the ex called

[exploding head]

She called me this morning after 2 months NC. There's no caller ID, so I didnt know it was her. I was cordial, so was she. She said she wanted to know how I was doing. I told her all the bad stuff that has happened to me and the resulting depression. I made it clear that any happiness she felt was at the expense of my heart. I told her everything I felt in my heart without anger. She said she was truly, truly sorry and felt awful. I said I wished I could believe that. ( i did hear a lot of guilt in her voice) She asked about my family and the job search. I didnt say much, except that I was having a really hard time and I missed her. She didnt say anything about the new guy or her life now. I ended it by saying, "see you in the next life."

 

I dont feel sad, or feel like this is a setback. I feel kind of relieved, I think? I know that she isnt looking for a reconciliation. I just stayed calm, but there was an obvious tone in my voice that let her know I was hurting.

 

Did I do the right thing?

[jettison]

There is no real "right thing" in this kind of situation, but there's no doubt at all that she's gone from your life from at least a romantic standpoint. Guilt is never a very good component to couple with friendship.

[Zeitgeist]

Honest opinion? I think you shouldn't have guilt-tripped her. Unless your intent was to have her not contact you again. If you were trying to reconcile, you don't want to make her feel bad for contacting you. So it all depends on what you wanted.

[exploding head]

reconciliation is impossible at this point. I do think she deserves to feel guilty though

[jettison]

reconciliation is impossible at this point. I do think she deserves to feel guilty though

 

Fine, but all the guilt does for her is make her want to be even farther away from you, and forget about you sooner. So, if that was your aim then it's mission accomplished.

[Zeitgeist]

reconciliation is impossible at this point. I do think she deserves to feel guilty though

Whether she deserves to or not, as long as you feel this way, you're not going to get over her. And I'm guessing that you DO want to get over her, yes?

[exploding head]

yeah. I sorta view this as closure. I wasnt nasty to her. I just told her what she asked about. She knew my mother was sick. and about other things. I didnt really say much about our relationship. It was mostly the other things going on.

[doyathink]

Honestly, I don't really see that you did anything wrong. You didn't break down, get nasty, or ask her back.

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, honestly, she called you and she asked you how you felt. You told the truth.

 

I see nothing wrong with what you did.

 

If she didn't want to know the truth she shouldn't have called....

 

~Allie

[i_win]

I think this gives you some closure, you got the opportunity to get things off your chest. I think she is feeling guilty or she wouldn't have called.

 

I think this is some concrete motivation for you to now move on from her.

[atelis]

good for you exploding head. you didnt play games, you just shot it straight and told her how you feel. she will feel guilt, alot of guilt for a long time to come and it will impact on any relationship she has moving forward. she needed to learn that people are not dispensable pieces of rubbish to discard as we please and you gave it to her straight.

[exploding head]

well, the sadness has hit. I want to die. im so tired of hurting. crying

[atelis]

c'mon stay strong. you gotta move on now

[exploding head]

move on to what? Every time I have ever gotten close to anyone, they leave. My own mother kicked me out when I was 10 and it's been like that my whole life. Whats the point? Im just one of those people who is always alone. And I dont want to be alone anymore.

[atelis]

i know man but what are the options? you are young and you will find a good woman, i hope we all do. you just gotta get past your ex. you will heal eventually because you did nothing wrong. you gave all you had to give. she won't be so lucky, she will always live with her guilt.

[Nearwater]

interesting thoughts about guilt. My ex knows what happened to me when she abandoned me. i suffered a major mid life crisis for over 4 months. Her guilt was huge. It IS affecting her now and like you said it will continue to.

 

She actually responded to my text about a death in my family and emailed me a few questions, after saying she would never ever read an email or speak with me ever again.

 

The nc / lc seems to be getting to her.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It's a relief to be honest and say what you really mean and feel. So you did a good thing there for yourself.

 

And it sounds like you got a bit of closure too. You got to say what you needed to say, and now that you've said it, you can put it behind you and continue your healing.

[exploding head]

I found a group here that does outdoor excursions, hiking, travelling. I signed up and a friend of mine is joining me on a long hike through the Cascades next week. I hope this makes me feel a bit better. I think social immersion might do me good. It's hard for me to meet new people to begin with. Sometimes I think that I'm just broken that way. So we'll see how this goes.