hope. I honestly love her as much as ever and miss her, but even thinking she will return with no evidence she ever will only would drive me nuts. I had enough that over the past few years.

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Having hope if different that being open to reconciliation, your right, hope is unrealistic, but is not black and white its not oh im open to it or OH IM NEVER TALKING TO THEM AGAIN IM SO OVER THEM. Hope is also a word with relative meaning. I hope my ex comes back, meaning i have positive thought about their return, but im not 'Hopeful' to the situation

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Having hope if different that being open to reconciliation, your right, hope is unrealistic, but is not black and white its not oh im open to it or OH IM NEVER TALKING TO THEM AGAIN IM SO OVER THEM. Hope is also a word with relative meaning. I hope my ex comes back, meaning i have positive thought about their return, but im not 'Hopeful' to the situation

 

Can you honestly take her back if she was to come back? I want my ex to come back and fall in love with me all over again. But knowing the pain that I am going through is very difficult to trust her.

She did not do any wrong during our time together. Only when she left the first time on my b-day and then ventured out with her co-worker a few days later. Then came back to me and stated she fell in love with me again. then 12 days later decides to take it all back.

Other than that, she was awesome. Just young in age and inexperienced in commitment and relationships.

11 years younger than I is a big difference now I realize.

would I take her back? well I would hope that she does come back but I hope that I will be in a position that I will be able to decide if it is for real and if I can get over all the pain she caused me.

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Different strokes for different people isn't it, depends on the type of relationship that you had with your ex too and what kind of person they were. Yes disappointment is a part of life, but that often can come naturally, by holding onto hope for me is quite disillusional, my point is until you're not ready to let go then the hope will still be there and you're not really moving on by clinging onto something which isn't even there in the first place. It's broken, gone, sooner we realise and accept that then the quicker we can all move on. Hope for me is like a false pretence.

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i agree babes, its all different.

 

ponder

Im glad my ex broke up with me, like ive said before in other posts, she gave me the greatest gift ive ever received. She gave me the opportunity to become a better man, to address these terrible demons that i have, because with the way we were i was not, i was hurting myself, hurting her, and i didnt even know it. Im not angry with her, instead im am eternally grateful, and i pray to god EVERY NIGHT that i use this time that i have been given and this gift i have been bestowed to become a better man to the absolute best of my ability, and if someday she were to stop in and see me, id want to somehow radiate the warmth that i have for her in my heart. Yes i would take her back, not now though im not ready, but if she could find it within herself to give it another try then i would do everything within my power to be that man in her life.

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