PayNow Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 THis is a really long story i will try to shorten it the most possible the girl who I have been dating has been my Best Friend for years...we ended up hooking up and having ups and downs...Never really got to "Boyfriend-Girlfriend" but we were intimate partners and loyal to each other...we were really into each other...well i think i have always been more into her since i met her and i have always wanted to be her boyfriend..however after many ups and downs things just seemed to be spiraling downwards... 3 days AGO we got togueter to straithen out previous disagreements in the relationship...she claimed that i was not enough for her ( i have never done enough for her even tough i have done everythign for her) this was not uncommet before so i wasnt really worried, but she started to get out of control as grabbing my water bottle from my hand as i was drinking from it and throwing it out of the window...well she started cussing at me..telling me to {Mod Edit} myself, my mother, and to rot in hell...well i got mad but i tried to remain calm not to make things worse...so i just politely told her that i didint care for her anymore and i was tired of this {Mod Edit} ...she said she was also tired of dealign with me and that i was full of crap...she tried to hurt me even more telling me that she spoke with her ex recently and didint even mention anything to me and just might start contacting him again or going out with someone else more "worthwhile"...many hurtfull things like that...she even gave me the finger a number of times...well i remained moderately calm and cool CONSIDERING all that was being thrown at me...she really made me anxious we were talkking...she said she never wanted to see me again and she wanted me to leaver her alone...meanwhile someone kept calling her and she was AWNSERING laughign and everything...telling that person to call back a little later and the person constantly kept calling...PLEASE TELL ME how out of line i was...I just coulnt take it anymore the disrespect...and anxiety who that person was...so i grabbed the phone from her and SHE went crazy...started to bite me, pull my hair..clothers...kuss at me..hit me...demanding i give her phone back...i finally did...she locked herself in my car started to insult me again or trying to insult me...claiming how ugly and how much my car sucks and how ugly i was and hoow stupid i was and how this and that me this me that...TRUST ME I HAD HAD IT this was just too much {Mod Edit} ...calmly i tried to tell her to get in the car and i was going to take her home and goodbye forever...we both got into the car and AS I WAS ABOUT TO TURN ON THE CAR she Punched me in the FACE from the passanger side...and before i EVEN KNEW what happened she opened the car door and RAN away and called a friend to pick her up....OUTRAGED now...I called her mother demanding that something needed to be done about this...(she is 23 dont want to make it seem as she is a kid, but come on) well her mother wasnt much help i just left got a cup of coffee and suffered in misery with blood dripping from my mouth...I got home....the next day she calls my house 15 times constantly calls my phone...she doesnt even say she was sorry at first but accepted she was really mad and got out of line...she said that she was leaving the decision on my hands...(little friend history this has been the girl of my dreams ever since we met and became best friends) ...considering myself a reasonable individual I decided that it was best not to act on PRIDE and more on Logic and Emotion...so I told her I forgave her...for everything she told me and did...she wanted to talk in person...i said no i didint want to get hurt again physically and emotionally...i told her maybe later on in the future...she just said that well later on she woulnt know how she might feel and that she would just take this as an experience to better herself and be happier with somebody else...I dont know what i felt but it made me want her... I AGREED to talk with her the next day...i coulnt believe it she really was sorry...started to make out with me...things like that you know...now TODAY a day after everything I AM TERRIBLY CONFUSED...I dont know if was just WAY TO easy on her and I might be makign a mistake by taking her back...i mean she even put conditions if i wanted to be with her EVEN tough she did all this {Mod Edit}to me...she wanted me to Cut relationships with Female friends whom she didint approve..because she claimed she knew them first and i met them afterwards...Well this part is really bad...I ACCEPTED her conditions and her ways to be with her again...Im just not shure if i will go through with what i promised...i dont know if i can...i mean honestly...after all that has happened...we been togueter like 2 years...this has to be the worst incident...but i would really appreciate any INsight, comments, and ADVICE....PLease HElp me...I am sufffering terribly... Link to comment
LoneSailor Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Been there, done that, bought that T-shirt... your story sounds VERY much like mine ( though it lasted 5 years). the BEST advice i can give you is to stay away from her. Things will get a whole lot worse, and you will be having this epic internal struggle, should i end it forever? or should i just ride it out and hope that things get better. and just when you have the resolve to end it, she will come up with something that will keep you around, waiting for something that probably will never happen ( and if it does it probably wont be healthy) she just said that well later on she woulnt know how she might feel and that she would just take this as an experience to better herself and be happier with somebody else This is a perfect example of trying to reel you back in because you said maybe later on in the future and as you said, after saying that you wanted her. Sounds to me like she just wants you around to make her feel good about herself Like i said, same thing happened to me. changed my phone number and all that, never looked back. doin better now, so my 2 cents is this get out of that while you still can, anyway you have to. Link to comment
Stardusk Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Run man, run as fast as you bloody can...as far away from that nutjob as you can...for your own good... Link to comment
rokston Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Get out of this relationship. She is physically and mentally abusing you. How can you truly feel loved by her? She is threatening you with involving other people, she hits you, she says hurtful things about you! You say she is the woman of your dreams but how can she be? People are what they do - we are all defined by our actions - so who exactly is she?! She may be the most attractive woman in the world but that will mean little to you in the future. You want someone to love you back, to understand you and to truly care for you. From what you've written she doesn't do any of these things! Link to comment
Angel_baby Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 This is ABUSE. It will only get worse, trust me. The longer you stay the harder it is to leave. I have been with my abusive husband for going on 7 years. I am now disabled and it makes it difficult to "just leave" financially. For goodness sakes she punched you in your face!! And then didn't even say sorry till she wanted you back. Let me take a wild guess and say that she makes you feel like things that happen between you when she gets angry is all your fault. And then other times she will guilt trip you by putting herself down. Oh and other times she will threaten you (by leaving, harming herself, screwing someone else, etc) to get you to stay or come back This is ALL emotional AND physical abuse. Leave now. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. This behavior from her will only escalate and get much worse. She is already controlling you, telling you who you can and can't talk to with your female friends. I guarantee she will do it with your guy friends next and then your family. I know it is hard as you still love and care about her even after all she has done. But she doesn't love you in the same way. She loves the control of you. Think about this, would you ever punch her in the face? Tell her hateful and hurtful things? Link to comment
Jon1973 Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Omg, I had the same thing happen to me about 4 years ago...the only difference is that she refused to leave my house after hitting me in the face twice. What did I do? called the police and they dragged her away. Needless to say, there is no going back from behaviour like that. I can only reiterate what everyone else has said: break off all contact..if she continues to call on you/phone and it is distressing you, then it might be best to take out a restraining order. Eventually, this horrible incident and the memories of it will fade in time. Please do yourself a favour and hold out for someone who is truly worthy of your emotions and time. Kudos to you for not losing it with this person! I wish you the very best. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 She's unstable and that nasty little scene could repeat itself in worse ways if you continue with her. And do you want her going ballistic like that and attacking your child if you had children together? This is obviously a perfect example of a relationship you should just walk away from and don't look back. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 (little friend history this has been the girl of my dreams ever since we met and became best friends) This is your dream? I'd hate to see your nightmares. She's a nutjob. Now it's started it will only get worse. I don't know what logic and reason you're utlilising that tell you to forgive her, mine tell me that you should have called the police and told her to stay well away from you. Link to comment
Up and Down Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 This is your dream? I'd hate to see your nightmares. LOL To reiterate what everyone else has said. She is abusive, she lacks self control and unfortunately people like this typically lack self control around those they are most comfortable with. It's why abusers abuse the ones they "love". Be glad that you don't have children with this woman. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Yeah she's psycho. Run away. She's testing you to see how much she can get away with. And you let her get away with everything so far. Physical abuse, talking to ex-boyfriends and saying she might get back with them and then saying you had to cut ties with all female friends. She's crazy. Bat s*** crazy. Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Back off and look elsewhere. You should have enough self respect to realize that absolutely no one should ever hit you. If a girl ever laid a menacing finger on me, I would walk out the door and never look back. Sorry to hear about your situation. Link to comment
EQD Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 see? doesnt this punctuate my thread perfectly? nice gals finish last. Bad girls get the guys. and keep them.. for long long periods of time.. Link to comment
thedude27 Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Sound familiar? Maybe? link removed Link to comment
02cramac Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 It looks to me that the answer is staring you in the face. All you need to do is to read through what you just wrote and if it really is the truth, you should end it with her and stop her from controlling your life, you should be able to have the same friends as each other if your mature enough. Good Luck with the future x Link to comment
Up and Down Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 see? doesnt this punctuate my thread perfectly? nice gals finish last. Bad girls get the guys. and keep them.. for long long periods of time.. Not true, bad girls abuse men into something they are not...typically it's a nice guy who ends up getting beat down into trying to make someone who will never be happy happy. If they do keep them it's because they have beaten down there self esteem to where they don't think they can do better. That does not make a happy relationship...more of a dictatorship. Link to comment
PayNow Posted October 9, 2008 Author Share Posted October 9, 2008 First of all I want to THANK EVERYONE HERE for responding and sharing advice, toughts and comments it means alot to me...I am in a very confused state... This is what happened next...ONE DAY AFTER all this happened she calls me says she wants to talk to me...I refuse and tell her to leave me alone...she does not beg but makes me feellike I am being cruel with her...and since i am honestly not like that...i agreed for old times sakes...bad idea...I went to see her in person to talk...immediately as soon as she saw me she approached me and started making out with me...confused i dont know why i felt relieved...we talked a bit about it..but there were many emotions flying around...she said she was really sorry and that she will never do it again...she said she wanted to try again and be with me and that she would do everythign possible for it to work out...however she just had ONE condition, which honestly i dont know if i can go through with...i lied about it and agreed to it to see what might really happen...the condition was that she wanted me to break contact with my best female friend (the same as before) now because she claimed she wasnt confortable and that if i was her friend she woulnt be with me...WHY THE * * * * DOES THIS * * * * HAPPEN TO ME!!...I agreed...however i dont it before and i dont think any friend of mine deserves me treating them like that going NC with them just because my romantic lover isnt confortable...but at the same time if i do i would be with the girl who i deeply love and care for...I think I am too nice...I have forgiven her for the nasty things she said about me and even for teh physical abuse she did to me...I need some GUIDANCE...I feel really confused...I feel like this is just a Bomb with a long fuse just waiting to Pop... Link to comment
Angel_baby Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 She will just do it again.... and again.... and again... It will NEVER stop. Each time she will come back to you and say she is sorry and do sweet things to draw you back into her. Things will be ok for a few days... Then the bomb will go off again. and it just keeps repeating itself. You may think you can leave at any time but that is the thing. This abuse starts controlling your brain and it makes it harder to leave because you are always longing for that "sweet moments" again. Leave now, trust me, I know. Link to comment
EQD Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Not true, bad girls abuse men into something they are not...typically it's a nice guy who ends up getting beat down into trying to make someone who will never be happy happy. If they do keep them it's because they have beaten down there self esteem to where they don't think they can do better. That does not make a happy relationship...more of a dictatorship. still a waste of a man who could be out finding girls who dont treat him like dirt. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Ok, physical violence and she's making you drop friends. This is almost textbook abusive relationship. I hope she's worth your friend. Link to comment
thedude27 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Did you read that link I posted? I've witnessed an abusive R and you are walking into one. Heres a few clips from sections that pertain to your situation: 5. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. 6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle "The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet(hrm), doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned. 12. It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. I know this is bad news and you dont want to hear it but you CANT SAVE HER. Run for your life. I've been with 2 victims of ppl like this and I can tell you, you are in danger of losing yourself and becoming this way as well. There is your guidance. Trust me, you dont want any part of an abusive relationship. I'm really sorry you ended up with someone like this, do the right thing for you. If you must "help" her try to get her into counciling but do not continue a romantic R with her. Link to comment
PayNow Posted October 10, 2008 Author Share Posted October 10, 2008 DAM IT!!! I am so FUKING CONFUSED!!! I dont know what to do...I really agree and everything makes sense...and yes i DID read the article you posted..seemed like the story of my life... I have just so many emotions floating around me...I get extremely upset and desperate when I cant contact her and I want to contact her...like me calling and she not awnswering or telling me to wait and me waiting for hours...i just get so anxious and the feeling of losing her...i just cant bear it...I DONT FUKING KNOW WHY IF SHE TREATS ME LIKE * * * * I DONT KNOW HOW THE * * * * I CAN LOVE HER SO MUCH.... * * * * ING BULL * * * * I AM SO OUT OF CONTROL RIGHT NOW I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT THE * * * * !!!! I FEEL I AM IN A CATCH 22....I STAY AND I AM * * * * ED AND IF I LEAVE I AM ALSO * * * * ED I FEEL LIKE * * * * I HATE MY LIFE > Link to comment
rokston Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Your relationship has a strong foundation of drama to it. Both of you feed the drama and it continues. She may be the root cause of it but it seems to me that you are sucked in and participate because you think you need it. You dont need it. You should not be asked to give up your friend. Especially not on the back of an appology for physical abuse. She definitely needs to grow up - definitely in emotional terms but most likely in other parts of her life too. She also may need additional help to deal with the destructive and psycho tendacies. Why not sit down and make a list of what you really love about her. Then make the same list about the things you worry about and make you unhappy. If you want to post your lists so that we can interpret them with you. To me this relationship is not something that will make you happy longterm. Many of us go through a drama love at some point. But it is important (and healthy) to recognise it and step away as you realise how destructive it can be for your life. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 ( i have never done enough for her even tough i have done everythign for her) Does that sound right? I don't even think you love her. I think you are used to the situation and scared to be without it and scared that without her to do everything for you will be useless. You are addicted to the drama and scared of losing your hit. Link to comment
thedude27 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 I know it hurts, I know it sucks. I was with my girl for a very long time. I'm a pretty strong guy and it ripped me in two. You said that describes your life. If so, then its clear she has an abusive personality. That is how they act, I have watched a relationship like that unfold and those things are true. What happens to the person on the other side is not very pleasant. Emotionally it wrecks them, sometimes physically too. Like I said I have been with 2 women that have been abused, you dont want to end up that way. If you look at yourself right now can you honestly say that it hasnt affected you already? This type of hot cold behavior causes a very strong bond because it keeps you off balance and keeps you focused on always trying to make things work. You get lost and before you know it you are so far down the road and you cant believe what you are putting up with. Unfortunately, you have to do this. Talk to anyone that has been there, they will tell you the same thing. Do you know what happened to her in her past? Maybe you can talk her into getting some help, maybe not. At least if you show her maybe if she doesnt listen to you, when the next person says it she might. Either way, if she is abusive she needs professional help. First and foremost you need to make sure you get away from it before it tears you apart. Link to comment
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