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the guy or the people who will hate you for dating him?


VivaLaVidaX33

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Excuse me if this sounds like a rant, a little upset right now. But I actually am asking for your advice. Some of you have may heard of my situation from previous posts and thanks for your advice, I took it. but for those who havent I have the best guy friend for about two years. hes been dating this girl for nine months but lately their relationship has been bad. for months actually. and before and during I learned he had been falling for me. He acted like we were a couple when we were together. he said he loved me. I told him that I cared too but he needed to stop acting like that if he was gonna stay with her. and that he needed to decide who he cared about more. HE PICKED ME!!! said hes gonna break up with her and we havent decided what to do afterward. he hasnt as of yet but because its hard for him to hurt her when thy've been together so long.. and naturally this has made me incredibly happy.

 

But heres the deal. People Know. I dont know how.. I only told my three best friends who wouldnt tell anyone. I know that but people they know everything and already people are judging me. talking about how I have no right.Im not as pretty as his gf is so they dont know why. calling me * * * * and everything. and the worst part is I know I had no right. he was taken but like Its not like I planned to fall for him or him me, it just happened. And I didnt tell him to break up with her. I gave him a choice.. he couldve chosen her. They say that I shouldnt take him away because his gf loves him but I care too. Ugh this is the ranting part but I'll get to the question...

 

I have never been hated. ever one or two people excluding. but not generally and people are gonna hate me for this. theres gonna be * * * * said and I will be talked about. I care about the guy sooo much but what about the people who are gonna hate me for it??

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um, get over it. People will hate you for choices you make your whole life. You can't control the way people think about you. All you can do is control the way you think. And if you want to date this guy you'll have to deal with people disliking you for it. Don't worry to much about it, bigger things will happen and people will forget. Maybe not his current girlfriend.

And just a bit of advice, he might be playing with you if he hasn't broken up with her. People will go for years saying they are going to break up with someone for someone else because it makes it easier to be with both of them.

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hm, but has he ACTUALLY broken up with her yet......? hmmmmmmm...... i'm suspicious.... what if he keeps 'putting it off.....' I've believe it when i see it.....

 

and as for your friends, i'd just keep things on the downlow with him for several months, until things blow over and there's been some time..... that is, if he actually ever does break up with her.....

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This type of situation can really go a few ways depending on you, the guy, and the friends. Relationships can start off on shaky terms like this but still develop into meaningful and wonderful things. If it turns out a few years down the road that you two are totally in love and want to get married then your friends will likely forget about the beginning part and discount the strength of the previous relationship.

 

On the other hand, if you two get together and the guy does the same thing with another girl and you end up getting dumped for someone else then I'm pretty sure the friends will all be there with their "I told you so's".

 

My advice:

 

You back off until things are straight. By this I mean, you don't go on acting like he's yours until he is actually just yours. This might put a little fire under his *** about breaking things off with her and getting serious about you. If he's truly into you then he won't wait long and you'll only have a short time to deal with the distance. If he's not serious then he will take his time with it and it will be clear to you that he's not into you enough to do what should be done.

 

Either way, by saying that you aren't going to be 'the other woman' at this point you will get respect from your friends on some level and it will keep them from having more ammunition against you.

 

In the future, don't even let yourself get put in this position. You'd hate it if some girl was getting into a relationship with your boyfriend, even if you knew that they really had something special... right?

 

Best of luck

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I agree with you in a lot of ways rising. the two scenarios are definitely something Im concerned about but this is something either of us planned. we've been best friends longer than they've been dating and like it just sort of happened. all his friends have said "hes always been really fond of chelsea"

 

Yes I've told him that nothings gonna happen with us while hes with her. nothing has before. he flirted with me and I confronted him but thats pretty much it. then he had a decision to make.

 

Im just worried about the people we know hating us. his gf and I have a lot of mutual friends. I never planned for this to happen and I didnt ask him to leave his gf. nothing has happened between us that would constitute cheating. But I fear I will lose friends out of this

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has he broken up with her yet? that's my question.

 

i know a guy who promised something similar to his crush - that he would break up with his gf for her. well, it was her birthday month, and he didn't want to break up with her around her birthday.... then it was thanksgiving and he didn't want to break up with her around thanksgiving.... the it was christmas and new years, and he didn't want to break up then.... then it was valentine's day and he didn't want to break up with a girl around valentine's day..... then he said he was going to, but then her mother died.... and he didn't want to break up with his gf right after her mother died.....

 

this went on for nearly 2 years. and no, he never did break up with his gf.

 

so, yeah, worry about your friends when he finally does pull the plug on the relationship.... if he does!

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