Does This Sound Fair To You(bisexuals)?

[bertdru]

I was on a bi female forum. Many women were open with their bfs and husbands about their orientation.

 

One women was trying to come out to her husband and her husband wasn't very pleased. The other members were saying that he should allow her to explore and experiment with females. That he is EXPECTED to allow her to experiment with other females. They were saying that it is one side which should not be suppressed and she should be given full freedom.

 

I have a question - is it fair to expect the husband to suddenly accept this new information and even allow her to do all these things? Her husband may be ok with her bisexuality but why should he allow her to experiment if he is not comfortable?

[rocio]

That's absolutely rediculous. If they married on the premise of monogamy, why should he be ok with her having other sexual partners?

[Clementine orange]

Another person (lover) is another person - it doesn't really matter what gender they are. Just because they are the same gender doesn't make any difference as to the "third" person in the relationship issue.

Experimenting should have been done BEFORE the marriage not during.

 

Sounds like someone wants her cake and to eat it too [insert your own smirking sexual innuendo here]

[Gracelove]

Absolutely not. They need to get a divorce. How insensitive. He doesn't need to be with someone like that.

[itsallgrand]

That's being lecherous and claiming that a sexual orientation gives a person an excuse to be, well, vulgar crude and do whatever one wants regardless of how it impacts others.

 

It's really no different than the old cliche of a hetero man claiming he has to cheat because that is how he is geared as a man.

 

Always these sickos have see through excuses and play off other people's prejudices.

 

There are still a lot of people out there who would buy this based on their idea that to be bisexual means to be a cheating, promiscuous liar.

[bertdru]

Well that woman didn't say those things. She was a little disappointed her husband wasn't enthusiastic about the idea. It is the others in the forum who said those things.

 

Also another question. One of the woman also said that it is hard to stay monogamous when you are bisexual because she always feels like she hasn't explored with other females. Do all women think this way? Is it not very possible to stay monogamous?

[lukeb]

I will play the devil's advocate here and say if he was truly interested in her happiness, then he should let her experiment if that is what she wants. Not wanting her to explore that side of herself is really being selfish. "I dont want you to do that because how it makes me feel." That is not really what love is.

[IMAbadman]

That's absolutely rediculous. If they married on the premise of monogamy, why should he be ok with her having other sexual partners?

 

Totally agree. This is fricken ridiculous!! If they didn't enter their marriage with thoughts of "multiple" partners than it's cheating pure and simple. I picture women in flannel shirts, construction boots, with mohawks making these statements.

 

So let's say she feels that it's alright to explore her bi-sexual appetite even against his wishes. So why shouldn't this guy be able to explore his desires for say blonds, brunettes, and redheads? Please, spare me any ignorant comments that, “that’s not bi-sexual”. It doesn’t matter… ITS CALLED CHEATING AND IT WILL DESTROY THEIR MARRIAGE.

 

Granted, this is fine for some couples. Heck the guy might even get off on it. Sooner or later someone is going to get hurt over it.

[itsallgrand]

 

Also another question. One of the woman also said that it is hard to stay monogamous when you are bisexual because she always feels like she hasn't explored with other females. Do all women think this way? Is it not very possible to stay monogamous?

 

I'd dare to venture that is because she closeted, lied to herself and others about who she was, and entered a marriage before exploring what she wished to explore.

 

That again doesn't have to do with being bisexually orientated, but rather choices an individual makes in the course of their life.

 

In other words - she is far from correct and does not speak for all people by any means!!

 

A straight woman might say the same thing had she got married too early because she wanted to be the good girl, and all the while harboured secret fantasies about being with other men.

[IMAbadman]

So many "bisexuals" claim that sleeping with another woman doesn't count as cheating! This is a disgusting way to think. If this woman is infact bisexual, her husband should feel threatened by a lesbian relationship and certainly doesn't have to allow any of this crap. Uggh!

 

Isn't that the truth!! You got to love the double standard too, i.e. when they're (2 women) in a relationship and their SO "explores" well then all of a sudden it's cheating.

[IMAbadman]

I will play the devil's advocate here and say if he was truly interested in her happiness, then he should let her experiment if that is what she wants. Not wanting her to explore that side of herself is really being selfish. "I dont want you to do that because how it makes me feel." That is not really what love is.

 

 

I realize your playing the devil's advocate but dude with all do respect, are you f-ing serious?

 

Another question then... say your wife wants to explore getting boned by (insert man/men here, literally) then you'd let her do this as your a loving husband and don't want to be selfish?

 

I don’t know about you buddy but I don’t share well with others. If my woman wanted more then they call that a wh_re.

 

Now go take two morals capsules and post again in the morning.

[lukeb]

I don’t know about you buddy but I don’t share well with others. If my woman wanted more then they call that a wh_re.

 

Now go take two morals capsules and post again in the morning.

 

Then maybe according to the definition of love you dont love your wife, but you do have a contract with her and you are not willing to negotiate any part of it. Your post reads about you. Your feelings, my woman (she belongs to you), how you dont share well, but nothing of your wife's feelings her wants or needs.

 

About the moral capsules, you are not the moral police of me or am I the moral police of you.

[Meatyka]

But luke you didnt answer him, if you add a wife, would you let her sleep with other men because of how she feels?

[bertdru]

Luke is gay.

 

I don't think the husband is obliged to do anything. I don't think it is fair to suddenly expect the husband to be comfortable with this.

[xRoh]

I would be absolutely livid if my partner wanted to "explore" his new bisexuality and experiment with other guys. I'd get rid of his ass in a heartbeat.

[greywolf]

I think that's rediculous. Saying that having a relationship with another woman isn't considered cheating is a bunch of bull. These people think, "Well it's just with another woman. It isn't serious. Two women can't have a real relationship."

But it is serious. It is real.

[agent1607307371]

I was on a bi female forum. Many women were open with their bfs and husbands about their orientation.

 

One women was trying to come out to her husband and her husband wasn't very pleased. The other members were saying that he should allow her to explore and experiment with females. That he is EXPECTED to allow her to experiment with other females. They were saying that it is one side which should not be suppressed and she should be given full freedom.

 

I have a question - is it fair to expect the husband to suddenly accept this new information and even allow her to do all these things? Her husband may be ok with her bisexuality but why should he allow her to experiment if he is not comfortable?

 

Taking another lover is polyamory. Not bisexuality.

 

Generally people get married they promise fidelity, coming out doesn't void that agreement.

 

I can see why she might want to experiment, but she then has to make the decision of how important her husband is to her, and if she doesn't chose him then he's probably had a lucky escape.

 

 

Either that or he decides to take another lover and they all live happily ever after in poly land. Or whatever. You never know, diferent strokes for different folks.

 

 

So many "bisexuals" claim that sleeping with another woman doesn't count as cheating!

The "bisexual" is what they are. I've never met a bisexual who would reduce a relationship or their sexuality to that level. In fact, I generally hear that line from hetero men who have a lovely soft focus lesbian fantasy involving their girlfriend.

[Lucy__lou]

I'm on the same page as the hordes of posters who are saying "straying from your monogamous contract, is straying from your monogamous contract, enc of story."

Just want to point out here that the difference between straying with another man and straying with a woman for the first time is that it's a significant identity thing for the woman to come out and explore her bi side. And if exploring that is important to her happiness and self actualisation, then it may be worth ending the marriage. But straying with another woman and staying in the hetero marriage as if it's no big deal, that's weird.

 

But then if she only wanted to explore it in a purely sexual, non emotional way, then it might be something to discuss as an option before getting a divorce, if it has low emotional impact. But still, that's open marriage behaviour, and presumably not what most married couples sign up for. People can do what they want, married couples can do what they want, but the idea that same sex relationships are no big deal and a married woman should be able to go off and have them while married without it starting a big s**t storm are old fashioned.

[lukeb]

I agree with Lucy_lou on this one, and I dont expect anything from the husband.

 

But isn't the definition of love to put the happiness of the other person as more important than your own happiness?

 

Lets not pretend marriage is about love, but it is a contract, and you dont get people to sign contracts to look out for the other person's interest. The "husband" made it absolutely clear where his priorities were.

[unabashed]

I agree that when a member of a couple violates the agreement of their partnership, it is cheating. To *expect* her husband to be OK with her being with another woman is unrealistic.

 

I can understand why she would explore this option with him as she is coming out as bi or lesbian. It seems to be the least harmful way to explore her sexuality. I was in her position, and my husband and I discussed this idea, too. We agreed that it was a bad idea, but even if we went that route, I know it would only have been a stepping stone to divorce.

 

When coming out, I was on a forum for married women who love women. The vast majority of those members didn't leave their marriages (and still have not). And, the vast majority of them were cheating on their husbands with other women. They were not interested in involving their husbands in a threesome, and their husbands didn't want them to be alone with another woman. When the subject of "cheating or not" came up, I was in the minority and was royally flamed.

 

I guess it's all how you rationalize it. I would have to agree that being with anyone else if it is not part of the agreement is cheating, but I also think that many spouses and partners are loving and open enough to recognize that there are times when someone needs to figure out who they are.

[lukeb]

I would be absolutely livid if my partner wanted to "explore" his new bisexuality and experiment with other guys. I'd get rid of his ass in a heartbeat.

 

 

What does that say about your relationship? What does that say about putting your partner's happiness above your own? Isnt that the definition of love?

 

Just something to think about, I am not asking anybody to agree with me.

[IMAbadman]

What does that say about your relationship? What does that say about putting your partner's happiness above your own? Isnt that the definition of love?

 

Just something to think about, I am not asking anybody to agree with me.

 

What does that say…?? Very simply it says you have boundaries. It says you demand the same respect from your SO as you give them. It says that if you break those boundaries (read cheating) or disrespects your partner you’ll feel the foot to ass maneuver. It says infidelity is unacceptable.

 

Luke I love the fact that you dwell on the "putting the happiness of your partner first". Now lets explore this thought then… as a couple the husband says no to the wife-woman encounter and the wife says, "Yep, gonna get me some of that.". So in your logic the husband should compromise his values and morals, and marital contract because it will fulfill the wife’s happiness tank?!? Even though by her doing this he’s been emotionally scarred by his self-centered cheating wife who didn’t put her husband’s happiness above her own.

 

I’ve asked you a question before which blew off for this same rhetorical argument. I’ll take that as a nod that you would not allow your partner to have sexual conquests outside your relationship either. Or no? Hmmm… say one thing, do another… what’s the term for that?

 

Luke it’s true we do not have to see eye to eye on this and that's fine. I would like to apologize if I questioned your morals before, I only meant that in jest. These black letters on white back ground do not always convey the smiles, vocal tone, and sarcasm intended.

 

This is a very stimulating conversation to say the least which I can see we are both passionate about.

[lukeb]

I love to argue, I think the truth is somewhere in between, I think many unhappy marriages can be improved by being more in tune with the other partner's needs and more open to new ideas. Learning to negotiate and being honest about what each partner wants out of the relationship and life in general would go a long way in solving a lot of problems. I'm done, it has been fun.

[pianoguy]

But isn't the definition of love to put the happiness of the other person as more important than your own happiness?

 

No, that's the definition of being a doormat. I'm not going to pretend to be able to write a good definition for love, but that's not it. Love involves a measure of self-respect as well.

[JadedStar]

I was on a bi female forum. Many women were open with their bfs and husbands about their orientation.

 

One women was trying to come out to her husband and her husband wasn't very pleased. The other members were saying that he should allow her to explore and experiment with females. That he is EXPECTED to allow her to experiment with other females. They were saying that it is one side which should not be suppressed and she should be given full freedom.

 

I have a question - is it fair to expect the husband to suddenly accept this new information and even allow her to do all these things? Her husband may be ok with her bisexuality but why should he allow her to experiment if he is not comfortable?

 

It is that type of thinking that gives bisexuality a really bad rep. And since bi people are encouraging it they are doing nothing to give their community a better reputation.